Life's pretty alright at the moment.
I've been playing a lot of visual novels lately. It's enjoyable to be able to vicariously experience a romance through the self insert main character of a visual novel, however, there's been a bit of a bittersweet element to it for me.
When I'm playing these games I get reminded of the contrast between the ideal world of the visual novel and the romantically dead whore hell hole we live in. This really isn't that annoying since I'm pretty used to this hell hole by now but what really gets to me is when I have an especially strong connection with a character.
When that happens the visual novel filter really starts to hurt a bit. It makes me want to just jump into the screen so that I can talk to them as myself rather than the approximated mouthpiece that is the self insert main character. Sometimes I want to do this so much that I can't stand it and I have to take a small break from the game to calm down and get back into it.
I still however am enjoying myself and I assume that with time I'll acclimate to this. It's not an entirely bad feeling though. Again it's bittersweet in a way.
I would enjoy going a bit more in-depth about the specifics of the visual novels in question if anyone is interested enough though I doubt anyone is.
Feel free to post as much as you want.
Your post remind me of the old 8chan. I remember all those endless post about Katawa Shoujo. I loved reading those threads. I still have some particular posts from that time period.
Strangely enough, I never played a visual novel. I always got the feeling that if I played one, I would become addicted to that sensation and never stop. Maybe I'd have gone full Quixote in the worst case scenario.
Alright but this may be a long one since I'm gonna need to bring up a few things for context.
So for context, I'm quite the mentally active person, and honestly quite talkative too. I like to think pretty deeply about the things I'm interested in and though I'm fine just keeping these thoughts to myself I find it incredibly fulfilling when I'm able to have a genuine and interesting conversation with someone who shares a similar level of interest and knowledge the topic. Of course, I also need to be comfortable with said person and respect them as decent human beings.
That's why I like it around here. I can discuss with similar-minded people (whom I can generally assume are not complete scum) things that I am passionate about or interested in. However, the limitations of text-based communication are pretty obvious when you want to really go in-depth about something. An equally interested and well-spoken friend or theoretical romantic partner this is important for later regarding the VN would be the optimal yet unrealistic solution to this.
So with all that said, I've been recently trying to focus on the things I find fulfilling and things that I'm passionate about (this is coming off of a time where I felt as if I didn't have these things). One of these things (or at least the main one) has been the media I consume. Video games, anime, visual novels, movies, and the like. I've always spent a lot of time thinking about these things in the past but definitely not to the extent or the depth at which I could have. I am now thinking about the media I consume with that level of depth.
And so now that I've thought about something like this in depth (and continue to do so) I once again find myself wanting to converse about these things. And without any optimal way of doing that. Though I am doing a little bit of that right now through these posts, which again, fulfill that desire a decent bit
So yeah, I've got a lot of pent-up thoughts about vidya and shit right now that I would enjoy being able to have a discussion/conversation about. I'm able to have some of that discussion here, but not to the extent that I'd like. That should conclude the context part of this.
Sorry for the long-winded post.
I'm fucking tired I'll finish the rest of the post tomorrow.
I quit my minimum wage factory job a month ago and people cared I was leaving despite not putting up much presence and being perceived as mentally deranged. I was the 2nd-best guy in my department but they didn't want me to leave not for my ethic but because I was nice to be around. I don't know how to feel about that.
For many years I've had recurrent dreams set in a town that I'm sure is completely fictional, it's too comfy and well designed to be a real thing. The dreams occur only 2-4 times in a year and the town keeps progressing through time, giving me reasons to revisit some places, see all the new developments. The point is, these dreams always make feel wistful because this is the only place where I feel truly at home. All the characters populating this little world range from inoffensive to pleasant. Some of them had been my acquaintances for longer than any online friends. I know I will be able to meet them again and they won't be tainted by any IRL fads and influences. I only wish these dreams came to me more often. I tried daydreaming about it but it's not nearly the same, there's just no element of surprise.
>I don't know how to feel about that.
I'd feel good if I were you. Co-workers objecting to you leaving means you genuinely had a positive impact on their lives, because otherwise they wouldn't care any less. Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
Lucky you, I've been having nightmares exclusively as of late. If you're not the daydreaming type you can try getting into books/novels, especially "slice of life" ones, they'll occupy your mind in your waking hours and give your brain material to process while asleep. For me books are the most immersive medium, even more than vidya. Maybe they'll be immerse you too.
Sorry. I went to the gym for the first time yesterday and I went a bit too far. Typing is currently difficuly atm.
So many things to do, too many things to learn, life continues in every way detestable and ordinary and I see how little control I have for even the tiniest of details as what I seek to accomplish slowly reifies itself as something attainable. I am watching a disaster unfold and the one behind the wheel wants me dead and doesn't care if it takes him with it.
You are scum. Leave and OD.
Impressive story, full of allegory. You should take more of the funny makes-your-dick-not-work substance.
I have been interested in mountaineering lately. It's an extraordinarily nice thing to do, sometimes quite solitary as well.
