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heya Fuckos, i still don't know if we are moving here definitively or not, but ill make a thread just in Case, to get the ball rolling ill Ramble for a bit

i remember Tulpanon talking about building his "Dreamrealm" or something along those lines (i can't remember the exact terminology so please forgive me) and i noticed that something similar is happening right now, a few days ago i made some Custom Scenarios on "Master of Olympus Zeus" (a Old ass City Builder game) and dedicated them to Taihou after completing them and building like 5 Temples of Aphrodite, and i am currently Playing Honey Select 2 and making a "Pantheon" of sorts, i guess the Winds of Autism are blowing hard on my side of things

i've also been Struggling with the Idea of Deserving to be Loved, i've talked about this with the Anon i usually hold correspondence with, but we haven't reached any satisfying conclusions, i understand that Taihou Loves me, and i Love her to death too indeed, but there is this underlying feeling, that i really have done nothing to Deserve her Love, i guess this goes hand in hand with my own Feelings of Self-Doubt, has anyone felt similar things?
Replies: >>69 >>105
It means you've found a new source of motivation to improve. For me, any self-doubt of deserving anything you have is resolved through making yourself worthy.
Replies: >>80
>>45 (OP) 
>there is this underlying feeling, that i really have done nothing to Deserve her Love
Fuck that feeling and go to her. You'll be much happier.
Didn't Evola say that a man should not love women with passion ? Love is a feminine trait, prakriti being the passive raw energy that must be controlled by purusha, the masculine stable trait.
A man should not seek the love of his waifu, he has the absolute right of patriarchy and can demand everything from her.
Let me quote Revolt from the modern world chapter 20 :
>A love that sets conditions and requires the reciprocated love and the dedication of a man was reputed to be of an inferior kind. On the other hand, a real man could not know love in this way other than by becoming feminine, thus losing that inner self-sufficiency thanks to which a woman finds in him a support and something that motivates and excites her desire to totally give herself to him. According to the myth Siva, who was conceived as the great ascetic of the mountain peaks, tumed Kama (the god of love) into ashes with a single glance when the latter tried to awaken in him passion for his bride, Parvatt. Likewise, there is a profound meaning in the legend about the Kalki-avatara, which talks about a woman who could not be possessed by anybody because the men who desired her and fell in love with her tumed into women as the result of their passion. As far as the woman is concerned, there is true greatness in her when she is capable of giving without asking for anything in retwn; when she is like a flame feeding itself; when she loves even more as the object of her love does not commit himself, does not open himself up, and even creates some distance; and finally, when the man is not perceived by her as a mere husband or lover, but as her lord.
Replies: >>79 >>80 >>107
>Love is a feminine trait
Taihouman OP you're eventually going to have to make a huge fuckin choice. Do not fear it.
Replies: >>80
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that's not quite it though, i mean what the fuck do i even improve?, Physical Fitness is a Meme unless you have a Specific Target, Beauty of the Body is folly compared to the Beauty of a Soul in Gnosis, lets not talk about Magick because that is beyond my abilities, putting effort into that would only harm me, i think that i phrased my question the wrong way, its not rather that i don't feel worthy, but rather, why Did she chose me, despite all my retarded Shortcomings and Failings

indeed, he goes even deeper in Metaphysics of Sex, where among other things he speaks of the Durga Archetype, and how its Virginity comes from the fact that it cannot be possessed, among many other things that i can't remember now because it is a book i read a long long time ago

