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Life's pretty alright at the moment.
I've been playing a lot of visual novels lately. It's enjoyable to be able to vicariously experience a romance through the self insert main character of a visual novel, however, there's been a bit of a bittersweet element to it for me.
When I'm playing these games I get reminded of the contrast between the ideal world of the visual novel and the romantically dead whore hell hole we live in. This really isn't that annoying since I'm pretty used to this hell hole by now but what really gets to me is when I have an especially strong connection with a character.
When that happens the visual novel filter really starts to hurt a bit. It makes me want to just jump into the screen so that I can talk to them as myself rather than the approximated mouthpiece that is the self insert main character. Sometimes I want to do this so much that I can't stand it and I have to take a small break from the game to calm down and get back into it.
I still however am enjoying myself and I assume that with time I'll acclimate to this. It's not an entirely bad feeling though. Again it's bittersweet in a way.
I would enjoy going a bit more in-depth about the specifics of the visual novels in question if anyone is interested enough though I doubt anyone is.
Feel free to post as much as you want.
Your post remind me of the old 8chan. I remember all those endless post about Katawa Shoujo. I loved reading those threads. I still have some particular posts from that time period.
Strangely enough, I never played a visual novel. I always got the feeling that if I played one, I would become addicted to that sensation and never stop. Maybe I'd have gone full Quixote in the worst case scenario.
Alright but this may be a long one since I'm gonna need to bring up a few things for context.
So for context, I'm quite the mentally active person, and honestly quite talkative too. I like to think pretty deeply about the things I'm interested in and though I'm fine just keeping these thoughts to myself I find it incredibly fulfilling when I'm able to have a genuine and interesting conversation with someone who shares a similar level of interest and knowledge the topic. Of course, I also need to be comfortable with said person and respect them as decent human beings.
That's why I like it around here. I can discuss with similar-minded people (whom I can generally assume are not complete scum) things that I am passionate about or interested in. However, the limitations of text-based communication are pretty obvious when you want to really go in-depth about something. An equally interested and well-spoken friend or theoretical romantic partner this is important for later regarding the VN would be the optimal yet unrealistic solution to this.
So with all that said, I've been recently trying to focus on the things I find fulfilling and things that I'm passionate about (this is coming off of a time where I felt as if I didn't have these things). One of these things (or at least the main one) has been the media I consume. Video games, anime, visual novels, movies, and the like. I've always spent a lot of time thinking about these things in the past but definitely not to the extent or the depth at which I could have. I am now thinking about the media I consume with that level of depth.
And so now that I've thought about something like this in depth (and continue to do so) I once again find myself wanting to converse about these things. And without any optimal way of doing that. Though I am doing a little bit of that right now through these posts, which again, fulfill that desire a decent bit
So yeah, I've got a lot of pent-up thoughts about vidya and shit right now that I would enjoy being able to have a discussion/conversation about. I'm able to have some of that discussion here, but not to the extent that I'd like. That should conclude the context part of this.
Sorry for the long-winded post.
I'm fucking tired I'll finish the rest of the post tomorrow.
I quit my minimum wage factory job a month ago and people cared I was leaving despite not putting up much presence and being perceived as mentally deranged. I was the 2nd-best guy in my department but they didn't want me to leave not for my ethic but because I was nice to be around. I don't know how to feel about that.
For many years I've had recurrent dreams set in a town that I'm sure is completely fictional, it's too comfy and well designed to be a real thing. The dreams occur only 2-4 times in a year and the town keeps progressing through time, giving me reasons to revisit some places, see all the new developments. The point is, these dreams always make feel wistful because this is the only place where I feel truly at home. All the characters populating this little world range from inoffensive to pleasant. Some of them had been my acquaintances for longer than any online friends. I know I will be able to meet them again and they won't be tainted by any IRL fads and influences. I only wish these dreams came to me more often. I tried daydreaming about it but it's not nearly the same, there's just no element of surprise.
>I don't know how to feel about that.
I'd feel good if I were you. Co-workers objecting to you leaving means you genuinely had a positive impact on their lives, because otherwise they wouldn't care any less. Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
Lucky you, I've been having nightmares exclusively as of late. If you're not the daydreaming type you can try getting into books/novels, especially "slice of life" ones, they'll occupy your mind in your waking hours and give your brain material to process while asleep. For me books are the most immersive medium, even more than vidya. Maybe they'll be immerse you too.
Sorry. I went to the gym for the first time yesterday and I went a bit too far. Typing is currently difficuly atm.
So many things to do, too many things to learn, life continues in every way detestable and ordinary and I see how little control I have for even the tiniest of details as what I seek to accomplish slowly reifies itself as something attainable. I am watching a disaster unfold and the one behind the wheel wants me dead and doesn't care if it takes him with it.
You are scum. Leave and OD.
Impressive story, full of allegory. You should take more of the funny makes-your-dick-not-work substance.
I have been interested in mountaineering lately. It's an extraordinarily nice thing to do, sometimes quite solitary as well.
>in my late 20's, still living at home
>birthday in about a week, right at the end of nigger-and-faggot-pride-month
>had to go with parents to sister's house for father's day
>family all has something going on in life
>sister and brother-in-law run a fairly successful business
>brother is making good money in HVAC
>even my brother's girlfriend's 18 year old son, who was kicked out prior to finishing high school, is currently getting work as an amateur film-editor and will be moving into a house soon
>only ones who aren't busy with something are my sister's kids on summer break, and me
I don't necessarily envy them for having to work all the time, or for being normalfags, but all seem relatively happy with some sense of purpose. Not only am I pretty miserable on a daily basis, but even if I did have a well-paying full-time job, I still wouldn't be content because I don't really want that life. The whole day felt like one giant reminder of the fact that I don't belong in this world and I never really did. There isn't much here for me, and little that I'm willing to offer this world that I so deeply despise. I have never wanted to end my own life more than I have today. So, I think that I have decided that I will be giving myself one more year. I will be turning 30 next year, and if I can't get something worthwhile going for myself, then I am going to commit suicide. There's no point in continuing this rigged game if I can't even enjoy the occasional victory.
Recently decided to completely change my diet in preparation for exercise and it's really put into perspective how shit most food is. Every time is see a 140 calorie sweet serving I think of how much more fulfilling (for both my stomach and my body) that same calorie intake of fish or chicken would have been.
The fact that I was eating pizza, which is like 2 servings of chicken breast per slice, before all of this is fucking disgusting.
I've gotten to the point where even webring anons are alien to me.
I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this, almost half of my life is a neet life, especially as a hikki, and things are get more and more fucked up. Even the internet now burns me, I can no longer access any website without feeling contempt for the world and a desire for isolation.
In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life, but that's over, I fell in love with shitty people, made "friends" where I feel it was one-sided only. People tried to push me into degeneration and at the same time I became more emotional and felt infected with empathy.
Before that I had some "good" years as a neet without having constant depression and totally "empty" emotionally in a comfy way, feeling good alone, no thoughts about loneliness. Now I just feel alone and incapable of any communication including imageboards, has anyone else ever felt something similar or went through a transformation during his years as a neet?
>I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this.
>In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life
>Now I just feel alone
Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself? If so then why is that?
I apologize in advance for the mess this text will be, my head is foggy and I can barely keep both my eyes open. Besides, my English has been deteriorating for the last two years.
I feel like an outcast because I feel like even other robots somehow have more hope, I'm no longer just a hikki in my 20's, now I'm a neet hikki in my 30's, people said i'm smart, but i've been feeling like a complete incapable retard since 2020, i'm having trouble expressing myself in both my mother tongue and english, I feel like I've forgotten everything I've learned and I find myself unable to learn anything, I don't feel motivated to try. When I was young I had an easy time making new friends and when I entered my neet life I at least felt some pride and security in that fact, but since 2019 I noticed that I was also unable to make friends, even virtual, after burning bridges I didn't feel able or motivated to make new friends and now I'm once again all alone including online.
When I decided to use webring after 8coom being fucked by feds I noticed that many boards are now full of cliques, discord, IRC and other groups, if you don't get in and become friends of those people you become isolated on boards too.
Like I said. In 2017 I decided to try socializing again using shitcord to talk about politics, at the time I still had an inner fire and cared about some things.
I was the person in all the groups who was older, in pariah groups I didn't fit very well and I'm also less suited as a normalfaggot even tho some used to see me as an extrovert "chad" for some reason, also way to many trannies or less manly dudes who were supposed to be my friends and always helped each other out or sought me out as a father figure for some reason and wanted my help when they were suicidal etc. But I never got it back, both online or irl, people look at me and think I'm incapable of feeling any suffering and that I don't need anyone, they can't empathize with me because I don't fit in either like a tranny, or a normalfag, or usual neet.
For exemple, I'm a tall man, masculine looking, i've been called handsome a few times both for trannies, gays and women, but having entered this depressive state more than a decade ago I simply stopped taking care of myself and my health and appearance just deteriorated and I lost my social and intellectual skills, I stay for weeks without brushing my teeth or washing my hair for almost 12 years now, even tho I shower every day and I don't let my room become a dirty place it's pretty obvious i don't care to live as normal person, It's almost like I'm a chimera that both neets and normalfags don't see as someone to have around.
>Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself?
As I said, during my early years as a hermit I didn't care at all about socializing, progressing in life, etc. I didn't care about losing my old friends, ignoring my family or about others living their lives while I was stagnant. So in 2017 maybe because of boredom and the boom that cuckchan was getting I decided to try to have at least some regular people to talk and be more close online. Even had some cringe long distance relationship, a small group of regular friends etc, but I didn't worked and in 2020 I decided to leave discord and interact less with people online again. Only after that, I started to feel a certain loneliness, although I feel more contempt and distrust of people now.
I already had hobbies, years ago i coded a site for people play rpg online, I spent a good part of my early years as a neet on this, distracting myself by writing, translating, coding, playing and being a GM, etc. But dramas happened and I decided to walk away from it and leave my site in the hands of some mods. I had other interests, but everything died, one thing has been corrupted, another thing I feel has dropped in quality, etc. I hardly watch shows, anime, or vidya.
To complete my post, books were my main distraction and pleasure in all these years as a neet, not vidya, but since 2018 I became almost unable to read, if I devoured books before and I spent almost all my money on books, I found myself unable to finish some of the last books I bought, others I didn't even begin to read. This is maybe the worst thing, if my first years as a neet were "easy" now I only see things get worse, either in my life or in the world as a whole.
I went back to playing some MMORPG a few years ago after I stopped accessing my steam completely and even playing something like that I rarely talk or Interact with anyone else. Even on online games I feel like muting the whole chat so I don't see anyone talking to each other.
You've got yourself in a feedback loop of shit. You need to pull yourself out, and that first and foremost means taking control of your emotions and severing the mental ties between your current self and your past baggage. A reset of sorts.
I also didn't notice once you actually bring up something you were individually passionate about. It's always a "distraction" or something you did with a group of people. If you want shit to get better you need to change this.
Fuck other people. Only you can make you happy. And distractions won't do
Firstly, individual hobbies are essential as they allow you to have safe fulfillment which is divorced from the state of the world or the people you know. Try finding some. Look for things that are truly mentally engaging or even better things that spark passion. For me, these things are vidya, anime, art, and sometimes origami. Having this variety of interests to fall back on is also good as it avoids burnout on any one hobby.
I tend to cycle my hobbies with a bias towards certain ones.
Remember, do not find a "distraction" find something fulfilling. It won't be easy but it's better than doing nothing or even worse wallowing in self-pity. Trust me. I've been there.
Also, you should try and keep your things in order and in general try to take better care of yourself (i.e health). It's hard to cultivate fulfillment when you're surrounded by filth and squalor. Being healthy is also a general mood boost so do try and improve this aspect of your life. I say this as someone who has very recently taken up weight lifting and exercise after years of eating shit and doing nothing. It really does go a long way and the hardest part is taking that first step.
And for my own selfish reasons do not become a normalfag after all of this. Your stint in 2017 was pretty disgusting to hear about, especially the trannies and roast. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since that was so long ago and I wasn't really the best person back in 2017 either. Seriously though a robot is a robot happy, sad, or bored. To become a normalfag simply because you can is to become less than and proves you were never a robot to begin with.
I can't give solid advice on this one as I haven't experienced this myself. However, I hope that some other anon who's pulled themselves out of a hole can help you with this one instead. This seems like a pretty big issue though so don't ignore it.
And again remember. Only you can make you happy.
I do apologize for the long post and unsolicited advice.
While you shouldn't generally take others' appearances at face value or use them as basis for comparison, let me ask you this; what do you think would give your life purpose? We can cross 'job' off the list since you don't wanna work, but surely there's something(s) you want to do instead of doing nothing for the rest of your life... Maybe you have activities/hobbies that you like doing, and if not then find some. You won't find your purpose sitting at home.
>using 30 y/o as death age
This is literal faggot mentality and I will have none of it. Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying. Your life matters.
Good on you anon, and best of luck finding non shit food in burgerland. You guys have it the worst.
It seems to me like you're missing social interaction, and that's okay. But let me you tell you this now, looking for it while in a desperate state will only backfire, and I'm saying this from experience. Don't go seeking people to let into your life when you're feeling lonely, because you will ignore red flags and misplace your trust, and also possibly come off as clingy. The first step is finding comfort in your solitude and enjoying your own company, and yes part of that involves living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of yourself as >>3053 said. Only then can you look into meeting new people, and only as an addition to your life that you can live without... You get the idea?
Venting on IBs meanwhile is fine because you're anonymous and there's no social contract binding you to anyone, this means you get to be as vulnerable as you want without risk, but it also means it's no place to make friends. Seriously. Anyone who expects you to be his friend and get all personal like whether on an IB or "other" platforms (discord/IRC) is someone you should stay the fuck away from. Generally I advise against trying to make any true friends online as the success rate is very low, so do keep that in mind. Chances are you will have to leave the house and do outdoor activities and rebuild your social skills to make new friends, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that may be.
I sympathize with your suffering. You don't have to fit into a certain group to be treated with sympathy, it's such a simple thing to offer yet most people don't offer it, that's on them and not you. Sure empathy is better but no two people will ever fully relate to each other, so learn to live with that fact. Understand that your problems are valid regardless of what other people think, then work towards solving them.
You're most likely burned out from years of both physical and social isolation, that indoor/solitary activities don't do it for you anymore. To iterate what I said above; go outside and do something different. If you end up liking something then great, if not then you'll yearn to go back to your old activities and will enjoy them again.
>It's been 84 years, but I am sure I will live to see that anon complete his post.
Well I'll try to put things a bit more shortly this time. There have also been new developments as I have actually completed the VN now.
So basically in this VN one of the girls was pretty into media, similarly to me. Anime and movies and the like. At first the game really emphasized this and I was absolutely loving it. The peak of this was this one stint where the MC and the girl argued for an hour about some shit in an anime that they watched. At that moment I felt a very strong desire to go inside the game and experience that myself. I felt this very strongly.
So for a while I was enjoying my time with the female character quite a bit. She was intelligent, had a fun sense of humor, and she had a passion for media similar to my own.
However as the game went on they started to focus less on that passion and more on the FMC extremely sarcastic sense of humor and her general life situation. This was fun too but I was, however, much less interested in that side of her. She also said some questionable things throughout the route which put me off at times but overall I had a positive experience with the character. I just wish they had focused more on her passion for media rather than her sarcasm. I feel that for somebody reading a VN such a focus may have been more effective and for me it would have most certainly been.
As for the desires in those aforementioned posts it seems to have died down a decent bit. I've either vented it over the course of this month somehow or I've come to accept that such a thing isn't possible and it's better to focus on enjoying the media and deriving value from the thoughts I have themselves. Or I just forgot what it feels like to really get a nice conversation about something like that since I'm not playing the game anymore.
You can be more specific if you want. Surely, there are robots that have an interest in VNs. I don't personally hold a strong opinion on them.
I don't normally feel any personal atachment to a particular form of media, but when it happens I feel a general frustration. There's so much to say, yet nobody to talk to.
Nevertheless, as you previously stated this board aliviates that feeling somewhat. I know that there will always be a few posters and lurkers that read everything that is posted here.
I believe you previously mentioned the limitations of text based comunication. Generally, I prefer it over speaking normally. In a normal conversation, many things are left unsaid or one can transmit the wrong intention. Rambling over a single idea for an unnecessary amount of time, where you can writte it in a sentence or paragraph. Of course, is very limited at transmiting many ideas in a fast manner.
I have thought about going and climbing all the United States high points and (further in the future) trying to climb some of the Seven Summits. The nice thing about this is that there is no impossible element to it, only a price tag and some fitness required, and that tag is quite small for many of the state high points at least and is not too high for a few of the Seven Summits.
It's clear to me that I need some adventurous and solitary activity to do. Reading books and browsing the internet will never compensate for this, and it would be tragic if I died without having travelled and hiked a lot.
>what do you think would give your life purpose?
That's hard for me to say really. After reading your post I realized that have never really known what constitutes a viable 'purpose' in one's life. Furthermore, outside of being self-employed and financially independent, I'm not too certain what I want to achieve in this life. I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
>>using 30 y/o as death age
I didn't mean to use 30 specifically, it was more a case of "I have failed for this many years, so I'll give myself one more year." The fact that it lined up with my birthday was more or less coincidental. I have, at times, considered ending my life sooner. A couple days ago, I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online. Unfortunately, they were harder to come by than I originally anticipated. I tried going to 8kunt because I know there used to be a /suicide/ board on there before it went down, I also tried to pull up old instances on the web archiver, but it didn't work. I even went ahead and downloaded tor because I figured there had to be a handful of easy-to-find references there. As it turns out, suicide-related information was difficult to find there as well. It really bothered me how many obstacles are put in place to prevent death and suicide. It reminds me of a post an anon once made, he said: "Life is like a prison. No one gives a shit until you try to escape."
>Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying.
A big part of my problem is that it seems like every time I start to make progress in life, something happens to slow me way down or stop me dead in my tracks. So many times I started to find some form of hope in life, only to see it get crushed or ripped away. That is one the primary reasons why I feel a desire to commit suicide, most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome. It leaves me feeling constantly depressed, angry, or exhausted. I've recently gotten to the point where I will get so depressed that I suddenly just go numb, and I stay that way for roughly 20 minutes until my emotional state can regulate itself.
I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party. I have been trying to improve my life. I exercise regularly, I'm trying to eat healthier, and I've even started meditating daily for my mental health. Aside from that, I've been trying to actually write and list goals and objectives that I can reasonably achieve to improve my situation. I'll try for a while longer, but I feel so damned tired and drained these days I don't know how effective my efforts will be.
You're never going to be happy when your planning your own death and when your attitude paints everything you do in a negative tone. Trust me, I was once where you were.
And remember, happiness is something that can be achieved alone.
Hai friends, long time no see.
Have you been well?
here's your reply
'Twas a genuine heartfelt inquiry.
Miserable as ever I see.
Doing good ponyfag
I'd love to do that too someday, till then I try to hike whenever possible and build up stamina. I suggest you do the same and work towards the level of fitness needed for more challenging hikes.
>I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
It's a start. Focus more on these things, try to define them better and set some milestones, then begin working towards said milestones. Taking the first step is crucial because it will get the wheel turning and help you better decide what you want to do, and what you don't want to do.
>I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online
I have a bunch of guides saved but I'm not sharing any because suicide is not a solution. It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc. Life becomes surprisingly bearable once you change all the variables that make you feel trapped.
>most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome
I know exactly how that feels, but life isn't all like this. You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks, otherwise they will always be in your way and you'll never achieve better circumstances... Sure, you can't fight all the time, but you should fight often and not succumb to dooming thoughts, and things will get easier as you go on.
>I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party.
You're literally on /r9k/, relax.
>I have been trying to improve my life
These are all great steps, I'm proud of you anon. Don't give up now, take rests when you need to, but never quit.
Also seconding >>3078
A lot of people have an extreme over confidence in the truth of their opinions. It's good to be confident in your opinions however being too confident in them is an amazing way to stall any progress in the quality of your opinions. The same could be said for overconfidence in any other field. Arts and other hobbies are a good example.
The board has really matured over the years, hasn't it. Some of this is likely due to the slower nature of the board nowadays, however, I do think a good bit of it has to do with the general increase in maturity of robots as we've gotten older. Back in the day, this board used to be pretty nihilistic and down in the dumps but things seem to have turned around for a good bit of us. The culling of failed normalfags from this board after 8ch's nuking did wonders too. Though the subsequent 3 nukings were much more tragic
Aside from that, I wonder if I should get back into art. It's not a hobby I'm particularly interested in at the moment however I do think I'll begin to appreciate it more once I'm older. At the moment I'm having a good time with visual novels and the like but maybe I should put some time aside to brush up on my artistry (as amateur as it is)
Not a bad idea at all, post your work here when you do so we can critique it.
are you the same anon who posted his creature sketches here about a year or so ago?
You're right, anon. I've been learning this myself lately. Unfortunately, I've spent over a decade in a pit of depression and self-loathing, it will take quite some time to dig myself out, but I'll keep working at it.
>It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc.
>You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks
I think you're right about that. Over the past few years, I had fallen into the habit of blaming the kikes for most of my problems and shortcomings in life as an excuse not work as hard as I should, or even work in the right places. And though it is true that jews make life worse, I know they're really only an obstacle, despite their continued efforts, they can never truly stop our powers of self-determination. What's more is the part of my life that really has been my greatest obstacle are my parents, who have hindered my efforts for most of my life while believing that they're being helpful. However, I have had such a difficult time overcoming the challenges they've presented over the years that it became far easier to pretend that I had other, larger problems, rather than deal with what is in front of me. But I'm making far greater efforts to analyze, identify, and be honest with myself about my own circumstances: what is my own fault and what isn't, what challenges I face, and what my options are for making progress in life. I fell into a particularly dark place over the past several months. but I'm pleased to say the fire within me hasn't burnt out yet.
Thank you both for your replies. I've gone for some time without having someone to really listen to me and try to be understanding, and I had nearly forgotten how helpful it can be. I really slowed down my browsing and posting on /r9k/ in recent months because some robots went full-gatekeeper (which is understandable, given the difficulties presented to the board in recent years) and thus they developed a tendency to be somewhat unsympathetic and over-zealous, but I'm glad robots like you are still here.
>I wonder if I should get back into art.
I think it's good for a person to have a form of creative expression in their lives, it can be a very positive and rewarding thing. In fact, I personally would like to return to writing. It something that I used to enjoy, but just sort of dropped after a short while, so I think I'll go back to it and even share my stories here eventually.
I'm going to jump in and address your post in general, because I think it leads to some useful topics.
First, about negativity as it relates to attitude and worldview. In the past, the resistance put up against simply pointing out negative, "untouchable" realities always seemed to be reducible to a particular normalcattle impulse: to prefer a passive state of delusion where they only want to look at positive distractions rather than investigate anything that would make them uncomfortable. I would always prefer to be consumed by the negativity associated with what is true, because I couldn't live with what I perceived as deluding myself and always having that curiosity gnawing at me. However, only recently did I hear someone online point out a simple alternative. You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests; though it's true that the kikes are deeply involved in a lot of shit, it's still a danger to fixate on this in a way that feeds it with your energy. Furthermore, when it comes to the parasitic entities that they are working with, they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness. So then it becomes a matter of transmuting your lower self into the development of your higher self, by not giving fuel to your base desires (not looking at sexual material, masturbating, or allowing sexual desire to override your conscious mind), not creating circular thought patterns fixated on negative realities (though acknowledging they exist and must be dealt with at some point), and thus the focus shifts to strengthening yourself spiritually and physically, and basically saying this is ME, this in MINE, and NOBODY is going to fuck with my conscious autonomy. Another factor is the unfortunate reality that kikes and their shabbos goyim have been literally poisoning our food, water and air for years. So you have to be careful about what you allow into your body in this sense as well, and exercise is crucial on top of that.
Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms. We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman? Why should we feel bad that we don't have hot wives and fuck-trophies? Yes, enough children need to be born to survive into future generations, but you know that if you're not Mr. Moneybags with all the know-how in the world, any children you would have had would be filled up with vaccines, public schooling (brainwashing), and surrounded by racial enemies in a low-trust environment. Basically, childhood development would be conversion into the next wave of golems by jewish torturers, if they're not outright abducted and sacrificed to their demonic demiurge. (Adding to the shift in perspective relative to negativity, once you realize that the apparent power and material status the kikes have was the result of binding themselves to this demiurge and serving it, they are actually more pathetic than the lowliest nigger because they are servants of this hermaphroditic faggot entity -- at least a chimp can be a neutral part of an ecosystem.) No, we are here to be present when the ground is being cleared of all this debris so something new can arise.
I think it's up to people like us to re-establish a connection with our higher selves, because this is partly a spiritual battle. And as we've seen from the past year or so, we have enough spirit matter to distinguish us from these fucking herds of cattle and golems who bend their knees to professional liars, line up for their slave injections, and unconsciously reinforce their own degradation and try to entrap us in it as well. So ultimately, I think the lifepath and maturation of a robot is a necessary process, and I'm glad you guys are still hanging in there.
>You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests
>they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness
The main thing that I have personally enjoyed about introducing meditation into my daily practices is that meditation strengthens the mind's ability to be conscious and aware. Tragically, I fell into the sinister trap of porn addiction from a young age, and though I would always be introspective enough to realize what I was doing wasn't healthy, it wasn't until recently that I have been able to effectively hone my conscious mind to stop myself from yet again falling into the porn trap before I needlessly discharge my energy.
>Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms
I've known this for some time, but it has often served more as a source of despair than anything else. I'm sure most robots here were all born around the late 80's to early 90's. We were born at the end of relatively good times, grew up during a steep economic and social decline, and will be spending the entirety or our adult lives in the Kali Yuga. With the current slow-burn that seems to be occurring in this dark age, it is likely that the new golden age will not occur until after our passing. Even if some of us live to see the golden age, we will be far too old to truly enjoy any of the benefits it brings.
>We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman?
This is a big part of why I lost my motivation to write. Over the years many people have tried to place an emphasis on the importance of creation, but when I would think about it, I would always come to the conclusion: "What's the point?" I've started a few stories in the past that would draw upon my personal perceptions of this corrupt world, and would generally follow a series of events in which a person or group of people revolt against some jew-like antagonist. However, during the writing process, I would lose steam because I would come to the realization that if I ever released my works to the public, hordes of normalfags would invariably misinterpret the themes and messages in the story, likely equating it all to "the villain is a nazi/fasict, punch nazis!" (there are actually a great many people who still believe that Tolkien wrote Sauron to be Middle-earth's Hitler, despite Tolkien himself saying that he detests allegory) or some other contemporary nonsense. So although I would like to return to writing, as I do enjoy the creative process, I don't think I will be sharing my stories with anyone, save for fellow robots.
>stocking up on supplies due to inevitable supply-chain disruptions/cyber polygon
>only one out of mom, mom's bf, stepsister, mom's bf's dad, and mom's bf's dad's other kids that even realizes what's coming down the pipe
>feel useful for the first time in ages
I don't get how you can look at what's going on and not at the very least CONSIDER stockpiling supplies, Great Reset shit aside.
Wait, what's going on? I don't pay attention to shit
More money has been printed since the start of the lockdowns than was printed from the founding of the US until 2019. Hyperinflation, breakdown of supply chains, etc, seems obvious if you just look at history, even aside from the WEF's Cyber Polygon faggotry.
Silly anon bad things NEVER happen. If someone was wrong about these things happening before than that means they will NEVER happen :^)
I don't think the United States of Israel is going to fall right now. They will probably borrow a quadrillion dollars from mysterious entities and never pay back, like they have been doing until now. After that, everything will be okay for a few years and then fucked again. Although, it's very likely a great crisis is right around the corner, preparing yourself is never a bad idea.
Ive been distracting myself with videogames so i havent been posting.
I had a strange dream the other day
It started out as an rpg larp battle amongst hs peers in the schoolyard, which then turned into a dragons dogma pvp match, with me 2v1 ing some guy plus a loli mage (i was playing on a crt?), who then happened to be an actual loli in my house (the guy logged off) who was riding piggyback on me asking me questions as i walked around said house.
I dont remember the questions but they felt interrogative. Maybe i was mkultraed idk
Why do people feel pride in identiterian qualities? Why should I feel proud about something which I had no part in achieving. I am proud things which I worked hard for, not for things which I was born into.
As a pretty individually minded person I find it incredibly hard to understand.
Wanting and liking the success of people who think or look like you is a group-selected trait, and wanting to associate yourself with traits that successful people share by broadcasting your own similarity to successful people is an individually beneficial action.
Pride isn't predicated on the self alone. A father can be proud of his son, and the son of his father, and this can go all the way up the whole people, ie the nation.
The layer of separation between player and world in the visual novel is aggravating.
It is aggravating in games in general however moreso with visual novels. I believe that there is a great deal not being done to try and dissolve this layer of separation. Perhaps I'm the only one autistic enough to care about the fact that I don't feel as much myself as I could when playing these games.
More player agency and power over the world would be a good start. maybe you can rope VR in if you've got the money for that. It could go a long way but at that point, I'm not sure if you could call it a visual novel. Though it may share the same goal and structure.
I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer but I'm not sure if they're stupid or not yet.
The writing is key to maintain the illusion in most videogames. In something like Pokémon or Call of Duty, it's easier to maintain the illusion due to simplicity of their world and premise. Those two can make feel that you are catching monsters in a foreign world or shooting down brown people in a fictional country. Despite how simple or badly written are at times.
I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games. In an RPG the writing is the context of the game and it might be secondary to the gameplay, in a VN the writing is the game. A VN that is very well written can afford to have mediocre or even bad art, but being badly written and limiting the player might be the worst flaw a VN can have.
The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
I have seen very few regular games that mantain the illusion all the way through, doing this in a VN must be a titanic task.
>I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer
You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
>You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
I'm not entirely sure. RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat. Perhaps applying what I desire to a VN like Fate/Stay Night would make it an RPG, however, applying it to a game like Katawa Shoujo, Clannad, or any other school visual novel would not. It may not entirely be a VN (even less so if VR is involved) however the goal and feel would be similar.
>I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games.
Not so much for me. When playing VNs I usually do self-insert. Not so much in applying the attributes of the player character to myself as much as imagining that I am the player character. For myself, the choices that are given are a chance for me to have agency in the game rather than a tool for telling multiple stories in one. This is likely due to the nature of most visual novels as a means of romantic escapism. I simply don't think I would enjoy these romance stories as much if I was engaging with them as if though I was an outsider.
However, a decent bit of VNs are pretty explicit about the fact that the main character is a unique and separate entity, and for those, I do treat them moreso as interactive books.
I don't think I'm alone in how I treat VNs. Though it may be to a lesser extent many must treat visual novels in a similar way. After all, romance and faceless protagonists are a staple of the medium for a reason. I do hope that one day someone looks a little bit deeper into why these things are enjoyable and decides to enhance upon that with additional player agency and more meaningful choice. As you say though, it would be a difficult task.
Books more in the sense that VNs are heavily text focused and the player is another character that is an active participant in the story. Of course, most VNs are supposed to be experienced as self-inserts where the main character is the main driving force of the story, and as such he must be flexible enough to achieve multiple routes in a believable way. Quoting myself:
>The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
>RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat
The line between VNs and RPGs is strange. As far as I know, visual novels lack physical movement in a 3D space and mostly limit themselves to puzzles.
When I think about a story driven RPG, the first thing that comes to my mind is something like Mogeko Castle, Ao Oni, Ib, or Mad Father, and most of these lack a proper combat system, but you can die in those games. Nevertheless, these games rely heavily on their story.
What the hell is Yume nikki?
Despite the previous paragraph, I know what you mean. Those games are the minority. Something more traditional like Final Fantasy 10 can afford to have a eh story because of the combat system.
>The line between VNs and RPGs is strange.
Genres are arbitrary in some sense which can lead to some confusion. Monster Girl Island, for example, is pretty much a by the books eroge however there is a movement within a 3D space in that game. If we go one step further and VR to the VN formula is that still a VN? I'm not sure.
>Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
I agree. I do however think that the choices themselves may be a good informant on how to keep the writing close to what the player is thinking. That is if one were to take on the challenge of enhancing player agency in a VN, or any choice-influenced game for the matter. I just bring up VNs since that's what I've been enjoying recently.
I have troubles communicating that get worse by the year, I think something more sinister than autism, and now can barely bring myself to speak or think about anything in-depth, I used to be able to hold a conversation now anything that isn't utilitarian and simply-worded I stumble over and make an ass of myself or freeze up. My thoughts just vaguely there like a ghost.