>in my late 20's, still living at home
>birthday in about a week, right at the end of nigger-and-faggot-pride-month
>had to go with parents to sister's house for father's day
>family all has something going on in life
>sister and brother-in-law run a fairly successful business
>brother is making good money in HVAC
>even my brother's girlfriend's 18 year old son, who was kicked out prior to finishing high school, is currently getting work as an amateur film-editor and will be moving into a house soon
>only ones who aren't busy with something are my sister's kids on summer break, and me
I don't necessarily envy them for having to work all the time, or for being normalfags, but all seem relatively happy with some sense of purpose. Not only am I pretty miserable on a daily basis, but even if I did have a well-paying full-time job, I still wouldn't be content because I don't really want that life. The whole day felt like one giant reminder of the fact that I don't belong in this world and I never really did. There isn't much here for me, and little that I'm willing to offer this world that I so deeply despise. I have never wanted to end my own life more than I have today. So, I think that I have decided that I will be giving myself one more year. I will be turning 30 next year, and if I can't get something worthwhile going for myself, then I am going to commit suicide. There's no point in continuing this rigged game if I can't even enjoy the occasional victory.
Recently decided to completely change my diet in preparation for exercise and it's really put into perspective how shit most food is. Every time is see a 140 calorie sweet serving I think of how much more fulfilling (for both my stomach and my body) that same calorie intake of fish or chicken would have been.
The fact that I was eating pizza, which is like 2 servings of chicken breast per slice, before all of this is fucking disgusting.
I've gotten to the point where even webring anons are alien to me.
I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this, almost half of my life is a neet life, especially as a hikki, and things are get more and more fucked up. Even the internet now burns me, I can no longer access any website without feeling contempt for the world and a desire for isolation.
In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life, but that's over, I fell in love with shitty people, made "friends" where I feel it was one-sided only. People tried to push me into degeneration and at the same time I became more emotional and felt infected with empathy.
Before that I had some "good" years as a neet without having constant depression and totally "empty" emotionally in a comfy way, feeling good alone, no thoughts about loneliness. Now I just feel alone and incapable of any communication including imageboards, has anyone else ever felt something similar or went through a transformation during his years as a neet?
>I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this.
>In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life
>Now I just feel alone
Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself? If so then why is that?
I apologize in advance for the mess this text will be, my head is foggy and I can barely keep both my eyes open. Besides, my English has been deteriorating for the last two years.
I feel like an outcast because I feel like even other robots somehow have more hope, I'm no longer just a hikki in my 20's, now I'm a neet hikki in my 30's, people said i'm smart, but i've been feeling like a complete incapable retard since 2020, i'm having trouble expressing myself in both my mother tongue and english, I feel like I've forgotten everything I've learned and I find myself unable to learn anything, I don't feel motivated to try. When I was young I had an easy time making new friends and when I entered my neet life I at least felt some pride and security in that fact, but since 2019 I noticed that I was also unable to make friends, even virtual, after burning bridges I didn't feel able or motivated to make new friends and now I'm once again all alone including online.
When I decided to use webring after 8coom being fucked by feds I noticed that many boards are now full of cliques, discord, IRC and other groups, if you don't get in and become friends of those people you become isolated on boards too.
Like I said. In 2017 I decided to try socializing again using shitcord to talk about politics, at the time I still had an inner fire and cared about some things.
I was the person in all the groups who was older, in pariah groups I didn't fit very well and I'm also less suited as a normalfaggot even tho some used to see me as an extrovert "chad" for some reason, also way to many trannies or less manly dudes who were supposed to be my friends and always helped each other out or sought me out as a father figure for some reason and wanted my help when they were suicidal etc. But I never got it back, both online or irl, people look at me and think I'm incapable of feeling any suffering and that I don't need anyone, they can't empathize with me because I don't fit in either like a tranny, or a normalfag, or usual neet.
For exemple, I'm a tall man, masculine looking, i've been called handsome a few times both for trannies, gays and women, but having entered this depressive state more than a decade ago I simply stopped taking care of myself and my health and appearance just deteriorated and I lost my social and intellectual skills, I stay for weeks without brushing my teeth or washing my hair for almost 12 years now, even tho I shower every day and I don't let my room become a dirty place it's pretty obvious i don't care to live as normal person, It's almost like I'm a chimera that both neets and normalfags don't see as someone to have around.
>Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself?
As I said, during my early years as a hermit I didn't care at all about socializing, progressing in life, etc. I didn't care about losing my old friends, ignoring my family or about others living their lives while I was stagnant. So in 2017 maybe because of boredom and the boom that cuckchan was getting I decided to try to have at least some regular people to talk and be more close online. Even had some cringe long distance relationship, a small group of regular friends etc, but I didn't worked and in 2020 I decided to leave discord and interact less with people online again. Only after that, I started to feel a certain loneliness, although I feel more contempt and distrust of people now.
I already had hobbies, years ago i coded a site for people play rpg online, I spent a good part of my early years as a neet on this, distracting myself by writing, translating, coding, playing and being a GM, etc. But dramas happened and I decided to walk away from it and leave my site in the hands of some mods. I had other interests, but everything died, one thing has been corrupted, another thing I feel has dropped in quality, etc. I hardly watch shows, anime, or vidya.