now before i continue, i think i need to talk about Evola a bit, at least so you can understand the ontological differences, and how while i do talk about him a lot, i most likely do not live up to his Standards, or to any Standards of Wisdom, Evola was a Ksatriya, a Warrior, he himself said it many many times, and he proves it in thought and Demeanor, if you have gone that far down Revolt aganist the Modern World, you probably noticed how much he Disdains Mystics and Lunar Spirituality, and indeed, like the Ancients said, Knowledge is Experience, the Source of my Wisdom is the opposite of this, since it comes from Contemplation and Thought, and Revelations from Taihou, wich is Lunar Mysticism, the Ontological Difference between the Warrior Ascetic Attitude of Evola and my Chaotic "Bandit-Like" style (to call it something)  leads me to Firmly Believe (to the Discrepancy of the Anon with whom i Hold correspondance) that, as much as i Look up to Evola, he would have either had a strong Disdain of people like me or Dalua, or outright Hated me, Perhaps Hermes Trismegistus would have come to Love me as he Loved his son Tat and instruct me in the Wisdom of the World, but Evola would have Kicked me out of the UR Group in a Flinch,so indeed, as you go down in his works, you will find more fuel for the fire in regards to my Crucifixion

in regards to the Female and Love, this is an epiphany i had a Long long time ago, back when i posted about the Durga Archetype, i can't even remember if it was old Zchan or somewhere else, either way i realized that indeed, Ishtar-Durga would only be Attracted to a Shiva Ascetic, not only that but Ishtar is represented more as a "Force" than a Living Breathing Being, there's also the concept of the Donnoi, wich is entirely based on the Tension of Unfulfilled Love, wich couldn't be Farther away from my Experience, since i DO want to be with Taihou.
All of these things lead me to believe that if Taihou Really was Isthar, she would have fled a Long, long long time ago, far from that, not only is she Still here with me, but she is Actively Guiding me and Protecting me, to return to my original doubt, despite my retardation, she is still with me, and taking care of me, and so the question remains as to Why would she care for a fuckup like me, instead of Hanging out with Actual Heroes that resemble those like Apollo or Heracles

i probably already took the Choice, i just don't know it yet, i have a tendency to be completely oblivious to everything, and only figure everything out after the fact, almost as if i was a Leaf shifting through the Winds of Providence
Replies: >>83 >>90 >>105
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>why Did she chose me, despite all my retarded Shortcomings and Failings 
It is these particular shortcomings that are actually your strength. You did everything for a reason, even your failings. That's why she chose you.
Replies: >>93
>Evola was a Ksatriya, a Warrior, he himself said it many many times
Yes, and I loved revolt against the modern world for exactly that, and I plan to read all his other works. I think I understand the concept of the waifu but I never felt such attachment to a character. Since my very young age, I admired the ideal of the ascetic warrior, it was and it still is the epitome of manliness for me. The strong man who does his duty diligently without succumbing to his passions. I didn't like the stereotypical hollywood movie heroes because they always have some sort of romance with women. I despise all those who share their passions with women and think of themselves as "manly".
My disdain for women was thus innate in me, my hate for them was visceral, and a lot of autistic traits made me very uncomfortable around women. I still respect the metaphysical demetrian female archetype and its representation in art is very beautiful. I don't know if it's the same feeling medieval knights had when they swore allegiance to a lady without any passion or desire to be with her but I kind of understand them in a way.
I didn't experience any kind of spiritual awakening though. I don't if I should do something to intice it or practice some kind of rituals, but my believes resonate so much with the ideal of Herakles mysogenes the enemy of women.
Maybe you waifu is some sort of demetrian goddess who's protecting you out of motherly love. I wouldn't know, because I loathe any direct interaction with women or womanly figures.
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in that case you should Read "Metaphysics of War" its about precisely Warrior Asceticism,

