>>24520
Hey anons, I'm this guy. Anyway, Ive relapsed pretty terribly after abstaining from all pornography for close to to five or six months (?) I mean I wouldn't say it was completely cold turkey, but rather I slowly over the months got rid of the most disgusting fetishes until I completely cut porn out entirely, and I was working on slowly phasing out masturbation completely. The depression I was feeling slowly went away, but something really upsetting happened, and the depression immediately came back, I wasn't sleeping well, and yesterday completely out of nowhere I relapsed with the most embarrassing disgusting animated stuff for hours until I felt literally sick. Until really early in the morning, something I hadn't done for close to 6 months. It's like all the effort I built up over months just fell apart completely. I was already a bit ashamed I couldn't just outright stop, but I legitimately was changing, and now none of it feels real.
I've had to come to terms very quickly that whatever is in me that makes me do this isn't going away, and I'm not sure what that says about me. At any point it can sneak up during a weak moment and overtake me completely, and that horrifies me. I'm not really sure what to do now, I was hoping God gave me the grace to take it out of me slowly, that's what it felt like, but now I don't know why I was built like this. I certainly don't blame God for anything, but