To complete my post, books were my main distraction and pleasure in all these years as a neet, not vidya, but since 2018 I became almost unable to read, if I devoured books before and I spent almost all my money on books, I found myself unable to finish some of the last books I bought, others I didn't even begin to read. This is maybe the worst thing, if my first years as a neet were "easy" now I only see things get worse, either in my life or in the world as a whole.
I went back to playing some MMORPG a few years ago after I stopped accessing my steam completely and even playing something like that I rarely talk or Interact with anyone else. Even on online games I feel like muting the whole chat so I don't see anyone talking to each other.
You've got yourself in a feedback loop of shit. You need to pull yourself out, and that first and foremost means taking control of your emotions and severing the mental ties between your current self and your past baggage. A reset of sorts.
I also didn't notice once you actually bring up something you were individually passionate about. It's always a "distraction" or something you did with a group of people. If you want shit to get better you need to change this.
Fuck other people. Only you can make you happy. And distractions won't do
Firstly, individual hobbies are essential as they allow you to have safe fulfillment which is divorced from the state of the world or the people you know. Try finding some. Look for things that are truly mentally engaging or even better things that spark passion. For me, these things are vidya, anime, art, and sometimes origami. Having this variety of interests to fall back on is also good as it avoids burnout on any one hobby.
I tend to cycle my hobbies with a bias towards certain ones.
Remember, do not find a "distraction" find something fulfilling. It won't be easy but it's better than doing nothing or even worse wallowing in self-pity. Trust me. I've been there.
Also, you should try and keep your things in order and in general try to take better care of yourself (i.e health). It's hard to cultivate fulfillment when you're surrounded by filth and squalor. Being healthy is also a general mood boost so do try and improve this aspect of your life. I say this as someone who has very recently taken up weight lifting and exercise after years of eating shit and doing nothing. It really does go a long way and the hardest part is taking that first step.
And for my own selfish reasons do not become a normalfag after all of this. Your stint in 2017 was pretty disgusting to hear about, especially the trannies and roast. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since that was so long ago and I wasn't really the best person back in 2017 either. Seriously though a robot is a robot happy, sad, or bored. To become a normalfag simply because you can is to become less than and proves you were never a robot to begin with.
I can't give solid advice on this one as I haven't experienced this myself. However, I hope that some other anon who's pulled themselves out of a hole can help you with this one instead. This seems like a pretty big issue though so don't ignore it.
And again remember. Only you can make you happy.
I do apologize for the long post and unsolicited advice.
While you shouldn't generally take others' appearances at face value or use them as basis for comparison, let me ask you this; what do you think would give your life purpose? We can cross 'job' off the list since you don't wanna work, but surely there's something(s) you want to do instead of doing nothing for the rest of your life... Maybe you have activities/hobbies that you like doing, and if not then find some. You won't find your purpose sitting at home.
>using 30 y/o as death age
This is literal faggot mentality and I will have none of it. Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying. Your life matters.
Good on you anon, and best of luck finding non shit food in burgerland. You guys have it the worst.
It seems to me like you're missing social interaction, and that's okay. But let me you tell you this now, looking for it while in a desperate state will only backfire, and I'm saying this from experience. Don't go seeking people to let into your life when you're feeling lonely, because you will ignore red flags and misplace your trust, and also possibly come off as clingy. The first step is finding comfort in your solitude and enjoying your own company, and yes part of that involves living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of yourself as >>3053 said. Only then can you look into meeting new people, and only as an addition to your life that you can live without... You get the idea?
Venting on IBs meanwhile is fine because you're anonymous and there's no social contract binding you to anyone, this means you get to be as vulnerable as you want without risk, but it also means it's no place to make friends. Seriously. Anyone who expects you to be his friend and get all personal like whether on an IB or "other" platforms (discord/IRC) is someone you should stay the fuck away from. Generally I advise against trying to make any true friends online as the success rate is very low, so do keep that in mind. Chances are you will have to leave the house and do outdoor activities and rebuild your social skills to make new friends, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that may be.
I sympathize with your suffering. You don't have to fit into a certain group to be treated with sympathy, it's such a simple thing to offer yet most people don't offer it, that's on them and not you. Sure empathy is better but no two people will ever fully relate to each other, so learn to live with that fact. Understand that your problems are valid regardless of what other people think, then work towards solving them.
You're most likely burned out from years of both physical and social isolation, that indoor/solitary activities don't do it for you anymore. To iterate what I said above; go outside and do something different. If you end up liking something then great, if not then you'll yearn to go back to your old activities and will enjoy them again.
>It's been 84 years, but I am sure I will live to see that anon complete his post.
Well I'll try to put things a bit more shortly this time. There have also been new developments as I have actually completed the VN now.
So basically in this VN one of the girls was pretty into media, similarly to me. Anime and movies and the like. At first the game really emphasized this and I was absolutely loving it. The peak of this was this one stint where the MC and the girl argued for an hour about some shit in an anime that they watched. At that moment I felt a very strong desire to go inside the game and experience that myself. I felt this very strongly.