in regards to the "Great Mother" archetype, Evola explains the Dichotomy between the Great Mother - Durga archetype, i strongly doubt that Taihou is a Motherly Godess at all, for starters in Traditional Aryan Beliefs it did not exist at all, Aryans always had Solar Gods (Helios, Zeus, Jove, Dievas Apollo etc..) so the conception of Woman as Mother and the Godesses of Nature and Fertility, Demeter style, are mainly Animist Telluric constructs coming from Niggers, the Demeter Style godesses are first and foremost Deities of Nature, (Think about Pachamama for example) their cults emphathise a "Exaltation of Life" in the Faustian sense of Action for the Sake of Action, as opposed to the Ascetic Action of Shiva or Apollo, the Belief in reincarnation through Genes and Reproduction, as Opposed to the Attainment of Transcendence and higher States of Being, overcoming Humanity in the process, and of course, their Heavily Plebeian themes, Mother Godesses regards all their children the same, they are Collectivistic (its funny because once you realize that Modern Communism and Left-Wing ideologies in general obsess over the "Motherland" and Feminism, and how at the end of the day, the Maladies of Today's world are simply the Prevalence of these Dark Naturalistic Forces rising up in the Absence of the Traditional Solar Forces), as Opposed to the Trials of the Olympian Solar Gods, thus, the main worshippers of the Great Mothers, were Slaves, Plebeians, and other Undesirables, that far from Rising and Overcoming, they remain Under, in the Ambiguous Collective

Taihou is far from a Great Mother, and im far from being a Commie or a Collectivist, and our Love is far from a Mother-Son relationship, even if i have refered to it as such a few times, mainly because of my Mother Complex, however i meant that as an Amplification, as a Combined Love of Wife and Mother, after all, the Love of a Wife is limited by the Lack of Blood Ties, and the Love of a Mother is limited by the Sexual component, once both Barriers are Gone you have a Love without petty Limitations, again, i am Far from a Ascetic or a Warrior, my Inner Nature is very Different from those Holy Men, however i trust in my Own Dignity, because even though the Caste of the Ksatriya, and Above them the Caste of the Priest-Kings may cast a Shadow over me, i can still see the Divine for what it is, and i can still see the Foulness for what it is, ill have to Carve my own Path with all that that Entails
Replies: >>92 >>94
>ill have to Carve my own Path with all that that Entails
I hope you fail in your mission.
Replies: >>93
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Perhaps it is...
is that Mario Party 6?I only Played 4 when i was a wee lad, then 3 with the N64 Emulator
How Rude