Does this extend to writing as well? Ability to communicate if not practiced will atrophy. If it does, and it's not you not communicating much anyway, make sure your diet isn't severely fucked and that you're sleeping enough.
Yes, I type often.
Speaking is a muscular ability, it will deteriorate if you don't use it. Pronunciation aside, fluently expressing a complex idea becomes harder the less you do it.
Although, it may be related to the fact that you are not using your brain in an effective capacity. I have ran into this problem some times, studying a topic in depth generally helps.
What do you mean with player agency? I don't get it.
Most of the time in VNs the choices that the player makes are a very simple "Choose girl then avoid bad end". Other than that the player doesn't have power as an entity in the fictional world which creates a disconnect between the player and the world.
So when I say agency I mean allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world, as they would if they themselves were in said world. Thus reducing the dissconnect between player and game. I would prefer this over the sometimes annoying and overly simplistic "say the right shit to get the girl you want" or "say the right shit to avoid the death end" that we have now.
Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings". Maybe I'm just being an autist but I do see potential in what I ask for.
>Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings".
I think that the best option is something like fallout, where there are like 3 different endings and many side stories with their respective endings. In regular RPG games, asking for 20 real endings might be unreasonable.
In VNs, it might be harder to apply this. I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C. Although, it might be hard to apply this to every route. As far as I know, only School Days does this, and this VN might be one of the most popular ones, having a retardedly high budget.
>allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world
Having a real impact in the world might be harder to do in the context of VNs. You can do something like Undertale, where your actions affect everything in the world in an almost immediate level, or Chronno trigger where your actions mostly affect the ending of the game. Both of these examples are extremely rare, doing something like these for a VN would be a real labor of love.
>Maybe I'm just being an autist
It's fun to fantasize about game ideas. Maybe I am the autistic one that is cutting off the fun and overthinking this.
>I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C.
Moreso for fun at this point I would like to continue the hypothetical. What I was thinking was more an undoing of the traditional "good choice→good end" "bad choice→bad end" thing.
For the sake of improving the player's sense of meaningful impact on the world, I think it would be better to simply have choices create differences. Not choices that steer you towards a "good" or a "bad" end. Just different choices, with different consequences that steer you towards a different ending.
On top of empowering the player, this would eliminate the pressure to pick "the right choice" when the choice screen comes up. These "right" or "wrong" choices sometimes force the player to act in an out-of-character manner simply for the sake of picking the "right" option. This of course creates a disconnect between player and game. Doing this would also emphasize choices as a chance for the player to express their autonomy rather than as a type of artificial difficulty.
As an example of what I mean. Let's just say that at some point the heroine asks you for your opinion on some clothing. You make your decision and then the next time you see the heroine she's wearing what you liked. She could even begin to wear that permanently. This example is small and sort of insignificant, however, it's a good example of the kind of thing I'm talking about. Nothing good or bad, just different.
I think that even something simple like this could go a decent way in improving the immersion and sense of presence/being the player feels within the VN/game world.
Ideally, this same premise could be applied to more important decisions and even compound into something larger.
I think fallout new vegas did something like this if I remember correctly. It seemed pretty forced at times but I think they had the right intentions with the way they tackled choice in some of their side stories.
I honestly don't have a problem with the way choices are in VNs right now. I just believe that there should also be VN/games that try and take advantage of choice as the tool for improved immersion and presence that it is. Doing so could go an incredibly long way in the very personal and character-focused genre/medium that is Visual Novels.
That sounds really good actually. Now I'd like to see something like that.
I have only seen something similar in KotOR, maybe in something like Gothic too, where the game pulls your leg if you always try to be a good guy and choose what seems like the better option. After a while, you just act like yourself and let the game flow. I imagine it would be nice to see this in a VN.
Then again like you said, there is nothing inherently wrong with the way RPGs or VNs play, but this would take things a step further and that is always nice to see.
>fallout new vegas
I am conflicted with this game. At times it's really good with this, other times the choices are between being an "evil nazi" or Jesus Christ in person.
It's levitating inside me awkwardly whenever I think about it, there's nowhere to put it.
>Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
For the sake of brevity and needless damage control I guess, though for a big part actually did like me because I was a good worker and that's because it reflects on your character. I heard through the grapevine some fat guy or big cowboy who replaced me got in a bar fight that weekend or the next with another worker and stabbed him in the stomach and that was funny.
Self insert should not be the dirty word it has come to be for many. In non-video game mediums the dislike of the trope is understandable. However, when concerning video games, player as protagonist is a very powerful tool and one that leans into the interactive nature of a video game very well.
This should conclude my thoughts that I've been posting over the last couple of days. Unless someone points out something I had not considered.
That sounds fair. I prefer to have a self insert in most games. The disconnect can be really strong if I dislike the protagonist and can't change it in any way.
I have grown to understand Visual Novels better.
I have nothing more to add either. Discussing escapism would be interesting, but that's another story
I think the argument for escapism is pretty cut and dry in a place like this.
There are things which we cannot experience in a world like this and so I see no issue in seeking those things in escapist media. That ranges from being a super-hero in a fantastical world to simply experiencing a true love in a mundane world.
Escapism only becomes detrimental when you use it to run away from your problems rather than as a tool to experience the unexperienceable, and perhaps finding meaning in doing so.
We are pretty much on the same page then. Although, I can only enjoy escapist media when my immediate reality becomes too overbearing. In normal circumstances, I like to watch or read something better written.
I wouldn't say well-written and escapist are mutually exclusive. Romance VNs are pure romantic escapism yet they can be very well written. I get what you mean though. Non-escapist entertainment can cover a wider variety of topics/genres and is generally allowed to be much darker.
I hate to keep taking up so much of the discussion in this thread with my VN autism however I hope that you all will tolerate this just a bit longer.
Just today I was playing a VN, as I do, and it switched to the girl's perspective for a bit. She started thinking of such kind and loving things about the player character (and vicariously me due to my self-insert style of play) and it was quite the bitter-sweet moment. It honestly made my sensitive ass almost go a bit watery-eyed.
Reason being is that sometimes when I'm playing VNs I start to remember the impossibility of it all; the cloyingly sweet love, the idealistic girls, and even if only a little bit, it does get to me. With this case specifically, I was touched by such genuine words of love and kindness, words which were being directed at "me", words which would be neither thought nor spoken in a world like ours.
Overall though the segment was very enjoyable, though again, slightly bitter-sweet. It's a fleeting feeling but a powerful one nonetheless.
I imagine a younger me would have been much more saddened by something like this but I've come to terms with the way the world is by now and I aim to live my life contently in spite of it.
Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
This is one of the reasons why I can only enjoy this type of media in unbearable situations. Just like you said, reality can be disappointing, but I don't want to think about that while I am immersed on whatever thing I am reading/watching. Nevertheless, I can suspend my disbelief if I want to disconnect from real life and stop thinking about everything.
>Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
It was a nice read. I enjoyed it.
From my part, I haven't written that much in a long time, my grammar is starting to fall apart.
You can express your feeling on the General Media Thread if you don't want to keep posting in this thread.
My parents STILL hope for me to get married and have children. I am 29 years old and never had a relationship, nor am I really interested in 3DPD, even less in non virgin ones. But I do feel a bit guilty about letting them down, it sucks.
>My parents STILL hope for me to get married and have children
Have you explicitly told them that you do not ever plan on entering a relationship? I've already made it pretty clear to my parents and they seem to have accepted it somewhat.
Though I am younger than you are so maybe they still think it's a "phase".
>But I do feel a bit guilty about letting them down, it sucks.
Don't feel guilty as you've done no wrong. You are looking out for your happiness and your wallet.
Not really. Considering that my mother would guilt trip me before as a child for not doing stuff as she wanted or just screamed at me, and my father just got mad and started ranting when discussing different viewpoints, I rather just tell them pretty much "uh huh" and that's it. But apart from that they were ok parents I guess, reading some stuff in these threads show me that I should be thankful for that. It's just that it seems for normalniggers reproduciton and their offspring reproducing is all that really matters in this life. Normalniggers deep inside would rather you have kids and live eating trash than you dying alone comfortably.
Does the possibility of an argument outweigh the relief of your parents finally shutting the fuck up about kids? Or do you think that your parents are so thick-headed that they wouldn't listen to any amount of reason concerning this issue?
havent posted in a while, was distracting myself with vidya, i should exercise, im geting very weak
I went up two state high points recently. It was enjoyable.
I assume that I will eventually have to move to a mountainous area because I want hiking and mountaineering to become lifelong hobbies of mine.
The captcha is ridiculous.
feeling a lot better and quite hopeful
on march, i felt like shit pretty much everyday and thought that i "will kill myself soon"
now that i look back at it, the problem was probably not so bad?, but it did feel bleak
games aren't as enjoyable for me anymore, and i don't really have anything to do online, so now i'm just wasting my days away and do programming every other day
been playing the back 4 blood beta it's shit but it's a game to keep me distracted from my own fucked up thoughts I guess until a better one comes out
I've said it before but when I bored I think of a world/story in my head. I've been doing so for about 3 years now and it's gotten to a point where some of it is actually pretty fleshed out. I'm not entirely sure what I should do with this though.
I don't feel particularly inspired to share it but I do like drawing to some extent so maybe an anthology of art depicting some of the scenes would be nice. If I did I would definitely need to practice up on my art a bit more since I would hate to do a diservice to something I've spent so much time with. Getting whats in my head onto paper perfectly so to speak.
Though I'm not sure I'm passionate enough about art to do something like that.
I do the same thing.
In my case, I have some affinity for writting.
If the story has a moral and good concepts, I try to write it down as a short story in the most detailed way possible.
It might be pure autism, but I consider that most of my stories are not worth being writen down. However, I do learn a thing or two from these drafts.
>I would hate to do a diservice to something I've spent so much time with
I have a huge story of my own planned, but I try to focus on the shorter stories. I can't write that story now because I am missing many key elements, but I still have it at the back of my mind.
>I don't feel particularly inspired to share it
Neither do I. However, it's a good grammar test and keeps my mind sharp. In your case, it would be a good drawing exercise. Not necessarily the whole thing, some scenery or a character or two.
>Though I'm not sure I'm passionate enough about art to do something like that.
I just do it for the fun, beats not doing anything.
Anyone else ever feel hollow, like there's nothing left in you? I often feel depressed and when that happens, I try to look for some reason not to fall entirely to despair, like thinking of what might be good in life or what I have to look forward to, but I can't seem to come up with anything. Obviously there are no external elements to get excited about, the times we live in and the people around us are horrible. So I inevitably have to look at myself for some internal reason to find some small trace of meaning in this life. The problem there is that I am, in a sense, nothing. Being a robot, the eternal outsider, things like my family, heritage, race, nation, etc. hold little importance to me. Aside from that, we live here in the Kali Yuga, a time in history where everything is in a state of decay and can't possibly be changed by an individual or group, only the majority of a nation can start to change things, but of course the normalfag masses wont act until the situation gets too bad to ignore any longer. So trying to do anything that might inspire anyone or effect the world at large is a waste of time, as it all falls on deaf ears.
What this all comes to is the realization that finding some kind of purpose or over-arching goal to strive toward in life is incredibly difficult. The things I feel I could conceivably work towards seem shallow and pointless. Despite my original intent to ease my depression but looking for something to look forward to, these conclusions of futility and meaninglessness only serve to compound the problem. So as I look into myself, I see nothing. What's more is I realize that I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. All of these thoughts end up sapping me of any energy or will and I'm left feeling completely empty, like the spark of life inside me is just dead, and that I've become some walking corpse. Anyone else deal with these thoughts, like you have no identity and nothing to strive for?
Whenever I feel like that I play horror games. The edgier the better. The absurdity of it all makes me feel better. :)
That feeling is inevitable for almost everyone here. The fact that the world is an evil and unwelcoming place for most of us and there's little we can do about it is something that I've learn to live with.Who knows we may live to see the collapse, better make preparations for that day.
>Anyone else deal with these thoughts, like you have no identity and nothing to strive for?
I have felt like that and it's likely that it will happen again. Comunication with someone that understands me in some capacity (even if it's online) can make all the difference and usually helps me get out of a tough spot. I am only a man and as such failure is not out of the question. After all, if I were to fail and fall into a pit of hopelessness, it would be incredibly hard to get out since I am all alone on some matters.
>finding some kind of purpose or over-arching goal to strive toward in life is incredibly difficult
My goal is to escape from society and live like a hermit as long as I want. Achieving this is not going to be easy or fun, but if I succeed I'll have no regrets. If somehow I were to succeed, I would try to perfect my skills in various arts and attempt to transcend most human pleasures. I believe that all the suffering will be worth it once I achieved this.
>The things I feel I could conceivably work towards seem shallow and pointless.
It sounds like might be having an identity crisis. Sadly, there's very little other people can do for you, but it might be something temporary.
Speaking from personal experience, a deep reflection on your life up to this point might help you, try not to miss any important detail. You might need an outlet for expressing yourself too. If you try to write a serious story, poem or song, you will find a lot of yourself reflected there.
I need to play more cheap games, those are always fun.
I've recently realized that builder-style games (Minecraft, Terraria, currently playing Dragon Quest Builders 2) are probably one of my favorite genres. Of course, video games are only a temporary distraction from my troubles, so the feelings always come back sooner or later.
>The fact that the world is an evil and unwelcoming place for most of us and there's little we can do about it is something that I've learn to live with.
I try to accept my position as an observer and not a participant, knowing that I can't change anything, but it has always been difficult for me to accept. It's hard for me to look at the world as a collection of unfortunate circumstances that ultimately only effect me to a limited degree, because something in me forces me to see it as a problem that needs to be solved or as something broken that needs to be fixed. It creates this internal conflict where I feel compelled to work or fight for something, but I know that in truth my efforts would all be in vain.
>My goal is to escape from society and live like a hermit as long as I want.
This certainly has its appeal, of course whenever I hear people bring up these kinds of things, it's usually in the context of living in the woods somewhere, and that 'innawoods' lifestyle doesn't quite click with me. I do have a love and appreciation of nature, but I feel like living in the sticks would be too radically different from the life I know, and I probably wouldn't adjust too well. However, I certainly would like to cultivate a situation for myself where I can minimalize my interactions with normalfags and the outside world, being something of a self-employed shut-in of sorts.
>It sounds like might be having an identity crisis. Sadly, there's very little other people can do for you, but it might be something temporary.
>a deep reflection on your life up to this point might help you, try not to miss any important detail. You might need an outlet for expressing yourself too. If you try to write a serious story, poem or song, you will find a lot of yourself reflected there.
It probably is an identity crisis, but unfortunately I don't think I can call it temporary. I've been feeling this way on and off for quite a while now, I'm not even sure how long. I will try your suggestions. I have enjoyed writing in the past, but I haven't felt motivated to do it for a while, so I'm probably pretty rusty but I'll give it a try. Thank you, anon.
I am envious of large herbivores. Not only can they neet because their food is pretty much everywhere, they can also be very fit eben though all they eat are sticks and grass and leaves. A moose primarily eats river plants and branches and yet they look like gym rats. Imagine being a horse, having the ability to roam wherever there is grass to eat. Predators are generally a problem when herbabros are too young or too old to defend themselves and run away. Herds dont kick out their weakest memeber like wolfpacks do, the only time a herbabro would have trouble in a herd is mating season, ane even then its just hoarding women to breed with. They even have enough brainpower to enjoy life (at least horses seem to). Horses and bison and buffalo roaming the plains/prairies, moose and deer neeting in the woods, caribou and arctic bison having fun in the snow. All while I lie here and die
>It creates this internal conflict where I feel compelled to work or fight for something, but I know that in truth my efforts would all be in vain.
It is natural to feel angry at something we consider irredeemably evil. It becomes a problem when you obsess over it. Also, it depends on what you consider vain, a cynic faggot would say this conversation is vain, but I am enjoying it and is having a positive effect on me. Changing the world may be impossible (or pretty hard rather), but you can always change your immediate reality to some extent.
>that 'innawoods' lifestyle doesn't quite click with me
I meant something more like a place (be it house or room) were I can stay away from most people for 1 or 2 months on and off. If I were to live in a tent innawoods, I would probably die a week in. Also, I am aware of the effects that total isolation can produce on the mind, that's why I don't think I could live completely cut off from society.
>I have enjoyed writing in the past, but I haven't felt motivated to do it for a while
I'd say the reflection that comes from trying to write a deep story is more important than the story itself, but it's nice to have it written down for the future.
Herbivores can be pretty impressive. Gorillas are the ones that impress me the most, maintaining the giant body with that diet.
I think being a herbivore would be cool to a certain extent. If there was a really cold winter, plants may not grow and then you would need to travel god knows how far. If you are talking about a more humanized area, it would certainly be a little better. Regardless, I prefer being human.
>a cynic faggot would say this conversation is vain, but I am enjoying it and is having a positive effect on me
Me as well. The life of any robot can be lonely at times, so it's always nice to come here and have someone to talk to, especially in a case like this where two anons like us can enjoy a constructive back and forth.
>I meant something more like a place (be it house or room) were I can stay away from most people for 1 or 2 months on and off.
This is pretty much my aim as well. I currently have the misfortune of living in a suburban area that borders a major city, so the population is a bit dense and uncomfortably 'diverse,' if you catch my meaning, and I have a hard time finding worthwhile places to go and thus spend most of my time cooped up in my room. My goal is to move somewhere a bit closer to nature, an area where I could go out in the sun and the fresh air, but also get the things I want/need from the local stores or the internet. On top of that, I'm working towards becoming self-employed, so if I could get to a better area, I could enjoy a mix of indoor and outdoor activities, and interact with other people only when I choose to.
>I'd say the reflection that comes from trying to write a deep story is more important than the story itself, but it's nice to have it written down for the future.
I'm still playing around with a few story ideas, but I haven't to come to anything I want to run with just yet. I think if I ever do manage to write a full story, I'll find some way to share it with fellow robots.
At the risk of sounding cliché, I usually envy birds more than any species. The thought of spreading my wings and soaring through the air, the wind tickling my feathers as the sunlight beams down from above. Traveling where I please, seeing the splendor of nature's intricate architecture with no one able to hold me to one spot. Birds have long been one of the foremost symbols of the freedom throughout human history, which is in all likelihood the thing I desire most.
I hate to be that guy but the lives of animals are largely romanticized. Being an animal is being a no-brain retard that lives to fuck and then die either via terrible disease, starvation, or having your throat ripped out of your neck.
Continuing the autistic discussion though I think domestic dogs and cats have the best pure QoL of any animals. Being a cat has fewer highs but it's a safer bet since you can fend for yourself if you lose your family. You are also generally more independent and less likely to be treated like a toy. A dog with a good family will probably always have it the best though.
I've come to believe I have Schizoid PD or something similar because it describes me to a T (tee?). Don't really feel any different though, because I don't really feel much anymore. Besides panic and feeling absolutely terrible sometimes I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed anything or felt any deep, genuine emotions, it's all just become routine or driven by fear and punishment. It's hard to do anything when none of it makes you feel anything: food, exercise, hobbies, porn, sleep, socializing... Sometimes I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything, and the longer I spend thinking about it the less anything makes sense. Hope you guys are doing okay.
It's probably confirmation bias, as is the case with many other people who make assertions of this kind. I presume that you would have to have a schizo relative and to have had lifelong or near-lifelong schizoid experiences for it to actually be likely that you have it.
Moreover, it is disputed among academia as to whether or not it is even a disorder in the first place, and it is the sort of mental problem where little or nothing can be done about it anyway.
Modern society just comes up with all these mental illnesses, most of which are primarily the culprit of environmental factors exacerbated by the highly unnatural conditions that people live under, and then drugs people and gives them therapy rather than attempting to correct or remove the underlying environmental factors that cause the psychological problems in the first place.
Its about the distinction between instinct and consciousness.
>Anyone else ever feel hollow, like there's nothing left in you?
>So as I look into myself, I see nothing.
>no identity and nothing to strive for
>I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed anything or felt any deep, genuine emotions
>I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything, and the longer I spend thinking about it the less anything makes sense
Same shit here. I have been finding myself suddenly staring at the wall for many minutes, just wondering when is it that my existence will finally end, then I snap out of it and return back to whatever I was doing to pass the time. I have been like this for more than a decade, I believe that I deserve euthanasia, just like that one Belgian femoid who got euthanized due to depression about 6 years ago. I just hate that some people can be freed from this horror called "life" that easily, meanwhile I get to stay here suffering from extreme amounts of pure existential pain, especially after series of failed but genuine suicide attempts, made with the little resources and windows of opportunity that I have available to me.
Worst of all are the "suicidal" people who can easily kill themselves, but refuse to because of shitty excuses like
<I don't want to kill myself with my gun because I will add up to the gun deaths statistic.
Fuck you faggot, your gun rights are being eroded anyway whether you like it or not, because you and your armed compatriots refuse to actually use your precious pea shooters to put a permanent end to gun grabbing and other tyrannies.
<I don't want to jump from my apartment on the 15th floor because I will traumatize any "innocent" bystanders.
As if the flesh drones that are the normoid masses have the necessary memory and attention span in order to be traumatized in the first place, they will just forget about the incident after a couple of days. I have seen deaths like this happen and the way communities deal with them, people just forget that anything unusual has happened after more or less 72 hours. People who use these excuses are just fucking cowards, I hate them, I wish I could kill them and then myself.
>Hope you guys are doing okay.
I'm not, and I have realized a long time ago that I will never be okay. Sorry for ranting at you, you are a good robot, I can relate a lot to you.
I like to think that animals have more brainpower than what is generally believed, but maybe thats just what all nature documentaries tend to imply. What i find the most appealing of being anything but human is how naturally things come to animals like >>3227 said. Being too dumb to feel that bad about existing, but also enough mental power to enjoy things isnt that bad either. Animals just have to exist to perform their great feats. Large animals just eat and playfight to get their strength, birds just need a little practice hopping around to fly, e.t.c. when i just exist i end up like this.
On another topic, have you guys messed around with voip software? Id like to set up Various numbers since everything needs a phone number these days. What would you recommended?
Id like to learn how to Minecraft in real life one day, but construction and architecture is so jewed these days.
>On another topic, have you guys messed around with voip software?
Why would a robot want to do that? Isn't that just used for voice chatting, talking? Text messages are better for preserving your anonymity, unless you're planning on using a voice changer.
I thought that was the general term for "Internet based phone service" which includes text messaging. Im looking for something that allows me to create phone numbers that can be used to receive confirmation codes via text messages
I'm sure we all realize that being an animal is far nicer in theory than in practice, but I think it's the freedom, simplicity, tranquility, etc. that these animals symbolize that have the greatest appeal.
>It's hard to do anything when none of it makes you feel anything: food, exercise, hobbies, porn, sleep, socializing... Sometimes I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything
I certainly know how you feel there anon, as I have spent the majority of my adult years feeling exactly the same way. Last year and the year before that felt especially hopeless for me, (not because of COVID, mind you) I would spend almost all day feeling either depressed, angry, or completely numb. I'm not sure what all you're going through in your personal life, but I would recommend meditation. Try to find 20 minutes (or more) each day to sit quietly and clear your mind. It is by no means a miracle cure for any of life's bigger problems, but it will give you greater mental fortitude to cope with whatever your struggling with. It certainly helps me.
>just like that one Belgian femoid who got euthanized due to depression about 6 years ago.
I had no idea euthanasia was still legal anywhere, lucky Belgian bastards. Then again, I'm so untrusting of doctors that I probably wouldn't go through with it even if I could, in fear that the doctor will fuck up the procedure and leave me in a vegetative state, at which point I would be mistakenly buried alive.
<I don't want to jump from my apartment on the 15th floor because I will traumatize any "innocent" bystanders.
>As if the flesh drones that are the normoid masses have the necessary memory and attention span in order to be traumatized in the first place, they will just forget about the incident after a couple of days.
Or worse still, the normalscum will use it as an opportunity to virtue signal on social media for sympathy and social brownie points, then forget about it.
Truth be told, I'm really rather conflicted on my views about life and the universe. Some days I'm just trying to make the best of a terrible situation, striving to improve myself in whatever way I can. Other times I feel so despondent that I not only wish that I could die, but that I could erase my existence entirely so that not a single iota of my being exists anywhere ever again, removing myself from the universe completely. At any rate, I truly hope that something starts to look up for you soon, anon, even if you have no reason to believe it will, I still hope it does.
Seems everyone's doing a lot more shit than I thought. Makes me feel guilty for being pretty alright for the last 2 years. Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
I wish I could do something about it but I'm just a stranger on the internet so there isn't much I can do other than say that I care. Which I do. After all, I owe a great deal to this place and I feel a strong brotherhood with the anons here.
Voip is "Voice over IP", pretty much any software that allows you to use a microphone to transmit sounds, mainly those of your voice, through the internet. This includes chat programs as well as videogame's built-in voice chat. What you're looking for is a fake phone number service. You can find those online, I have used them before in one occasion, but most of them are scam sites so be careful. If I still remembered the site that I used, I would tell you, but I completely forgot its name.
>I had no idea euthanasia was still legal anywhere, lucky Belgian bastards.
Its also happening in the Netherlands too. Interestingly enough, I can only find news reports of depressed femoids being euthanized, but not any males. I do think some serious male cases have earned the right to receive the procedure too, but its almost as if news websites only care about depressed women.
>fear that the doctor will fuck up the procedure and leave me in a vegetative state
I have read news of botched executions of death row inmates in the US, but never any euthanasia or assisted suicide failures.
>the normalscum will use it as an opportunity to virtue signal on social media for sympathy and social brownie points, then forget about it.
I completely forgot about that virtue signaling habit that normalniggers have.
>Truth be told, I'm really rather conflicted on my views about life and the universe.
>Seems everyone's doing a lot more shit than I thought. Makes me feel guilty for being pretty alright for the last 2 years. Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
The real purpose of life is continuous self improvement, to the point of achieving perfection. This goes not just for us, but for every living being. This is what evolution is all about. I'm not gonna tell you to become a normoid, but don't be ashamed of surpassing all robots, apprentices and wizards. Be the best person you can be, and live the best life that you can.
>At any rate, I truly hope that something starts to look up for you soon, anon, even if you have no reason to believe it will, I still hope it does.
I'm sure that we are all familiar with the
<We're all gonna make it
meme, but the truth is that's the most stupid egalitarian femoid bullshit a man could say. This isn't kindergarten where everyone gets a participation trophy, that everyone is a winner and there are no losers. No, not all of us are gonna make it, some are going to have good lives with happy endings, while others will have bad lives with shitty endings.
At this point, I'm sure that my case is the latter, not the former, and I'm at peace with this. At this point, the only thing I desire is not going out with a whimper, but with a bang, like Captain Falcon's death in his anime. I can't say exactly how I think my life will end, but I'm sure that it will not be a peaceful death at the end of a fulfilling life.
>Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
Don't feel guilty, anon. It is only the normalfag who resents people with higher success than themselves, and will turn their backs on friends who surpass them. I'm glad things are going well for you, and the fact that you can still pause on the path and look back in concern for your brethren speaks volumes about your character. I hope things continue to look up for you.
>I can only find news reports of depressed femoids being euthanized, but not any males.
That could be potentially good, depending on one's perspective. Looking at roasties in US, when faced with depression they often turn to things like feminism, substance abuse, or some other form of shameful behavior. If euthanasia were available to the women in the west, it would potentially mean fewer attacks on men, fewer jobs stolen because 'muh glass ceiling,' less expectancy for men to clean up after women. It could possibly have its advantages.
>I have read news of botched executions of death row inmates in the US, but never any euthanasia or assisted suicide failures.
Be that as it may, I think I would rather leave my fate in my own hands. I really don't like doctors.
>not all of us are gonna make it, some are going to have good lives with happy endings, while others will have bad lives with shitty endings.
When I say 'I hope things look up for you' I simply mean that I hope you find something worthwhile to strive towards, and that you achieve it in some degree before the end. When it comes to the idea of 'making it,' I believe that everyone's vision of success is ultimately unique to each individual. To people in the US for example, success is often measured by wealth, fame, and influence, to a monk in a temple or monastery, however, success is defined by a sense of spiritual enlightenment. As robots, the prospect of a happy ending is quite possibly unobtainable, we wont be celebrated by scores of loved ones, our deaths wont be some act of martyrdom that sparks great change. I believe the best we can truly hope for is some sense of inner peace before our final moment, and that is what I wish for every robot: the knowledge that we did the best we could in an impossible situation and a cursed life.
>I believe that everyone's vision of success is ultimately unique to each individual.
I actually have this exact same belief.
>I believe the best we can truly hope for is some sense of inner peace before our final moment, and that is what I wish for every robot: the knowledge that we did the best we could in an impossible situation and a cursed life.
I sure felt that way during every suicide attempt. Nothing but the feeling of accepting whatever the fuck comes after death, and being glad the torture of being in this world was coming to end. Can't say I suffered during what I thought multiple times to be my final moments, when what I feel everyday while waiting to fall asleep is much worse.
When it comes to death and suicide, I am of the belief that no one should stubbornly cling to life, nor rush towards death too soon. Everyone dies, and attempting to circumvent the inevitable is foolish. On the other hand, life is a challenge, and though it is often an unfair challenge, one should rise to meet it as best he can. To me, this means attempting to find what you want to accomplish in this life (no matter how big or small) and working at it to the best of your ability. Then when you feel satisfied with what you have achieved, wrap up your affairs in this world, and end your life in the manner that feels most right to you. I believe that is the best way to go about it.
I know when people talk about wanting to commit suicide, a wave of their peers instantly emerges to urge them not to. I will not do this, however. Though I would prefer you stay, I wont try to coerce or beg you, as only you can truly know what is best for you. All I ask of you, or anyone else who considers suicide, is to hold off until you're certain that you're ready to go. No regrets, no doubts, just absolute certainty that your work in this world is done and that you're ready for the end. If you do decide to attempt suicide again, know that I and other robots will miss you, but I wish you the very best, wherever your soul may end up. Should you choose to stay, however, I will be here for you, ready to offer conversation, compassion, and any help it is within my power to provide.
Lastly, I would like to say that I am proud of you for enduring this life as long as you have, for whatever that is worth. Outsiders will often look at robots and write us off as "bitter incels," they see us as weak and foolish. But to see so much of the world for what it truly is and to still persist in spite of it, that takes a great deal of resilience that no normalfag could hope to match, and it is something worth being proud of.
Those are some wise words, anon.
>life is a challenge, and though it is often an unfair challenge, one should rise to meet it as best he can. To me, this means attempting to find what you want to accomplish in this life (no matter how big or small) and working at it to the best of your ability. Then when you feel satisfied with what you have achieved, wrap up your affairs in this world, and end your life in the manner that feels most right to you. I believe that is the best way to go about it.
>All I ask of you, or anyone else who considers suicide, is to hold off until you're certain that you're ready to go. No regrets, no doubts, just absolute certainty that your work in this world is done and that you're ready for the end. If you do decide to attempt suicide again, know that I and other robots will miss you, but I wish you the very best, wherever your soul may end up. Should you choose to stay, however, I will be here for you, ready to offer conversation, compassion, and any help it is within my power to provide.
>Lastly, I would like to say that I am proud of you for enduring this life as long as you have, for whatever that is worth. Outsiders will often look at robots and write us off as "bitter incels," they see us as weak and foolish. But to see so much of the world for what it truly is and to still persist in spite of it, that takes a great deal of resilience that no normalfag could hope to match, and it is something worth being proud of.
Thank you, every single word in your post is truthful and I agree with all of what you wrote. I have been a victim of very poor albeit not completely bad parenting, my school life sucked ass and I was miserable throughout all of it, I dropped out way too soon and thanks to that there's no likelihood of me ever getting a job in my life. I have a distant uncle in a slightly similar but much better situation and he is also having a hard time finding employment. I don't have any disability that makes me eligible for welfare so I'm fucked on that front as well, my future looks extremely bleak. To make up for leeching off from my parents and being a freeloader in general, I have tried being a helpful person as much as I can, I have helped them and a number of decent people across the internet. I haven't accomplished much in my life, but I'm proud of the few good things I have done with it. I have been ready for death for a very long time, I have almost accidentally drowned once in my childhood and the experience unfazed me, my first suicide attempt was at the very start of my teen years and the failure disappointed and saddened me deeply. I have been getting an inch closer to success with each failed attempt, but now I have struck a dead end. I will be alive until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to try next, because the only options left available for me are very painful and gruesome ones, shit that I don't have the balls to do...at least at the moment, because I can definitely feel the courage building up inside me, courage which is being produced by a completely joyless life.