So for a while I was enjoying my time with the female character quite a bit. She was intelligent, had a fun sense of humor, and she had a passion for media similar to my own.
However as the game went on they started to focus less on that passion and more on the FMC extremely sarcastic sense of humor and her general life situation. This was fun too but I was, however, much less interested in that side of her. She also said some questionable things throughout the route which put me off at times but overall I had a positive experience with the character. I just wish they had focused more on her passion for media rather than her sarcasm. I feel that for somebody reading a VN such a focus may have been more effective and for me it would have most certainly been.
As for the desires in those aforementioned posts it seems to have died down a decent bit. I've either vented it over the course of this month somehow or I've come to accept that such a thing isn't possible and it's better to focus on enjoying the media and deriving value from the thoughts I have themselves. Or I just forgot what it feels like to really get a nice conversation about something like that since I'm not playing the game anymore.
You can be more specific if you want. Surely, there are robots that have an interest in VNs. I don't personally hold a strong opinion on them.
I don't normally feel any personal atachment to a particular form of media, but when it happens I feel a general frustration. There's so much to say, yet nobody to talk to.
Nevertheless, as you previously stated this board aliviates that feeling somewhat. I know that there will always be a few posters and lurkers that read everything that is posted here.
I believe you previously mentioned the limitations of text based comunication. Generally, I prefer it over speaking normally. In a normal conversation, many things are left unsaid or one can transmit the wrong intention. Rambling over a single idea for an unnecessary amount of time, where you can writte it in a sentence or paragraph. Of course, is very limited at transmiting many ideas in a fast manner.
I have thought about going and climbing all the United States high points and (further in the future) trying to climb some of the Seven Summits. The nice thing about this is that there is no impossible element to it, only a price tag and some fitness required, and that tag is quite small for many of the state high points at least and is not too high for a few of the Seven Summits.
It's clear to me that I need some adventurous and solitary activity to do. Reading books and browsing the internet will never compensate for this, and it would be tragic if I died without having travelled and hiked a lot.
>what do you think would give your life purpose?
That's hard for me to say really. After reading your post I realized that have never really known what constitutes a viable 'purpose' in one's life. Furthermore, outside of being self-employed and financially independent, I'm not too certain what I want to achieve in this life. I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
>>using 30 y/o as death age
I didn't mean to use 30 specifically, it was more a case of "I have failed for this many years, so I'll give myself one more year." The fact that it lined up with my birthday was more or less coincidental. I have, at times, considered ending my life sooner. A couple days ago, I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online. Unfortunately, they were harder to come by than I originally anticipated. I tried going to 8kunt because I know there used to be a /suicide/ board on there before it went down, I also tried to pull up old instances on the web archiver, but it didn't work. I even went ahead and downloaded tor because I figured there had to be a handful of easy-to-find references there. As it turns out, suicide-related information was difficult to find there as well. It really bothered me how many obstacles are put in place to prevent death and suicide. It reminds me of a post an anon once made, he said: "Life is like a prison. No one gives a shit until you try to escape."
>Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying.
A big part of my problem is that it seems like every time I start to make progress in life, something happens to slow me way down or stop me dead in my tracks. So many times I started to find some form of hope in life, only to see it get crushed or ripped away. That is one the primary reasons why I feel a desire to commit suicide, most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome. It leaves me feeling constantly depressed, angry, or exhausted. I've recently gotten to the point where I will get so depressed that I suddenly just go numb, and I stay that way for roughly 20 minutes until my emotional state can regulate itself.
I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party. I have been trying to improve my life. I exercise regularly, I'm trying to eat healthier, and I've even started meditating daily for my mental health. Aside from that, I've been trying to actually write and list goals and objectives that I can reasonably achieve to improve my situation. I'll try for a while longer, but I feel so damned tired and drained these days I don't know how effective my efforts will be.
You're never going to be happy when your planning your own death and when your attitude paints everything you do in a negative tone. Trust me, I was once where you were.
And remember, happiness is something that can be achieved alone.
Hai friends, long time no see.
Have you been well?
here's your reply
'Twas a genuine heartfelt inquiry.
Miserable as ever I see.
Doing good ponyfag
I'd love to do that too someday, till then I try to hike whenever possible and build up stamina. I suggest you do the same and work towards the level of fitness needed for more challenging hikes.
>I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
It's a start. Focus more on these things, try to define them better and set some milestones, then begin working towards said milestones. Taking the first step is crucial because it will get the wheel turning and help you better decide what you want to do, and what you don't want to do.
>I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online
I have a bunch of guides saved but I'm not sharing any because suicide is not a solution. It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc. Life becomes surprisingly bearable once you change all the variables that make you feel trapped.
>most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome
I know exactly how that feels, but life isn't all like this. You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks, otherwise they will always be in your way and you'll never achieve better circumstances... Sure, you can't fight all the time, but you should fight often and not succumb to dooming thoughts, and things will get easier as you go on.
>I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party.
You're literally on /r9k/, relax.
>I have been trying to improve my life
These are all great steps, I'm proud of you anon. Don't give up now, take rests when you need to, but never quit.