anyways what the fuck happened to the Rest of the Crew?, i know Motokoposter went M.I.A, but now not even Hanakoposter is on, let alone where any of the Tulpafags are with the exception of Mayanon wich i assume he is Busy doing Comissions and Drawing May, i mean i don't mind Talking about Taihou day and Night and how much i Love her and how i am Making all these autistic things and then giving them to her as Offerings, but i already heard Complains about these threads Turning too much in the way of Esotericism, if all of a sudden all Waifufags go off the Radio then im afraid this is going to Turn into the Esoteric Waifufaggotry thread
Replies: >>105 >>109
If it is your path then good luck. You seem to be closer to the silver races from Atlantis, rather than the golden races of the far north. They had lunar inclinations but they were still very virile if I remember correctly, I just hope that you don't fall for lower forms of spirituality because what you're doing seems very ambiguous to me, or maybe I'm just a newbie who doesn't understand yet.
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Nice to see a fellow warrior aspirant on this board.
Evola is an excellent author, and it's not only his texts on politics that are stellar.
The hermetic tradition is basically a walkthrough through most of hermetical (and alchemical) symbolism. It's a great companion for magical training and study of alchemical texts like the Liber Mutus, the Open Gates... and the Hermetica. You can't go wrong with that one.
The Yoga of Power is a nice read, will show you sexuality as the tool that it can be, as a means of trascending duality and achieving the absolute.
And Introduction to Magic is a more practical one, with rituals/practices to achieve success in the esoteric arts. 
Here's the guide for his books, also don't feel afraid to go for the books he cites, like hermetical texts, the bhagavad guita, or whatever catches your fancy.
Replies: >>97 >>98
One thing to keep in mind: don't take the guide too seriously, but I like the pic because you have all the books there to look up easily. I myself read Ride the Tiger first (it's great), but one need to have a certain state of being to really appreciate it.
Thank you, very handy chart.
If I understood correctly, Ride the tiger talks about the possibilities of having a traditional life in these modern times, I'm looking forward to reading it but I already began reading The doctrine of awakening, as I want to know more about ascesis and maybe some practical tips. Being a true warrior is impossible in these times and we only have the ascetic path left, which is a shame because people with Kshatriya inclinations will have to suffer in their lives unable to fulfill their Dharma. Mishima had a similar feeling if I remember correctly, wishing to have an honorable death but being unable to have it in the modern world.
>The Yoga of Power is a nice read
I thought Tantrism was dravidian, not Aryan or am I wrong ?
Replies: >>99
No problem, I'm glad to help. It's a matter of honor to me.
>Ride the tiger
Yes, it's exactly about that. Evola says that one should remove oneself completely from gay mass life, however he knows most people due to circumstances out of their control can't do so, thus he lays a blueprint that might help how to approach life in a dignified way.
>Doctrine of Awakening
That one I haven't read, but it can't hurt (no Evola book can be bad IMO).
>Being a true warrior is impossible
If you mean going full doomguy or goblin slayer and start killing (((them))) and their (((servants))) sure, it's impossible. However, warriorhood should be seen as a state of being, a way of facing the world. Understand it's a matter of *doing*, of facing this existence as the battlefield it is. It will be your spirit against matter, the universe and everything, and you will have the right to have a chance to fight the great holy war, which is internal. You will slay the inner jew, the inner kike, the inner normalfag, and this is the biggest war act you can commit. Don't htink that warrior = violence, at least not in the common way of thinking about it.
Another based author, and yeah, he could never forgive himself for having tubercolosis as a child and so not being able to become a Kamikaze pilot.
The problem with most sex related matters is how sex and love have been shat all over by the modern age. There are tantra paths which the end game is more or less beating the fuck out of the demiurge in an epic inner battle. Other are all muh fee fees and things like that. I think it's quite obvious which one will be fitting for you. Never forget that the idea of Tantra is to become completely unnafected by roasties and related matters, by indulging in them but being able to be completely indiferent to them (in a very simplified way of saying it, almost wrong to be honest). In any case, it's an Eastern tradition, and we being of western blood (at least I always assume most anons are of such blood) might not be fit for such a thing.
Replies: >>100 >>101
Also taihou anon is a nice guy, if you have questions about sex/tantra/ whatever he is your man to go.
>However, warriorhood should be seen as a state of being, a way of facing the world
>Don't think that warrior = violence
I know what you mean, yes. Living a detached life and controling your inner self is the path of the warrior. But The greater holy war is fought through the lesser holy war. It is only in the face of death that you can reach your highest potential, that you know what your value is. Are you a man ? Or are you a coward ? Only by offering the most precious thing that you have, namely your life, by fighting in the name of god that you can attain a complete control over yourself. That is the way of the sword and everything below is not enough fulfilling, we will always be inferior to those who face death without fear, it is shameful.