As I have said, I do feel completely done with this life and ready to end it, the only reason I still live is because I lack surefire suicide methods, I live against my own will. I will be happy to share this little board with you while I'm still alive, and I wish it was more active, its been really slow lately. I miss our 8chan days but I am glad that post quality has improved dramatically since then. I wonder where all the other robots have gone to, I'm sure a high number of them have already committed suicide but I don't think our low numbers are solely due to this, I have a feeling the rest of them who are still alive have fucked off to the darknet, but unfortunately I'm too tech illiterate to look for them there.
The slowness comes in waves like lulls in a conversation. I think we'll be alright for a while.
It is still a shame that we lost so many robots since 8ch. I wish we could have kept them while still losing the failed nornalniggers. Or at least more of them.
The board is pretty inconsistent with the posts. It might have over 10 post per day or 0 for a whole week. I am happy this place still exists, regardless.
>8ch died over 2 years ago
Time sure flies
>Time sure flies
It really does. Sometimes I forget how many communities I have been a part of, and I like to take some time off every once in a while to try remembering all of them. Here are some screencaps from the old 8ch board. I still remember the context of the 3rd screencap, it was a reply to a thread where OP said he had a brother disrupting his entire family with his degeneracy. Fifth pic was from an anon who enjoyed writing manifestos but never really intended to use them.
I still have a few screenshots, but I lost most of the late and earlier ones. After that, I saved a few from anon.cafe. The ones I have are all mixed up. I might post a few noteworthy later.
>I still remember the context of the 3rd screencap, it was a reply to a thread where OP said he had a brother disrupting his entire family with his degeneracy
I tought you were talking about a thread were some anon asked how he could kill his diabetic father to get the insurance money. Surprisingly enough, those were 2 different thread. The one I am thinking about was just a shitpost.
>Develop psychic powers by drinking his cum and gazing into his brain.
Time flies but it's still so jarring seeing screencaps like these from such a recent time. 2019 was only two years ago. I remember 2019, and what I was doing during it. I remember browsing boards during that time, hell when I stopped using my laptop because of a cracked screen and put it on sleep mode to rest by my bed these last two years I still had tabs from 8chan open. But that was all two years ago, over 700 days. Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
That seems so much closer than something like the 2016 election, which I still remember vividly. It feels so much more recent than Gamergate, the rush of new posters Adventure Time brought to /co/, or when when the SCP threads on /x/ became an independent website. Moments in my mind have become reality, and now those moments are passing by in the blink of an eye. It's surreal.
>Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
Are you deeply dissatisfied with your life, anon? Don't beat yourself up by comparing yourself to others.
>That seems so much closer than something like the 2016 election, which I still remember vividly. It feels so much more recent than Gamergate
You're making me feel old. Gamergate was such a clusterfuck of epic proportions that I seriously wish that it never happened, that way I might have never gotten into politics and conspiracies and ruining my mind with all of it. Fuck Zoey Quinn or whatever her real name was, she just had to go and have sex with five guys involved with "game journalism" thus leading me to losing my blissful ignorance and peace of mind.
>or when when the SCP threads on /x/ became an independent website. Moments in my mind have become reality, and now those moments are passing by in the blink of an eye. It's surreal.
I wasn't around /x/ at that time but its a damn shame what became of the SCP community, its been pozzed to shit. I fucking hate liberals so goddamn much.
>Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
Anon doesn't focus his energy because he has an irrational hope in the back of his mind that (due to the events of his formative years holding him back) he will be saved, remembered, or put to use for a good cause relatively soon but suppresses that he will be the same person he is at 40 years old living in a world following it downward trajectory until his life is ended by self-infliction or sociopolitical factors being a statistic either way.
Yes. That said I don't think many people who post here differ from that mold much. It could be that I'm growing older and the passage of time is a lot more sudden but specifically the screencaps the other anon posted really hit me. That and late night drinking on a work night tends to get me into a sentimental mindset.
>Gamergate was such a clusterfuck of epic proportions that I seriously wish that it never happened, that way I might have never gotten into politics and conspiracies and ruining my mind with all of it.
The powder keg was already filling up beforehand. The year before, we had that incident with that mod on the Mighty No 9 forums, though it wasn't nearly as big as GG and blew over within a couple weeks. Or hell, you could go back to 2011 when Occupy started and later on got infected with the progressive stack, and when Anita appeared with her whole grift. That's what set the stage for all the later incidents: woman worms her way into influence and cries sexism at anyone opposing her, and people believe her since her media contacts have her back. After a few years, some men realized they could get in on the oppression racket if they just start calling themselves women, and that's (part of) what led to our current tranny problem.
Had all that not happened, I'd definitely be a lot happier. All the interesting communities wouldn't have gotten pozzed to shit, I wouldn't be so damn paranoid of getting a mob sicced on me for a minor disagreement, and I'd have made some friends. I wouldn't give a shit about politics outside of the distrust of authority I've always had. I don't even think I'd be on imageboards anymore. I was already tired of them in the early 10s and wanted to leave. Started looking into forums and such, found a couple that fit my interests. But then the culture war shit started, everything got infected, and I wound up returning since they were the only place left where I could speak my mind.
Really the only "upside" to all this is that I'm more aware of some things. Whenever I hear about the media's current boogeyman of the month, I know it's never something that got big organically. The media/feds played it up because the last bad guy was getting worn thin. And I've realized just how much of the Western internet stems from Something Awful: moot was a goon, most gaming forums are run by goons, and a lot of big indie games owe their success to their creators' SA connections. But the former knowledge, I would have realized eventually anyway. And the latter, what could I even do with that? Maybe if I still gave a shit about making a game (and could stomach being among goons), then I'd try to network with them to help spread the word about it.
>Really the only "upside" to all this is that I'm more aware of some things. Whenever I hear about the media's current boogeyman of the month, I know it's never something that got big organically. The media/feds played it up because the last bad guy was getting worn thin.
This really was the only positive result of that entire mess.
I don't know why, but I hate goons. I can't put my finger on it, there's no reason for it, I just do. I barely know jackshit about SA or them, but there's just this instinctual hatred inside me and I really don't know why.
I'm not sure what my older relatives have but they're obviously troubled. My grandmother has dementia and every one of my aunts has deep seated anxiety, as does my mom. It's just, it perfectly describes how I feel about everything. Beyond the fear and when the anxiety rarely fades all I feel is empty, like there's no point in doing anything because there's no one to do it for. The fact it's disputed is what kept me from discussing it with my therapist. Not that there would be much point since he'd likely suggest the same things as he does for my existing problems. You are right that it's all the result of some underlying factors, and I should spend more time identifying those so I can ideally improve my environment.
Aside from the fact they fall into the usual forum cliques (and let that extend to their real lives) it's a lack of belief and a very grating sense of sarcasm. Their washed up founder, many of the big names from their forum, and anyone with strong connections to them have a very weak-willed stance on issues and let their egos get in the way of actual humor or professionalism yet never adress issues seriously, like they're still teenagers who can just let the teacher take care of the problem. They're stereotypical grifters who don't believe anything and just use each other to feel important. Consider how the few goons who haven't been part of some endless drama are the few who distance themselves from that legacy. I'll leave it at that because it's only my opinion and I'm sure if I go on someone will crawl out of the woodwork to naysay.
>lack of belief and a very grating sense of sarcasm.
>anyone with strong connections to them have a very weak-willed stance on issues
>like they're still teenagers.
>They're stereotypical grifters who don't believe anything and just use each other to feel important.
Looks like my primal hatred for them was just my faggot detector going off. Thanks for the rundown on them, anon.
Oh fuck that was an edit i did way back in the day, i lost it after i had to clean my computer and forgot to back it up, thanks for posting it anon glad i thought it was lost to the zone forever, there was another edit some anon made aswell of the same quote with the guy from Hatred and a red filter on it, does anyone still have that one saved?
You edited that XCOM picture? Your aesthetics are pretty good, I loved your work. You should make more stuff.
>no likelihood of me ever getting a job in my life
Getting a job is very difficult now. Even normalfags are struggling to find work, and their resumes are very good. You can't have any gaps at all in employment, and above all else you need a valuable skill which I guess some never develop. It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually. There's nothing we can do about it. Enjoy this life while you still can, anon.
>Even normalfags are struggling to find work, and their resumes are very good.
I have been aware of this for many years, but the scamdemic really cranked things up to another level.
> It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
I have taken this pill a very long time ago.
>There's nothing we can do about it. Enjoy this life while you still can, anon.
This is something that has been discussed in another good board I frequent. Shit is fucked up, the good guys have lost and evil now rules the world, there's nothing that can be done about that and worrying about shit we can't change just drive us insane, so we might as well let go of all of this bullshit and just enjoy the little things we still care about.
I don't have much to enjoy in life but I have finally got my shit together and got back again into solo traditional gaming since dropping it some years ago, I'm currently making my own crazy setting for new campaigns. I have only got the basic stuff done but I have noticed some slight similarities to Samurai Jack's world, mostly the diversity of technology levels, its quite anachronistic. I'm having a lot of fun making it and I can't wait to start playing in this gonzo world.
>It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
That is not an entirely bad thing, I think. I look forward to the day I am permanently freed from this cursed world, and once we're gone, all that will be left are the kikes and normalfags who will be condemned to rot in the hell they have created.
>Shit is fucked up, the good guys have lost and evil now rules the world, there's nothing that can be done about that
This is the most painful part of all of this for me. I spent my childhood watching, reading, and playing through tales of heroism, the good guy(s) standing against impossible odds and vanquishing evil. When I was growing up I wanted, more than anything, my chance to make a heroic stand of my own, whether it was fighting in a great battle for the fate of the world, or laying down my life for a righteous cause. Even at a young age, I would have gladly given my life for the greater good. Unfortunately, those tales were just stories, and the real world is a sick and terrible place. Even most of the heroic acts recorded throughout history were actually just done by petty men for the sake of fame, money, or politics. Few truly good men exist in Earth's recorded history, and most of them have been portrayed as villains, further proving how bad thigs really are. I may never get my chance to have a heroic last stand or inspire goodness in any meaningful capacity, but I can promise you all that I will never submit to this evil, no matter what.
Time lasts for quite a while and the evolutionary pressures that produce people who are good natured and kind isn't going to go away. It's more or less irrelevant who rules the world as regardless of anything time isn't known as a force that permanently cements rulership.
>That is not an entirely bad thing, I think. I look forward to the day I am permanently freed from this cursed world
This. I look forward to death too, and I hope its permanent.
>This is the most painful part of all of this for me. I spent my childhood watching, reading, and playing through tales of heroism, the good guy(s) standing against impossible odds and vanquishing evil. When I was growing up I wanted, more than anything, my chance to make a heroic stand of my own, whether it was fighting in a great battle for the fate of the world, or laying down my life for a righteous cause. Even at a young age, I would have gladly given my life for the greater good. Unfortunately, those tales were just stories, and the real world is a sick and terrible place.
I wrote something similar in another board. I wanted to be soldier and have a military career when I was a little boy, and I spent my childhood watching stories about heroes too, but like you have said, the real world is different. I have realized and accepted this horrible fact and I'm moving on with what remains of my life, but the thing that really saddens me is that there people who still operate in this childish logic and genuinely believe that things are going to get better in the future, that evil won't rule Earth forever.
>but I can promise you all that I will never submit to this evil, no matter what.
Same, I would rather be dead than be turned into a NPC, even if I have given up on fighting.
You remind me of those people I have mentioned who still have this childish notion that "good always prevails in the end", no offense intended.
>the evolutionary pressures that produce people who are good natured and kind isn't going to go away.
Got some bad news for you, that's precisely what the vaccines are for. https://archive.md/c0mjV
>time isn't known as a force that permanently cements rulership.
Time is ruthless to centralized rulership, but not against decentralized rulership. Evil has taken over this world a few thousand years ago, what we are witnessing is just the consolidation phase and the mopping up of legitimate resistance against this consolidation.
<B-but the Taliban!
They're actually in on it too. Decentralization, son, they're a different branch of the same evil force. Look into Gnosticism.
There really isnt a solution, is there? Now that you mention it, the last parfait of the Cathars said before his death in 1321 that the laurel would become green again after 700 years. Well the time has come. And I have to say that it might not be coincidence that the few anons worthy of anything have become interested in gnosticism. For me this year that stuff really grew on it, and I have to say, how can this world not be a fallen realm? Anything good or pure in it is enslaved, tortured in some way or another until its left begging for mercy.
And yeah, there are no political groups nowadays that are not part of the demiurgic beast.
>the laurel would become green again after 700 years. Well the time has come. And I have to say that it might not be coincidence that the few anons worthy of anything have become interested in gnosticism.
This prophecy doesn't comforts me at all, I have no hopes of things improving anymore. There might be one valiant last stand before evil reigns supreme and that's it. We lost our real chance of defeating evil back in the 20th century. As for the surge of interest in gnosticism, it is a result of the efforts made by forces that lie outside of this plane of existence who are still fighting for this place after having been expelled from here by the "demiurge" and his forces. Gnosticism it's one of the most important parts in the big puzzle of truth, the other parts lie elsewhere and the truth seeker must find the rest of the parts on his own. What is the value of a spoonfed truth? Mystery schools existed for a reason, the noble soul must earn knowledge, not have it freely handed out to him.
>how can this world not be a fallen realm? Anything good or pure in it is enslaved, tortured in some way or another until its left begging for mercy. And yeah, there are no political groups nowadays that are not part of the demiurgic beast.
Earth isn't really a fallen realm, it din't naturally degenerated itself or was designed to fall from grace, it's actually a hijacked realm, the being called "demiurge" by gnosticism din't create shit, him and his pals just decided to steal this place from its legitimate caretakers. That's all I'm willing to say about this, I'm tired of it all and just want to distance myself from all of these harsh truths about things that are now completely outside of our control.
I understood it on a conceptual level, but recently it's really been driven home to me that the genetically modified fucks surrounding us truly are golem. This slave injection is just one of the finishing touches on degrading these cattle into perfect little goyim to be fed off of by these parasitic fucking demons. These cattle surrounding us really aren't human anymore, how could they qualify as such? Their thoughts and impulses are not their own, they line up to be injected with genetic fuckery, and as you guys are saying, they will continue to turn this realm into a level of hell ruled over by demonic kikes and their demiurge... So fuck them, there are other parts of the universe where consciousness resides, which isn't in such a goddamn pathetic state, so I'll meet you brothers there, fuck this place. And I hadn't even really thought about what was mentioned about false heroism; the sense of righteousness and heroism has been inverted, and the golem would, by their programming, be weaponized against anyone who still cared about them, and would have no conception of any force for good -- they can't even understand the most basic shit about the entities ruling over them. We have to retain some sense of self-respect and care for our own wellbeing, and I have to conclude that we can't give a single shred of fucks about any of these cattle, and must contemplate the need to avoid being recycled back into this shit hole, and to eventually relocate our souls to a decent place. The last bastion of righteousness on this planet will be doing you-know-what to any fucking ZOG-bot who enters your space and tries to force kike pharmakaea into you. Mass resistance is fucked unless Uncle Adolf literally returns as a god to initiate the smiting.
I believe the prophecy just means that the knowledge of gnosticism is again available to us all and so those with spirit can find it again. Doubt it meant anything about saving this realm or the cattle in it.
At this point, I believe one of the main reasons that mystery schools were a thing is that if you knew too much about this you would be chased down and killed, like the kikes are trying to do right now with the bad goyim - and for them, just knowing about the poison they are dealing with their injections is enough. Imagine knowing about Gnosis!
It is true that the Demiurge did not create nothing, he is more like a matter organizer, not creator. But the kikes fell for his tricks and worship it.
I think that all anons here, even if they are not into metaphysics, are just tired of this gay earth. That is one thing we all have in common here.
It´s terrible. The cattle believe more what the talking heads in the TV say than their own family, who dont have spurious interests at heart when warning them of the injection. The world has gone mad. The only heroism I can think of at this point is sending some creepers to visit the towns they built in Minecraft.
>This slave injection is just one of the finishing touches on degrading these cattle into perfect little goyim to be fed off of by these parasitic fucking demons.
>how could they qualify as such? Their thoughts and impulses are not their own
Correct once more, a real human thinks for itself, it has a living soul. A NPC / golem does not.
>And I hadn't even really thought about what was mentioned about false heroism; the sense of righteousness and heroism has been inverted, and the golem would, by their programming, be weaponized against anyone who still cared about them, and would have no conception of any force for good -- they can't even understand the most basic shit about the entities ruling over them.
This is one of evil's favorite tactics, and has been first used thousands of years ago. This was how they pulled off their first massive victories. The second time they used it was in WW2 and they have been using it constantly ever since then.
>there are other parts of the universe where consciousness resides, which isn't in such a goddamn pathetic state, so I'll meet you brothers there, fuck this place.
>We have to retain some sense of self-respect and care for our own wellbeing, and I have to conclude that we can't give a single shred of fucks about any of these cattle, and must contemplate the need to avoid being recycled back into this shit hole, and to eventually relocate our souls to a decent place.
This is a massive endeavor and the best goal worth working towards to. I was pursuing this since 2019 until now, but have given up due to my shitty circumstances, tiredness and depression. I endorse your wish to embark on this journey. I have only a single tip for you: If you're noble, you will receive help from beyond, but be very wary of paranormal contacts, demons often disguise themselves as positive beings of love and light to trick the truth seekers into blindly trusting them. If you don't believe me, just read all of esoteric waifufag's posts and how he speaks of his "waifu", which is actually one of those spiritual predators, feeding off from what would otherwise be an incredibly powerful man if he wasn't being driven mad by it and his environment.
>Mass resistance is fucked unless Uncle Adolf literally returns as a god to initiate the smiting.
The chances of Adolf returning aren't zero, but they're slim and most likely wouldn't bear any fruits. Him and his allies had the strongest chances of victory back in the 20th century. Even if he returned today, he wouldn't win, things are thoroughly fucked and the enemy is far more powerful than before. He can only win by bringing the rest of his allies and his superiors with him, but that's unlikely too, otherwise it would already have happened before things got to this point.
>I believe the prophecy just means that the knowledge of gnosticism is again available to us all and so those with spirit can find it again. Doubt it meant anything about saving this realm or the cattle in it.
I was thinking about this too, you're most likely correct.
>At this point, I believe one of the main reasons that mystery schools were a thing is that if you knew too much about this you would be chased down and killed
You're right, this is one of the purposes of secrecy, but this only started happening after their first major victories, mystery schools existed before religious intolerance.
>It is true that the Demiurge did not create nothing, he is more like a matter organizer, not creator. But the kikes fell for his tricks and worship it.
He wishes he had the power to organize matter, he can't even do that! The kikes don't worship any creator or organizer whatsoever, but a demon which tricked them into believing it was actually god. As most demons, it has the power to influence things on this world but nothing beyond that.
<Why is it so powerful, then?
It isn't working alone.
Not worth the effort.
Thank you, friendo. You know, I think esoteric waifufag is a good dude, maybe it was out of despair he gave over too much to that entity. I value my independence too much to put a lot of faith into spiritual helpers, but I also suspect they can keep alive parts of ourselves that would otherwise wither away given the circumstances. Higher vibrational love for a waifu is probably a good thing, maybe it can contribute to one's soul being more resilient. I will say that even if you perceive you've given up on the endeavor we're referring to, I doubt your soul is so incoherent that it'll just dissolve upon death. My guess is you'll be presented with a temptation to walk the path towards being recycled, but you don't think you'd be so susceptible and give in, do you?
>You know, I think esoteric waifufag is a good dude, maybe it was out of despair he gave over too much to that entity.
He is an excellent dude, a bit too immature and still has a quite a long way to go, but an excellent dude nonetheless. He will go far if he shakes that parasitic entity off him.
>I value my independence too much to put a lot of faith into spiritual helpers, but I also suspect they can keep alive parts of ourselves that would otherwise wither away given the circumstances. Higher vibrational love for a waifu is probably a good thing, maybe it can contribute to one's soul being more resilient.
Devotion towards a spiritual helper is indeed important for keeping your soul alive and strong, this is what's known as paganism. Waifuism is a gray area in my eyes because it seems to be easier for parasitic demons to disguise themselves as waifus and feed off from people, I have encountered multiple anons afflicted by this condition. They can also disguise themselves as angels and pagan gods too, but its significantly harder for them to do the latter and a bit easier to do the former. I'm kind of an hypocrite when it comes to this topic, since I have some strong feelings for Junko, but I can't really call her my waifu because I'm simply too dead inside for this waifuist stuff.
>I will say that even if you perceive you've given up on the endeavor we're referring to, I doubt your soul is so incoherent that it'll just dissolve upon death. My guess is you'll be presented with a temptation to walk the path towards being recycled, but you don't think you'd be so susceptible and give in, do you?
Its a tough question to answer, I would never do that voluntarily but from what I have read, some people seem to be tricked into reincarnation. I would just like to stop existing altogether. I'm beyond "fuck this gay Earth", I'm tired of existence itself. I just want to be nothing, I want to be the void between the galaxies.
>good always prevails in the end
My position is closer to the irrelevance of the question, evil can't prevail for the same reason good can't prevail. Time doesn't stop, a position that seems permanent will change as things change. Every aspect of life is transient.
>that's precisely what the vaccines are for
Vaccines can't stop evolutionary pressures, as long as something is advantageous or simply good enough it will exist.
>but not against decentralized rulership
I was speaking of "decentralized rulership" to begin with. I'm not talking about any specific group or people.
>You should make more stuff.
I did, its just not stuff you'd expect, small world and all that...
>he shakes that parasitic entity off him.
i could spend 3000 Posts explaining why this is not true and write another 4000 posts on how living dangerously Skorzeny style and confronting life not as a penitence but as a test of strength and embracing the principle of struggle is a better framework for living than hoping for things to get better then being dissapointed and falling into blackpill but im feeling lazy today (and the new BO is probably going to shoot at me for peeking my head around here) so i'll just post some quotes and call it a day
>Every aspect of life is transient.
>Vaccines can't stop evolutionary pressures, as long as something is advantageous or simply good enough it will exist.
>I was speaking of "decentralized rulership" to begin with. I'm not talking about any specific group or people.
I understand your previous post better now, can't completely disagree with it.
Aw shucks, had I waited a bit longer, your reply would show up before I completed the captcha and I wouldn't have to double post, but now it can't really be helped. I had no idea you were the same anon that I replied to, I thought you left this board, you have really improved your writing style enough to the point of being anonymous again.
>i could spend 3000 Posts explaining why this is not true
I could do the same but I don't have the same in fire in me as I had years ago, and I know that nothing I'm able to write would change your mind, because I have encountered many anons suffering from spiritual parasitism from an entity they perceived as their waifu and none of them were ever able to see things as they really were, and all of them were batshit insane and never showed any signs of recovery, instead their mental state just kept getting worse and worse. On top of that, I'm not in the best health and arguing with you would just worsen my condition.
>and write another 4000 posts on how living dangerously Skorzeny style and confronting life not as a penitence but as a test of strength and embracing the principle of struggle is a better framework for living than hoping for things to get better then being dissapointed and falling into blackpill
>so i'll just post some quotes and call it a day.
This is something you are actually completely right about, and so are the quotes you have posted. I'm just too tired and demoralized to carry on, I can't struggle anymore, I just want to put a bullet in my head and be done with all of this insanity.
>(and the new BO is probably going to shoot at me for peeking my head around here)
I don't think he would do that, I exchanged a few posts with him and he seemed like a nice person. Even if that happens, I will be your advocate. You have changed, I have read all of your posts here and in the /r9k/ archives and I can tell that you have improved a lot as an anon, you should be allowed here as long as you continue behaving this way. Carry on struggling and improving your grammar, you're doing great.
>It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
It'll probably take a bit more than one would expect though. I'm quite young for a robot so considering my situation I would say we've got another few years of new bots coming in. Though chances are they won't be finding this place.
Goodbye /r9k/, you guys were some of the finest people I ever had the honor of meeting. I never wrote a goodbye anywhere prior to my previous attempts because I couldn't be sure I would succeed and during the times I was away from imageboards, but this time I'm sure that I won't fail. Stay strong, robots that are doing reasonably well. Those of you who are pissed off at the world, don't do anything stupid. Those of you who are suicidal like me, make sure to minimize the chances of being found and "rescued" as much as possible when trying to catch the bus. That's all I have to say.
I can't really say that I agree with your choice. I always say to myself that I will stop trying after I am dead or killed. I might sound egoistic, but I wish I could stop you. In any case, I hope that you get the after life that you want if you do die.
It's my conclusion after seeking permanence and realizing there is none. I don't like gnosticism and I don't believe that having knowledge elevates you above others metaphysically, everything is instead reliant on a person's character. I don't understand why we exist but I think a good base to guess with is to assume God wants humanity to live, for whatever reason.
Goodbye anon, I hope when you reach the other side that your waifu is waiting there for you to spend eternity with.
DO A FLIP FAGGOT
lol faggot, listen to this anon's advice >>3308
fucks are in short supply
If you are the anon that I think you are (the one I've been conversing with in previous posts) then it was an honor to know you. As I said in previous posts, I'm sad to see you go and I will miss you, but I wish you the very best in whatever may follow this life. If there is some sort of afterlife, I hope to meet you there someday, that we may once again enjoy each other's conversation.
If you find yourself hesitating please do act on it. But, if you're gonna go, then I hope that your last moments are moments of peace. Godspeed whatever your decision may be.
>What would you recommended?
Mumble, however, IRC, XMPP and imageboards/textboards are better.
VR Chat is actually pretty nice when you play it solo as a sort of VR Gmod. There are alot of worlds which can really take your breath away, which is impressive considering the context. It really puts into perspective how uninspired modern video game companies are when unpayed modders do a better job than they do at taking advantage of a new medium.
I mean, I get the appeal of shooters and sims, but those genres being the majority of content in a medium like VR is ridiculous. VR is much better suited towards realizing awe-inspiring fantasy than replicating reality; though it is suited to both.
>unpayed modders do a better job than they do at taking advantage of a new medium
It never ceases to amaze me how imaginative, inventive, and dedicated modders are in general. It's exceedingly impressive when they can manage to take a game that was mediocre or even terrible, and turn it into something not only playable, but memorable. Great examples of this would be any post-Morrowind Bethesda game, and more recently, M&B II: Bannerlord, where a Russian modder crafted a fully playable MMO mod that supports up to 1000 players. It really puts these "AAA" developers to shame. I think if I were a programmer/artist/3D modeler/etc. at a big game studio like Bethesda or Blizzard, I would be embarrassed to tell people where I work, I'd probably just tell people that I write bank software freelance, or design logos for small businesses or something.
I am a very slow writer. I mostly stick to short stories because it's something that I can do in a reasonable amount of time and be proud at the end of the day if I did a good job. If I want to write something, I always start with the first paragraph of the story and try to keep perfecting it. After that, the rest of the story comes naturally (with some notes beforehand, of course). I have never tried to write a long story so I can't tell you if this will work in your case.
>I'm just not sure if I want to tell it, or even if i did want to tell it that I would be able to do it properly or at all.
I've already said it, but I don't think I am ready for something like that either. Additionally, I am facing the same dilemma and haven't found an answer yet.
I need to reword my thoughts but know that I don't write. I just have this story floating around in my head. If I were to tell the story it would likely not be in traditional book form. Perhaps a video game or a comic/manga. Though again I'm not sure that I want to in the first place.
The answer is just do it. There's not going to be a magical change in your attitude after a period of doing absolutely nothing, unless you're burnt out from doing something else.
>The answer is just do it
The long story thing? I'll get arround that eventually. My biggest problem with writing long stories is the autonomous aspect that comes with telling any story (As in, "what you read is what it is", standing alone without any outside information aside from the one that you are reading). Many times, I've written a single paragraph and after reading it an hour later, it made no sense to me. Regardless, I'll try my luck writing an introductory chapter later.
Of course not everything needs to be a book. I have a few comic/manga ideas that could be decent if done correctly. Although, I'd call them concrete scenes, imagery and powers coupled with vague concepts of characters. Videogames are a whole other beast.
I have a very sporadic way of developing my story. Imagine a very rough sketch with a lot of detail in really important areas but still incredibly crude for the most part. With some random patches of detail in interesting areas.
The most concrete part (and most important part) of my story would be my goals for the worldbuilding and the progression of the protagonists
If anyone is curious it is a fantasy story. It's less of an epic and more of a character-focused story, something like Berserk. However I like for the world to move without the protagonist, he is central to the story but not to the world. He is the protagonist of his own story but just another actor on the world stage, one whose significance is not very great for the most part.
That's about what I'm willing to share for now but I'm curious about your ideas. If you're willing to share them that is.
I developed my story in the opposite way, but there are some similarities.
Choreography in fighting scenes and key scenes are the things that I enjoy more about the whole thing. The story partially exists as an excuse to show these.
The setting is quite detailed and I have thought a considerable part of the story already. The world should change through the story. Ideally, it would happen naturally.
I have very vague ideas about the characters and who they are, but their powers should be somewhat complementary to their personalities.
At the beginning, the characters (incluiding the main one) should look like they are expendables and the story should reinforce this ideas. Most powers should have fatal drawbacks that make them undiserable to have. Towards the end, my story concept is closer to 20th Century Boys where those who are alive try to stop some evil fuck from being evil.
Last week I had a dream that made me reflect on how shit my life is and how much I hate myself, and that if I deserve to live then my head and ego will not be blown off for when I buy a revolver and play a dangerous game of Russian roulette, and be a man for once but mulling it over too much had me chicken out especially in being reincarnated in this age of pollution and subhumans. The desire to play hasn't gone away and I feel empty inside now, the thought of the suspension and living and thanking god and death, crying and being grateful was the only time I felt something in years but is just a pathetic fantasy in my head for people to laugh at me for. People who boohoo over suicide are fucking normalfags to a T, people have their reasons for dying and it's selfish to not let them go as sad as it is to me. Any act of anger and discomfort is a sign that you are living and still want to live and poetically suicide is the ultimate expression of having wanted to live happily. If you backed out and are reading your replies I don't think you're a pussy or full of hot air for not doing but if you did then I'm glad for you.
>mulling it over too much had me chicken out especially in being reincarnated in this age of pollution and subhumans.
I share this fear as well, in fact I would say it is my greatest fear at present. The thought that I may be tied to this world for even one more lifetime is too much to bear. A while back, I downloaded the esoteric books that were being shared here. I started reading a bit but sort of dropped off because the first book I chose to read didn't quite grab me. I decided to look into those books again recently, this time choosing to read ||Revolt Against the Modern World|| which is more appealing to me thus far. I have since decided that in order to give myself the best possible chances of escaping this world, I will be dedicating most of the time I have left in this life to achieving transcendence, like Evola.
Truth be told, I really don't know if any of the ideas or concepts are true, but I personally believe the best thing I can do for myself is to try to follow them. If they turn out to be false, then I don't really lose anything anyway. I have no faith in any modern religions, and if athieists are correct then I will cease to exist when I die, which sounds pretty good to me. However, if this spiritual traditionalism has any truth to it (which to me seems to have ||at least|| a bit of legitimacy, based on what I've read thus far) then I don't want to risk leaving the fate of my soul to chance.
I'm trying to cut myself off from these stupid fucking sites and it's not working, I'm making an attempt at nofap and the first day I'm already sitting here with a raging hardon thinking about my degenerate fantasies, I'm trying to think of ways to avoid the internet entirely or at least only use it for necessities but I'm not sure how to wean myself off of it, and last but not least I've finally admitted to myself that I fucking hate my brother as in I genuinely hope he dies but the fucker owes me a couple thousand dollars and I'll never get it back if I just cut ties like I desperately want to. Guess if the economy collapses that last bit solves itself but I'm not doing too great right now I'm pretty miserable.
Not sure if purchasing an onahole is unbecoming of a robot but I ordered one a few days ago anyway. I think I have a healthy relationship with pornographic material though so I'm confident that nothing negative should come of this. Obviously the porn-addicted or nearly addicted should not consider the use of these products. I don't have it yet but if any of you are interested I may report back.
Why would I look at porn with an onahole when I could use it while thinking about my waifu?
That's what I meant by pornographic material. Any content imagined or otherwise consumed for the sake of sexual pleasure. Probably a better word for that though, I know.
Also a real high level way to do this would be to have VR, an onahole and Koikatsu. Then make and have sex with your waifu in VR.
I don't even need all that when I am having consistent lucid dreams but that's hard to do on demand.