Also seconding >>3078
A lot of people have an extreme over confidence in the truth of their opinions. It's good to be confident in your opinions however being too confident in them is an amazing way to stall any progress in the quality of your opinions. The same could be said for overconfidence in any other field. Arts and other hobbies are a good example.
The board has really matured over the years, hasn't it. Some of this is likely due to the slower nature of the board nowadays, however, I do think a good bit of it has to do with the general increase in maturity of robots as we've gotten older. Back in the day, this board used to be pretty nihilistic and down in the dumps but things seem to have turned around for a good bit of us. The culling of failed normalfags from this board after 8ch's nuking did wonders too. Though the subsequent 3 nukings were much more tragic
Aside from that, I wonder if I should get back into art. It's not a hobby I'm particularly interested in at the moment however I do think I'll begin to appreciate it more once I'm older. At the moment I'm having a good time with visual novels and the like but maybe I should put some time aside to brush up on my artistry (as amateur as it is)
Not a bad idea at all, post your work here when you do so we can critique it.
are you the same anon who posted his creature sketches here about a year or so ago?
You're right, anon. I've been learning this myself lately. Unfortunately, I've spent over a decade in a pit of depression and self-loathing, it will take quite some time to dig myself out, but I'll keep working at it.
>It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc.
>You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks
I think you're right about that. Over the past few years, I had fallen into the habit of blaming the kikes for most of my problems and shortcomings in life as an excuse not work as hard as I should, or even work in the right places. And though it is true that jews make life worse, I know they're really only an obstacle, despite their continued efforts, they can never truly stop our powers of self-determination. What's more is the part of my life that really has been my greatest obstacle are my parents, who have hindered my efforts for most of my life while believing that they're being helpful. However, I have had such a difficult time overcoming the challenges they've presented over the years that it became far easier to pretend that I had other, larger problems, rather than deal with what is in front of me. But I'm making far greater efforts to analyze, identify, and be honest with myself about my own circumstances: what is my own fault and what isn't, what challenges I face, and what my options are for making progress in life. I fell into a particularly dark place over the past several months. but I'm pleased to say the fire within me hasn't burnt out yet.
Thank you both for your replies. I've gone for some time without having someone to really listen to me and try to be understanding, and I had nearly forgotten how helpful it can be. I really slowed down my browsing and posting on /r9k/ in recent months because some robots went full-gatekeeper (which is understandable, given the difficulties presented to the board in recent years) and thus they developed a tendency to be somewhat unsympathetic and over-zealous, but I'm glad robots like you are still here.
>I wonder if I should get back into art.
I think it's good for a person to have a form of creative expression in their lives, it can be a very positive and rewarding thing. In fact, I personally would like to return to writing. It something that I used to enjoy, but just sort of dropped after a short while, so I think I'll go back to it and even share my stories here eventually.
I'm going to jump in and address your post in general, because I think it leads to some useful topics.
First, about negativity as it relates to attitude and worldview. In the past, the resistance put up against simply pointing out negative, "untouchable" realities always seemed to be reducible to a particular normalcattle impulse: to prefer a passive state of delusion where they only want to look at positive distractions rather than investigate anything that would make them uncomfortable. I would always prefer to be consumed by the negativity associated with what is true, because I couldn't live with what I perceived as deluding myself and always having that curiosity gnawing at me. However, only recently did I hear someone online point out a simple alternative. You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests; though it's true that the kikes are deeply involved in a lot of shit, it's still a danger to fixate on this in a way that feeds it with your energy. Furthermore, when it comes to the parasitic entities that they are working with, they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness. So then it becomes a matter of transmuting your lower self into the development of your higher self, by not giving fuel to your base desires (not looking at sexual material, masturbating, or allowing sexual desire to override your conscious mind), not creating circular thought patterns fixated on negative realities (though acknowledging they exist and must be dealt with at some point), and thus the focus shifts to strengthening yourself spiritually and physically, and basically saying this is ME, this in MINE, and NOBODY is going to fuck with my conscious autonomy. Another factor is the unfortunate reality that kikes and their shabbos goyim have been literally poisoning our food, water and air for years. So you have to be careful about what you allow into your body in this sense as well, and exercise is crucial on top of that.
Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms. We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman? Why should we feel bad that we don't have hot wives and fuck-trophies? Yes, enough children need to be born to survive into future generations, but you know that if you're not Mr. Moneybags with all the know-how in the world, any children you would have had would be filled up with vaccines, public schooling (brainwashing), and surrounded by racial enemies in a low-trust environment. Basically, childhood development would be conversion into the next wave of golems by jewish torturers, if they're not outright abducted and sacrificed to their demonic demiurge. (Adding to the shift in perspective relative to negativity, once you realize that the apparent power and material status the kikes have was the result of binding themselves to this demiurge and serving it, they are actually more pathetic than the lowliest nigger because they are servants of this hermaphroditic faggot entity -- at least a chimp can be a neutral part of an ecosystem.) No, we are here to be present when the ground is being cleared of all this debris so something new can arise.
