Ever since I last posted I had some time to reflect and I think I've come up with a bit of an anticlimactic yet somewhat cathartic "answer" to a question that I never really asked myself. I've been thinking a lot about the circles I've hung around, and all the so called "friends" I've had over the years and how they all, without exceptions, behaved the same way towards me. How I've experienced the same feelings of abandonment and rejection from all, time and time again. And I think I finally got it. Or rather, I'd already figured out part of it before, I just never really realized it in full.
The answer to "why am I alone even when I know a bunch of people, why does nobody seem to give a shit at all?" probably lies in the fact I'm largely incompatible with 100% of the people I surrounded myself with. Maybe I just happened to meet and befriend a bunch of detached autists with extremely low emotional intelligence or whatever the trendy term is for being a nigger with interpersonal relationships. And just so we're clear, I don't claim to be some kind of social butterfly super extroverted type, but both god and I know I really tried my best and with genuine intent and effort, but with questionable results, if any.
And that's likely the whole story. Again, to know that maybe, in a vacuum, there isn't anything inherently wrong with me or with my friends is reassuring in a way, but still disappointing. It's like you've been tending to this field with love and care for years, p