Unfortunately I have to wageslave so I also have to deal with normalniggers and their obsession with knowing if everyone else has fucked or not. One of the straight out asked me if I eat ass today and I told him no, which I guess was cause for amusement because I can already tell this cocksucker is going to make a thing of it and bring it up in the future just to mock me. I don't know how sticking your tongue in a literal shithole is admirable to the fucking people but I need a way to get this nigger to fuck off. No, quitting or deliberately getting fired isn't an option yet, I need to save money and unemployment doesn't pay enough to sustain NEET life where I'm at even if I pick the shittiest possible apartment.
Don't be paranoid about him making a thing of it because chances are he already forgot and doesn't care enough to tell anyone if he does. It also isn't a thing of admiration for normalfags its really just a "whatever you say=funny haha" kind of question like "does your mom know your gay" or "do you have ligma". Just some info from a guy who's had to deal with normalfags for a fair bit now. Knowing is half the battle when it comes to dealing with them.
Maybe, but I've had to work off and on like this for years and pretty much every time one of these creatures has brought up fucktalk it becomes a recurring issue, even if I just go "haha yeah" or try to make something up. I don't know if they can just sense I don't have sex or what, because I lie to these types about a lot of other shit, even "embarrassing" stuff like when I still lived with my parents, and most of the time they'll believe me, but any sex questions pop up and it's like they know right off the bat.
So far the only thing that's kinda worked is just total silence in response, but then they'll start being passive aggressive and that's a whole other pile of crap I don't wanna deal with. The sexual revolution was a mistake.
I'll deal with it for a little while and then do something spiteful to get myself fired once I have enough money saved up. I'm also mostly just venting, but any suggestions would be nice.
If you really don't care, you could say that you were molested as a kid and you have a bad relationship with sex. Most people will drop the conversation all together. But be careful, some people (specially women) might take this as you opening your heart to them and that can result in other unexpected problems.
Seems a bit extreme. My preferred hail mary is "religious reasons". Most people will drop it after that.
>Seems a bit extreme
That's fair. I really wouldn't say that either for the implications that it may carry.
That's the obvious choice, I just say, "I'm waiting for marriage (or death that's most likely)".
In any case, like >>3344 said most people really don't care after you get old.
I can't stand anyone else but being left out makes me feel bad.
I feel the need arising for a creative outlet. I wonder if this desire will last.
It doesn't ascend past reason, as if make reason unnecessary and without point, it subsumes and precedes reason, more simple than intuition and causality, precedes experience itself. I'm so small.
I'm incredibly bored. Are their any bots who'd be willing to play a game? Something like what we did with minetest way back when. Shit, I'd be fine with even a 2 player play through of some game. I just need to interact with someone who isn't a normalnigger for a bit since work has been a bit draining recently.
unless you're that nigger who kept destroying torches and shit. fuck you.
do you have a ps3
do you like runescape?
Only played it a few times.
I apprecieate the reply.
I like the idea. I don't know if the minetest server is still up or if you have any other concrete game in mind. I am up for it anyways.
Just some ideas.
I played it solo a few months ago and I liked it until the mid-game. After a certain point, the grinding became too much for one person so I dropped it.
In the same vain as Valheim, I also like 7 Days To Die.
If I had to choose between the three, I would pick this one. It's more suitable for the context and It's accessible to most.
I'm not familiar with that one.
I don't know too many multiplayer games in any case.
https://yeshoney.xyz/r9k/res/970.html (That's the minetest thread).
I might be willing to join in on this as well, though I don't have many ideas as to what to play. I do have Terraria, and would be willing to try Valheim or TableTopSim, (although I haven't heard of that one before) Minetest/Minecraft also sounds good if anyone is up for that.
Anonymity might be an issue in Terraria since its steam based. Minecraft might require 3rd party free server hosting or someone to pay up for a server.
As long as I can be sure that my steam name is only shared with other robots, then I'm ok with Terraria or Valheim. As for Minecraft, I may be willing to pay for the a server if enough robots are willing to join and play frequently enough to justify the cost. Also, I have never set up a server before so I would have to figure out how it works, but again that's dependent on you guys. Of course this is assuming that we choose to play Minecraft and not something else. I would throw in some game suggestions of my own, but I almost never play multiplayer games, so I'm short on ideas.
As far as I know, creating a pirated terraria server is relatively easy. In minecraft, you can use Aternos for the multiplayer, and there's minetest too. I don't know if there is a way to play Valheim without Steam.
I would use a secondary or throwaway account if we do end up playing in Steam. You never know who might be lurking arround.
Valheim is easily pirated with multiplayer though so that's no hassle. OnlineFix being the way to do so
Also I'll leave this here for now.
I'll need to mull it over a bit since all 3 games have a very nice comfortable appeal.
Seems like the votes aren't showing up in the results so i vote minecraft but I would be fine with terraria too. I've never played valheim so idk about it. The minetest server we had a while back was fun but it kind of died, idk if it's still up.
We'll do it by word then I guess.
I'm fine with anything, but here's the breakdown in my mind
Terraria has the most content density and is a complete experience with an ending
Minecraft can be played endlessly (which is a bonus) but conversely has no end goal which means it can die pretty quickly if goals, like builds, aren't set up to keep us going.
Valheim is quite fun and nothing beats a nice round of sailing with some friends in that game. However, the game is incomplete so once we get to the last boss the game has right now, there won't be much left to do. You also wouldn't get the satisfaction you get from beating a proper final boss, like in Terraria.
Other than that, the building is pretty good and the combat is alright. It's also quite pretty, though that may be an issue performance-wise.
Multiplayer wise having a robot who's experienced in running Minecraft servers is a huge plus. Valheim and Terraria servers we'd have to either research or just host the games. Meaning that the host would have to be in-game for the multiplayer session to run. World files could be shared if a robot is unsure of their ability to host on a given day.
Also It's probably better that we talk this out anyway. Let's make sure we've considered everything and then come to a proper conclusion through discussion. If the poll starts to work we can take that into consideration too.
Terraria requires the least amount of players to take advantage of a multiplayer playthrough. That's it I think.
Some things to consider.
Unlike Minecraft, in Terraria and Valheim your character is not tied to a specific world.
Minecraft and Terraria can run in pretty much anything. On the other hand, you need a relatively decent computer to play Valheim.
I voted for Valheim, but it's not showing either. It's fun despite being incomplete. I would be fine with anything really.
I've been mulling it over a bit and I'm sort of leaning towards Minecraft/Minetest at the moment. Aside from >>3364 feeding my paranoia about Steam, both Terraria and Valheim could potentially have a heavy focus on objectives, and if we spend too much of our time on said objectives we may lose some of the comfier aspects that come with just building and chatting. Also, depending on the difficulty of the enemies/bosses, we may not be able to coordinate well enough to overcome the challenges. That being said, I'm still open to playing those if that is the final choice.
I think with Minecraft/Minetest, the best way to go is plan out a reasonably large build project, like a castle/temple/coliseum or even a town/city. This would give us plenty to work on, but wouldn't be too demanding a task that it would interfere with the social aspect. As far as the servers go, as I said previously I have never hosted a server before, so I'm not sure how it all works. There is also the matter of choosing either Minecraft OR Minetest. I've played Minecraft before, and I tried Minetest briefly, but I'm not sure if one has any clear advantages over the other aside from Minecraft having a relatively complete package from the start, as where with Minetest I think we would have to agree on a list of mods to use before playing together.
Each choice does come with it's own ups and downs I guess. Minecraft is always a solid and comfy option, but setting up a server might be pretty tricky, and we may need to pay monthly to keep it up. Minetest is free and customizable, but may come with the same challenges as Minecraft with the servers. Terraria and Valheim seem like they would be easier to set up for multiplayer, but sharing our steam with one another could carry some risk. Also, Valheim is incomplete and may not run on everyone's system. I think for me it comes down to the servers, if someone knows how to set up a Minecraft/test server and is willing, then I vote for that option. Alternatively, if someone knows how but can't pay, then I may be willing to do it if someone can teach me how or point me in the right direction. Otherwise, it's between Terraria or Valheim, unless a new suggestion is brought to the table. I know someone mentioned OS Runescape which I would be alright with as well, but there is of course the monthly fee if we're going to play long-term.
I'm starting to lean towards Minecraft. Having a server up all of the time is a big bonus compared to hosting as long as someone is willing to set it up. Also I haven't played 1.17 yet so it'll be a decently fresh experience.
Let's wait for some more opinions though and then choose. Once we do and the server/hosted session is up we make a thread.
For minecraft make sure to have land claims and/or disabled greifing. Just in case.
Steam is required for the fix now I guess so there's that. Might start it later now. I reccomend using a throwaway if you care enough. It still being pirated means throwaways work as you wouldn't need the game on the account.
Anyone alive right now?
Can't speak for anyone else but I died a long time ago. Just waiting for my body to start decomposing.
To bypass all the gay shit from other sites.
I've got a multiplayer session running if anyone is interested.
Burner's friend code: 1255065819
Password is: 9001
I recommend starting with low graphics settings.
Let me know if one of you wants to get on. I'll be asleep four hours from now though.
If anyone's interested just send a request to the friend code. I'll start it after I get a few. Seems pretty dead right now though. It's was monday though so it's understandable.
>keep insisting with Valheim
>PC fucking dies a day after
>other anon sets up a server
>can't join the server
>can't give a proper reply
>the board dies for a few days again
Friendly reminder to keep your PCs properly protected against thunderstorms.
I'm still here. Me being the one who set it up.
At least for now, my PC is gone for good; I still have an old laptop, but it can't run Valheim. For the time being, I am going to stick with Minecraft (if the debate is still being held, of course).
>we are here forever.jpg
r9k is a strange board. In this board more than any others, there's a relatively small but considerable amount of lurkers and posters that keep the site alive. These two groups alternate in their roles. For example, a user may lurk the site for a week without making a single post, and the next week he might make half of the posts. Also, there are special occasions where a direct question is made to someone and people will stop posting until he gets his reply.
Minecraft seems to be good then. The sudden dying doesn't help though. Don't want someon tonpay for a server only for it to die randomly. I didn't get any requests to join either.
I'm still good for Terraria though if anyone wants that. I could set it up and upload it here pretty easily. With mods too if you guys are bored of vanilla. It would be the same steam based multiplayer so I'd need to check if pirated and bought can play together or not first. If not then fully pirated would be the obvious choice.
A pirated terraria copy can connect to a non pirated client with no issues. I prefer modded terraria with eternity mode, but the base game is fun too.
As I did with Valheim I could always set up Terraria real quick until the minecraft thing is settled. Just as a stopgap of sorts. I'll wait for interest to be shown before setting things up though. The friend code is going to be the same but if you or anyone else is interested I can get a pirated copy ready on anonfiles and start a server. With mods if we go that route.
Modded Terraria is fine by me. I have never played terraria with mods and it's been a while since I last played the base game.
A download link would be nice, but I don't know if I can make you go through that hassle just for one guy.
For mods I suggest recipe browser, magic storage, fargo's soul mod, fargo's music mod, and fargo's mutant mod.
Should we do a content mod like Calamity? Might help spice things up on top of the QoL mods you listed.
Fargo's already changes the game a lot, here's the EoC. Sorry for the link, I didn't want to try and get the video size smaller. https://yewtu.be/watch?v=uOWeRLzcPHk
That seems cool. I could set it up right now if anyone's up for it. We'd just all need to have the mods installed.
Personally I think I would get on a minecraft server pretty consistently if someone set it up.
I've never played through any content mods, so that would be fun if it's not harder to set up modded multiplayer.
I have something going on in an hour, but for the next hour I can play. I also hope I can be given a download of the mods as getting mods on linux is a pain.
>Personally I think I would get on a minecraft server pretty consistently if someone set it up.
there was one on /v/ for a while, there was mostly only 1 person on 90% of the time though. Most likely because it was modded to the point where it was not toaster friendly.
>if it's not harder to set up modded multiplayer.
Setting up a modded server is basically the same. You can just launch it through the game, or you can run it separately through the tmodloaderserver exe file.
I'm setting things up. It'll be steam-based so I recommend using alt accounts if you give a shit or just privating your steam account if you give a little bit less of a shit.
Let's do the mods mentioned by the previous anon. I also recommend "Where Are My Items?". Helps when you've got a ton of chests.
Going to test the online fix with the link provided by the other anon real quick.
GOG pirated copy as predicted doesn't work with the steam based online fix. I'll upload a steam-based pirated copy soon instead. That is unless someone wants to set up a dedicated server with a forwarded port which I do not.
Pirated copy with fix installed
Manually install tmodloader if you are using
A: A pirated copy
B: An alt account with family-shared Terraria
If not then the steam version of tmodloader should work fine.
Just start the game with steam running and send a friend request to this friend code
Let me know when any of you are ready so I can start the multiplayer session. That is if any of you are still on for the rest of the day.
I'll join in a few minutes once i finish eating.
Well it's up. If I didn't fuck anything up it should work.
Update: Manual Installation of tmodloader is required.
Thanks anon, you are doing god's work. Good luck, I can't play now because I have to go to sleep. I've been awake for quite a while.
Fargo's Souls, Fargo's Mutant, Magic Storage-Extra, Fargo's Music, Recipe Browser, Where's My Items?
>Limited accounts can't add friends
Well, here's my code 1256129572. If someone can add me so I can join that would be great.
Account activated should be good now. Sorry about that.
Server set to friends of friends since I won't be on for a decent bit.
I'm going to be on in an hour and some change. I'll make a thread for the game night(?) when I do.
Philosophical incest is the sole solution to the cucked parents dilemma.
You can not really uncuck your father, because if you would teach him, you would be above him in hirachy, makim him a subordinate, at best as good as you but this is a direct conflict and thus its impossible to do. Either he uncucks himself or you kill him and take his place, like Oedipus. The rampant running mother you will have to marry yourself and properly subdue, what your father failed to do.
That said, I won't go out and kill my father, before dealing with this problem on higher planes anyway.
But realising this made me aware that there is no redemption for them, other than that one, that I can bring about, which lets me, at least in this regard, rest at ease.
Treat them like children if you have power over them, as if you do then it's likely they're already old or getting old. I don't think much philosophy is needed for it. I think your position is more psychological.
"Cuck" should have died on imageboards when it went mainstream. I sincerely wish more anons had the sense to recognize popular words and phrases and eliminate them from their own usage accordingly, and to not get so defensive when criticized for using them. Or, to refrain from using slang in general as much as possible. Frankly, I've taken it to poison one's thoughts, much like swears and obscenities. There is a dullness that comes about without self-censorship, and if one should say that self-censorship is bad, consider that you would never in your right mind consume radioactive material; if it is acceptable that you should abstain from eating or doing some things, then refraining from bad thoughts, bad speech, bad writing, ought to be acceptable too.
Plebs are easily swept up by the newest slang, as they are with anything. You're not a pleb, are you? Then take control of your tongue and mind.
I've arrived at the opposite conclusion after refusing to engage in particular types of thinking on the basis of them either being unproductive, wrong from my first contact of its conception, or wrong on the basis that I don't like it. I hold that things can be explored and broken down, analyzed, without any real threat to the mind, perhaps at worst being a waste of time. A pleb only speaks in the way he knows how, in that sense we're all plebs.
Cuck loses effectiveness only because it's said so commonly, people gloss over it's actual meaning and the ramifications of what it would mean to be a cuck.
I think you misunderstood what he was trying to get at. As he said, "slang", i.e. he's not talking about types of thinking necessarily. And I think he's saying that buzzwords tend to be used when you're not thinking too hard, hence the "dullness" he speaks of, but that's just a guess. If so, I agree, slang users tend to not be very thoughtful people.
Anyway, "cuck" is fucking obnoxious. It stopped being funny as soon as it became politicized about half a decade ago, whereby it became obnoxious. I don't like 8/a/ and smugfags because they're pseudo-intellectuals which goes for most anons actually, but they absolutely have the right idea about censoring words. 1789 was a mistake, and I wish Hotwheels had enough sense not to have copied leddit when he made 8fag.
*Well, if not pseudo-intellectuals, they're anti-intellectuals. Real intellectuals don't use imageboards, at least not extensively.
>he's not talking about types of thinking necessarily
He's talking about types of thinking specifically when he justifies self-censorship with a comparison between how it's acceptable to not eat radioactive material (assumed because it'll kill you), to how it should then be acceptable to refrain from thinking certain things because it'll make your mind dull. If he meant that using simplified language dulls the mind, not because thinking wrong things is in itself bad because it dulls the mind but because using low-resolution words dulls the mind, he should've said that rather than blank it over with 'self-censorship'. The activity opposite to slang, that leads to a sharpening of the mind, wouldn't be purely self-censorship, it'd be better said as analyze your language better.
Using words constructed by retards makes you retarded, too. But being retarded isn't inherently the same as being ineffective, or wrong. But this is all just me liking the word cuck since it makes other people I don't like angry.
I largely agree with this position. Although I will speak somewhat plainly when conversing with normalfags, I still always refrain from using slang or 'memespeak' in any capacity. I only ever use slang that is most commonly accepted on /r9k/, i.e. "roastie" "normalfag/nigger/scum" etc. And of course I only ever limit use of those words to imageboards. Outside of that, I make an effort to expand my vocabulary and utilize a more sophisticated manner of speech. I believe the chief reason why so many foreign countries don't respect the English language is due to all of the slang used in verbal speech and on the internet, because as you and other anons have pointed out, it makes the US and the UK sound like uneducated savages, and why would someone ever respect a culture of retards?
What a strange coincidence that I had the same problem recently but the surge took my cpu and a ram stick out.
I shouldn't be waging in cold weather. My body tells me cold is for comfy. I want to sleep
Every passing day I feel more and more like migrating to this board.
Sometimes my body feels so numb and empty it's like I'm an observer peering through a looking glass. Sometimes I panic when I wake up thinking a limb is missing or I've become paralyzed.
Life is a bottomless ocean of shit. May as well swim in it.
Why is it shit?
Lowtax's death has been on my mind all day. I'm not a moralfag and I was never a good so I don't give a shit but I do feel a bit bad for him for how his life got so downhill. Even goons now are celebrating and mocking his death - though you can argue that this and everything else in his life was the monster he created and the result of his actions.
The deprivation that I used to feel has continually decreased. I used to desire things like social interaction, but as a young adult, these desires are close to nonexistence. When they have finally ceased completely, I might never make a single statement again to others unless my motive is inherently practical.
Odds are that my life will eventually become like pre-internet living except with the occasional ebook. Even anime shows and movies are often unbearable to me nowadays; I have to compel myself to watch any of these things. Not out of depression, but because I have internalized how they are mindless and futile forms of escapism.
He got what he deserved.
Whenever people die these days, I never see it as a bad thing as I always look at it one of two ways: If I liked the person then I'm happy for them, as they no longer have to endure the pains of living in this nightmare of a world. They're free. On the other hand, if I hated the person, then I'm glad that they aren't around anymore to make shit worse, and ||I'm|| free of ||them.|| Death can be a win-win, it's just a matter of perspective.
Does any robot lament about having a very flat chin and weak jawline because of shitty genes and a overbite? Do you also have a babyface that you can't even grow a beard to hide it? I get all of my shitty facial genes from my mom, and my most of my siblings have it, but it seems like they don't care. Me having a overbite wasn't a issue until I was in hs. I also was always very skinny with bony limbs and was very weak till I started lifting and even now still feel weak with thin wrists and small baby hands. Long giraffe neck and limbs. I only lift to look better and get stronger and not be a skelly, but I'll always be a ugly social outcast with weak chin and jaw.
No, I have other things I lament about. I don't think people care as long as you hold yourself up to some level of integrity and refuse to show any feelings of inferiority or weakness. Depends on the environment you're in, though.
I do not care about looks much at all, especially when it comes to how others perceive me. Yet I still adapted a strict training routine, for functional strength and for general health. For that reason I use the convict conditioning books (https://archive.org/details/ConvictConditioning_201602) as orientation, but to each their own.
Regarding your chin and jar you might want to have a look at this channel: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=Hmf-pR7EryY&t=0s
Did Taihou anons post vanish by his own hand or was it a ((( (((mod))) )))?
>I don't think people care as long as you hold yourself up to some level of integrity and refuse to show any feelings of inferiority or weakness. Depends on the environment you're in, though.
I'm in a major city. I don't think anyone has pointed out my flat chin and weak jaw beside my family members who also have flat chins and weak jaws besides one fag that said I "look like a incel". I'm worried that random people when they see me do point me out for my shitty facial features to their peers and sm. I'm also baby faced and have severe acne but that could just do with my age still being a teenager. Shit I'm going to attend college in 2 months just to have something to do, and I have know idea how it's going to work out.
>I do not care about looks much at all, especially when it comes to how others perceive me.
I very much do, I don't know people shit on me for my weak jaw and flat chin and my nose being leaning on one side.
>For that reason I use the convict conditioning books (https://archive.org/details/ConvictConditioning_201602) as orientation, but to each their own.
I heard about that several times before, but not just do calisthenics but also use free weights. That archive page doesn't work but I have a pdf some where and infographics on what to do and follow.
I've heard mewing before and heard that it's literally snake oil. I think the biggest problem I have is my top incisors are slightly a cm longer than normal so most of my teeth can't touch and gave me a overbite that I fixed years ago, and I known about this since I was a kid but only once a dentist I had mention it like it was fine.
>Did Taihou anons post vanish by his own hand or was it a ((( ((( (((mod))) ))) )))?
I really want irl friends to talk to and do shit with because I lost all the "friends" and acquiescences I meet in hs and It's boring and lonely just to talk to random strangers on imageboards and family. Was thinking on using tagmap to find local cuckchan anons to hangout with, but idk how that will work out. All I know is there's a "fit transgirl" in a jewish neighborhood, and /fit/, /k/, and /out/, /r9gay/ anons around me. Will try the loners out first than the /out/ and /k/ anons.
And what's wrong about that?
How old are you?
Fair. He is certainly better off dead not having to pay alimony to his shitty ex-wives and child support to kids who will be brainwashed into hating him. I feel more bad in a "it's the end of an era" kind of way because it's one more part of old internet that is never coming back (not that it ever would be even had he not offed himself).
>I'm also baby faced and have severe acne but that could just do with my age still being a teenager.
I'm in my late 20s, way to make me feel old anon. On a more serious note, it sounds to me like you don't have much to worry about really. The acne will go away in time, and when I was a teenager my facial hair was pitiful, now if I were to go a month without shaving I would look like Jeramiah Johnson. Also, I very much agree with >>3459. Robots don't really have much concern for their physical appearance, as most of us have made peace with the fact that we are always outsiders, so your focus should be on functional strength and physical health. Aside from that, if you keep working out, it will help with testosterone production which can help you look more masculine, if that continues to be a concern for you.
>Did Taihou anons post vanish by his own hand or was it a ((( ((( (((mod))) ))) )))?
I haven't been here for a few days, so I hadn't realized his posts were gone. I don't know why a mod would purge his posts. I know some people don't particularly care for him, but I don't think anything he posted was so egregious as to warrant drastic measures. He did mention a few days ago that he doesn't come here much anymore, so maybe he decided to wrap things up himself. In any case, I don't think he's a bad guy and I hope he's doing alright.
That's understandable. I often look around when I'm online and think about how drastically different things are now from 10+ years ago. So many things that I used to enjoy or appreciate or look forward to that simply don't exist anywhere anymore. Governments and large corporations killed much of the wonder and spontaneity of the internet and now the internet of the modern day often feels like a prison cafeteria: it's an intensely controlled environment, it's dreary and uncomfortable, everyone is being shoveled the same bland and disappointing slop, no one really likes or trusts each other, and the only thing you have to look forward to is the occasional brawl so long as you aren't in the middle of it.
I understood that you wanted to meet up with someone from /r9gay/, whatever that may be. I apologiza if I was wrong. If I am right, try to not get groomed into becoming a tranny at the very least.
Additonally, I don't think that meeting up with someone that still uses that site is a good idea at all, but it's up to you in the end anyway. /fit/ was okay last time I went there in 2017, but I can't speak for the rest of the boards. As far as I know it's all uniformly an irredimable cesspool.
please tell me you're trolling
I come home more tired than before
The workload isnt that much, but I im just running out of energy faster, or the cold weather makes me wanna sleep more. Theres Very little time to relax, i do not know how normals do it for their entire existence
Normalcattle can be incredibly slave-minded. Though it may not be inherently bad for the mass to follow orders and work hard just because that's what's needed of them -- which could be functional in a natural society -- everything has been hijacked and the ones posing as leaders don't have the interest of the group in mind, they're ravenous parasites and manipulators. When I was working more there was a sense of physical fatigue compounded by something like spiritual fatigue, as if the futility of it drained me at an accelerated rate. I wish I had advice for you, but all I can say is I hope this ends sooner rather than later.
>something like spiritual fatigue, as if the futility of it drained me at an accelerated rate
I know exactly what you mean. Every time I wage I can't help but get fed up with it in about a year or less, because 'the grind' is simply not palatable for people like us. The only thing that makes it even remotely tolerable is if the work your doing feeds into something bigger in your life. Work for the sake of work, however, is tedium to all but the most simple-minded, in other words normalfags.
My sense of time has become warped by my years waging. Weekends feel longer but also shorter, months go by and i cant remember or feel it, workdays are the fastest days and sometimes im surprised the day is already gone. I think my brain is selectively altering my perception of the world so i dont remember or "feel" workdays. I consider this more of a self defense mechanism rather than a healthy adaptation to a life of waging
My whole perception of time has been getting more and more distorted as the years go by. Both weekends and weekdays can pass so rapidly that something can feel like it happened weeks ago when it was actually months ago. Even reading or sitting outside does not prevent the effect from occurring. What I get in my mind, rather than a chronological series, is more like a bunch of jumbled memories with no coherent storyline. I truly have little temporal awareness when it comes to dating the occurrence of more recent events.
I have also concluded from experience that it is almost futile to try and "seize the day" as the saying goes. If you devote much of your time to doing something that you love, you will not remember much of it. It is precisely because events like vacations and reading and watching masterpieces are rare that one can respect these memories and remember them well. Anything done too often loses its magic.
I also have a warped sense of time whenever I'm waging, and I agree that it must be some form of coping mechanism in the brain that activates in order to alleviate stress.
>It is precisely because events like vacations and reading and watching masterpieces are rare that one can respect these memories and remember them well. Anything done too often loses its magic.
I have also found this to be true. Events only solidify themselves as memory when they stand out enough to be significant. I have a difficult time recalling my day to day activities because they're almost always the same, on the same token, national and global events can also be forgotten to an extent because they hardly impact robots. For example, I would guess that most robots that live outside of New York probably don't think or care much about 9/11. It's actually rather interesting that even in hectic times, life can still be relatively mundane to loners and outsiders like us.
19 And I feel embarrassed, because 95% of zoomer have lost their virginity since 13/14 and I'm sure half the foids I've went to school with have onlyfans and are making a ton off that, while I do nothing but sit in my room for hours on imageboards chating with other outsiders from miles away.
Nothing happened, no replies back because I think I didn't put any gay shit on my profile and most the dudes there put gay shit on there.
> If I am right, try to not get groomed into becoming a tranny at the very least.
I don't want to be a tranny, what thought if I talked to a tranny I would fuck it or get raped by it?
>Additonally, I don't think that meeting up with someone that still uses that site is a good idea at all, but it's up to you in the end anyway.
I think that if someone posts on a imageboard that they would be more accepting of me and my views but idk, fucking cuckchan seems like it's 90% normalfags.
>/fit/ was okay last time I went there in 2017, but I can't speak for the rest of the boards. As far as I know it's all uniformly an irredimable cesspool.
It's complete shit, I occasionally lurk on one of the boards I lurked, it's almost all normalfags.
>I'm in my late 20s, way to make me feel old anon.
I feel old compared to other zoomers even if they're a year younger or older than me, maybe it's different mentally from being a outsider and the way I grow up.
>On a more serious note, it sounds to me like you don't have much to worry about really.
I do, I have autism and haven't done much in the last 5 years besides going to school, having part time job and spending 90% of my time at home when I wasn't at school or work or had to talk to a therapist about how to help me with my social issues, so normalfags would think I'm a loser and/or a creep. I had that therapist for years since 3rd grade and he just gave normalfag advise, but gave me a body building book since he worked out. He was one of my main inspirations to work out. Glad that what ended me going to visit him and talk about my problems for 45 minutes to a hour every 2 weeks was the start of the pandemic, the last conversations were on mychart and phone calls and they sucked ass, I lost my
mychart password and gradually we stopped talking, I guess he stopped giving a shit since I just turned 18 around that time and he gets payed for normalfag tier advice even if he's one of the few people I respect.
> The acne will go away in time, and when I was a teenager my facial hair was pitiful,
You sound like my older brother. Even zoomers around my age don't have nearly as bad acne as I do and some can grow five o'clock shadows in a couple of weeks and look older and manlier.
>now if I were to go a month without shaving I would look like Jeramiah Johnson.
I had to look that up, zoomers wouldn't even know that reference because it's not gay or niggery. I've seen the nod gif before several times just didn't know what movie that was from till now.
>Robots don't really have much concern for their physical appearance, as most of us have made peace with the fact that we are always outsiders
I really do, because I get shitted for being "fugly'.
>so your focus should be on functional strength and physical health. Aside from that, if you keep working out, it will help with testosterone production which can help you look more masculine, if that continues to be a concern for you.
That's what I want. Exercise would help with a lot of my issues, just won't help with the fact that I'm a outsider for not having a normalfag life. I very dislike my unmasculine appearance and hate that the genes that make me be considered ugly and unmasculine are good on girls.
They get pussy or their dick sucked after they wageslave. Fuck everyday since I graduated in June I've been told to get a job by my family over and over again or go to college.
My post was so long that I ran out of letters.
>I very dislike my unmasculine appearance and hate that the genes that make me be considered ugly and unmasculine are good on girls.
My sister looks very similar to me but the way people treat her is way better than me because she's a gorl and round head with soft features is find for girls but ugly and unmasculine on dudes. She has no problems with socializing and dating, despite some whore doctor told my mom that she is also autistic lol and my sis claims she's asexual or somthing like pan romantic or some shit. She clearly isn't asexual she claims she thinks sex is gross but I think that's bullshit she just wants fuck female and male models. She has gotton the past 2 months 2 "not bfs" and several other dudes wanting to date/fuck her because mainly she's natural blonde and she says she hates being blonde and hates her giraffe neck and no chin and jaw and most of all her height and nose, she got a jewy nose while I didn't. She despises my views and that I'm a loser but claims she loves me. I just want strength and respect from this world.
I do sometimes meet random strangers mostly way older than me and most of the time they're homeless vets. I feel that old dudes are way more friendlier to me than people my around my age and mid 20 to early 30 year olds are to me. Maybe they stopped caring so much or see me as a kid and so aren't dicks to me, maybe for the non homeless, because I feel the homeless are just taking advantage of me to buy beerone did that today but he bought me some beer too. He was vet like most of the homeless I talked to. Most of the vets like him were in the First Gulf War or Nam idk why those two the most. I'm just going to ask the hobos to also buy me some beer. Besides that and family I can't get alcohol and I know for a fact that 90% of zoomers are doing drugs and drinking but they have friends to do that with.
>I don't want to be a tranny, what thought if I talked to a tranny I would fuck it or get raped by it?
>I very dislike my unmasculine appearance and hate that the genes that make me be considered ugly and unmasculine are good on girls.
Anon, that was just an advice from an old fool who has been to hell, seen the true malice that wicked men are capable, and came back to warn those who might fall prey to such evil. I only ask you to be careful on this matter.
>walk around house barefoot
>mommy notices toes
>comments on how calloused the toes are
<anon why did YOU let your feet get like that why didnt YOU tell me (when you were a developing child) to buy you bigger shoes?????
>a little while later i have the opportunity to buy new shoes for Christmas (im actually forced to because apparently having the same shoe for years on end is a bad thing)
>get one thats cheap, unassuming, autism shoes essentially
>its a little big, barely a quarter inch or so at the toes
<anon you cant wear that they're too big for your feet they look ugly on you
I now understand why my toes are calloused.
I could also complain about how she only buys skinny fitting clothing for me like I'm some woman but at least she buys me clothes right? I feel like if i was younger id be more angry at her for "crippling" me, now i just take it as more reason to huddle inside my room
My toes and toenails are deformed because my mother was like this about shoe fitting too. She's of the opinion that shoes have to be very narrow and squeeze the toes tightly, because any wiggle space causes people to slip and break their ankles. It always seemed like total bullshit to me when I was a kid. Much later on I learned that it's because she broke an ankle once and became irrationally fearful of that kind of injury.