I think it's up to people like us to re-establish a connection with our higher selves, because this is partly a spiritual battle. And as we've seen from the past year or so, we have enough spirit matter to distinguish us from these fucking herds of cattle and golems who bend their knees to professional liars, line up for their slave injections, and unconsciously reinforce their own degradation and try to entrap us in it as well. So ultimately, I think the lifepath and maturation of a robot is a necessary process, and I'm glad you guys are still hanging in there.
>You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests
>they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness
The main thing that I have personally enjoyed about introducing meditation into my daily practices is that meditation strengthens the mind's ability to be conscious and aware. Tragically, I fell into the sinister trap of porn addiction from a young age, and though I would always be introspective enough to realize what I was doing wasn't healthy, it wasn't until recently that I have been able to effectively hone my conscious mind to stop myself from yet again falling into the porn trap before I needlessly discharge my energy.
>Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms
I've known this for some time, but it has often served more as a source of despair than anything else. I'm sure most robots here were all born around the late 80's to early 90's. We were born at the end of relatively good times, grew up during a steep economic and social decline, and will be spending the entirety or our adult lives in the Kali Yuga. With the current slow-burn that seems to be occurring in this dark age, it is likely that the new golden age will not occur until after our passing. Even if some of us live to see the golden age, we will be far too old to truly enjoy any of the benefits it brings.
>We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman?
This is a big part of why I lost my motivation to write. Over the years many people have tried to place an emphasis on the importance of creation, but when I would think about it, I would always come to the conclusion: "What's the point?" I've started a few stories in the past that would draw upon my personal perceptions of this corrupt world, and would generally follow a series of events in which a person or group of people revolt against some jew-like antagonist. However, during the writing process, I would lose steam because I would come to the realization that if I ever released my works to the public, hordes of normalfags would invariably misinterpret the themes and messages in the story, likely equating it all to "the villain is a nazi/fasict, punch nazis!" (there are actually a great many people who still believe that Tolkien wrote Sauron to be Middle-earth's Hitler, despite Tolkien himself saying that he detests allegory) or some other contemporary nonsense. So although I would like to return to writing, as I do enjoy the creative process, I don't think I will be sharing my stories with anyone, save for fellow robots.
>stocking up on supplies due to inevitable supply-chain disruptions/cyber polygon
>only one out of mom, mom's bf, stepsister, mom's bf's dad, and mom's bf's dad's other kids that even realizes what's coming down the pipe
>feel useful for the first time in ages
I don't get how you can look at what's going on and not at the very least CONSIDER stockpiling supplies, Great Reset shit aside.
Wait, what's going on? I don't pay attention to shit
More money has been printed since the start of the lockdowns than was printed from the founding of the US until 2019. Hyperinflation, breakdown of supply chains, etc, seems obvious if you just look at history, even aside from the WEF's Cyber Polygon faggotry.
Silly anon bad things NEVER happen. If someone was wrong about these things happening before than that means they will NEVER happen :^)
I don't think the United States of Israel is going to fall right now. They will probably borrow a quadrillion dollars from mysterious entities and never pay back, like they have been doing until now. After that, everything will be okay for a few years and then fucked again. Although, it's very likely a great crisis is right around the corner, preparing yourself is never a bad idea.
Ive been distracting myself with videogames so i havent been posting.
I had a strange dream the other day
It started out as an rpg larp battle amongst hs peers in the schoolyard, which then turned into a dragons dogma pvp match, with me 2v1 ing some guy plus a loli mage (i was playing on a crt?), who then happened to be an actual loli in my house (the guy logged off) who was riding piggyback on me asking me questions as i walked around said house.
I dont remember the questions but they felt interrogative. Maybe i was mkultraed idk
Why do people feel pride in identiterian qualities? Why should I feel proud about something which I had no part in achieving. I am proud things which I worked hard for, not for things which I was born into.
As a pretty individually minded person I find it incredibly hard to understand.
Wanting and liking the success of people who think or look like you is a group-selected trait, and wanting to associate yourself with traits that successful people share by broadcasting your own similarity to successful people is an individually beneficial action.
Pride isn't predicated on the self alone. A father can be proud of his son, and the son of his father, and this can go all the way up the whole people, ie the nation.
The layer of separation between player and world in the visual novel is aggravating.
It is aggravating in games in general however moreso with visual novels. I believe that there is a great deal not being done to try and dissolve this layer of separation. Perhaps I'm the only one autistic enough to care about the fact that I don't feel as much myself as I could when playing these games.
More player agency and power over the world would be a good start. maybe you can rope VR in if you've got the money for that. It could go a long way but at that point, I'm not sure if you could call it a visual novel. Though it may share the same goal and structure.
I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer but I'm not sure if they're stupid or not yet.
The writing is key to maintain the illusion in most videogames. In something like Pokémon or Call of Duty, it's easier to maintain the illusion due to simplicity of their world and premise. Those two can make feel that you are catching monsters in a foreign world or shooting down brown people in a fictional country. Despite how simple or badly written are at times.
I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games. In an RPG the writing is the context of the game and it might be secondary to the gameplay, in a VN the writing is the game. A VN that is very well written can afford to have mediocre or even bad art, but being badly written and limiting the player might be the worst flaw a VN can have.
