/bmn/ - Bad Movie Night

The Webring's Satellite of Love | Movies Every Saturday


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Welcome to /bmn/.


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Pulled from 8kunt so you don't have to!
Periodically, you may hear the phrase 'The Glory Pile' in the stream. To answer possible curiosity; the Glory Pile refers to a group of movies that have become either personal or audience favorites from their premiere on the stream. Some from actual achievement, some earned their spot on this list for sheer dumbfounding awe.
Please note: this list is a perpetual work in progress, as new titles will eventually make it into the pile.
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Evil Masterminds
Let me tell you my master plan, as you have no chance to escape.

||Cult of Fury||
A woman is about to marry a person that is obviously a open-shut psychopath case, just because he's the chosen one of the ___ cult. His engagement gift to her? Blowing up a cruise ship; how romantic. Surprisingly, she gains sense and flees. Suddenly cut 5 years to the future, and the setting is now VEGAS. Talking about the plot beyond this point is just stupid, because everything else is more entertaining. Such as, a foot chase after a stolen show car rampaging throughout a casino; a casino that consists of nothing but styrofoam cave walls; green screen abuse; TACTICAL ROLLS; and more. If you're not satisfied with a movie that has two humans outrunning the rushing waters previously held back by the now destroyed Hoover Dam, you need to get your head checked.
||Shapeshifter||
A teenager who knows his parents are spies doesn't get to enjoy their retirement for long, as they are captured. He finds a tape where he is told to call 1-800-CIA-HELP. The CIA tell him to stay put, so he naturally goes on a globetrotting adventure to find a land where vaporizing guns and cabinets that lock with a key but without a keyhole. He uses a magical instrument (a glass harmonica), and gains the ability to shape shift. Eventually, the kid learns how to hack computers by learning Steve's powers to Skidoo. He can too!
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Science Fiction
Also known as Syence Fyction.

Futuristic
Takes place in, or features technology from the future. Chrome surfaces not guaranteed.

||Arena||
Rocky meets original trilogy Star Wars ripoffs. No human has become the champion of the titular Arena, but one man now has the guts to try. Fairly decent alien designs and world building. This film is in this pile for being one of the few films that entrance you from start to finish, because you develop a fondness for the characters. Everything is decent in this movie. It's a shame this is one of the few places you will hear about it.
||Future Sport||
The plot is simple: political tensions are at rebellion levels concerning territory disputes. A washed up future sportsball player decides to take matters into his own hands, and challenges the 'bad guy' faction to a game of "Future Sport." A game so popular that it doesn't need a creative name. Wesley Snipes attempts to play a Jamaican man, terrorists are beaten up by future skateboarders, and weeb speak has bled into their modern lexicon. Give it a watch you estrogen challenged bakas.
||Thrill Seekers||
A once famous journalist now works for a rag that publishes content easily confused for the Weekly World News. He stumbles upon a mysterious man who's been photographed in three disasters within a period of a hundred years. This sets the reporter off on an investigation that leads to him stumbling into the same man on a plane that is supposed to crash into another plane, historically. Unfortunately for him, he was a wimpy small guy, and bailed before crashing the planes with no survivors. He is seen again on a train that is supposed to crash. All of these disasters are thwarted by the reporter. This is causing changes to the future serious enough to warrant agents being sent after him, and his cute assistant/accomplice. Corny plots, plot holes, cute female lead, and the time travel who looks Jewish started the whole trend of time paradoxes because he dropped a coin. Coincidence or not, it is goddamn fun to watch throughout. A legitimately enjoyable film.
||America 3000||
The world has gone through a near extinction level event, and now women and men exist sperately, or in caste states with female citizens and male sex slaves. A few slaves break free and happen upon one of the greatest finds of their generation: a kindergarten alphabet and spelling book. Armed with this new knowledge, the men build a tribe of their own, rescuing their kind.
After becoming established, a search party discovers a hidden United States bunker meant for the President. The Male leader assumes the role of Pres-E-Dent, and attempts to combine the sexes once more. This film is a genuine treat in the realm of B movies. You have what is essentially a Sasquatch being comic relief in this movie just because he found a boom box. This movie puts a smile on your face and does not relent.
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Superheroes
Frauds among us.

||Mercury Man||
A Thai superhero movie about a man who gains superpowers from a stab wound from a mystical amulet. He's essentially a telepathic superman with the additional ability to have molten spunk. An above average production, earning it's place on the pile for its entertaining fight scenes and for the cameo of Beer Nigh 科学人.
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Fantasy
The real fantasy was these movies becoming successful.

Medieval
In a time long before quality filmmaking.
||Maradonia and the Shadow Empire||
What do you do when your efforts to raise an ever changing amount of money for a film adaptation fails? Make it yourself of course. Originally written as one volume in a series of books by THE YOUNGEST EVER PUBLISHED AUTHOR, this adaptation was entirely a family affair. Literally. Starring the author Gloria Tesch, and directed by her father. This film is full of extremely hilarious attempts at CG and Masking, and even better acting straight from Gloria's extended family and family friends. Including a black dwarf who owns a fucking ANIMAL BONE MOTORCYCLE. The only real downside to this film is that repeat viewings have it lose its luster. The first time view is like chasing the first high you've ever had on your choice of brain bender. You'll never get it again. We also may have never have gotten this film, if it wasn't leaked due to disagreements with the production crew. At least that's what the hearsay says. The one thing I do know is a father who directs a movie where his teenage daughter is completely naked (censored with evergreen branches) needs to have an eye kept on them. I wonder if there needed to be any re-shoots because of 'production problems' during that scene.
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Horror
Fellow kids vs. the World.