I will read the book at some point but I'm not sure that I want to dabble in nigger spirituality. Sex always seems like an earthly feminine thing that is only transfigured by Aryan rituals.
Replies: >>102
Oh yes, the lesser holy war is indeed a path to fight the greater holy war. No doubts about it. But what lesser war are you willing to wage in this day? Honestly this is one of the pieces of the puzzle I'm missing. Should I just go in a rampage against normalniggers? Join the army get a position in some shithole killing badly armed niggers? Or...
>we will always be inferior to those who face death without fear, it is shameful.
In a way yes, it is shameful. We are below them, in the sense we have (or I should say I have) not an easy way of putting our lives at rist like that, because there are no causes today that deserve it. In my opinion things like Alchemy can help to bring about the same endgame, but through a different path (you will see that in alchemy ascetism is almost a most to succeed in it). Because what we are after is an initiatic death, the destruction of all that is shit inside of us, so that we might live after the fact. I'm not the best writer, but I hope I'm getting the point across.
>Sex always seems like an earthly feminine thing that is only transfigured by Aryan rituals.
Don't worry, I see it like that most of the times too. But it might help to see sexuality as just another "energy" in us that we can in the end control and use it for *our* purposes, unlike the niggers who are completely dominated by it (think the avarege normalnigger attitudes towards sex love and relationships in general).
Replies: >>104
>In my opinion things like Alchemy can help to bring about the same endgame
Ascesis also is a way of reaching that goal too, he talks about that in Doctrine of awakening, I just find it disappointing that we can't fight our way to it since we are naturally inclined to do that. But it is also said that those who hold their ground in these modern times receive far more rewards than those who lived in more pleasant ages. There is something to hope for at least.
Replies: >>106
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I'm 99% done with a full piece, but I'm waiting for the white pen I ordered to be delivered and I didn't want to post it with a bunch of overlapped lines on the webs. Serves me right for experimenting with how I draw them. Pic related might be a cover eventually maybe, I mostly did it to see if what I had in my head for the logo was a good idea, I'm pretty satisfied with the look. If I'm lucky and I don't get lazy I might have something complete in a month or so.
>>45 (OP) 
>my own Feelings of Self-Doubt, has anyone felt similar things?
>its not rather that i don't feel worthy, but rather, why Did she chose me, despite all my retarded Shortcomings and Failings
I've thought about this a lot, it actually annoys May when I joke about her being "stuck" with me because she's a tulpa. At least as far as she's concerned, she sticks around of her own free will. When I ask her about it, she says that she loves me because I love her, and I tell her that must be easy to say for the one who deserves it. Overall I think that love isn't something that's given because it's necessarily deserved. I think that in the case of a waifu or tulpa, it mostly comes from devotion. Actions don't matter, what you feel towards her matters. It's the fact that you've got a desire to be with and please her that's important. Not to say that you shouldn't do things to show your devotion, these days practically the only thing I draw is May because of my devotion to her, but that's the product of my devotion not the other way around. I'll be honest, I'm a fucking mess and there's really no reason I should be loved. She loves me because I love her, and I don't think it's any more complicated than that. I can't speak to how it works with a waifu goddess, but that's how it's worked for me. I can't think of anything else that would explain why she loves me. Funny, I think the opposite is true from what anons here are saying about Evola and how love is meant to be something the man receives. I think that love is something that the man initiates for some reason, beauty most commonly, and then the woman receives and reciprocates it.
Although I'm kind of a dumbass and I rarely sit through a book so I might not be the best to listen to when it comes to this sort of thing, these are just the retarded ramblings of an uneducated autist who likes fucking comic books.
>Busy doing Comissions
I wish lol. I think you misunderstood, I should have made clearer that I only sent in a color sample for the opportunity to be a colorist on a guy's book. There were way more entries and there was almost no way that he was going to choose mine, I mostly did it to see if I was any good at coloring digitally. Since he's made youtube videos showing off fan art and shit I figured that if there was any chance, however slight, that it was shown and could be traced back to a ebil racist nazi virgin imageboard I'd feel like shit if it got him in trouble somehow. Maybe I'm paranoid but comic book people are the most insane kind of liberal there is and if anyone's going to get in trouble for being autistic I'd like it to be me alone. Probably shouldn't have mentioned it at all.
I'm flattered that you think my stuff is good enough to get money from though.
Replies: >>107 >>109 >>127