The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
I have seen very few regular games that mantain the illusion all the way through, doing this in a VN must be a titanic task.
>I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer
You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
>You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
I'm not entirely sure. RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat. Perhaps applying what I desire to a VN like Fate/Stay Night would make it an RPG, however, applying it to a game like Katawa Shoujo, Clannad, or any other school visual novel would not. It may not entirely be a VN (even less so if VR is involved) however the goal and feel would be similar.
>I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games.
Not so much for me. When playing VNs I usually do self-insert. Not so much in applying the attributes of the player character to myself as much as imagining that I am the player character. For myself, the choices that are given are a chance for me to have agency in the game rather than a tool for telling multiple stories in one. This is likely due to the nature of most visual novels as a means of romantic escapism. I simply don't think I would enjoy these romance stories as much if I was engaging with them as if though I was an outsider.
However, a decent bit of VNs are pretty explicit about the fact that the main character is a unique and separate entity, and for those, I do treat them moreso as interactive books.
I don't think I'm alone in how I treat VNs. Though it may be to a lesser extent many must treat visual novels in a similar way. After all, romance and faceless protagonists are a staple of the medium for a reason. I do hope that one day someone looks a little bit deeper into why these things are enjoyable and decides to enhance upon that with additional player agency and more meaningful choice. As you say though, it would be a difficult task.
Books more in the sense that VNs are heavily text focused and the player is another character that is an active participant in the story. Of course, most VNs are supposed to be experienced as self-inserts where the main character is the main driving force of the story, and as such he must be flexible enough to achieve multiple routes in a believable way. Quoting myself:
>The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
>RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat
The line between VNs and RPGs is strange. As far as I know, visual novels lack physical movement in a 3D space and mostly limit themselves to puzzles.
When I think about a story driven RPG, the first thing that comes to my mind is something like Mogeko Castle, Ao Oni, Ib, or Mad Father, and most of these lack a proper combat system, but you can die in those games. Nevertheless, these games rely heavily on their story.
What the hell is Yume nikki?
Despite the previous paragraph, I know what you mean. Those games are the minority. Something more traditional like Final Fantasy 10 can afford to have a eh story because of the combat system.
>The line between VNs and RPGs is strange.
Genres are arbitrary in some sense which can lead to some confusion. Monster Girl Island, for example, is pretty much a by the books eroge however there is a movement within a 3D space in that game. If we go one step further and VR to the VN formula is that still a VN? I'm not sure.
>Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
I agree. I do however think that the choices themselves may be a good informant on how to keep the writing close to what the player is thinking. That is if one were to take on the challenge of enhancing player agency in a VN, or any choice-influenced game for the matter. I just bring up VNs since that's what I've been enjoying recently.
I have troubles communicating that get worse by the year, I think something more sinister than autism, and now can barely bring myself to speak or think about anything in-depth, I used to be able to hold a conversation now anything that isn't utilitarian and simply-worded I stumble over and make an ass of myself or freeze up. My thoughts just vaguely there like a ghost.
Does this extend to writing as well? Ability to communicate if not practiced will atrophy. If it does, and it's not you not communicating much anyway, make sure your diet isn't severely fucked and that you're sleeping enough.
Yes, I type often.
Speaking is a muscular ability, it will deteriorate if you don't use it. Pronunciation aside, fluently expressing a complex idea becomes harder the less you do it.
Although, it may be related to the fact that you are not using your brain in an effective capacity. I have ran into this problem some times, studying a topic in depth generally helps.
What do you mean with player agency? I don't get it.
Most of the time in VNs the choices that the player makes are a very simple "Choose girl then avoid bad end". Other than that the player doesn't have power as an entity in the fictional world which creates a disconnect between the player and the world.
So when I say agency I mean allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world, as they would if they themselves were in said world. Thus reducing the dissconnect between player and game. I would prefer this over the sometimes annoying and overly simplistic "say the right shit to get the girl you want" or "say the right shit to avoid the death end" that we have now.
Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings". Maybe I'm just being an autist but I do see potential in what I ask for.
>Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings".
I think that the best option is something like fallout, where there are like 3 different endings and many side stories with their respective endings. In regular RPG games, asking for 20 real endings might be unreasonable.
In VNs, it might be harder to apply this. I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C. Although, it might be hard to apply this to every route. As far as I know, only School Days does this, and this VN might be one of the most popular ones, having a retardedly high budget.
>allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world
Having a real impact in the world might be harder to do in the context of VNs. You can do something like Undertale, where your actions affect everything in the world in an almost immediate level, or Chronno trigger where your actions mostly affect the ending of the game. Both of these examples are extremely rare, doing something like these for a VN would be a real labor of love.
>Maybe I'm just being an autist
It's fun to fantasize about game ideas. Maybe I am the autistic one that is cutting off the fun and overthinking this.
>I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C.
Moreso for fun at this point I would like to continue the hypothetical. What I was thinking was more an undoing of the traditional "good choice→good end" "bad choice→bad end" thing.