Zombies
Movies about the walking dead, shambling alongside equally dead careers.

||House of The Dead||
One of Uwe Boll's master strokes. If only it induced a stroke for the infamous director. In HotD, a bunch of 'college students' decide to go to a rave on an island, and arrive to find everyone missing. They are soon ambushed by the dead, and the cast slowly dies off until there are only two left. Unfortunately, they're also the worst in the cast. Ascended to the Pile for the midway fight scene that lasts nearly 10 minutes and three different music tracks. Can you visualize a slomo circular camera pan around individual characters? How about 9 more?
||FIST OF JESUS||
Jesus and Judas versus a mob of zombies; the result of the Lord's first attempt to resurrect the recently deceased. Armed with deadly fish, Jesus cuts through the recently reanimated; guts and body parts flying everywhere. A truly blissful experience. Doubly so when Judas feels depressed and decides to hang himself.

Slashers
Humans and tires beware!

||Devon's Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy||
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Welcome to January 15th's Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists of Primeate Revolution, Joe Rogan's Fur Factor, and the usual wildcard.

Stream Information
Date: January 15th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20220116T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.watch
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)
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Welcome to January 8ths Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists entirely of wildcards.

Stream Information
Date: January 8th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20220109T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.watch
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)
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what's with all the wildcards lately?
Replies: >>72
>>71
It's a secret.
Stop streaming through Mark's honey pot you fucking retard.

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Well my friends, another year has come and gone. It's been a minorly eventful year for BMN, with the resurrection of the board on a platform that isn't shite. I'm glad to see life return to the board, even if it is small; so thank you all for posting. And thank you all again for coming back to watch each week, you all make it worthwhile. Truly, thank you kindly.


Enough warmth, its time to return to the cold that is the end of the year for the Northern Hemi. Compared to other years, this past year is among the lower years in terms of additions to the pile. Not the lowest by any means, which was 2, but being double of that isn't much to brag about either. I can only blame the quality of the dumpsters I fish these out of.

Since we've added 4 to the pile this year, the Devil's Door will open to provide the remaining two. Which films will exit the door you may ask? Only time will tell.

SATURDAY'S SETLIST
See the attached image for more detailed start times for each block.

Phantom Racer
Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter
Razor Sharpe
Weaponized
???
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>block 3
that better not be grave encounters 2
i assume it just means two Devil's Door selections

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Good evening everyone.

In case you missed the previous stream, or are just stopping by, BMN's Christmas Special will be occurring on SUNDAY, December 26th. What better way to celebrate bad Christmas movies than the day after they were meant for? We've got some time before then, so this notice will stay up until the 26th.


The After-Christmas Special Setlist:
Elf Bowling (as is tradition)
Rapsitti
Santa's Slay

Start time will be 2 HOURS EARLIER than usual, for the anons that have to work the following day. Wait for the event thread for detailed times/countdown if you wish.
Additionally, I changed my mind about streaming on the first. 

BMN WILL be happening on January 1st, and it will be an end of the year double-triple feature, like past years. For those that are new, that's right: 6 movies, recapping the best of the year. If we don't have enough to fill the slots, the Devil's Door will open for the New Year. I wonder what we've shoved in it this past year.
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Replies: >>60
passed out before the anouncement last time. will there be stream tonight 12-18?
cheers
Replies: >>56
>>55
There will be a stream at the usual time. I forgot to make the thread last night, apologies.
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>>53 (OP) 
I like a long New Year stream, not a whole lot to do that day but dinner.

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Ho ho ho! Hope you all had a merry Christmas, everyone. Per the restraining order, I am no longer allowed to leave my unwanted film train wrecks as 'gifts' in the homes of strangers; so we'll do the show the old fashioned way.  So grab your nog, a warm blanket, the ol' yule log for future film disposal; and enjoy with other anons some of the worst the season has in film.

Keep in mind that this stream will be 2 hours earlier than normal (6PM CST) on Sunday the 26th.

Setlist
Elf Bowling (As is tradition)
Rapsitti
Santa's Slay

Stream Information
Date: December 26th
Show Start Time: 6PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 23:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 5:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 22:30 UTC
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20211227T00
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never forget

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Welcome to December 18th's Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists entirely of wildcards.

Stream Information
Date: December 18th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20211219T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.moe
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)

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Welcome to December 11th's Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists entirely of wildcards.

Stream Information
Date: December 11th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20211211T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.watch
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)
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Welcome to November 27th's Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists entirely of wildcards.

Stream Information
Date: November 27th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20211128T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.moe
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)
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Aftermath

4GOT10 will be forever remembered for THE SITDOWN AT OK CORRAL.

East world was a movie with an hour and 15 minutes of buildup, and 3 minutes of conflict. Shredded.

Beers for our Horses was caustic fake redneck torture in film form. Shredded with glee.
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The one hour shootout is done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S0syklXm4o

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Welcome to November 20th's Bad Movie Night. This week's experiment consists of the end, action, the usual wildcard.

Stream Information
Date: November 20th
Show Start Time: 8PM CDT (Central Daylight Time (US)) / 01:00 UTC 
Pre-Show start time: 7:30PM CDT (Saturday) / 00:30 UTC (Sunday)
Countdown
https://prolikewoah.com/t/20211121T02

BMN Cytube 
https://cytu.be/r/BMNight (Chat and stream)
Infinity.moe
http://infinity.watch (Click the clown icon in User Movie Streams)
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Aftermath:

Megiddo managed to have a movie with many heroes that managed to do absolutely nothing, and the movie still ended with the good ending by an actual intervention by god. Stupefyingly funny ending, terrible CG demon.

Templar Nation was a masterclass in filming during different times of day in the same scene, fight choreography, and for great last 90's 3D environments.

Starship Troopers: Invasion had bug bustin' and busty ladies in power armor. Pretty good if you're looking for a time killer.

Thoughts on this week's experiment?
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