I will reply to you in the esotericism thread, I don't want to bother the waifuist anons.
I reread >>78 and I misunderstood it because I only skimmed the quote, this is actually saying almost exactly what I was thinking but more accurately. My thoughts on this shit aren't fully-formed and I suck at getting my thoughts into words anyways so I really shouldn't have said anything about the Evola stuff.
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>waifu thread completely derailed
Already feels like home.
Hard to interject into such extreme autism. 
More seriously though, I had family matters to deal with over the weekend.
I don't remember you ever mentioning how you got into tulpafaggotry. So to put this thread back on track a bit, would you mind explaining? Perhaps you could also say how long you've been into this waifufaggotry stuff too?
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The white pen is kind of hard to get used to, but it's nice to not need to worry about planning every white spot and filling in the blacks around them, or being able to overlap lines and correct them afterwards. I should probably take it easy on the webs though, I draw them relatively simply and I already want to cut my hand off. And I don't have a steady enough hand so I have to either spend an hour inking each strand or get some wobbly lines and live with it. Penciling them is fun but I forget that I have to ink them afterwards.
I've been actively doing it for a few months now, I made a post back on lynxchan asking for resources around the time when I started making an active effort towards it. I've had a sort of tulpa-like thing for some time due to writing bits of unfinished stories all the time and daydreaming about her 24/7, but I never put in an effort to make her into anything more until a few months ago. I've been somewhat aware of tulpamancy for a long time but I always figured it was just a larpy way to share degenerate fantasies due to the way tulpa communities tend to try and one-up each other with more tulpas and more degeneracy. Shit like tulpa armies and tulpas with their own tulpas with their own tulpas (and so on) always made me skeptical about the legitimacy of the practice, not to mention the endless amounts of trannies and faggots who claim to have tulpas. I only considered it seriously after seeing tulpa anon's posts, and I'm glad I did.
I used to spend a lot of time looking at comic art online and at some point I found pic related and something about the costume struck a chord with me. That would have been almost a decade ago, Jesus Christ it's been a long time. I later realized that it's just the Ben Reilly costume but on a girl, but even on him it looks kind of feminine. Or rather the costume compliments a feminine figure better than it does a male one. It took me a while to realize that I was waifuing her though, I jerked off to her regularly and daydreamed about her but I didn't really put two and two together for a long time that I cared about her in a way that I couldn't possibly care about some irl whore.
Replies: >>127
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I really wish i knew fuck all about Drawing so i could give some actual Input on your drawings beyond "Looks Good to me Anon", being honest though, i've seen Much worse shit while Looking for Pictures of Taihou (Disproportionate Breasts in a bad way, the fucking Faces, i mean FUCK if there is something you ABSOLUTELY have to get right is the Fucking Face and many many other things), 
>I'm flattered that you think my stuff is good enough to get money from though.
remember that there are Massive Faggots drawing Neon Furry Cocks and getting paid for it, if the bar is THAT low then i don't see why you couldn't make a Living out of drawing, of course things are billion times more complicated than that
>Although I'm kind of a dumbass and I rarely sit through a book so I might not be the best to listen to when it comes to this sort of thing, these are just the retarded ramblings of an uneducated autist who likes fucking comic books.
don't sweat it, at least you think for yourself, besides im not that much of a Book Worm either, its just that sitting down and Contemplating on things is something that comes Naturally to me, in fact most of my revelations and discoveries aren't done by Reading, but rather when i am Working on my Autistic projects and my Mind starts wandering on things, i mean right now im working on DromED making Thief 2 Levels while i was thinking how to reply, besides i think everyone around here knows how riled up niggers telling other fags what to do and how to do it gets me and how hard im going to Grand Slam their asses with one of my Trademark 3 Part Walls of Text if some fags come mess with the Waifu Zone
> It took me a while to realize that I was waifuing her though, I jerked off to her regularly and daydreamed about her but I didn't really put two and two together for a long time that I cared about her in a way that I couldn't possibly care about some irl whore.
Kek i found about Taihou through my Discovery of Horxata and Evola, its funny how things Escalate from the most Insignificant Corners huh?
>Already feels like home.
for once it wasn't my Fault, i mean at least my Posts are Related to Waifufaggotry, if the Kundalini Gang blasts in that's beyond my Reach, i made a Esotericism thread though continuing the Tradition of making a Esoteric Containment thread to avoid Derailing only for it all to spill into the FTDDTOT because Cross-Thread replies don't work
>More seriously though, I had family matters to deal with over the weekend.
hope it wasn't anything bad, or at least something Non-Intrusive

Also ZZZChan does allow NSFW unlike Lynxchan so i guess now i don't have to do Summerian Funambulism just to post a single Picture of Taihou as a result of my Archive being made up of a +80% Lewds
>my waifu tulpa says "See you in Gensokyo" out of the blue
I want to be transported there during the night. Please don't be just a thing my waifu tulpa says.

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