Feeling more easily irritated and mad at stuff as of late. Doesn't help that apparently they are raising the price of both water and electricity here in eurabia.
Everything I like is getting banned and now you even lower my standards of living. God I fucking hate being cattle to shitty evil bureaucrats. I wish nothing but painful suffering and a slow, excruciating pain to them and their entire families.
Why is good moderation so hard to come by in the past half decade? I have some ideas (one of the major issues with FOSS is any retard can just copy+paste, to name one case), but it is nevertheless ridiculous. It's frequently either "hands-off" or petty bullying.
Either someone is doing it out of feelings of personal responsibility or doing it in order to feel some level of power.
I'd take hands off over petty retards like discord trannies or reddit mod any day of the week.
This was easily the worst year of my life yet. I know I need to work on myself since I'm stuck in this shitty world but I don't have enough motivation for it.
Happy new year I guess.
I feel the same way. What's more, this will be the 1st new year's eve that I will spend completely alone as I moved out of my parent's house last year. I used to spend it in my room back then anyway but at least there were still people in the house who wished me a happy new year, now even that is gone.
If I don't change in 2022 then I'll off myself
Happy New Year!
Happy new year to you all, I don't think this place was ever so dead before, it might just be a phase though.
In the last years around this time, it always fellt as if the abyss was opening up below me, trying to suck me down, this time I got through it way better and even though externaly this year was worse, internaly I have become stronger, more calm and more resolved.
I don't know what the future holds for me, but I will try to continue fighting my way out of this bottomless pit.
Happy new year. What had driven this board before was both drama and the restatement of what a robot is and is not, there's not much to say on that. I can start posting about the things I'm interested on here, although it'll probably be mostly philosophy.
Happy new year
This year is definitely among the worst of my life, but I take some strange comfort in the fact that it was mostly caused by my own hand instead of some bullshit outside my control. All that said, I feel I learnt a thing or two this year.
Most of my problems were due to my own laziness or plain stupidity; I feel as if I got exactly what I deserved. Had I given my all and failed regardless, I probably would feel worse. However, I feel I have grown used to the terribleness of the whole thing, but I still have some hope for the future even if it may be unwarranted.
Happy New Year to everybody!
Happy New Year.
New Year sucked. Try to pal around with people and I'm just reminded that I'm an autistic retard that doesn't know how real people interact. Today all I have wanted to do is sleep and I feel perpetually tired but I just lie here awake for hours.
Coffee helped me with feeling perpetually tired. It's an odd curse.
woman thought it would be a good idea to take down the christmas tree right after chirstmas without asking anybody about it, and had the audacity to ask me to help her take it down. I still want the tree up, It doesnt affect anybody that the tree stays up for a week or 2 more. what was the point of putting it up if it means so little that youd want to take it down as soon after the sanctioned holiday date is done?
Was that your emotional support tree?
I've never heard of anything like that before. Most normal people leave it up until the 6th of January. It might be tradition, but most people I've met are really ademant about that.
Pretty light feel good.
You're right though, no point in getting angry over it. I decided to take the thing down myself. Why cause conflict when in the end ill be back in my room anyways.
I just dont like how one always has to be aware of women acting independently if they live with them. They'll throw out things that are yours, they want you to be considerate about them yet want to nag and badmouth you without retaliation. My wage is seasonal and she knows this but always gets mad at me whenever i get to stay home because there is no work. Only winning move is to shut up and take it but im not smart enough to do that sometimes
>what have I been doing recently
Reading 40k books, currently reading one about pertuabo and fulgrim. I faintly remember memes about pertuabo, they were generally positive, and after reading about him in this one book i understand why. Hes pretty relatable to "loser on the internet" types. He wants to be more than a warlord but out of necessity he grinds through seiges for the emperor. He gets sick of it and rebels with horus, but in doing so has to still fight wars. He wants to build, be a craftsman but is forced to grind through war.
Reminds me of Grinding through the wagecage in an attempt to get away from parents and to try and live comfily
This board is fucking dead, and I am glad it is. You will never be a real woman!
>Venting on IBs meanwhile is fine because you're anonymous and there's no social contract binding you to anyone, this means you get to be as vulnerable as you want without risk, but it also means it's no place to make friends. Seriously. Anyone who expects you to be his friend and get all personal like whether on an IB or "other" platforms (discord/IRC) is someone you should stay the fuck away from. Generally I advise against trying to make any true friends online as the success rate is very low, so do keep that in mind. Chances are you will have to leave the house and do outdoor activities and rebuild your social skills to make new friends, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that may be.
No, you are wrong. You are not anonymous anywhere online.
>IRC is bad
Go back to discord, retard.
God, you're pathetic.
Oh, and did I mention that jschan is terrible? :^)
It's fun, kind of. Hoping to land a programming related job and escape NEETdom with that, although I think that's mostly a dream, but regardlessI'm forcing myself to spend as much time learning as I can.
I withhold from masturbation for the month of January and now my head is filled with fantasies about:
>holding hands with a girl
>hugging said girl
>kissing her as my bride
>turning her into mother of our children
I like these kind of thoughts, but on the other hand they make me sadder, because I have no idea how to achieve anything like it in real life.
Joke's on you, i masturbate on a daily basis and i have the exact same fantasies, minus the having children part
>I have no idea how to achieve anything like it in real life.
get a dakimakura and indulge in hardcore "Inner fantasy" stuff, don't fall for the 3dpd meme i swear to shit
>they make me sadder
maintain a violent state of mind at all times, stay on the offensive, don't make compromises and live at the razor's edge
Well, normally these kind of thoughts are not as strong.
If I ever get my own place, then yes. Some of those near-life-sized dolls also look nice.
>violent state of mind at all times
That sounds dangerous. I´m afraid it could lead to me hurting somebody and I don´t want that.
Yesterday was my birthday.
Happy birthday even if it's a bit late. I hope you're doing fine.
How is it going? Do you have the stamina to pull through with even learning, let alone applying for a job? Also why did you pick JS and not any other?
I've been devoting the past two weeks to leetcode style problems using codewars and it's point system to give myself an arbitrary pacing system to motivate spending more time solving problems, and have gotten much more familiar with understanding these kinds of things, although I of course still have a whole lot to learn. It's not as difficult as I thought it'd be.
>Also why did you pick JS and not any other
Webdev seems like the lowest hanging fruit I could possibly go for. I'll try learning C at some point, probably sooner rather than later. Learning languages is fun and understanding DSA feels like a separate skill from language proficiency, once I get sufficiently competent with DSA I'll branch out to see what other languages feature. Switching to learning another language wouldn't offer me much gain right now. I don't know why people have trouble with learning, and teaching, languages when it's mainly understanding logic and understanding syntax.
I'd suggest learning how to program as a hobby to anyone sufficiently confident with their logical problem solving skill. Good time waster.
>Do you have the stamina to pull through with even learning
Definitely. Although I've hit a small block in my learning where I didn't do much of anything for the past two days, I think I've gotten bored with figuring out DSA so I'll try learning something else until I'm bored with that. Then again, I'm trying to figure out how to solve the N queens problem with one mandatory queen position, where N could be any number less than or equal to 1,000. A simple backtracking algorithm isn't going to cut it. First time I decided to read a research paper for any clues related to solving a problem.
>let alone applying for a job
I'm unsure if I'm capable of this but that's not going to happen anytime soon. Something to worry about next year probably. I'm not confident with my social skills, and I really don't know what I'm getting myself into.
I've been watching the news in Ukraine recently. Fascinating to see all the footage coming out of that country.
Ukraine never stood a chance. I am surprised they lasted as long as they did.
I genuinely want to see how this is going to end. I have no idea what Putin is planning to do, or how he plans to get out of this one after tanking the economy.
I don't care one bit what's happening in Ukraine itself. This whole affair is making me feel suicidal, and I haven't felt that way in a long time now. It's because I'm in one of those countries disproportionately swamped with fleeing opportunistic roasties. They're going to outcompete the local females when it comes to jobs, welfare and just about everything else. Being a fatherless NEET will no longer be sustainable if my mother happens to lose her job. I'm stuck living in a big city with rapidly growing living costs and moving somewhere rural isn't an option anymore because there's no jobs left. Virtually all job postings for the locals were taken off and replaced with Ukrainian language ones. I think the suicide rates will skyrocket once the economic impact hits in full scale.
One fatherless NEET to another I hope things don't end up going badly for you in this. Needing a job in the first place sucks and then being unable to find one probably makes it twice as bad. I would hate it if some other country's situation ended up being the reason I could no longer NEET like I can now. Hopefully it doesn't come to suicide for you since it sucks to lose a robot.
I have been wondering recently about the history of my state. I feel like that's the kind of thing that one would expect for old people to be into, probably because there used to be something of a respected American culture many decades ago, whereas (especially in literature) that has faded out. While the United States never had a traditional culture on par with European or Asian countries, it was probably most developed in the 1800s, then declining with the Second Industrial Revolution and coming to an end with the upheaval of the 1960s and '70s with the spread of television, the end of segregation, and the rise of the New Left.
Even in the 1920s, there was the Lost Generation and books published like The Sun Also Rises, The Great Gatsby, and The Age of Innocence.
Nowadays, I feel like any prominent, meaningful, and high quality literary movement in the United States would be an impossibility.
are you guys dead?
I still lurk here but I really don't have anything to say. /r9k/ was meant to be a place for robots to talk about things with fellow robots, but I think if any robot felt a need for conversation he'd probably find his time best spent somewhere else.
Not yet. I've been really busy these past few months. I learned that people expect more from you the older you get.
Very well, i lurked almost without posting on this community since the end of 2017, i know i'm still a newfag technically, but watching the absolute state of this place and the internet i used to enjoy before the great centralization/pozzing of everything, i really needed to talk about something or confess something before we run out of time.
Back then i wasn't really aware of imageboard culture and cared nothing about online communities (except when i needed to satisfy my autism about cartoons and games), and despised social networks with every cell of my body because for me and many others back then the internet was still something that should stay anonymous, instead of revealing your identity on the net, everything i wanted was to watch videos on youtube, play vidya and fuck around with my computer.
Then, i found some video about /leftypol/ and managed to find 8ch net, and infinitychan became my first imageboard site to lurk on.
Now i know a lot of the stuff above may be a good reason to bully me as well as blogposting too much, but the point of this post is to thank you guys, i really enjoyed my time spent on this community despite me being a literal ghost on the web, it managed to change me as a person and i enjoyed every discussion, funposting, and anti-normalfag sentiment. It breaks my heart knowing the most relatable community i've ever met in my life is now scattered and almost dead, so many robots lost since infinity got fucked and shit hitting the fan on .cafe and fatchan, i was thinking that maybe it's time for me to get off the internet and go on, but not before expressing myself at least one last time (i can count on a single hand how many posts i made since the discovery of /r9k/).
Despite not knowing too much about the history of this place because i never experienced the 4chan era personally, i want to express my gratitude to each and every single robot that can read this post or is lost out there in the world.
Thank you robots, thank you for existing, i wish a comfy life for all of you.
Over the past few days, I have used computers less often.
Quality forums are waning, YouTube is a hive mind with previously good channels either dead or trashed, and the news is pure propaganda. I would assume that the truth of the internet's decline deeply struck others earlier than myself, causing a gradual exodus.
The surprising thing is that we are still here at all. Our situation will probably end up like that of independent thinkers in earlier generations who, being profoundly alone, could only relate to rare authors and their words in books rather than people who they could interact with through the internet.
I guess things come back around after all.
I firmly believe that 8chan the best ImageBoard that has ever existed. I am glad I had the chance to experience it because I don't think that anything similar can or will be replicated in the future. The only thing left to do is try to carry on the torch.
I think that everything just feels the same now. Every website makes me feels like I am about to find the same type of discussions with the same kind of people in it. It's a hassle to read; they always use the same paper-thin arguments and name-calling. It's either that or zero discussion allowed. Even some smaller communities are like this, like some sites in the Webring.
It's worse in places like Youtube where almost every video is politically charged, the creator's opinion is an irrefutable fact, and the comment section is a dick sucking contest.
It seems that normal people have infested nearly every place on the internet. Nowadays, there's no tangible difference between places like reddit and 4chan; there wasn't a great difference back then, but they were clearly distinct places. I know 4chan is for faggots, you don't have to point that out
Even many years ago I felt that forums were plagued by aimless normalniggers. It was most visible in the off-topic sections which had the most traffic and were always populated mostly by people who barely posted in the thematic subforums. Since time immemorial, people only got along if they shared interests. They associated with different interest groups and respected their boundaries. Modern social engineering created the ultimate niggercattle that connects by their lack of interests and homogenizes every social sphere.
That being said, moderators were often insufferable faggots who stifled perfectly healthy and playful interactions by punishing even the slightest digressions and moving mostly informative posts to off-topic dumpsters. The best boards I've been to were the ones that maintained a good balance between established culture and being reasonably open to new members. After so many years online I'm just tired of seeing the same schemes play out everywhere. Either people are shunned over the most innocuous signs of being new and inexperienced, or malicious outsiders are allowed to completely replace the local culture with whatever shit they bring from outside. Freedom of association doesn't really work anymore.
That is something that has become increasingly prevalent over the years. Moderation just sits back as malicious outsiders just destroy their community. The moderators are usually always already in the new cliques the malicious outsiders form while doing nothing at all to stop the controlled destruction of their former communities. Then those same hypocrite moderators start insufferably circlejerking and proclaiming that there will never be anything like what came before so everyone should just give up for no reason. When they are blatantly wrong.
I'm sure I already got my own thread on r/inceltears or something. I'm back scrolling kiwifarms and leddit identifying with those "manchildren" who do everything to get just one bit of attention from whores. My confidence is forever gone.
I just want to sleep and forget about it all, but I just can't. I'm constanctly thinking of all the retarded shit I've done. The "cringe" just won't stop. How I have disgraced myself for this worthless foid...
holy shit. that's exactly what I've been experiencing over the last few years. I don't even know what it's like to have a functioning brain
We all make mistakes in the heat of passion, anon. The important part is whether you have the strength to forgive yourself and move on.
The fuck's your problem? Why are you acting like such an attention whore? Find a hobby or something, dude.
Even for Normalfags, it's common knowledge that you don't stick dick in crazy. Everybody knows they are not worth the hassle. After all, a pretty face doesn't matter if you have to always take care of a girl who might kill herself or do something retarded for no good reason.
You should calm down a bit and listen to >>3584. Everybody makes mistakes; however, it's on you how you handle failure. Try to learn from this experience. Additionally, I can tell that you are listening to the wrong kind of people for advice by the way you narrated the story. You must consider that whatever you read on the internet is extremely dependent on the kind of life that person has been leading. You are giving hypothetical women too much control over your life.
>your own thread on some random shithole
Only reinforcing what I said. Unless you were after someone important, you are overthinking thinking this. I highly doubt there's anybody that cares about what happens in this board, besides the 3 users, that one spammer, and the moderation that tries to keep the place clean.
@mods just delete this shit. I didn't mean to derail the thread into my autism blog or something. I'm sorry
I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I know I'm starting to believe you are just plain stupid. Maybe I am being needlessly rude, but I don't think you can understand any other way. Most of the problems here stem from the fact that you don't understand the situation.
Women work under their own internal logic, and you should behave acordingly when you interact with them. Most of them are pretty similar to eachother, but you are talking about an outlier. Something tells me you are trying to interact with an exception before you fully understand the common type.
Many things can be said about women and normalniggers; whether we liked them or hate them, we are forced to interact with them at one point or another. Therefore, I think it's important to understand them on a basic level.
However, I don't believe that's your biggest problem. I don't think you should kneel like that before anyone Be it a woman or a chinese cartoon. You should stop trying to live like a slave. Live for yourself and try to earn some pride.
>I know I'm in the wrong place to hold such views.
>I'll make sure to not give her any presents until I have at least talked to her
Your mistake was not giving her enough chicken tendies, bro. Ya blew it.
You're a failed normalfag, learn and adapt. Quit being such a pathetic retarded moron, and at the very least stop treating yourself like a pathetic retarded moron. You'd be pathetic regardless of whether you're surrounded by normalfags considering this is how you treat yourself. Your entire self-identity is founded on the perceptions that you believe other people have of you, of course you're going to be unstable. None of anything you post here is going to mean anything even a year from now, there's no discussion of any kind going on here consistently enough to consider your posts to be obstructive. Neither do these posts egregiously break any rules, other than skirting close to breaking rule 12, I don't think there's a reason to delete any of this. Although I'd prefer if you stopped posting so much 3DPD. Also, this isn't discord, you can't at people.
Yeah, forgive me for trying to be nice. People like that anon just want to get off on their own self-pity.
Isn’t it funny how this board comes back to life the moment that someone makes a fool of themselves?
You likely came from somewhere else. Boards like these sometimes attract "incel" types despite how they are failed normalfags because while they pretend to fiercely oppose societal conventions, many of them would accept the constraints of modern life gladly in exchange for friends, a girlfriend, and a decent spot in the social hierarchy.
They are even worse than normalfags because they subvert places like this more subtly.
>I'm starting to believe you are just plain stupid
Yes, that's the main thing that's been bothering me. Not that I got rejected.
>Something tells me you are trying to interact with an exception before you fully understand the common type.
This is very much true I think. I didn't even know how to interact with her on a basic level.
Normalfag would imply that I just got off the track somehow but I was never on in the first place.
The only friends I ever had were for videogames and to which all contact got cut after I lost interest in said media.
>many of them would accept the constraints of modern life gladly in exchange for friends, a girlfriend, and a decent spot in the social hierarchy.
That's not true. If I was a normalfag I would make sure to earn money to become independent from the system.
I don't consider myself as one. I browse various imageboards but have no place I would call my home. I also barely post anything. I'm like a ghost. Everywhere but nowhere at the same time. So I also don't usually shit places up like this.
It seems rude in retroperspect. But I'll gladly take your adivce.
Thanks the (you)s it made me reconsider my pathetic situation and maybe I'll finally be able to get a grip and forget about this crap.
It's not about being on or off any track, your actions both with the whore and in this thread have shown that your nature is that of a normalfaggot, whether you're good at it or not. Quit the self pitying shit and grow up you fucking loser, you acted like a retard and that's all there is to it.
You still haven't defined what makes a normafaggot.
I think you are just confusing normalfag for anyone who is just low intelligence/ selfunconcious.
From my understanding a robot still desires a gf while wizard has long transcended those desires.
You think this is some Volcel self asceticism forum?
You go and buy shit for some disgusting 3dpd roastie whore you met in fucking rehab of all places, begging her to accept you and then you try and say you aren't a failed normalfaggot? How fucking stupid are you? A murderer who doesn't succeed is still an attempted murderer, so what the fuck do you think a failed normalfag would be? If you weren't a normalnigger you would have recognized the fact that you were thinking with your dick long before you got into this situation of yours, and if you did not have the selfish mind and soul of a nigger you would not be crying about it for all this time. Who gives a fuck about the definitions of robots vs wizards vs volcel vs whatever, that is not the point of this conversation, the important part here is that I personally despise you, and the more you post the more i despise you. You talk like a retard with terms that expose the degenerate places that you browse and your lack of self-awareness (foid, simp, cringe, @mods) and your insistence to keep feeling sorry for yourself makes me want to gag. Please for the love of god keep browsing those other degenerate places and leave this nice lonely board alone to have no posts, no posts is better than your disgusting shit.
youve never been infatuated 2d or otherwise
What is that even supposed to mean? My post had nothing to do with infatuation, it had to do with being duped into buying shit for a 3dpd whore and then acting like a bitch about it.
Tomoko was and still is an extroverted and pleasure-seeking idiot, her only redeeming quality, if it could be called redeeming, being her eccentricity. She's overly self-conscious and therefore shy, caring a lot about how others perceive her while still sharing many qualities that makes the typical woman such bitches. She can very quickly become deeply envious when she thinks someone has something she desires, for example. Her eccentricity itself mostly comes from her otaku interests, her ethics and sense of morality probably coming from eroge and Japanese imageboards rather than from interacting with others in real life. She's, in essence, a parody of a 喪女, made explicitly clear and stated in the first chapter alone. Having said all that I think Asuka's view of her as a diligent girl is still true, Tomoko is weird but she's still nonetheless just a normal girl.
Watamote in general is built around taking jabs at the Japanese brand of social outcasts and losers, this being shown most with Tomoko's interactions with Hina. Out of all the characters I think Yuri best represents an introvert, although of the disagreeable and slightly psychotic kind rather than the self-conscious and therefore reserved kind. She doesn't care about anything beyond her own self-interests, she isn't socially outgoing although she does care about and like the few friends she does have, but otherwise she's alright with doing whatever and doesn't feel social anxiety or peer pressure. If anyone's on the spectrum it'd be her.
That's the blackest pill of them all :'^( I'd say that Watamote follows the natural progression of Tomoko. It's clear that she's autistic (or something along those lines), but she's still a woman, and those are all the same with some things. I don't personally like the pseudo-yuri the manga became, but the story is somewhat realistic because it's what would happen in real life. The creators probably ran out of ideas too.
>still reading/knowing the name of the characters
Why do you do this to yourself?
Watamote is a gag manga with some realistic elements sprinkled in to drive the plot. It's not wholly realistic, and I'm pretty sure the mangaka writing and drawing it are being held at gunpoint to ensure all the girls are explicitly or implicitly virgins as to prevent nation-wide riots. Realistically, Tomoko would've realized she doesn't actually want to be popular since she doesn't particularly like the type of people who are popular, which has sort of been hinted at and shown. Her group of friends are realistic, the yuri is not, someone like Uchi wouldn't grow to obsessively love her just because she's grosscute. And there's only so much you can do with, "The MC is a shy and socially passive weirdo who gets herself into embarrassing situations" without eventually getting psychological or philosophical. She could've remained a loner throughout the entirety of high school, but the current route she is in now is also kind of natural, I guess.
>Why do you do this to yourself?
A lot of the humor comes from knowledge of who the characters are and how they act, and what kind of girlish archetype they're supposed to be based on. I don't dislike any of the characters and I don't dislike what the manga has become either. I sort of understand why many people dislike Watamote now but I still like it. It ironically gave me a deeper understanding of how normal people think.
I think it's safe to say we mostly agree with this. However, I think you are giving a hypothetical real Tomoko too much credit maybe you are right, and Tomoko and the others would've been dicked to oblivion, and it's all just to keep manga going and the money rolling
In any case, I don't know if natural was the right word, maybe believable is better. It's not too outlandish to think that Tomoko would get some friends and the focus of the story would change. As far as I can recall, the manga was being written by both the creator and the artist (a woman), and it's loosely inspired by their lives (maybe I'm going senile and my brain made this up). Most of the things that happen are fairly reasonable even if it gets exagerated for comedic purposes at times. You could probably argue that that Uchi character is some crazy bitch, not too different from the ones you can find in our world. But, I can't truly comment about the current state of the series or most of the character interactions since I dropped it fairly quickly after the point the anime ends, and by the way you are describing it sounds just like a CGDCT. There might be more to it, but I don't know if it's worth reading up until the point it's actually at and who knows for how long they can keep it interesting.
Maybe someday I'll skim through the whole thing after it's over just for nostalgia sake. It might be pure and raw autism, but I can't start a series that hasn't ended yet.
You're not growing senile. Current Watamote is gross, but it still has the undercurrent of idealism that a lot of 2D has. Relationship problems are resolved nicely and quickly, no one is irredeemably vicious and nasty in a malicious sense, and if they are it's one or two characters who both are shown having redeeming qualities. Some characters are portrayed as sluts, but are secretly either innocent or innocent at heart. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's pretty gross. The more I think about it, the more I'm not entirely sure why I read it. I find the juxtaposition between idealism mixed with harsh reality saddening and a bit tragic, and I don't think tragedy is something to shy away from. It's not like heart-wrenching tragedy, more akin to, "oh yeah this also happens in real life, are you disgusted yet?" It skirts the edge of what I consider acceptable.
It gives the same feelings that some tango songs give me, of underlying resentment and discontent, I feel bad for the characters. For example, Hina (pink twin tail girl), who I'm not sure is shown much in the anime, talks about how she doesn't like to finish some stories because it makes her feel sad, that things are coming to an end. The anime she likes, CGDCT, by contrast to this often present their characters as existing without any true sense of time, things continue as they are idealistically and without end. This is something some anons also talk about, and I can empathize with the sentiment.
The thing that you are describing is the reason why I dislike most anime. Most artist seem incapable of commiting to a tragic style. They always tend to half-ass it at the middle point, even in something like the late Berserk. Although to be fair, I consider something like Fire Punch or Oyasumi Pum Pum to be even worse because they are needlessly cruel and have no real message. Something like early Watamote was cruel, but it did it for comedic purposes without any greater ambitions.
Going back to the topic, mustache twirling villain don't fit the new style of the series. Watamote clearly shifts from the dark 'cringe' comedy it once was to something more focused on the characters and their interactions. Even from what I can remember, there wasn't any true antagonist beyond her autism at the beggining, most people were fairly kind towards Tomoko; and by your description, I can gather that now it's something a bit more laid back while still retaining some semblance of an episodic conflict, but now in a more traditional slice of life manner involving more characters.
I apologizebeforehand for my uninformed opinion. It seems there's a bit more than I thought to the new Watamote, which doesn't necesarily mean it's good, but it's better than a CGDCT at least. It's honestly sad, Watamote always striked as a very original concept, but now it seems like a painfully mediocre yuri manga.
To answer your question; yes, if you want a real 3D girlfriend then you are indeed a normalfaggot and not a robot. A robot is a willing participant in his seperation from society.
Honestly it's kind of true. I don't understand how some men still remain so thirsty and desperate after years of celibacy, especially when they should know better. Don't these people fap enough?
One of the things that has been frustrating me over the past month is reflecting on the George Floyd protests of 2020. I didn't keep close track of them when they happened. I recall there being some posts on here or one of the previous sites alluding to it or to the general protests of 2020. That time has given me less than no faith in the public, especially in America, because it shows that people will neglect deep-seated societal issues blatantly staring them right in the face in a pandemic to virtue signal over a single dead man. I even recall a city that some of my family members live in being burnt down by these morons, not because of them attempting to start a revolution or anything like that but merely to chimp out. It's analogous to a frog flipping out over a speck of dust while in a pot of boiling water.
Passive or "fake rebel" attitudes would be less prevalent if the masses were merely not this disorganized and naive, but on the bright side, my life would feel insignificant and meaningless if everyone held a worldview or a personal psychology like mine or any of the other people on here. It also adds to the "dying world" feel of this society to see people being so passive and docile, reminding me of the many Brave New World-esque novels that I have read.
I suspect that I feel a subconscious desire to live in a society crawling towards its end because dying world novels and anime shows are so profoundly immersive and enjoyable to me. My life would have significantly less value if not for them.
I feel almost the same way. I don't even fit in on any IBs anymore, where some of the weirdest weirdos and outer outcasts are.
There used to be places on the net where I felt home, but not anymore, though I keep searching.
I think it's probably something wrong with me, and not these chans.
In a way I feel like I've become more and more like an NPC.
It's like I think less, I'm more absent-minded. I'm less creative, I don't have ideas anymore. I feel soulless/unconscious/not lucid. My attention span has gotten shorter, and I'm unable to simply sit down to focus, immerse myself and enjoy something. I'm restless and sort of tense.
Sometimes I'm scared of how fast time flies by, and I think it has something to do with a lack of true memories being made.
Memories made in front of a screen on the PC aren't "real", in a way. So my life has become like a slideshow with fewer images, so it goes by really fast, maybe.
I think this hikki lifestyle is rotting my brain. I used to think I'd be able to handle something like this well, and while I didn't go crazy, I still feel like I'm decomposing.
I notice that my thoughts often repeat over time, but I had a new one yesterday that struck me in amazement even though most would see it as obvious:
For each mass in the universe that possesses personal value and insight, there is an uncountable number that do not. I have to the side of my bed a single book where there is an ungodly number of others of similar size, including in my own room, that have little worth compared to it. There are whole libraries and masses as large as planets and stars with less value to me than that one obscure book which hardly anyone even knows of today.
I kept trying to tell people this is what happens to long term NEETs and got told I was being a normalfag and banned. Anime and video games cannot sustain a healthy mind or body so you end up rotting internally. Eventually you end up a husk with nothing but false memories about things that don't matter. Get out while you can and try to do something of value with your life (that value doesn't need to be a mainstream one. You can be the 80 year old dude who lives in a mansion made of discarded shopping carts if that's what gets you away from decomposing).
Fuck, reading your post it's like watching myself in a mirror.
I wasn't sure if it's the lack of social interaction, the world around be becoming more "normal" and therefore repetitive, or me becoming old and retarded despite being young for my age.
I am concerned expecially with the lack of creativity, and angry because the information overload i've been exposed for years makes my memories not clear and with few images.
Humans might be naturally social animals, but I think this is more because your brain is not being challenged. In my case, I am not reading and writting as much as I used to, and I feel that I'm getting worse at the latter. I am surprised by some of my earlier posts in here. I don't think I can write something as complex now. I feel like a retard to be honest.
Terminal neetdom is not a sustainable life style. Regardless of who you are, complete isolation will affect your mind if given enough time. Quoting an earlier post of mine:
>My goal is to escape from society and live like a hermit as long as I want. Achieving this is not going to be easy or fun, but if I succeed I'll have no regrets. If somehow I were to succeed, I would try to perfect my skills in various arts and attempt to transcend most human pleasures. I believe that all the suffering will be worth it once I achieved this.
>something more like a place (be it house or room) were I can stay away from most people for 1 or 2 months on and off. If I were to live in a tent innawoods, I would probably die a week in. Also, I am aware of the effects that total isolation can produce on the mind, that's why I don't think I could live completely cut off from society.
How long have you been a hikki?
>I kept trying to tell people this is what happens to long term NEETs and got told I was being a normalfag and banned. Anime and video games cannot sustain a healthy mind or body so you end up rotting internally.
So you are referring to long-term NEETs who extensively use computers?
But then you say...
>Get out while you can and try to do something of value with your life
So what do you think the most essential problem is? Is it a sedentary lifestyle or computer usage? Those are two different things even though we see them as interrelated nowadays.
The mindless consumption of entertainment over a long period of time (with little serious mental effort) fries someone's brain, but the people most pre-disposed to this tendency tend to be mindless to begin with. There are exceptions, but extensively consuming entertainment with little serious reading, writing, or thinking is commonplace among normalfags. If anyone reading this is doing it, they need to make it a declared goal to wean themselves off this behavior.
I want to feel as if you guys are still here but it's getting pretty difficult. I came to post here today because I talked to a redditcel at school about dating apps and how women are whores, as if there could be anything else to talk about. I didn't think it would take a turn when I told him that pussy isn't everything and that you should live for yourself(or your waifu) and that's when he became very defensive about his beliefs saying that his woes are caused solely by women neglecting him. I wanted to believe that redditcels can be turned away from animal behavior but it seems impossible. I think I'm done trying with those types.
You can try your hand at joining the book club if that interests you, if you haven't already participated I mean. Compared to a month or two ago this place has gotten a lot more activity, but it still remains that zzz/r9k/ doesn't get much activity. Without someone oddly motivated, like esoteric waifufag, posting there isn't much to talk about, without someone putting in the effort to think of something.
I understand the urge to want to have someone to talk to, and someone to have fun with or derive pleasure with, but I don't understand the normalfag's obsession with forming relationships. Although it might be more accurate to say I don't see the fun in their way of having fun, as ultimately interacting with and even fucking whores is demeaning to the man himself. Trying to understand a creature that doesn't think like a rational being, who are so infantile as to be nearly incapable of handling discomfort of any kind in the form of disagreement or that which is simply disagreeable doesn't yield much benefit. It's probably the case that normalfags are, if they're self-aware enough to understand their own motivations, trying to alleviate any sense of insecurity that comes with perceiving oneself as being unwanted, especially by roasties.
I don't necessarily want to be alone, I think it's wrong of me to sit in comfort by myself without at least attempting to challenge myself against the things life throws at me. If I interact with someone I understand my interaction as being a challenge to better myself, either in understanding of the world or understanding of what precisely it is I am and want. Interacting with normalfags, in contrast to the goals of my interaction, feels like interacting with a barely conscious animal. He can recognize things, he might point out new things, but he gives no mind to anything but his own base instincts. There's very little contrition in their way of thinking. I can't get along with such a person.
These people should be understood, if they're intelligent, to be captured by demons and addiction. If they're dumb or average, they're not doing much more than following the first thing that pops in their head. They can't see the conclusions to their own thoughts, a problem everyone has but is made even more immediate by their lack of mental scope, they'll live closer to the reality of trial and error.