For the sake of improving the player's sense of meaningful impact on the world, I think it would be better to simply have choices create differences. Not choices that steer you towards a "good" or a "bad" end. Just different choices, with different consequences that steer you towards a different ending.
On top of empowering the player, this would eliminate the pressure to pick "the right choice" when the choice screen comes up. These "right" or "wrong" choices sometimes force the player to act in an out-of-character manner simply for the sake of picking the "right" option. This of course creates a disconnect between player and game. Doing this would also emphasize choices as a chance for the player to express their autonomy rather than as a type of artificial difficulty.
As an example of what I mean. Let's just say that at some point the heroine asks you for your opinion on some clothing. You make your decision and then the next time you see the heroine she's wearing what you liked. She could even begin to wear that permanently. This example is small and sort of insignificant, however, it's a good example of the kind of thing I'm talking about. Nothing good or bad, just different.
I think that even something simple like this could go a decent way in improving the immersion and sense of presence/being the player feels within the VN/game world.
Ideally, this same premise could be applied to more important decisions and even compound into something larger.
I think fallout new vegas did something like this if I remember correctly. It seemed pretty forced at times but I think they had the right intentions with the way they tackled choice in some of their side stories.
I honestly don't have a problem with the way choices are in VNs right now. I just believe that there should also be VN/games that try and take advantage of choice as the tool for improved immersion and presence that it is. Doing so could go an incredibly long way in the very personal and character-focused genre/medium that is Visual Novels.
That sounds really good actually. Now I'd like to see something like that.
I have only seen something similar in KotOR, maybe in something like Gothic too, where the game pulls your leg if you always try to be a good guy and choose what seems like the better option. After a while, you just act like yourself and let the game flow. I imagine it would be nice to see this in a VN.
Then again like you said, there is nothing inherently wrong with the way RPGs or VNs play, but this would take things a step further and that is always nice to see.
>fallout new vegas
I am conflicted with this game. At times it's really good with this, other times the choices are between being an "evil nazi" or Jesus Christ in person.
It's levitating inside me awkwardly whenever I think about it, there's nowhere to put it.
>Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
For the sake of brevity and needless damage control I guess, though for a big part actually did like me because I was a good worker and that's because it reflects on your character. I heard through the grapevine some fat guy or big cowboy who replaced me got in a bar fight that weekend or the next with another worker and stabbed him in the stomach and that was funny.
Self insert should not be the dirty word it has come to be for many. In non-video game mediums the dislike of the trope is understandable. However, when concerning video games, player as protagonist is a very powerful tool and one that leans into the interactive nature of a video game very well.
This should conclude my thoughts that I've been posting over the last couple of days. Unless someone points out something I had not considered.
That sounds fair. I prefer to have a self insert in most games. The disconnect can be really strong if I dislike the protagonist and can't change it in any way.
I have grown to understand Visual Novels better.
I have nothing more to add either. Discussing escapism would be interesting, but that's another story
I think the argument for escapism is pretty cut and dry in a place like this.
There are things which we cannot experience in a world like this and so I see no issue in seeking those things in escapist media. That ranges from being a super-hero in a fantastical world to simply experiencing a true love in a mundane world.
Escapism only becomes detrimental when you use it to run away from your problems rather than as a tool to experience the unexperienceable, and perhaps finding meaning in doing so.
We are pretty much on the same page then. Although, I can only enjoy escapist media when my immediate reality becomes too overbearing. In normal circumstances, I like to watch or read something better written.
I wouldn't say well-written and escapist are mutually exclusive. Romance VNs are pure romantic escapism yet they can be very well written. I get what you mean though. Non-escapist entertainment can cover a wider variety of topics/genres and is generally allowed to be much darker.
I hate to keep taking up so much of the discussion in this thread with my VN autism however I hope that you all will tolerate this just a bit longer.
Just today I was playing a VN, as I do, and it switched to the girl's perspective for a bit. She started thinking of such kind and loving things about the player character (and vicariously me due to my self-insert style of play) and it was quite the bitter-sweet moment. It honestly made my sensitive ass almost go a bit watery-eyed.
Reason being is that sometimes when I'm playing VNs I start to remember the impossibility of it all; the cloyingly sweet love, the idealistic girls, and even if only a little bit, it does get to me. With this case specifically, I was touched by such genuine words of love and kindness, words which were being directed at "me", words which would be neither thought nor spoken in a world like ours.
Overall though the segment was very enjoyable, though again, slightly bitter-sweet. It's a fleeting feeling but a powerful one nonetheless.
I imagine a younger me would have been much more saddened by something like this but I've come to terms with the way the world is by now and I aim to live my life contently in spite of it.
Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
This is one of the reasons why I can only enjoy this type of media in unbearable situations. Just like you said, reality can be disappointing, but I don't want to think about that while I am immersed on whatever thing I am reading/watching. Nevertheless, I can suspend my disbelief if I want to disconnect from real life and stop thinking about everything.
>Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
It was a nice read. I enjoyed it.
From my part, I haven't written that much in a long time, my grammar is starting to fall apart.
You can express your feeling on the General Media Thread if you don't want to keep posting in this thread.