Waifufags are also odd. Esoteric waifufag exemplifies the traits I find odd in them, how can you stay loyal to your waifu if she's only mental? An extraordinarily strong sense of love towards that character is a necessity, and I didn't feel any of that with him. He loved an ideal with no set shape or structure, he thought as long as he loved the ideal rather than the woman that would count as having a waifu. That doesn't make much sense, it's no longer about a person and just about what makes your penis tingly. It's gross, and it's not the pursuit of anything transcendent.
Lots of shit hitting all at the same time, moving places, having to go through the process of renewing all sorts of papers and licenses with the government, but I am nearly done with it all.
I can finally get back to my writing projects. It has been a while since I read all of the notes and have forgotten a lot of things, but I still remember the general gist of what I want to write, but forget a lot of the neat little details I wanted to include. They may still be somewere in one of text files, but I never organized them too well, so I don't know. It has been kind of hard to organize a lot of ideas lately. Always stuck between "fuck it" and just getting on with it, and wanting to plot out and organize every single little thing in autistic detail. If I try to do do the former, I write a few chapters, see how shit it is, and want to axe the whole thing. And if I try to do the latter, I end up with far too many bullet points and relationships to implement, and I can't write it all coherently. I am slowly getting better at it, learning to prioritize the main points and put the autistic details to the background, only incorporating them if they really fit.
I have also updated my /out/ gear. I have all the necesities - a water filter, rope, a hatchet, basic medkit, few days of food, a good knife, water, camo tarp, sleeping bag. The only safe way to camp out at night seems to be climbing up and tying yourself up in a dense tree, and cover yourself in camo to not been seen. I have been trying to make a kind of rope hammock thing, that I could slide my sleeping bag into, and tie it to a tree, so I only have to tie 2 ropes, and the whole thing sort of leans on a branch. The summer season is kind of a trade off - all of the leaves on the bushes and trees make it easier to stay hidden, but night is a lot shorter, so your probability of getting spotted by normallniggers increases. But overall it kind of averages out over the year.
I've been trying to read Inherit the Stars by James P. Hogan but I have bouts where it engages me so much that I speed through it and other times when I just trudge along as slow as humanly possible, I'm hesitant to try and read for the book club as my reading comprehension might be questionable sometimes and I have those irregular reading patterns I'd just described.
I'm the same when it comes to interactions with normalfags, where the conversation ends at their knowledge or interest's end. I would rather not interact with them at all, but it's impossible sometimes.
I myself have a waifu and the way I believe it is that it's comforting and uplifting confiding that there's such a person that defies the reality of women and normalfaggotry. Just knowing that she exists, maybe not in this plane of existence, is what saved me from the dread of being alone.
Thank you for reading and responding to my half-assed post though. It's still a shame that r9k has become a husk, and I admire anyone who stuck through with it after the 8chan implosion.
Watch the edge, fellow supreme gentleman.
Never optimize an algorithm prematurely, if only because optimizing it might prove such a massive headache both currently and in the future that it's not worth it to try to make your program run faster before it's even complete. In the end, your optimization might not even be needed. What I was trying to do wasn't even complex, just move all the elements in the array starting from an arbitrary point back one index, but somehow that ended with getch() crashing my program.
Haven't posted in a long while, here or anywhere, but I figured I might as well talk about this somewhere with someone: I'm planning to finally kill myself this year. I've finally come to the end of my rope. I have no friends, no prospects, almost no remaining interests, and absolutely no hope for the future. My relationships with my family are amiable, but shallow, distant, and largely superficial. People and the modern world are disappointing at best and infuriating at worst. I've been dealing with some health issues that aren't getting much better, and that I don't have the money or resources to fully fix. To top it all off, even if my life did a 180, and I suddenly became healthy and rich, I still wouldn't have anything to really live for because I exist on the brink of full-blown anhedonia. I have no motivation or drive of any kind, and each day I derive less and less pleasure from things I enjoy.
I've tried to look to spirituality, but none of the popular religions have ever truly appealed to me, and even much of the esoteric beliefs passed around here and there don't fully grab me either. It's not that there isn't merit in these things, but rather it is completely impossible to know what is true and what isn't, because it's all ultimately speculation on what lies beyond this life and this plane of existence, which is impossible to know until we get there, and that's all dependent on whether or not there is anything beyond life. So what it all comes down to is that I constantly feel directionless. I don't have anything spiritual, material, or anything else that I feel I can truly cling to. With all that being said, I figure it's as good a time as any to wrap things up and end my sorry life. I hope things are going better for you guys, at least.
I'm making a geimu. It's going okay, it's slightly harder than I expected but it's manageable. I'm learning about procedural terrain generation, specifically about noise generation, because I want to write all the libraries myself if I can, and because I find it fun. Once I get over terrain generation, NPC management, item storage management, and memory management progress should be made much faster.
>but rather it is completely impossible to know what is true and what isn't
I read Kant and that helped solidify the sentiment that it's not impossible to know, just incredibly difficult. There are some constants in our life and it's not something that exerts itself from a material basis. That it is impossible to know whether it's true or not is a dogmatic claim and Kant tries to run away from all dogma, instead relying on what is possible to know and from there making a religious and philosophical framework. Reason and the fact that things represent themselves as they are, and that their representations are entirely confined by our experience of them and not intrinsically an aspect of the thing in itself, is the basis of what is possible to know that he goes by. He critiques reason with reason, which is ironic but entirely possible. Reason is a strangely consistent thing and not a bad thing to set one's foundations on.
It'd be hypocritical of me to tell you to reconsider. God does love you regardless. I have things I still want to do and I find meaning in being capable of irrational resistance against unwinnable odds.
What kind of game are you making, anon? When you mentioned procedural terrain generation, it made me think of TES 2: Daggerfall, which is a game I really enjoy. Also, judging by the other aspects you mentioned, it sounds like a possible RPG. At any rate it sounds interesting.
I haven't read Kant, but I will certainly look into it. I have an external HDD with a bunch of PDFs, but I don't recall whether or not I had any of Kant's works, but I'll check.
>Reason is a strangely consistent thing and not a bad thing to set one's foundations on.
This certainly appeals to me as I have never been capable of employing faith in any capacity in my life, even when I've really wanted to. I just can't bring myself to believe in something without solid evidence. Probably the most faith-based thing I have ever done is meditation, but even that has scientifically proven benefits.
>God does love you regardless.
I wish I could believe that, but I'm not sure that I can. I know that on the one hand, I have been fortunate to spend most of my life with a fairly healthy body and relatively keen mind. I've also never been in too great a danger of going hungry or homeless. On the other hand, however, I have always been an outcast, unable to form meaningful connections with the people around me. And I, like everyone else currently on this planet, have been born into a time rife with lies, chaos, and suffering to such a degree that it has tarnished my very soul. If there is one god that presides over this plane of existence, and if he does love me, then I can't understand why he would condemn me to live in an environment that hurts me so deeply and has so thoroughly broken my spirit, while simultaneously promoting such little growth. It's all so confusing because I don't know what I could have done to deserve this kind of suffering, yet I also understand that I am a deeply flawed person, and not likely deserving of love. You could be right that god loves me, and I sort of hope you are, but I really can't see it.
I know you probably just posted this for a quick laugh, but no, I won't be streaming anything. My death, like my life, will be a private matter.
>What kind of game are you making
The best way to describe my vision is Rimworld except not so brain dead. It wouldn't be hard to convert it to an RPG but it'd defeat the purpose of watching a village/town be made over the generations. My main hope is to somewhat accurately simulate how real cultures develop, from how crop choice affects a society's cultural development to how they store and transmit information from one generation to the next effecting how quickly, or slowly, the progress both in terms of technology and, well, culture. The method I want to achieve this with is giving each NPC its own set of skills and "blueprints" that need to be passed on in order for it to remain within a group. So, there's no metaphysical research tree where once a node is unlocked, all NPCs magically have access to that metaphysical pool of knowledge, it's instead dependent on actually transmitting knowledge, and if certain NPCs are killed or for some reason can't transmit that information, the knowledge is permanently lost. At least, until it's discovered again.
I'm looking to make it as random as I possibly can. Which isn't all that random, since if I were to simulate everything from evolution, realistic domestication of plants and animals, or even just giving NPCs realistic genes that affect everything about them, in a realistic way I don't think it'd really affect the player's sense of things being real. I want it to be mostly interesting rather than realistic, and real randomness won't add to that. Nor is that computationally possible.
For now my goal is to reach a state where a single "village" is capable of handling 100 NPCs, with the skills, personality, and lifestyle-management working as I would like them to. But there's a lot of work that needs to be done before I get to the point of worrying about that specifically. For now it's terrain generation -> handling crops (handling how items are stored in the map) -> room management (rooms being the central hub that I'd like to focus most gameplay) -> NPC interaction.
A lot of games focus on skills being learned independently rather than something fundamentally cultural and I'd like to get away from that. My ideas are just a rough outline and it'll definitely change as I learn more about what's easy to do and what's difficult, or just impossible. Culture itself isn't all that defined and it might end up being "Group A belongs to X village and share lineage with Group B who belong to Y village. Group A and Group B share Z skills in common with each other, and are of common lineage, so they are part of Ethnicity A of Culture A." I'd be happy with just getting the technology mechanics down, as I'd personally find that in itself interesting enough to spend a couple hours playing with, but even this would require a lot of discoverable skills to make interesting.
In all it's very ambitious and definitely not something a lone amateur programmer should consider doing, but I have the free time.
>then I can't understand why he would condemn me to live in an environment that hurts me so deeply and has so thoroughly broken my spirit
Job 3:11 where Job says it would've been better that he was born dead, lamenting and cursing life itself, told by a man who wasn't deserving of punishment or evil as he lived a righteous life. Even Jesus himself died in misery. God didn't rebuke Job for cursing life, or for considering it better to be dead than alive, which I take to mean that life really isn't worth living. The entirety of Ecclesiastes would be called nihilistic if anyone were to speak it today. What does me saying this have to do with God loving you? I mean to say that pleasure and comfort aren't things that God promised to us in this life. I have my own doubts about Christianity but I find it more compelling than other religions or spiritual philosophies. It certainly isn't about comfort. And God's love isn't about wanting us to live in comfort.
Post was too long.
It might be personal bias and not reflective of what the Bible teaches, but I find beauty in being capable of wanting to do good despite suffering. My faith is merely me wanting there to be something that gives meaning to my suffering and I find that life is more tolerable when I at least pretend this is true.
>I just can't bring myself to believe in something without solid evidence
At the very least, the sentiment you hold for wanting to have faith in something is real. As much as, "it was real to me" is a meme, it's nonetheless true that the experiences you do have are very much real to you.
Haven't visited /r9k/ in a while, I never really liked this place but always find my way coming back to it.
>I feel like a pariah
>I don't even fit in on any imageboards anymore
Not to sound stalwart and high & mighty but imageboards are populated have become populated with outsiders/normalfags from Gamergate, Trump's presidency, and social media exposure. It also has to do with you growing up no matter how decrepit or slow that may be, and that the posters you posted along side with have grown and changed themselves most-likely moving on from them.
This is why I stopped using /r9k/. The constant bitterness, semantics, pretention, and people calling me a normalfag or retard for my observations and solutions (I admit I was rude about at times) towards the end of 8ch put a permanent disdain in me for this board, and getting fucked multiple times in a row by the webring sort of killed it anyway. I'm torn between a comradery and loathing with this place.
It really is.
The past couple of days have been confusingly hot, and now we're getting the first real "summer" rain.
It's so good.
kek I know where you're coming from, but I was also around when /r9k/ first got tried, and that was a long time before trump and a long time after https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September (yes I used to download my favorite USENET groups in the morning before the phone rates went up. tin best newsreader.)
Meet the new boss same as the old boss, as the zappa boomers used to tell me. All you can really do in life is find what you enjoy and enjoy it. I have few regrets about how to waste my time online. Cheers!
I was there for a good portion of it from the general halcyon days to when Swomy/Swami got a hold of the board, /spintbane9/, April Fools 2015 I think when the word filter was used to turn everything into babble, the shift of the board to a Wizchan without the pacifism/resignation, that 3rd(?) mod who pissed everyone off so much that some of moved to /v9k/, belligerent /pol/-tier attitudes and neurotic purity spiraling that killed the board, getting fucked over in the webring. It's pathetic for caring about and keeping track about this stuff in the slightest even if it's just automatic.
Your game does sound ambitious, but also very fascinating. I definitely like the idea of passing down skills and knowledge through the generations, I think it adds more to the value of the individual villagers as well as the civilization as a whole. Not only that, but it's not a mechanic that I have seen used in any other game I can personally think of. The culture system is also interesting. I do think, however (though you may have already thought of this) that the concepts of shared lineage and culture would need to represent themselves visually, as opposed to strictly back-end, inherent traits. For example, modern civilizations often pay homage to preceding cultures through their art and architecture, retaining a familiar aesthetic and thus make modern works that resemble works of the past, like modern Japanese entertainment, advertisement, festivals, etc. paying homage to feudal Japan and including depictions of ninjas and samurai. If you can implement these well enough, it would certainly be the kind of mechanics that would pique the interest of players and other developers, and could possibly even influence a few new standards in the genre. Not that I mean to be overly optimistic or put undue pressure on you, but I think you have some genuinely good ideas. I hope it works out and well and proves to be a truly rewarding experience for you, anon.
>I mean to say that pleasure and comfort aren't things that God promised to us in this life.
I don't doubt that for a moment, any robot's life is proof of that. What bothers me most, however, is the fact that I don't feel like I've grown all that much, or even been given much of an opportunity or reason to grow, other than being told many times that self-cultivation is a noble pursuit and obviously better than sinking into stagnation and degeneracy. My father was an arguably abusive man, screaming at me and spanking me regularly as punishment for even the smallest offense. I spent much of my childhood shy and timid for fear of making a mistake and evoking my father's wrath. Aside from that, neither of parents ever encouraged me to take risks or try new things other than a handful of things they personally value, so I never knew what truly interested me until I was an adult. Even other adults like teachers would discourage me from the things I found an interest in. So naturally I ended up doing nothing because I couldn't pursue things I liked and hated what people wanted me to be. So very often I am burdened with the question "what is the point to any of this?" I feel like I have suffered plenty, but have very little to show for it, no prospects, no skills, no purpose, just misery and self-loathing.
I often feel the same. Despite everything I've talked about up to this point, if I die and find that my life and my pain were a way of preparing my soul to serve some greater good, I wouldn't be nearly as depressed or angry as I am. It's actually a very big part of why I hate life on Earth. I see the lies, the corruption, the malice, and I'm furious that I'm powerless against it because the people most responsible for the world becoming what it is now have far too much power to be significantly hurt by one man, and obviously a robot is not the kind of person who can inspire and rally others to his cause. So I feel like I'm stuck watching everything decay around me, watching others suffer and suffering myself, but I can't do a thing about it. It's also why I doubt that any god that would intentionally put a person in this situation would do so out of love. Of course for all I know, there could be some piece to the puzzle that I wont be aware of until after I leave this life. I guess that's all I can really hope for now.
fencecat will always be happy
>that the concepts of shared lineage and culture would need to represent themselves visually
This is possible but it'd depend on whether the game is 2D or 3D, and whether or not it'd have to be emergent from an in-game culture's history. Someone could make a template for a certain style of architecture, and a template for a certain style of dress, and so on, and certain cultures generate certain forms of architecture using that kind of style, but it'll ultimately be reliant on what the artist has decided to dedicate himself drawing. It wouldn't be emergent. Rimworld is a 2D game so most culture, which they call ideology, is just personal preference of dress and certain unique structures that an ideology has decided is unique to it. It's really boring, and not well thought out. But that's also a really simple example of your idea being played out, and people find that interesting enough to play. It's also very hard to do something more complex.
You can look at this video to get an idea of what I mean by it being possible. If I ever get to something like this, which I don't think I ever would, it'd probably use something like the algorithm shown.
Both dwarf fortress and rimworld store memories of events that the NPCs lived through, like if one of them ate a meal a statue of him eating a meal might be made. That sort of thing. That's mostly non-visual, though, you just have to pretend that it's something that isn't text.
>I guess that's all I can really hope for now
I don't mean to flex on you by saying all this. It's autistic to try to cheer you up by prattling on about my own interests. I'll pray for you, anon, even if you don't believe it means anything to do so. I'll stop with the platitudes now.
>Rimworld is a 2D game so most culture, which they call ideology, is just personal preference of dress and certain unique structures that an ideology has decided is unique to it.
>that's also a really simple example of your idea being played out, and people find that interesting enough to play.
I think that's really all you would need for your game as well. Nothing too complex, just something that shows off some of a village's culture at a glance. It would be just be a little extra flavoring to add to your primary concepts of cultural advancement and skills passed through apprenticeship. It may not seem too spectacular, and in truth it's not, but I'm willing to bet players will appreciate those little touches here and there.
>You can look at this video to get an idea of what I mean by it being possible.
Interesting stuff. I'm not very versed in programming, and I've never done anything in game design, so this is the first time I've seen something like this wave function collapse. While I was watching it, I immediately thought that it could be (or likely has been) used for creating roguelike dungeons, among other things. At any rate, you know far more about all of this than I do, so I'm certain you'll make something impressive. I still plan to kill myself, but not for a good while, so I wouldn't mind hearing about your progress from time to time.
>I don't mean to flex on you by saying all this.
No need to worry, anon, I don't take offense to anything you've said nor do I perceive it as some form of flexing or boasting. I know you're just offering whatever you feel would be most helpful and I truly appreciate it.
>I'll pray for you
I appreciate this too, even if I'm not sure whether or not it helps anything, it is still very kind of you. Thank you anon.
People didn't actually care that you left they cared bout keeping up the appearance that they cared, They wanted to get that dopamine fix and they used this event in order to achieve it.
Yeah, I am feeling that currently. I don't really know how to talk to anyone. Even reading half of the posts by the anons on this board I feel unable to relate to these people.
My whole family is dead and I have never had anyone mny whole life. I'm not hikki though because I don't want to die or fear homelessness so I went and got a job but at this point in my life in my late 30xs I feel unable to relate to anyone. I desire hikkimori life style, but, I don't understand how to generate a passive source of income.
Haven't posted here for a long time. I used to spend a lot of time on this board. Don't get me wrong, I still love this /r9k/. But the thing is, I'm getting more miserable everyday, i can feel it. I'm going to explode soon.
I can relate to people in small ways on some occasions, but I think it's a somewhat common thing for robots to feel like the 'eternal outsiders' even among other robots.
I know how you feel. Back when 8chan was still around (before kunt and moe) I would post on a few boards and lurk several others, visiting the site on a daily basis. Over the years, however, as things became more fragmented I would browse and post less and less. It got to the point where I would only post on current /r9k/ and lurk other places on occasion, but I hardly even do that anymore. I too have become increasingly more miserable with each passing day. I look out at the world and I feel a mixture of disappointment and disgust, that's why I made the decision to commit sudoku later this year.
I've seen little sparks of hope here and there that the normalfags are finally waking up in some small capacity, and may actually push back within our natural lifetime, but at this point I'm not sure I care anymore. I've sort of known for some time that things wouldn't improve until we are either dead or too old to really enjoy the next 'golden age' but this whole process is so slow and grueling that I no longer care to witness any of it. I say this mainly because even when the uprising eventually comes, it will likely be lead by people who know some of the truth about things, but not enough to make any permanent fixes, meaning it will only be a matter of time before the kikes/globalists/cabal/etc. return to power and ruin everything all over again. This makes it all seem pointless, so I'm done playing at a game I can't win.
I'm sorry if I went on a bit of a tangent or rambled at all. I'm also sorry if I made anyone's day bleaker with my post, I just don't really have anywhere else to talk about these things.
Hey I'm just depressed, but I don't think I will ever kill myself. Worst case scenario I would just drown myself in some form of escape and slowly ruin my life. I don't have what it takes to kill myself. But lately the depression been slowly creeping up and just won't go away. I don't think I have ever felt this sad before. If I really tried my best, lucky I will be mostly satisfied in a decade.
>lately the depression been slowly creeping up and just won't go away.
I have found that this happens to me more and more as I get older. I look at my life and the world, the missed or denied opportunities, the unfulfilled dreams, and I quickly fall into despair. Don't let that discourage you, however, as my decision on my fate was more a result of logic than emotion. I, like many robots, have never really found a place or a purpose here on Earth. I often look at my life, what it is and what it has been, and feel as though my very existence here was a mistake. I even thought about what I would do if I ever received a large sum of money, as many people see that as a 'new lease on life', but even then it wouldn't really change the fact that my life is more or less pointless. I no longer has any drive or desire to participate in this world, so I figure I may as well get out now rather than delay the inevitable, all while having to deal with whatever chaos the world and ((( certain groups ))) decide to drum up next.
With that being said, I would wish neither to encourage nor discourage you from suicide. I hope that whatever you or any other robot decides to do in life, that works out in the best way possible, and if there is any helpful advice I could possibly give I would be more than happy to do so.
>the first to go are the violent ones going berserk against normalfags
>then those killing themselves
>then those people who don't want to kill themselves, but will self-destruct to cope with their surroundings (me included)
If evolution is real, at some point we're going to find a way to culturally reproduce, but i don't think it's going to happen without becoming a cuck like failed normalfags.
i don't think we are that big of a group, i feel more that the lowest ends of humanity will form temporary "robot" groups but will always die out
>i feel more that the lowest ends of humanity will form temporary "robot" groups
I'm not sure I would use the word 'lowest' to describe a robot, but I guess that's how normalfags see us so it is applicable. Other than that I think you're right. Robot "culture" is in no way evolutionary, genetic, nor does it have any geographical restrictions. A robot is, at his core and put most simply, an outcast from whatever society he is born into. Thus the creation of a robot is, in a sense, a naturally occurring phenomenon, as there will always be those who struggle, fail, or outright refuse to fit in.
Sooner or later you must realize that being an outcast in our current "society" is a badge of honor, all memes and jokes aside, unironically TM
Depends on how you specifically define a "robot". In the sense that this place has defined it, it's probably closer to the result of a degenerate, originally literate and linguistically creative culture's inability to assimilate, reconcile, or even understand the behavioral extremes of its own populace. I think most robots would've find a place in their community if only the community accepted eccentric introverts as another facet of the human condition, even if that place wouldn't be central to it. Undiluted niggers don't really produce robots, although they can of course produce losers. I think it's like saying hikikomori isn't a phenomena unique to Japan, instead something universal, that a person only needs to not leave his house in order to qualify. In reality, they have a unique culture and unique genetic outlook on life that dictates what exactly a hikikomori really is, outside of what he physically does in the most low resolution way of describing the phenomena.
Robots even here still say they don't relate to their fellow posters. I wonder if it comes from a place of stubbornness. If this were so, then that stubbornness would be just another aspect of what kind of people robots are.
>will form temporary "robot" groups but will always die out
Cool. fucking lovecraftian reality
the hobby thread is literally no more so i can't post it there, the book club i feel is more for reading as opposed to posting OC, same thing with the general media thread i get the feeling that the focus is more about sharing and using than making, the drawnigger thread is for DRAWniggers, and this is written OC, im not gonna make an entire new thread just so i can post ONE OC
of course i could always "politely ask" where would be the most correct place to post OC, but i don't do bureocracy, so get fucked
enjoy 52 pages of non-stop literary onslaught
The obsession some people have with attempting to deconstruct reality as it is taught to them in order to return to a more natural, naive, native faith means nothing in the face of the reality that the limitations placed on men requires certain things to be fulfilled before any further inquiry could reasonably, or safely, be made. There's nothing unique about a child's mindset outside of, perhaps, his natural inquisitiveness. The ideas I had as a five year old aren't special, the spirit of wanting to know more is special in the way that it allows me to know more. In the same way, the ideas of those who've lived before us isn't inherently of higher quality. I don't like dogma and I prefer an approach that is ruthlessly self-critical, inward reflecting, and almost nihilistic in its pursuit towards absolute destruction of anything that could be destroyed.
All of the things wrong with the west is a mere extension of what made the west at some point good. Feminism and equality is just an extension of fairness without taking into account what sort of beings this extension encompasses. The idea of fairness, as it exists as an emotion and not as a rule, is wanting what is best for others. In the same way that suicide is seen as an evil, because it removes the possibility of any further good being done, limiting a people for the sake of protecting them from themselves only serves to remove any possibility of striving, or any possibility of them making a life for themselves that is good in itself. The idea of hope and the idea of people being capable of being more than what they are is the natural conclusion of believing that fairness is good and that striving, development, progress is good. It's an extension of the law without any consideration of the spirit that it sought to define. In doing so it endlessly seeks the reification of its own forgotten spirit, it is good because it causes good effects, rather than what was good existed because goodness is good in itself.
The idea of experience, effects, somehow being good in itself, that a person is made up of his experiences, that his assimilated self made up of experiences that he sought out to define himself as, is a poorly draped over slave moralist attempting his best at finding refuge once again in the lack of epistemological knowledge. You can't unlearn the knowledge that what one knows and experiences is not reality in itself. A person exists outside of his own perception, the fabrication of his own experience is made up within his own subconscious, this is inescapable. The idea of forgetting anything at all in order to acquire wisdom is an implicit rejection of truth as an experience and as a sensation. And it's an implicit affirmation of noumenal truth, of a truth that exists independent of experience that can be learned and sought out, but never is native within a person, and never can truly be experienced by the person. There is no reset, only an attempt at redefining one's own past from the perspective of an older, more mature, perhaps more insane mind.
You ascribe supernatural justification to a reality that exists outside of common perception without understanding that regardless of what viewpoint one has, either wisdom or knowledge, of the lightning of wisdom or the mere data of materialism, it's meaningless and as groundless as any belief in a noumenal reality being subject to your own fabricated experiences and understandings. Everything is an invention without any basis within noumena, an extension of self-critique through rationality, or perhaps an extension of the motives of your own personal construals of the emotions that you feel reality holds, in all cases it's not even right to call your perception to be an experience. You perception started before experience, sensation, or insight could even be known as a concept.
From your own, ironic, inability to remember that your reality both defined by others and defined by self is a mere fabrication, you ascribe too much autonomous ability to yourself and to others. It's a post-hoc rationalization, and realization that one is made up of things that one is never in control of, a belief that since one's personality is defined by the a priori perspective of his own existence one must naturally be in full control over what one does to himself. Rather than the prison being an outward, external force being placed on the person, it's an inward limitation, an inability to realize what one already has. Both positions are delusional. I suppose this delusion is born from the inability to understand the concept of time, that since theoretically one could be at some point without mental limitation, it must've been always so, rather than that release being made from the buildup of every point prior to its happening. One can't eat of an apple that was never even thought of before, and if one were to introduce the idea, it wasn't as if that apple was always known. Something could always be hypothetically available but entirely unavailable due to there being no possibility for any acquisition of what mentally doesn't exist at all.
There is no method, there is no wisdom, there is no possibility of release without a method being outlined. But I suppose this analogy falls flat if one instead goes the direction of rejecting an existence being made with limitations.
You fall too hard on the semantic meaning of words, like believing that "killing is wrong" is meant to mean that "kill is wrong" rather than "in most circumstances that everyday people are accustomed to, the act of taking another's life is wrong. Both because killing in itself is somehow terrible, but because the circumstance of everyday people can't exist when the coarsest of rebellions against our external and internal condition is put under the threat of death". I doubt anyone else thought of it this way, but as a kid this is how I thought of it. Rules only exist within a circumstance, and fall apart when applied to one whose logic is entirely different. Having said that, your description of this kind of behavior is right:
>the pasu believes in «Morality» in so much as, in the same way that looking into a mirror, it validates its existance, it is yet another label to become and use as a crutch to maintain the fickle illusion that conforms the Pasu”s existance
We exist within a universe where death is the absolute annihilation of the individual, and within a universe where those who no longer exist can no longer have any influence. I don't understand how someone could see this and, instead of blaming the structure that we exist within, is enthused and excited by the prospect of casting all blame on the survivor for failing to kill himself. Although I could understand wanting to completely annihilate this will to power, but the conditions that enforced this method of survival will continue to exist.
You write much better when you're casting scathing remarks over the hypocrisy of normalfags, and on their inability to engage in intellectual works, than you are at laying at anything resembling wisdom. Although I wonder if this is what the personality you've constructed for yourself is intended for, in an ironic self-flagellation through self-glorificaiton.
Your own spiritual beliefs still fail, and is as disgusting, as any normalfags, for the same reason that you ascribe reality to be what one senses, experiences, understands, lives, does, in your perception being noumena, not in being a nihilistic, delusional construction, an empty self-serving platitude. You've not personally killed yourself and you've not personally escaped the same circumstance that forces a normalfag to conclude that his own experiences, his own wisdom, is reality in itself, that because he feels pain it must necessarily be true that reality is also true
I do find your description of the failure of narcissus to be a bit poetic and insightful. God knows that is what I am.
Your chapter IV description of materialism is more agreeable to me than your previous ramblings on it. Although I'd call this the idiot's obsession with 'power' as it exists most literally in reality, as material power. Some autistics and aspies go a bit further, and say that the power of material reality lies in mathematical logic, but nonetheless all of this fails to take into account one's own perception. People dismiss emotions on the basis that it's too ephemeral, but don't see the irony in dismissing emotions, perhaps the constructive emotional perspective that frames our entire perception of reality in itself (for more on this I'd suggest reading Emotions: an Essay in Aid of Moral Psychology by Robert C. Roberts), but not in the same time dismissing rationality as well.
Your dismissive attitude towards the concept of time is anti-Kantian, and if I were to argue against it I would simply say that it's incomprehensible to think in a way that time doesn't automatically inhabit. Although I imagine you would disagree, on the basis that you could think of a situation where this isn't true. It's hypothetically possible but it's a leap of faith to assume it's real, and if you were then I'd assume you'd also accept that all lies aren't really lies in essence, that all things are true. I'd call this intentionally forgetting an aspect of oneself, and not at all philosophy.
I don't think the divine could be understood by the heart or anything resembling the human facilities. It is as if assuming one could see the metaphysical structure that creates our very existence. You can not understand something that by default builds your understanding, it's forever out of sight. Although I think category theorists would disagree with me.
If I were to throw in my own spiritual dogma I'd say truth is constantly unfolding, that although somethings are bound to happen it's not true to say it exists before its own conception. Ex Nihilo, not before nothing. I admit this is just making my own mental limitations into spiritual dogma, but if I were to be self-consistent I would have to believe this. If I didn't I'd just reinvent it.
I agree with you on the exertion of presence but this silently submits to the power of others over your own meaning. I'll withhold on giving my own perspective on what is meaningful and why it's meaningful. I'm trying to figure out Madoka Magica Rebellion in order to answer this specific question, of what is meaning and whether the exertion of presence, and the exertion of proof of existence, is required for there to be anything true at all. Madoka is good because she is good, and although she self-actualizes through self-sacrifice, Homura wants to prove to her that she doesn't need to do this. That the world she loves is in itself lovely, and especially instill in her the idea that her soul is valuable and shouldn't be sold off for anything in the world. Homura hasn't achieved this by the end of the movie, as her own universe is built within the structure of Kyuubey's own perspective, and Kyuubey's perspective demands that a thing must only be true if it can be verified as true. So, Madoka MUST kill herself in order to prove herself not worthless, Homura MUST suffer in order to protect Madoka, Sayaka MUST run herself into despair in order to know herself, Kyouko MUST be burned by the reality that her self-sacrifice is pointless, Mami MUST live for herself and only herself if she wants to continue living, etc. I don't know.
You continue to assert your own self-existence through experience, not realizing that your experience is self-fabricated. You existed before your own experience.
Your description of false humility is accurate but mostly useless. It's a narccisists attempt to not be so narcissistic.
Final thoughts: don't read Evola or Guenon because they're both gay, and I think it's self-refuting to hunt anything as if that'd have any meaningful effect within your own spiritual framework. I can't help but find ways to love others, and I find this love to be a powerful motivator in itself even if it overlaps with feelings of intense resentment over people not being what I want them to be. Also stop masturbating.
Also, I think the right place for this is in the esoteric thread, but I understand that that'd net you less traffic than if you were to post here. You're not retarded and I can assume that you'd be elegant if only you put in an effort to be.
The amount of media/music/information that's going to vanish if youtube ever stops existing as a website is insane.
I try to save everything important that i see and so much has been lost to time. Sometimes people say very interesting stuff and i forget to write it down somewhere
same, it's still somewhat comfortable, a break from the world around me even if it's a shorter break than how it used to be
>I'm sorry if I went on a bit of a tangent or rambled at all. I'm also sorry if I made anyone's day bleaker with my post, I just don't really have anywhere else to talk about these things.
Just post what you want to post and talk about, anon. This is the last place you should be worrying about when it comes to making other's days bleaker.
Contaminated by sophisms, <<The Thing>> or "Schizoid Engaged" as i named it myself wasn't written 4u, i could spend hours refuting you but the thing is i wouldn't say anything i did not write in the book already, its not me being "wrong" (this can be corroborated by simply picking up anything by Plotinius or the like and realizing none of what i wrote contradicts them) as pedantic as this sounds, it is you being braindamaged, that's on one hand
on the other hand, *Im not your fucking nanny*, i read, i contemplated, i sought and i found, im not gonna do the work for you, <<Schizoid Engaged>> is a primer, you do the work you lazy fuck
>the esoteric thread
The point of <<Schizoid Engaged>> is getting you out of preconcieved thought-patterns, it is intended to make the average faggot stop worrying about shit like "The Great Reset" or Corona-chan and other fear-mongering psyops aswell as think-tanks meant to derail yo uand get you into meme activism, and make you rely on your guts and think about what YOU want.
Everyone want's to sell you something, the point of <<Schizoid Engaged>> is to get you in a mindset where you don't buy shit from anyone, and provide you a bibliography of "Out of the Loop" books, you know, books that won't tell you to join your local LARPfascists and go on a meme political rally that will get you arrested and fucked over while ultimately changing nothing, or that won't tell you to do "Magic" to summon "Monster Girls" and play on your insecurities and fears so you spend your entire life hoping for things that will never happen and being on the verge of a emotional breakdown 24/7 (and then proceed to have one whenever your meme predictions don't come true)
is USES esotericism, but it is not the goal
Why jewtube? back when the Library of Alexandria, was burned into the ground by christcucks a insane ammount of writtings were lost, there is also a indeterminate ammount of writters, philosophers whathaveyou, per every Kierkegaard and every Pythagoras there were probably 30-50 more guys like that doing things similar to them, they just weren't as lucky/providence didn't allow it for them to be on the spotlight, their works never to see the light of the day, nevermind the fact that there are places you will never be in, things you will never know, books you will never read, songs you will never listen
the truth about certain places in history will never be known, lets not even talk about the Universe with a capital U and all the insane shit that happens there and ((( Astronomers ))) keep from you in the same way that ((( Mathematicians ))) conveniently ignore all the mathematical theorems that proove God with a capital G is a "real" thing
the scale of "Reality" is so insanely fucking gargantuan, it seems weird to just focalice on a corporate shithole, specially because most of the interesting stuff got probably filtered by now, i mean seriously, what's there on jewtube besides tiktok-meme shit, half-assed tutorials, pseudo armchair "historians" oversimplifying historical topics and being colossal dilletantes to inflate the ego of a brainlet audience, and Vtuber autism, wich is really just preying on your sexual lust so that you pay for their fucking Patreons and Onlyfans
i don't know, i think you are better off learning how to make your own shit (your own music/drawings etc...) instead of worrying about someone else's shit being lost to the ages
>just post what you want to post and talk about, anon.
(not the same anon) that's literally what I have been doing since 8ch, untill you decided to raise a fucking lynchmob that to this day still patrols this place afraid of the eternal boogeyman, you hypocritical endogamic fuck, honesty is the last virtue i thought you would discard, seems i am wrong as always, but then again its my fault for coming here in the first place
Small appendix to >>3708
>I can't help but find ways to love others,
>Daily reminder the Pasu hordes are more willing to believe on flat earth than in the reality of race
>Daily reminder snuff films are a thing
>Daily reminder pornography is getting more out of hand every day, with bestiality and netorare becoming ever more normalized and "poly relationships" being the new "by default"
>Daily reminder kikes are in control
>Daily reminder the Pasu will condemn Hitler for being a autocratic and genocidal leader
>Daily reminder the Pasu will praise Julius Caesar for being a autocratic and genocidal leader
>Daily reminder the Pasu will forever rationalize the reign of Jacobine Terror and the butchering of the Romanovs, but weep and condemn the "Holy Inquisition"
>Daily reminder the Pasu will willingly do anything a authority figure tells them to do, this has been proven time and time again by research
>Daily reminder the Pasu will condemn bullying externally, then proceed to bully and harass anyone that does not fit his deranged view of the world
>Daily reminder Anons (regarding the webring as a whole, not only this place) are becoming increasingly unable to argue for shit, doing ad hominem attacks and losing track of what the conversation is about in the first place (i can provide proof for this)
>Daily reminder Anons are becoming ever more rabid and mediocre, lashing out at every sort of expression that steps out of their preconcieved notions (posting actual esotericism in /monster/ pantheon will get you negative responses because they do not want esotericism or just information in general but validation to their pre-concieved ideas, posting actual Gnosticism in /fascist/ esotericism thread will net you with negative responses because it does not fit into cultist-tier using religion as a measure for social control as opposed to actual wisdom [it has been a long time since i last visited /fascist/ tho, take that one with a grain of salt] posting any sort of anime in certain parts of the webring will net you with instant accusations of being a "Troon" because they have a cult-like aversion to anime girls, and you posting anime girls shatters the circlejerk, just to name a few)
To this day i am absolutely certain that 99.99999 of "humanity" is de-facto brain damaged (and the ones who are not can be counted with the fingers of one hand), and spirit-less, the only "responses" to this belief have been "You are a schizo"-tier and other attacks on character wich further prooved my point by showing me how the average cocksucker and not-so-average cocksucker is incapable of maintaining a decent conversation, let alone make any sort of argument
funny enough to this day your 5 post response is the best "counter-argument" to my misanthropic conceptions, if only because you put effort into them, wich is more than 99% of the cocksuckers i've had the misfortune to "communicate" with for the last 3 months (perhaps even more, i don't know i lost track of time), and i only dismiss them because i know where those arguments come from (limited human rationale and philosophy, it is the type of "refutations" that retards like blatsky would put upon Tantra-Buddhism, ultimately criticism deriving from the critizicers lack of knowledge upon what he is critizicing, in this case you are in the rationalism-sentimentalism bandwith, you are simply critizicing something you just don't understand because it pertains to a different bandwith of ontology)
I don't think you're wrong. Me calling you wrong is like me telling someone that their interpretation of a cloud is wrong, and I didn't really set out to try to prove you wrong, at least not directly. That would be beyond my intellectual ability to do. It's better to say I don't assign that sort of subjective interpretation any undo value. On this point I agree with the idea of getting out of preconceived thought patterns, but I don't think you take it far enough. Your reliance on philosophers like Plotinus to prove yourself right points to an intellectual laziness that prevents a deeper undertaking of the return to something resembling an unconditioned state.
>i think you are better off learning how to make your own shit
From personal experience I wouldn't recommend anyone attempt to do their own thing, completely isolated from the rest of the world, as if anything of value would be produced by your own isolated and tortured genius.
>untill you decided to raise a fucking lynchmob that to this day still patrols this place afraid of the eternal boogeyman
Robots would probably be neutral to your return, if not welcoming it. I don't know who you're referring to by "you".
On the topic of your misanthropic conceptions, I really didn't set out to make a counter-argument for it. I have been rude in my writing but I tried to make it clear that I don't understand that position on a deep enough level. Then again, I'm isolated, and I've intentionally made myself isolated, so my love could be just a love for people that don't actually exist. Either way I'm tired of the endless elitism, both on my own part and everyone else's. If you're not going to baby me into understanding then I'll have to think about it for the next couple of months and arrive to my own conclusions.
I've been noticing this as of late too. The line between an anon and a normalfag seem to be getting blurrier by the day. Most people seem to cherry pick whatever logic fits their narrative. As you've mentioned, normal people do it with most of the things they are told; they just twist the truth until it seems somewhat comfortable to them. Still, anons are not guilt free of this, since they do the same things with most political topics. It's either that or a reductionist view of everything. Whites=Godsends, Women=Corrupted beings (once pure), Jews=The source of all evil. Also, God forbid you are against even one of the things they believe in (be it normalniggers or 'anons'). You are not going to get a response, only pure belittling replies or namecalling (mostly, racial slurs in the case of the latter).
All that said, I am fully aware that I am doing exactly the thing that you are complaining about, but I am not well versed enough on esoterism to refute you. Also, I'll admit I've walked away from discussions before.
what do you want me to say? i read "subconcious" and stuff like "Anti-Kantian" and i go wacko-mode, because all the times i've seen those terms thrown around they were done by theosophistic sentimental fucks that are trying to sell me their tarot deck and their meditations to stretch my butthole into pleroma, that or some "skeptik" talking about shit he doesn't know about
that being said my guts tell me you aren't familiar with the idea of a super-concious reality (as in what is above reason, and not below it like the subconcious) and your idea of unconditioned seem to be a "profane" non-referential way of doing things, IE:a empty room would be non-referential because it has nothing in it, you would consider this to be a failed analogy in of itself because a empty room already borrows the concept of empty, and the idea of a space, wich is not what is meant by unconditioned, rather, it is the state of Pleroma/Gnosis/Trascendence, etc...
>your reliance on philosophers like Plotinus to prove yourself right
i don't need to "prove myself right" i know what i've done/seen/heard/felt, i don't need anyone to sell me their shit, because im buying none, i try to be referential to other "Philosophers" (Plotinius was a Metaphisician tho, people call him philosopher because they are homosexuals that can't tell the difference) so that, if i fail to convey XYZ idea, or further information on the subject needs to be consulted, you have somewhere to inquire, as opposed to giving you a flat cul-de-sac, but i agree, most of the time it ends up in whomever it is that i am talking to to call me a "schizo" anyways, joke's on the gaylord himself because im a Schizoid-Schizotypal,
>as if anything of value
That's the point, its not "of value" but rather "what you want to do for yourself" kind of like outsider art
>Robots would probably be neutral to your return, if not welcoming it. I don't know who you're referring to by "you".
Dunno, one of my MKULTRA-Cabal Sleeper agents i have living inside BO's wardrobe told me sometime ago that some of my older posts are STILL TO THIS DAY being reported, info is probably outdated since it was around a year ago i was told this but still... regardless just wait and see, one of these posts are going to be deleted in a matter of days
>If you're not going to baby me
no babying really, i mean there is nothing to "baby", i see the masses, i see the way they behave, i percieve a bunch of EVIL patterns, hipocrisy, sadism, sexual deviancy, dishonesty, i look into it deeper and i realize that
A) this is a innate part of them, nobody is making them be sadistic, they choose to be like that
B) this is not the product of "modern times" the Chetniks from the Soviet Revolution of 1917, the Jacobins during the French Chimpout, the many peasant revolts of the middle ages, the jewish uprisings in the Roman Empire, etc... they have all been just as vicious and straight up fucking EVIL as the modern masses
my Misanthropy is the result of organic experience, and realizing that 7.8 Billion people (i forgot how many people exist as of right now) need to fucking die in excruciating pain, unfortunately i do not have the tools to do it, i am severely lacking in combat skills, ammunition, weapons, and locomotion, even then, i think its de-facto impossible, to, say, shoot up a Police Precint without A SINGLE PERSON escaping the scene
because of this i can only isolate, and operate on personal projects, waiting for Gehenna (yeah i literally borrowed a term from world of darkness, fuck you, it sounds better than "Waiting for Kalki"), of course all my attempts at expressing the shortcomings of the masses and advocating for COMPLETE GLOBAL GENOCIDE end up in the usual political slandering (b-b-but muh white race! (because they use "white" of course, they never say Aryan, its always "white" for them) (b-b-but muh innocents!) and of course, you guessed it, me being called a "schizo"
followup on >>3712 because character limit and my internets crashing
>I'll admit I've walked away from discussions before.
this is literally the only healthy course of action in my opinion
honestly, what the fuck do they expect?, what the fuck does the average mouthbreather expects when he posts a ironic meme one-liner post that has little to do with the task at hand?
it is already fucking preposterous and entitled as shit to demand a reply to that shit when the faggot is not even willing to engage in honest discussion
the sky is blue no matter what these cocksuckers say, just trust your gut, make your own investigations and derive your own conclusions, everyone else can get fucked in the ass
i know this is is going to sound like something a 40+ year old absent trainwreck of a father (like mine) would say, but it really is the "screen effect" these niggers don't have to face consequences, they can be as ironic and imbecilic as they want, they can lie to you, gaslight, be smug about things and refuse an ounce of basic fucking honesty, and they know nothing will happen, they can sleep at night with their self induced mental illness, perpetually running away from themselves hiding behind meme ideologies to hide away their insecurities and the voices that assail them at night
because they know you don't know their name nor their adress, and that you can't cave their fucking faces in with a shovel, or that they won't have their brains splattered all over the wall because you decided to end the mistake their parents made yourself
i wonder how many of them, of Pasu and Virya, out of all 7.8 billion wastes of oxigen, would stay true to what they alledgedly believe once you put the barrel of a gun to their heads, i wonder how many of them are capable of keeping the smugness and false sense of superiority once they are staring down the barrel of a gun
I am not familiar with a super-conscious reality in the sense of something existing above reason. I understand the concept of something that could create the foundation of reason, or the foundation of what dictates the limits of what our mind can conceive of both with reason and through sentimental construals. This is probably what you mean by super-conscious, that which creates reality, and thus our reason, instead of that which merely perceives. If this is accurate, and if I'm not just making an incomprehensible word salad, then this consciousness does exist above reason. I am agnostic on whether or not this super-consciousness is reality or if it's simply the creator of what we call reality, and I do think there's a distinction.
By unconditioned I mean the state of thinking that existed before the self-imposed reinvention of all impressions, sensations, memes, and culture a person built up and ascribed both meaning and his sense of reality to. It's not the lack of space, or the lack of a referential system, not the disconnect from these that aren't native to that unconditioned state, but instead the referential system that built up the condition in which it lays as the foundation of, itself. What I refer to as perspective is what I mean by an unconditioned state. When I say a return to an unconditioned state, I mean remembering that what one perceives as reality is something constructed, a fabrication and invention. I don't mean the cessation of thought, otherwise I wouldn't have used "intellectual laziness" if I really meant conceptually kill yourself.
I guess the best way to describe it is realizing that the relations, logic, reason, probably what you call wisdom, that made order within the mind, can be criticized and be put under question by the very mind that created all of these connections, using that very same reason in order to do so.
>info is probably outdated since it was around a year ago i was told this but still
It is, unless your sleeper agent already realized that the previous BO no longer exists either as a moderator or as, well, the BO. Your posts don't really break any rules, and I doubt the current BO will delete any of them. If you get yourself globally banned, then that's a different story.
>this is a innate part of them, nobody is making them be sadistic, they choose to be like that
I don't believe in absolute free will, as in a person is capable of defining himself as if he's an outsider to his self, so I don't think of it as them choosing to be anything at all. They can choose to act, but not choose to be. Genetics could change what they are and culture could impress more agreeable ideas into them. I don't really believe in fate, after all.
I consider it more cruel to let humanity live, and I consider it to be self-cruelty to want to love other people despite hating what they are, which is precisely why I continue to strive and hold on to life and this love.
>I don't really believe in fate, after all
>which is precisely why I continue to strive and hold on to life and this love
Doesn't mean anything at all if I just leave deciphering the meaning, if there is any meaning in my words, by themselves. If fate exists at all then I could only call it a post-hoc rationalization, something closer to Hume's idea of mental "habits", that because something happened in a certain way within a certain condition, given the same conditions we can reasonably expect that the same thing will happen again. But because this "reason" is built from prior knowledge of events, and because our "reason" was built from expectation made into mental habit, we can't reasonably conclude that these events happened because our ideas of what is "reasonable" via past experience is at all related to what actually causes these events. For the idea of love and life, killing others for the sake of liberating yourself from their insufferable presence is a merciful act. Not even the Christian God attempts to hide his people's eyes from the vision of those suffering in hell. Murder because you're simply uncomfortable is crude, and there's nothing edifying about it, not a single lesson could be learned. Outside of the idea that violence can solve certain problems.
I think the only real, substantial, non-ankle-biting position I can take in disagreement with your perspective is the idea that man is capable of thinking himself into re-existence. By this I just mean I don't think a person is capable of changing himself from the most fundamental components that builds up his own being. Changing personality, changing your character, changing your ideas, changing your relative perspective, are possible, but none of these are a fundamental change of that which acts as a factory for these self-deceptive constructions. The most literal way to say it is I don't think a person is capable of thinking himself into a thought pattern that he can't possibly think, let alone comprehend.
Superconcious means, what is above intellect, not necessarily what creates it, but simply in the measure that it works at another bandwith, from wich intellect is derived, again, derived, not created, in the same way that life may take place in a pond, the pond did not create, it is just that it has the proper conditions for life to arise, i could keep going and talk about your points on free will but its gonna get esoteric, wich is gonna end up with full-scale collateral damage (the best type of collateral damage) so i'd rather not,
i'll just say that it has to do with the doctrine of pre-existance, and that one chooses what he becomes based on what he Is, outer nature and personality are a reflection of the inner nature, wich is a reflection of the Spirit (or lackthereof), genetics and biology be damned because matter is tangential, you are not happy because you generate dopamine in your brain, you generate dopamine because you are happy, and from that point, you figure it out btw free will does indeed not exist, its all the providence + the insane ammount of forces at work behind every little thing, in opposition (or cooperation) with your own forces, and the ones you awake
>It is, unless your sleeper agent already realized that the previous BO no longer exists either as a moderator or as, well, the BO. Your posts don't really break any rules, and I doubt the current BO will delete any of them. If you get yourself globally banned, then that's a different story.
My gut tells me to not trust anyone, or at the very least to assume that everyone everywhere is braindamaged and everyone everywhere want's to see me dead (and considering the crescendo of cataclysmic events going on, the overall twitchyness and rabid behaviour of the Pasu masses, i may not be wrong at all) , and to apply extreme physical violence to problems, there's literally no reason for me to believe anything posted at all, for all that i know current BO could be a FSB-CIA-MOSSAD agent that took over after the former FSB-CIA-MOSSAD (read "previous BO") retired from service
>I consider it more cruel to let humanity live, and I consider it to be self-cruelty to want to love other people despite hating what they are, which is precisely why I continue to strive and hold on to life and this love.
Yeah but the thing is, they don't see it, they don't feel it
it is obvious to the sane EYE, that the more pozzed and gay the modern world becomes, the more fickle and weak it is, as an example, take how prettymuch all technology has been built by (Confused Virya) Aryans, from planes to rockets to muskets (b-b-but muh chinese made gunpowder and the compass and cards!... yeah and they proceeded to never use them or just never implemented them in the first place, they used gunpowder for fireworks and bamboo arrowthrowers, the ones who perfected them into muskets and artillery where the Aryans etc...) now they want to destroy (Virya and Pasu) Aryans left through mass dysgenics and race-mixing, when they succeed at this they will realize that they will no longer have electric substations, planes, or computers because the mulatto-niggers they replaced them with cannot build or maintain any of those things (wich is already happening with say, microsoft, the (Aryan) Techies that knew how to use Assembly language are gone, and the poo-in-the-loo diversity replacements only know how to do pooscript, wich has ended up in the fiasco of Wangblows 11 and before that Wangblows 10 is), and all the monkeys and their overlords will die en-masse within 10 years because of a complete civilizational collapse
however, as with everything the Pasu does not feel the misery, they get the Vaxx and get irreversibly fucked as they start dying from prion disease and heart attacks, but they rationalize and keep living in their fantasy world, they keep buying lies, eating them, then getting fucked from college debt, get fucked into wageslaving, anti-depressantas, alcohol, tobacco, most of them don't make it past 60, they become drooling carcasses because at some point the ammount of tobacco and alcohol they've taken takes its toll and fucks them, invest in crypto and get fucked, they are just useless and retarded and they are specialists and fucking themselves over ad infinitum, but they don't feel it, because they are in fantasy world
their own wickedness is their demise, but they do not suffer from it, so yes it is indeed more cruel to let them live, and to let them build this Kingdom of the Anti-Christ where they are ultimately the victims of their own faggot ways, but they do not suffer from it
i'd rather have a proper punishment, a Overt trial, a Last Judgement scenario where wickedness is finally put to an end, and they just pay for their crimes, wich again, they would not suffer as much as they do, but their pain, while something i indeed want, because they are truly the most despicable and malformed entities that someone could ever come up with, is not ultimately as important to me as the restoration of the Rule of God and the cessation of Sin
ultimately it is a matter of Justice Vs Vengeance, Save the things you Love vs Inflict pain upon whom you hate, and i choose the former even if i speak of the latter
>i'll just say that it has to do with the doctrine of pre-existance, and that one chooses what he becomes based on what he Is, outer nature and personality are a reflection of the inner nature, wich is a reflection of the Spirit (or lackthereof), genetics and biology be damned because matter is tangential
I think this follows is in agreement with my own thinking more than you're letting on. The only distinction I could make between this thinking and my own is the idea that, if one's perspective (which is a noumenon in itself) is eternal, and if through rationality we're capable of glimpsing at something that is eternal, and finally if phenomena as we observe it can accurately be said to be a reflection of the noumena that we presume constitutes its essential form, then regardless of whether something has pre-existence (respective of phenomena) as long as the representation of it as phenomena continues abide by the concept of time, what a thing is could appear to change over time despite its components being fundamentally unchanging.
This idea of an essentialist view of race is (actually literally) what I was trying to discount when I mentioned my disbelief in fate. Whether things appear because time has changed the phenomenal appearance of an eternal thing-in-itself, or whether one's feeling of there being any choice at all accurately reflects one's own ability to act against noumena, doesn't really matter when one looks at it from a pragmatic perspective. Whether it's delusional, or whether it's accurate, doesn't change that one's own feelings on the matter are real. From this feeling, or lack of it, actions and changes in outcome can come about, although it makes little difference whether this action comes about because a person's spirit has the capacity to change external events or because from this feeling changes in events do occur. It's exactly why I talked about Hume's idea of mental habits, or as he describes it, the idea of universal conformity. And it's from the same argument he makes against it, that what we understand about reality comes from our prior experience of events and since we can't inductively prove without taking the concept of universal conformity for granted that the future will also hold to this same idea, it's not possible to answer without taking a dogmatic stance on the issue.
Regardless, the actual outcome of any of this, is that phenomena changes to reflect the natures of its noumenal forms, within the system that gives noumena its phenomenal representation. I consider it much more likely that a race changes with environment, and that a race is capable of changing its own environment, creating a feed-back loop that depending on the natural, unadulterated inclinations of the race, combined with the limitations that the environment itself forces on whoever exists within it, creates the idiosyncrasies of any particular race. Finally, that the methods of survival that a race adapts is one wholly defined by the race itself, but is given reality by the environment in which they preside in. Not very different from how you describe super consciousness, and how it relates to the intellect.
My disagreement with the concept is that phenomena obviously is limited by the concept of time, that things do appear within chronological order, that reality could be conceived both in reference to phenomena and in reference to noumena. In which case, reality could be both eternal and have a beginning. Which is a fancy way of saying that free will could both not exist at all and also exist within reference to a causal self.
>My gut tells me to not trust anyone
It makes little difference to me whether people are being honest or whether they're being deceitful, on imageboards I mean. The reality they do hold in my mind is reason enough to act as if it they do exist. It is like wondering about whether a person's stated beliefs are accurate representations of what a person really believes, either in action or in his own mind. If there is proof of it, then that's good. Otherwise, I won't know until the time that I can know. Your reliance on your guts, or your feelings on whether something is true or not, is just accepting the construal of reality as you envision regardless of whether or not it's empirically valid or not. You take this to its logical extreme and doubt the reality of other people up to doubting whether they even exist as anything but an experience, the equivalent of viewing people as a passing wind. But I think you're just ignoring, if you have any of these feelings, the sense of reality other people do give you. I won't say anything against this since I view other people as whatever I understand them to be. What exactly do you think you hold over the Pasu when you say they live in a fantasy world? How could anyone not?
>I think this follows is in agreement with my own thinking more than you're letting on.
That'd be ironic since you are the one who said Guenon & Evola were homos
>My disagreement with the concept is that phenomena obviously is limited by the concept of time, that things do appear within chronological order,
Think about a empty room with a glass of water, how could you tell the passage of time?, you can't nothing happens in the room, the room and the glass of water are just there, take the room at any point of time and it will remain the same, wether it is 3 hours into observation or 3 years, nothing really happened, that's how you crack time, you realize that Time is just the measurement of change within itself, in the same way that movement is just the measurement of change within space, its a X axis Y axis thing, there is no time beyond matter because there is no change beyond matter, there is only immutability and wisdom blah blah blah you get the idea by now
i could keep talking but i don't want to keep communicating, i have ideas for analog solitaire-friendly games involving dice, i've had them for eons, it is about time that i push <<SCHIZOID ENGAGED>> to the next level (in a ludic sense), and beat my keyboard into a pulp while engaging in high octane creative rulesmithing, stay tuned
>there is no time beyond matter because there is no change beyond matter
I disagree but not for a reason that's intuitively obvious. Imagine a sphere capable of passionate emotion, similar to a marble except cognizant, that is transparent and whose form is constant and whose nature is constant. Being a sphere, it's three dimensional, or at least the representation of it as it appears in your mind is three dimensional. Let's assume that this sphere, while constant, has within its contents the genealogy of its conception both as it exists as an appearance and as it exists as an emotive entity. Since the marble is see through, we're capable of seeing each sequence of events as it happened, precisely as it happened, containing the context for which it happened alongside the reasoning that it went through in order to arrive to its own being. As the marble is see through, we can see the entire structure of its being as if it's all happened at once. Time for this sphere doesn't really exist. If we weren't capable of seeing the entire structure of it, but instead if our minds could only comprehend a single moment of its genealogy, we would be deluded into thinking that time is at all relevant to this thing.
My disagreement is that time as a concept is transcendental, it's the a priori intuition from which other intuitions are founded on. It's not that matter is changing, or that the sphere is changing, but only that we perceive matter changing, and from our perception we arrive to the thought that matter itself changes. This is just another way I'm attempting to explain the phenomena/noumena distinction. Phenomena is perception, noumena is the thing-in-itself as it exists outside of our representation of it. We can only perceive phenomena, we can't observe noumena. Within noumena there is no concept of time, the concept of time is something we perceive as existing, it is phenomenal. It's, at best, just a frame of reference.
That the room doesn't change doesn't bear any relation to whether it can change, and even if it hasn't changed for an eternity, that still wouldn't be proof if it not being capable of changing. Although, really, I'm just repeating myself. I don't think you're understanding what I'm writing. Although I can't blame you for that.
>That'd be ironic since you are the one who said Guenon & Evola were homos
I can't sleep.
I can't fucking sleep, i want to sleep so bad, i want to rest and stop caring about everything.
>why don't you just sleep
Because God is evil, that's why, it doesn't want me to sleep, everything it does is giving me challenges to make me feel that one day i'm going to achieve my well deserved 7 hours of peace every single night, meanwhile i get to sleep with other normalfags snoring like the disgusting pigs they are, or with loud normalniggers outside doing parties, or even with malfunctioning air conditioners making drilling noises.
God made me this sensitive because it finds my sufference amusing, no matter if i'm going to suffer two times more the day after with an headache and a stressful day.
I never had the pleasure to sleep in my own room, i keep working and make some money so one day i will finally have my own room in my own isolated place.
I don't even remember the last time i sleeped comfy, i hate everything so fucking much right now because i lost 3 more hours of sweet peace, not only everything doesn't change but it keeps getting worse as invasive normalfags keeps destroying everything and the world seems more louder and more louder.
I want to sleep, i need to sleep, and one day i will sleep forever.
>Because God is evil, that's why
i know that feel, yesterday i had a insane wrestling match with the Anti-christ while trying to get loonix on, i'd tell you to get foam earplugs, it worked for me back then... but i assume you already did that shit, so its just another day in the Zone, Stalker
I really like talking to people about things that require me to think for several months at a time. I feel like that's the only type of conversation where I feel like I'm alive and actually thinking. But I don't have the intellectual rigor required to do this frequently in a way that's meaningful, and there's not many people who also want to do this. There's a lot of things humanity has thought up and I'll won't even given ten thousand years catch up to all the literature that exists now. There's so much to learn and so many things I could experience, and yet I can't. I suppose it's this sort of internal reasoning that lead me to the conclusion that instead of merely saying my own thoughts on any matter, which could only ever be a momentary judgement of the situation as it exists within the moment, I've decided to create something dynamic in the form of a game. My ideas are no longer isolated to mere words, but into something that other people would be able to see and play with in real time.
Its gonna happen niggers and there's literally nothing any of you can do about it
Been feeling especially depressed lately. The world is so much uglier when depressed. Like 99% is legit just ugly. When going outside in nice weather, seeing the forest etc I find it ugly and I don't know why. I'm fucked in the head because being in nature will often put me in a bad mood. Maybe I'm too used to being inside on the PC.
I hate to think about how much time I'm "wasting" by being depressed.
Can't make myself do the things I used to enjoy anymore at all, even though it's been a long while since I stopped enjoying them really.
Periods like this come and go, more or less. I still have memories of what it was like to not be depressed, I think. Or was that just what it felt like to be young/a kid? I hope it's not that lol. Or maybe I think those were much better times than they were. Nah, things are definitively shittier now.
How do normalfags even cope? Feels like everyone is depressed and anxious nowadays and I'm so sick of it.
I've started to write an additional very minimal "log" or summary of what I do each month each year. Just seeing when the snow comes, what games I play, etc. You should try something similar.
I've realized how shit things have gotten just by comparing to previous years. It's like I can't comprehend how I was able to even bother doing the things I did. Feels like a different reality just a year ago.
I don't feel like doing anything anymore, but at the same time I feel restless. I can't just sleep or stare into a wall so I browse YT, IBs, and other shitty obscure stuff and none of it has any substance.
I feel trapped inside myself. There's so many mental barriers. I have some sort of constant weird pressure in my right temple. I wish I could place my brain in a fresh body, but it's like parts of my brain is rotting anyways. Maybe it's unsalvagable. It feels like there's a corruption inside it.
There's some things I don't think I could talk to anyone about, not a shrink, not on an anonymous forum no matter how secure. It would be really awesome to have a person or even AI to whom you could just say anything.
What a messy schizopost. I doubt it resonates much with any of you but that was a sort of refreshing thought dump.
I've recently been feeling incapable of writing a good post. I could try, but it would be devoid of any real meaning. I feel either too stupid to properly explain what I want to say, or thinking that it would take too long and by the time I am finished it would only be a bastardised version of what I really wanted to say.
I noticed that I can't really handle the internet. My brain can't process this constant stream of irrelevant information. I have completely lots the ability tp differentiate between relevant and irrelevant data.
I can't connect with people on a badic level. anymore, even on places lile these...
I don't know what to do anymore. Oftentimes I'm just doing nothing. Nothing appeals to me anymore. Improvebruh shit like dopamine fasting has done nothing.
I'm just idly sitting arounf, staring at my computer screen.
There are billions of movies, music, games, I could spend a lifetime just passively consuming.
But I've had enough of that.
I don't have any alternative though. It has been like this too long now. It feels like I am trapped in a digital prison.
What's the point of creating anything, if it's just there to fade into this digital haze to be forgotten forever. I don't get those people doing "productive" things with their computers.
I often wonder what life was like before it all got dissolved into this meaningless void.
forgive me for my pointless ramblings and countless spelling mistakes. It's 1am and I'm typing this on my phone
I have lost my quick wittedness. I can't read people at all. I don't understand why they are doing the things they are doing, what their motivations are.
I haven't been on here in three months. I expected for this board to be completely dead. My life has greatly improved this year, though I feel conflicted over the future. I felt such ambition up until a month ago. Since then, realising that I was on the path of effectively destroying my own life through constantly focusing on decade-long goals to the detriment of the present, I have made an intentional effort to self-sabotage my former goals, beginning with planning to change my degree.
People who spend nearly all the days of their life constantly working, like certain CEOs and other elites, are tremendous losers. Modern society considers these people successful owing to their 'productivity', but they do not know how to live.
I thought in the past that people like Abraham Lincoln and Adolf Hitler, if they had never done what they did, would have lived with the regret their entire lives of not having travelled that path. But now, I think the opposite is the case: Had they both become farmers rather than applying themselves so hard in the ambitious pursuit of power, they would have lived better lives. Even though this is a 21st century world and not as promising as the old times, I want to carve out a space for myself doing the minimum to get by in an enjoyable way rather than striving to make a global difference. If I really wanted to change the world and single-mindedly worked on that for decades, maybe I could, but then my life would have been wasted because I would have always been caught up in the pursuit rather than enjoying the present.
I was so motivated over a slice of hope, but even if I could find it, I would have wasted over a decade in the process.
I was an anti-semite when I was younger (I hated many other groups too), but I've seen it as naive for a while now. If non-Jewish whites ruled the world, like Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos, this world would still be a dystopian technological hellhole. I'm baffled by how white nationalists like Richard Spencer and Payton Gendron have sympathy for gays - the most irritating and decadent people I've known of - but despise Jews.
A problem is that people online tend to make collective judgments about entire groups without any nuance. One can acknowledge that most people of a group are terrible while knowing that there are a few good ones among them and that they should not be weighed down by the bad ones.
Besides, life is too short to feel much hate. It’s generally better to avoid people you dislike and to leave it at that.
>books that won't tell you to join your local LARPfascists and go on a meme political rally that will get you arrested and fucked over while ultimately changing nothing
I find Patriot Front beyond suspicious, as do many others. It’s ironic that the fascist sites like Stormfront are the ones shilling for them. I would add that the user I know of on Stormfront who most eagerly supports them comes off as a caricature with a new account rather than a real person.
>How do normalfags even cope? Feels like everyone is depressed and anxious nowadays and I'm so sick of it.
I could paste more than this. I’ll just say that if you’re interested, look up The Human Zoo. Great book.
Ok but arent you Mr. Domantas Butnorius working for Intersys Ltd and Beal High School located in Redbridge, Greater London who browses /robowaifu/
I almost reply to an old post of mine by accident, my memory is getting really bad
>I was an anti-semite when I was younger (I hated many other groups too), but I've seen it as naive for a while now. If non-Jewish whites ruled the world, like Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos, this world would still be a dystopian technological hellhole.
I've been thinking over the whole jews-run-the-world theory a few times since. I came to the conclusion that even if they did, the people are to blame for obeying them. Humans are not animals. Every person should be held accountable for his/her choices regardless.
In regards to the actual contents of your post, I have to agree. I don't think I would want to save or conquer the world even if I could; and even in a more realistic scale, I wouldn't want to be truly important to society. I do, however, have real goals that I could/want to accomplish in my lifetime (and would be mad if I were to die in the process). I'm not too ambitious, I just want to live a quiet and peaceful life for the rest of my days.
I honestly can't tell sometimes either. It's just seems like unhinged words. I rarely visit imageboards nowadays. I've been trying to read more books, and I am enjoying it more. It feels more of a focused piece writing. Reading is one of those things that I truly enjoy, even more than videogames or other forms of passive media (except music).
Additionally, as much as I love to glorify the neet lifestyle and asocial behaviour, it certanly has many negative effects. >>3739 appears to be one of them. In some cases where I've been isolated for a long time, I can barely form a coherent sentence. Now, I'm trying to keep my activities in internet separated from my real life.
It's another episode of dumb fucking asshole can't keep his loud dumb cocksucker zipped and ruins the evening for everyone else, while also playing victim by the end.
>Reading is one of those things that I truly enjoy, even more than videogames or other forms of passive media
Yes, I can relate. It seems like the most meaningful activity I have ever been able to experience. I feel like I'm in a different state of mind and can visually imagine the things being described. But my internet induced ADHD just won't let me focus properly as of late. It all feels so meaningless, like I will forget everything anyways.
I curse the existence of modern high speed internet and microcomputers, but at the same time I can't help but be fascinated by the developements of the past several decades which are nothing but fascinating. Just the the versatility of these devices, what they could be used for. I like OSs like linux which let me take full control of the machine and I like to tinker around with it. The amount of ressouces I have only several clicks away would have been unimaginable just a decade ago. Though I am afraid that is contradictory with the calm, slow way in which real, deep knowledge is to be ingested.
All the interests I once had are long gone. Everything is so instantly, freely accessible. It all feels like it doesn't have any meaning anymore. I don't really know what my interests are, I feel completely shallow. I don't know which of the millions of books to read that I have already downloaded.
This is the complexity someone was talking about ITT that is making everyone mentally ill these days.
The temptations are just way too strong for most of us and most have been led astray into those endless pits of meaningless conent pools and all other chasms of transitory pleasures one could fall into. As a NEET I thought I had a bad case of information addiciton, though seeing "normalfags" constantly making their way through the worst, most cancerous ulcerations imaginable on cancer platforms like tiktok, corrected me in that assumption. There is no way you aren't mentally ill if you are constantly subjecting yourself to that kind of content.
A government could propably inhibit those ill effects to a good degree by throttling everything to modem speeds. I think that would solve a good deal of problems. But that obviously isn't in the interest of our technocratic overlords... I don't think that will ever happen in the near future.
I will somehow need to adapt to the techno dystopian hell hole I find myself in 2022...
>as much as I love to glorify the neet lifestyle
I too saw this as some kind of "rebellion through inaction" kind of thing, but I have found that I am not suitable to this kind of lifestyle. For now I need to look for some kind of guidance, otherwise I will go insane. i can't find any purpose like this.
>>3739 was also me. I was always socially retarded, but being isolated for a very long time, I noticed how bad it really is. That is what social degeneration feels like. It all feels like meaningless symbols.
>I came to the conclusion that even if they did, the people are to blame for obeying them
You are forgetting the fact that most people (I wouldn't exclude myself from that) are cattle who can't think for themselfes and are easily manipulated by imagery and other propaganda methods. It's not reprehensible that they are losing their minds when most of their lifetime is being spent consuming said propaganda.
Good for you if you are somehow immune to this, if you are some kind of esoteric free thinking Uebermensch like most seem to think of themselfes here.
But for most other humans this is not the case. The normalcattle need to be spoonfed some kind of direction, otherwise they will degenerate.
I should preface this by saying that I would never defend normalcattle. However, I do believe that there are levels to how much people are willing to accept depending on the person, and the one that I often refer to is the one at the bottom of the barrel.
I am aware that I am not immune to persuasion or propaganda because I am human too, but I can question to some degree what people and the media tell me. The people that I am refering to don't question almost anything as long as it's accepted by the majority, and makes them feel good. In what sense are they better than Pavlov's dog or any other animal?
I don't think that total freedom exists, but I do believe in human dignity; and I don't think it can be fully achieved without at least being able to think for yourself sometimes.
Not him, but I thought this place was free of drama.
He mentioned 'evening' so he's probably referring to something that happened in real life, since there's no where near enough people here to justify a separation of the time of a particular day.
(I am the post above that one). I assume that he is talking about himself or something that happened to him, since he doesn't really address my post by number.
it was a general thread i thought so my post was unrelated
also i got an apology the only time in my life so it almost worked out in the end but then i feel gross that someone humbled themselves on my behalf. i think id almost rather see people be indignant and proud instead.
Take extended breaks, relevant info = my right brain activates, irrelevant = my left brain pesters me to look at something more interesting
To the Jews, they are "goyim".
To the Masons, the "uninitiated"
Here, they are called, NPCs, normalfags, lemmings, sheep, cattle, TV-watchers, etc.
It all more or less describes the concept of "masses not in our group". Leadership is the only thing which keeps people on a coherent path. That's why kikes work so hard to worm their way into power. Whether good or bad, leadership and force of will through institutions can change every aspect of the conditions people live in. Also why conservacucks and lolberts will forever lose because they don't believe in will to power
Today in my govermental job retard program I had the normalfag proudly show a video around where a women got cereals shoved into her anus and various other such depraved acts and brag about how he could restrain himself while fucking real women.
At least the mentally challenged girl he showed those videos to appeared to be shocked and disgusted by said acts.
Drunkeness and sex are their main occupations it appears.
I've grown completely dumb. I never talk to anyone, not even my own family.
I'm oblivient to anyone elses views and interests. I tried forcing myself to be interested in the past and I failed miserably.
Somehow I still can't be completely contend with being alone.
ALMOST THERE (70% of the way, not counting putting it all into a PDF) YOU GODDAMN INBRED NIGGERFAGGOT COCKSUCKER
What do you think pionieers like Konrad Zuse and all the other people who were significantly responsible for the development of todays computers, would say if they saw what their creation is used for today?
The turing machine has just become a hedonistic cattle entertainment/ AI data generation device
Why are so many new posts flooding in?
Because it's all by the same retard
i can make some sick ass fucking monkey sounds, and i know ONE guy that can testify to it
The waters flow, upwards and downwards, just flow with it (don't be swallowed by it, but don't oppose it or it will drown you), don't be a nigger
i can't speak for anyone other than myself, the only reason why im posting here at all its because im undercover deep, fucking up the Anti-Christ through extreme OC Manufacturing, it keeps me sharp, sane, focused, good for internalizing all the things i've learned so far and good to rest between reading bouts, also a good way of expanding and preserving my Existential Lebensraum aganist the hordes of mass consumption, filth, and pornography, and in conjunction with going full "Monkey King" and making monkey sounds while squatting on my chair it helps me in my crusade aganist the Anti-Christ
i never knew sexually harassing my keyboard could be this fun, and its only gonna get funnier from this point on, moving on to loonix has forced me to learn GIMP, and Inkscape, my capacity for shitposting has increased, a experimental and highly volatile WED (Weapon of Existential Destruction) on personal crusade aganist the 7.9 Billion
This time The World
Fuck SHIT NIGGER, so i fucked up with the font and its kinda glitched, i fixed it and i expanded it with a few things i had left out, sorry for the fuckup
Are we officially in the limbo stage?
Like we're dead but we're also alive, seems like some place between being alive and being completely dead.
terrible but not that bad, probably because i can stop obsessing over the world becoming shit
I would say so.
The board or the world in general? In either case the answer is probably yeah.
why cant people understand that screaming at each other with the windows open is fucking annoying for the entire neighborhood and makes them look psychotic and embarrasses themselves? you can get a point across with a fucking inside voice.
Normalniggers are LOUD. They just can't live not making too much noise, they HAVE to be LOUD.
This fat disguisting degenerate piece of shit won't shut up about anal sex and his fetish for cuckhold nigger orgy porn.
You wouldn't believe the conversations between those retards I have to endure every fucking day. God I hate this godforsaken place and these degenerate "people" so fucking much.
Maybe it'll do me some good to be confronted by "people" again. I have been alone for too long, It will make me enjoy my solitude again.
This reminds me it has been very long since I ever had any kind of feeling towards another person.
So hate is something at least. It makes me feel better actually
Anyone here know that feel when you jack off and you don't even clean up like a proper pig? You just let it dry while you rot away.
I cummed to dozens of static booru images today. Pretty much the whole evening. I would just search for the tag that gets me off the most and let my inner gorillajewnigger monster go rampant, for hours.
There must be more to life than this.
I even read this "easypeasyhackbook" several times and I still don't get it. Does anybody here pracitce "nofap"? What's your "trick"?
>Does anybody here pracitce "nofap"? What's your "trick"?
The trick is to quit porn completely but you need your own reasons and motivation to do so. What worked for me, is that I realized that watching porn (for the easy dopamine rush) is like eating a ton of trash food and getting fat because of it. I feel more energetic during nofap but I still fap sometimes. I usually fap every other week (or so).
I guess it's all got to do with keeping up with healthy habits like reading, working out regularly etc. But it's not that easy when you're in that lethargic kind state and have it so ingrained to just rot away in front of a computer.
>Anyone here know that feel when you jack off and you don't even clean up like a proper pig?
Yes, but I haven't done it since I was 17. I do jack off everyday or two. I get tired after that. A part of me misses being able to jack off ten times a day.
I don't really practice nofap. I do however would like to quit porn someday. It's just a big waste and I don't really enjoy it like I used to. This is partially because I don't really have the time to properly indulge. Nowadays, I am just too fucking busy, and whenever I am free there's usually someone else in the room.
It's honestly stressing. I can't properly concentrate on the things that I truly enjoy.
i wank it on a daily basis, multiple times, it does not prevent me from working out or spending time on my hobbies, its all a matter of perspective
>>3802 is on point when he says to do things based on your own motivations, the main reason why retards fail nofap, or just fail at life in general is because they buy things and sell things, they buy into this or that idea and pick up arbitrary behavioural patterns to "Fit in" certain cliques (anything goes as long as the voices shut the fuck up am i rite?)
an example of this is how some /SIG/niggers will work out to get bitches or improve self-esteem, then rebound into depression when they don't instantly get said bitches, or they lose some gains
>Rot away in front of a computer
and? most "people" rot away in at their desks at job, or rot away in a 9 to 5 blue collar job, or rot away their lungs by chain-smoking, taking soft and hard drugs, staring at their smartphones, social media, the list goes on, and the most hilarious part is that they all think they're "doing somethiing" or "contributing"
do things because you want to, engage on your own terms, always, if you think there's something wrong with you, like how you seem to be uncomfy with wanking it, then do some introspection and find out why that is, giving in to the neurotical tendency towards "Action" and "Productivity" (more like restlessness) and holding oneself to some made up standards is not gonna fix it
TL;DR do what you want, if you don't know what that is, do introspection till you find out, if you are going to make any sort of behavioural change, like adapting certain habits or dropping others, do so on your own terms and for reasons you yourself agree. needless to say fucking kill them all
I feel a strong pull towards death, not in a dreadful pathetic "I want to die way", but rather as an ultimate dissolution an ultimate experience. I just don't get what it is that I am supposed to do here, its a hellish chaos and it wont settle down any time soon, so any form of "action" today would not move this chaos in the slightest in one way or the other, or if it did it would not be predictable. There is really no argument to stick around here, maybe waiting for "something" but that's just pathetic.
I've been feeling the same way since 2015. I'm just killing time.
sometimes i just get so frustrated from the fact that the world rejected me at birth. my existence is entirely pointless. im a miserable pariah and i am disgusted with myself. why cant humans be like lions or many other animals and just kill the offspring of previous partners?
i should force myself to work in Tighter schedules like this, giving myself too much leeway makes me become lazy and overambitous with projects i'll never finish
Kinda fucked up the spacing, here's a better version with more spacing so as to be actually readable
I'm out to go see if there are any pockets of light left in this dark world. The darkness here was a comforting one but alas I desire light, so I must go now. Thank you all and goodbye, forever.
The only light is the increated one inside the Self.
please just kill me already. i hate this world and this world hates me.
If god is so good then why do normalniggers and jews exist?
That's why He also invented heaven. Create the problem sell the solution.
I think I'm the opposite to you, I have programming work, a cheap house but I'm fucking dying. Brain work devoted to a purpose I don't give a shit about is fucking torture. 10 years ago I would have been right on board with the CEOs personal goal of reducing industrial accidents with automation but after my admittedly small knowledge of Schopenhauer and reading "The Rediscovery of Man" I literally think people would be less insufferable if losing your father to his own negligence on a work site was a more common occurrence.
I guess you can't be happy with a simple life nor a life with purpose. Typical.
>> I'm baffled by how white nationalists like Richard Spencer and Payton Gendron have sympathy for gays
They're trying to recreate Roman morality. I can understand this from a Nietzsche-esque master morality versus Jewish/Christian. Mishima also wasn't a waste of space either. Now's not the fucking time though, dumb fucks shouldn't be discouraging breeding in crisis conditions. Oh and Nietzsche's morality is not for the common man.
the problem isnt a lack of white people, the problem is that there are too many "people."
no hope to sell genocide because muh glow so this world is fucking doomed. all i "hope" for is the chinks and niggers to slaughter the kikes in tantrum spirals then cannibalize themselves before total sapien extinction. just let SOMETHING continue to enjoy futile struggle on this hell rock before the sun expands and bakes it all into oblivion.
I dislike how my mind often gravitates towards the darkest things when I do poorly in something that I'm pursuing or when I get criticised with nonsensical points. It's like my mind jumps from plan B all the way to plan Z, so trivial setbacks that most others would perceive as nuisances end up greatly affecting me.
For example, I am going to a university known for GPA deflation with a grade dependent scholarship. I almost wish I didn't get it because this "opportunity" has given me a ton of anxiety and anguish and could easily be rescinded.
It would be devastating if I failed (especially to my family), and it makes me think of offing myself, but if I succeeded, it would mainly help in having more job security because I don't care much for money as long as I make enough to get by. I am not getting a house and will live with my parents. I wouldn't have to make much to prevent homelessness.
I've thought of being a night-shift security guard as a job, though this could extend to many other security guard and night-shift jobs, maybe even Air Force Security Forces.
I want a solitary and simple job and one with little or no chance of failure or embarrassment. I have an extreme aversion to these things, and they are the main reason why I rarely ever drive.
But my parents want me to "succeed," especially my mother, yet I hate this idea because it has no end. All the wealthy people that I've known of in real life do not tone it down but keep and keep on chasing as their life passes them by. There is no way to have your cake and eat it too: Either you become really ambitious, chase money, and sacrifice your life for an ideal future that never comes - because if it comes, your whole mindset is future-oriented, or you lose ambition and quit chasing the idea of "success" but make little money, narrowing or eliminating your opportunities in things like global travel.
My parents babied me my entire life, so even though I have the credentials of a driver's license and high school diploma and have a debit card, I don't know how to do things like order gasoline.
Even with a degree, getting a job is often a matter of networking. I could only network to get a job through my parents because they are the only people close to me, and I likely would not get a job that I wanted that way.
I was a loner throughout high school and never held a job in my life, so all I could put on a resume is that I have a high school diploma.
I feel like if I fail college, which is plausible at this point, I'll either be forced into some job I don't want or have to join the military.
My family is poor. I couldn't survive off of inheritance.
If I join the military, it would be an auxiliary branch, not the Marines or the Army. I don't want to die for nationalist delusions and the ambitions of politicians.
Two long-term concerns emerge:
1. Job requirements become more stringent over time in modern society due to more people getting college degrees and more tech advancements/automation. This is also concerning for me because I'm way less acquainted with things like computer science and information technology than most people I see on sites like these. In fact, I hate computer science with a passion due to its tediousness.
2. I have no idea how to do many "adult" tasks.
In regard to society at large, I have no idea how so many people can be content with their lives. Maybe there is some Brave New World fuckery going on where a ton of people get 'treated' with medication and brainwashed and others chug liquor and use illegal drugs to numb the pain of putting up with wageslavery. I'm amazed that there are so few suicides and massacres in this world.
On my part, it's because I'm a coward. I admire those with courage.
im tired of words, 99% of the time they are used to tell lies, and Psyop others, words are only good when they use it to Psyop you, but when you use them to defend yourself you are a "schizo" and not worthy of being heard
im gonna genocide this entire plane of existance, i just need proper logistics
People lie to themselves no less than they do to others, most of the time people don't even realize that they are lying. Becoming able to not lie takes years of practice.
people are fucking retarded and you are telling me somehow im supposed to forgive them
im supposed to forgive an entire race of hedonists that will cling on to any fucking false promise as long as it gives them fake validation and makes them feel a bit less empty, will pathologically lie to themselves, to eachother, will reliably fall for vices, indulge in them, and then give you the fluoride stare for not being as retarded and hypocritycal as they are
good job, great fucking advice you inbred fucking nigger, thank fuck at this point i don't even trust anyone anymore so i can't even say im surprised
>you are telling me somehow im supposed to forgive them
This isn't something that originates from words. Yes, people have biases both embedded into their style of thinking and learned, and that's sad. Words are used to navigate mental spaces, nothing more. Often times it's not even expressing anything other than its own linguistic rules and so mean practically nothing. Nothing noths. What do expect from beings who have no real method of interacting with reality through bijective means, barring perhaps something like or analogous to maths. Lies and blatant falsehoods is an obvious outcome.
I also don't think you should forgive them for this. There's nothing to forgive. It's irrational to forgive an inanimate object for its inanimateness as it doesn't have a choice.
I'm a fucking hedonistic attention whoring nigger.
its so fucking disguisting
not sure if i will make it through the week. always had this undercurrent of suicidal ideation since i was in the single digits and always felt that i didnt belong in this world, but now it's all i think about.
A turbo (failed) normalfag life in the Philippines would make you feel even more "real" "isolation" than your normalfag life. Master plan, nigger monkey. The only thing preventing your brain from being flawlessly smooth are the pieces of corn in your shit-for-brains. You belong in a zoo.
<waaaaa muh sex
<waaaaa muh good friends
<waaaaa muh full scholarship
Doesn't matter that you started fucking later in life because you ended up just as broken as any roasty, helping destroy your pair-bonding ability and theirs. Go marry one and have some kids.
There is a lot more to life than young pussy, my friend. Sure, it's great. Who doesn't love young pussy? But that's not what life is about. Smart enough to obtain a master's degree, but still retarded as shit. You don't know shit about living. You know you might not hate yourself so much if you didn't seek women just to abuse them. Maybe you *should* go to the Philippines just to find out a 1 hour fuck is over rather quickly, and then you have to go back to living with yourself.
Try helping others. It sounds like you make decent money and have your shit together. Go volunteer somewhere with your free time. You might actually meet a decent person and have a real relationship. Then if you still want to kill yourself you can die knowing you weren't a complete piece of shit like you are now.
>Becoming able to not lie takes years of practice.
This is so true. I have been working at it for years. The other week I lied to someone for the first time in a long time and I instantly felt regret and beat myself up over it. It was a very small lie, but I still felt awful.
Learning not to lie to oneself is also quite difficult, and I think it may be impossible to quit completely. At some point there is a difficult balance between taking care of personal needs and taking care of the needs of others. I am a team lead at work, and I have a difficult new person put on my team. They have a very abrasive personality, and I constantly wind up in small spats with this person, even though I try very hard to be understanding and always speak the truth. I try to be honest and transparent, but this person continues to have difficulties getting along with myself and others on the team. I don't want them to lose their job, but they are very hard to deal with. Because they are a bit shifty, I worry that some day my own job may be at risk because of this person. It has troubled me quite a bit for a month now. I still don't know what to do though I have faith things will work out for the best in the end.
>There is a lot more to life than young pussy
That is true, but my dissatisfaction stems from my vices, which like everyone else's have their roots in formative years. Buddha (pbuh) tried to warn us about this.
>Smart enough to obtain a master's degree, but still retarded as shit
There's nothing smart about wasting the ten best years of your life. Imagine blowing 15% of your total lifetime earnings on nothing. For the average burger with a bachelor's degree that would be almost 400 grand, enough for a decent house in most the country, or at least it was before prices went insane. However, that's not really an accurate analogy. If you were to weight by subjective experience, then it would be a much larger percentage just lost for no reason more on the magnitude of how much Uncle Sam is fucking us in the ass. A totally pointless and avoidable disgrace.
>You might actually meet a decent person and have a real relationship
I've met a lot of decent people. The problem is that I cannot even remotely relate to them. Our experiences could not be more different unless I was plucked from some alien planet. They are decent people because they led decent lives, but they have a total lack of empathy for the way I'm hurt because it is outside their little decent reality tunnels. Their lives remind me of everything I missed out on, and that breeds a powerful resentment. I will continue to use them for validation, and feed them lies. They're so fucking inane, but you can't really blame them because women in the west go through life with no real struggle beyond catty bullshit. Maybe >>3848 is right and I am the mirror to the whores. It would make sense because the only woman I ever enjoyed talking to was this fat bitch from tinder working on her engineering doctorate. I didn't even fuck her because the thousand cock stare turned me off when I was feeling her up.
What was the reason for 8/r9k/ to dislike Wizchan? I didn't really care then.
Years ago, the rules on wizchan were actually enforced.
The problem with wizchan then was that it was a race to the bottom. Each person would try to out-loser the other in a depraved status game rather than being authentic - or at least, that's what I've heard on here, and I've seen it there to some extent, this idea of "you're not a wizard if _" taken way too far.
Now, wizchan is a cesspool because it's full of infiltrators, and the rules are not solidly enforced.
I never cared that much either. I can't remember why too well, but I imagine it must have partially been because the rules of the sites were radically different, and something with the mods of wiz being huge faggots.
I never really used it because it always irradiated an inescapable sense of dread and misery (and faggotry). 8chan felt gloomy, but not in the same sense. Back then, I think that there was a strange sense of comfort that came from posting with people who were in a similar situation as me. I didn't feel completely lonely or hopeless.
It doesn't matter now really. Wizchan absorbed the old r9k users who haven't killed themselves yet.
I suspect wizchan mostly consists of legit cripples and niggers, they don't want able-bodied, non-retarded anons around, they are reverse elitists.
My reason: the longer it existed the more it felt like a joke populated mostly by normalfag roleplayers.
People were calling wizchan a joke just like they did on the original domain. And guess what? Still is one, when you realize the place is built upon lies and power tripping hypocrites. I honestly don't mind what Hotwheels did back then. That kind of betrayal hardly compares to everything else.
Currently the place is whatever remains of discord groomers and the people they groomed or tried to groom off-site.
>The problem with wizchan then was that it was a race to the bottom
>I never really used it because it always irradiated an inescapable sense of dread and misery (and faggotry)
8/r9k/ did the same exact things. Seems more like the spat was of marginal differences as looking at Wizchan currently it just reminds me of it except it's actually not as seering, and saw a post of someone getting called a psychopath for wishing violence against people, didn't see anything about women. Maybe those cynical users of Wizchan fled to our flock on account of the gay mods and their lack of rule enforcement. 8's robots also weren't so cold steel either, I saw them post on other boards things that'd get them banned or attacked like courting a girl or wishing for a girlfriend. On this iteration of the board the hermit aspiration communion is hammered in more than on 8chan towards the nuke and there's a thread about women that isn't about entirely hating them, like it calmed down too.
I like this stupid bitch's smug and condescending slightly perturbed face. I wish I could pull off something like that IRL. It's such a mix of emotions crammed in a few lines.
>8chan towards the nuke
No surprise there. 8chan as a whole, including /r9k/, became a dump after the Tarrant massacre and normalfags flocking to the board. I largely left it not soon after that massacre and wasn't browsing it at all in August 2019, when it got taken down.
I suspect there's a goldilocks zone of good activity. A place like this could not get tons of users coming to it without ruining the board, but it does not fare well with few people, though the latter is a lesser evil.
It's a little like how in video games, a co-op campaign server with 30 people on it is often unbearable, but a server with 3 might be upsetting. It's a matter of attaining the right balance of users, and I think 8chan /r9k/ before Tarrant and anon.cafe/r9k/ were somewhat decent at this.
>I saw them post on other boards things that'd get them banned or attacked
I've seen this once before.
>there's a thread about women that isn't about entirely hating them
In my view, having a specific hatred of women is the way incels think. As I see it, maybe around 99-99.9% of men are normalfags and 99.9-99.99% of women are normalfags. People who play up the gender differences neglect the fundamental difference, which is between normalfags and non-normalfags. The vast majority of men are normalfags like women, and the differences between men and women I focus on only apply to a small fraction of their populations.
I think part of it is because women are so attached to the collective and so docile that it's rare to find an Olga Hepnarovna among them. With men, one can find plenty by comparison, but they still comprise a tiny fraction of all men.
I didn't notice anything go to shit because of Tarrant, just things progressively getting shittier because of Trump and nu/pol/ being too shit for even nu/pol/acks that they went to other boards and that that whole site was rigged from the start. I noticed that when incel replaced virgin as an insult used by women that many incel communities sprang up and much of the posts about dislike towards women or quests for sex died from the board with displeasure with society and to an extent life taking up more space not that the disdain disappeared. Maybe you've forgotten or weren't there but /r9k/'s feels and >tfw no gf phase gave way to the justified rage towards feminism's ramifications on society, female double standards, and men outcasted or feeling isolated from society for their own personal reason on account of the sexualization of it and prevention of attaining romantic and, for those failed normalfags, purely sexual pursuits. As for normalfags, I don't consider normalfag males to be that but just normalfags as men have more variance and independence in personality, nature, and morality than women who have less variance to where they can be classified as their own category. As you said women are dependent and sociable more than men are, they have a hole, by their biology they receive so it makes sense that this applies to their psychology.
>I suspect there's a goldilocks zone of good activity
This imageboard in the beginning was cozy and comfy but that wasn't good enough for the posters because of growth fetishism and complaints about it being too slow. I'd say 10-20 posts a day is the golden sliver.
Thanks for letting me know about her.
I feel genuinely sad because I have no places to be on the internet. Imageboard threads just constantly turn into two idiots having an argument over some trivial shit (and are mostly dead). Discord is filled with either unfunny 14 year olds or unfunny trannies. Reddit is... well, reddit is reddit. Tiktok/instagram is just for braindead teens, facebook is for elderly and sometimes racist people, and everywhere else is just dead. Is there anywhere where I can just talk to people that could potentially be friendly? Everyone is just so hostile everywhere I go.
>everything basically the same
>even supposedly high PPD boards
>nothing to post
The internet, previously a refuge, is now a prison after the destruction of the barrier between real life and internet. Small Japanese faggyverse servers might have the best atmosphere, judging by machine translation.
nah, the previous anon was right about tarrant. that's when the us congress got involved, even though the original post was facebook and it got linked on 8chan, that's the moment they went in for the kill. everything else was attempts to sanitize the net, but that was the first big movement to do so since they felt they had a convenient excuse.
You're projecting your wishes. All I see is a calm, contented, smiling girl.
I thought the same but when he pointed that out he is right. Especially if you are familiar with the character.
Look into her eyes. She's actively appraising you, looking for some weak point she can use against you.
I have nothing to add as my thoughts have already been said here not that it'd matter because I'm inarticulate and get stumped when someone asks for "proof" or calls me wrong for not sharing their cynical world-is-all point of view. I am ashamed that I have fell for the gaslight of the hivemind that exists on imageboards, you find it pointless to carry on when attacked by so many at once. Many who attacked me could've been shills of all sorts as well.
A couple months ago I realized that I've always been halfway between staying juvenile, properly groomed, clinging onto my attachments, and letting my self-esteem become reborn, destroy my ego, not care for the approval of others: the conflict stated in your pamphlet between the Pasu and Vīrya. I did things as a kid I found to make me cringe or feel embarrassed over but never occurred to me that I should stop indulging in it and look at the abyss, and that it doesn't matter if I'm enjoying something that isn't "wrong" or "immoral". When people say "grow up" is this what they mean? Or maybe what I call juvenile and restrictive is just my anima and divine spark of light, that I should trade that in just to have a better footing in this world? Give up my inner world and untranslated knowledge to become a master of reality, a master of a contemporary blip?
This need for recognition could be sycophantic and insecure but I ultimately wanted to express my gratitude for exposing that I'm not alone and some of what I experienced. And if one is so inarticulate how unworthy are they that they need to conduit their feelings and beliefs through others.
This thread is going to hit the reply limit very seen. Just a heads up.
Realizing the how pathetic sentimentality is has been quite a revelation recently. There is absolutely no use in wallowing in pathetic self pity, to think about past regrets or unfulfilled desires.
I have come to be contend in my solitude, that I'll propably never experience any sort of 'comradeship' or romance. I have come to terms with the fact that this timeline is a shithole heading to catastrophe. No, I have found a certain romance in that. How else could I enjoy music acts like eyehategod and mutiilation?
All of popular culture centers around an emasculated kind of sentimentality, that sickens me, that men are fed this lie from an early age.
I don't know if this is all a good thing or if I'm just becoming numb and insensitive. But I haven't felt so at ease in a long time.
What differentiates an enlightened being from a normalnigger?
I often feel at an impasse nowadays. The best term for it might be "aporia."
I used to feel like I had a clear, linear future. Now, whenever I think of it, often the first thought that pops into my mind is:
My future is a big question mark.
I try and create plan after plan for each situation that might follow, but I know that it's likely futile. I have a strong desire to control my future but can't control my own mind.
The time distortion feels more intense than I've ever experienced in my life. A few weeks ago, it was Wednesday, and I thought it was Tuesday, then corrected myself: It must be Thursday. Wrong again!
Every emotional lens has its ups and downs but I wouldn't say you're numb and insensitive as it's the equivalent of being a hoarder of emotions, it's an unnuanced "power of love and friendship" kind of romance.
The extent of your consciousness, self-awareness of your actions and why you do them, ability to reason, how much you give into impulses of a carnal nature, inner monologue or cerebration depending on IQ. These are just what comes to mind without any deep research on what separates the two.
Hello wizards! I am looking for any good Accelerationist message boards/forums. Not sure if there are any - couldn't find any on 8kun and don't think 9chan is operating any more. Long story short, I am aiming to accelerate the collapse of modern society in a similar manner to Ted Kaczynski. Except my plan doesn't involve bombing or killing anybody, just using shitloads of power/electricity.
Would be grateful if anyone here could point me towards such a board (unless perhaps /r9k/ also contains some Accelerationists?)