Life's pretty alright at the moment.
I've been playing a lot of visual novels lately. It's enjoyable to be able to vicariously experience a romance through the self insert main character of a visual novel, however, there's been a bit of a bittersweet element to it for me.
When I'm playing these games I get reminded of the contrast between the ideal world of the visual novel and the romantically dead whore hell hole we live in. This really isn't that annoying since I'm pretty used to this hell hole by now but what really gets to me is when I have an especially strong connection with a character.
When that happens the visual novel filter really starts to hurt a bit. It makes me want to just jump into the screen so that I can talk to them as myself rather than the approximated mouthpiece that is the self insert main character. Sometimes I want to do this so much that I can't stand it and I have to take a small break from the game to calm down and get back into it.
I still however am enjoying myself and I assume that with time I'll acclimate to this. It's not an entirely bad feeling though. Again it's bittersweet in a way.
I would enjoy going a bit more in-depth about the specifics of the visual novels in question if anyone is interested enough though I doubt anyone is.
Feel free to post as much as you want.
Your post remind me of the old 8chan. I remember all those endless post about Katawa Shoujo. I loved reading those threads. I still have some particular posts from that time period.
Strangely enough, I never played a visual novel. I always got the feeling that if I played one, I would become addicted to that sensation and never stop. Maybe I'd have gone full Quixote in the worst case scenario.
Alright but this may be a long one since I'm gonna need to bring up a few things for context.
So for context, I'm quite the mentally active person, and honestly quite talkative too. I like to think pretty deeply about the things I'm interested in and though I'm fine just keeping these thoughts to myself I find it incredibly fulfilling when I'm able to have a genuine and interesting conversation with someone who shares a similar level of interest and knowledge the topic. Of course, I also need to be comfortable with said person and respect them as decent human beings.
That's why I like it around here. I can discuss with similar-minded people (whom I can generally assume are not complete scum) things that I am passionate about or interested in. However, the limitations of text-based communication are pretty obvious when you want to really go in-depth about something. An equally interested and well-spoken friend or theoretical romantic partner this is important for later regarding the VN would be the optimal yet unrealistic solution to this.
So with all that said, I've been recently trying to focus on the things I find fulfilling and things that I'm passionate about (this is coming off of a time where I felt as if I didn't have these things). One of these things (or at least the main one) has been the media I consume. Video games, anime, visual novels, movies, and the like. I've always spent a lot of time thinking about these things in the past but definitely not to the extent or the depth at which I could have. I am now thinking about the media I consume with that level of depth.
And so now that I've thought about something like this in depth (and continue to do so) I once again find myself wanting to converse about these things. And without any optimal way of doing that. Though I am doing a little bit of that right now through these posts, which again, fulfill that desire a decent bit
So yeah, I've got a lot of pent-up thoughts about vidya and shit right now that I would enjoy being able to have a discussion/conversation about. I'm able to have some of that discussion here, but not to the extent that I'd like. That should conclude the context part of this.
Sorry for the long-winded post.
I'm fucking tired I'll finish the rest of the post tomorrow.
I quit my minimum wage factory job a month ago and people cared I was leaving despite not putting up much presence and being perceived as mentally deranged. I was the 2nd-best guy in my department but they didn't want me to leave not for my ethic but because I was nice to be around. I don't know how to feel about that.
For many years I've had recurrent dreams set in a town that I'm sure is completely fictional, it's too comfy and well designed to be a real thing. The dreams occur only 2-4 times in a year and the town keeps progressing through time, giving me reasons to revisit some places, see all the new developments. The point is, these dreams always make feel wistful because this is the only place where I feel truly at home. All the characters populating this little world range from inoffensive to pleasant. Some of them had been my acquaintances for longer than any online friends. I know I will be able to meet them again and they won't be tainted by any IRL fads and influences. I only wish these dreams came to me more often. I tried daydreaming about it but it's not nearly the same, there's just no element of surprise.
>I don't know how to feel about that.
I'd feel good if I were you. Co-workers objecting to you leaving means you genuinely had a positive impact on their lives, because otherwise they wouldn't care any less. Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
Lucky you, I've been having nightmares exclusively as of late. If you're not the daydreaming type you can try getting into books/novels, especially "slice of life" ones, they'll occupy your mind in your waking hours and give your brain material to process while asleep. For me books are the most immersive medium, even more than vidya. Maybe they'll be immerse you too.
Sorry. I went to the gym for the first time yesterday and I went a bit too far. Typing is currently difficuly atm.
So many things to do, too many things to learn, life continues in every way detestable and ordinary and I see how little control I have for even the tiniest of details as what I seek to accomplish slowly reifies itself as something attainable. I am watching a disaster unfold and the one behind the wheel wants me dead and doesn't care if it takes him with it.
You are scum. Leave and OD.
Impressive story, full of allegory. You should take more of the funny makes-your-dick-not-work substance.
I have been interested in mountaineering lately. It's an extraordinarily nice thing to do, sometimes quite solitary as well.
>in my late 20's, still living at home
>birthday in about a week, right at the end of nigger-and-faggot-pride-month
>had to go with parents to sister's house for father's day
>family all has something going on in life
>sister and brother-in-law run a fairly successful business
>brother is making good money in HVAC
>even my brother's girlfriend's 18 year old son, who was kicked out prior to finishing high school, is currently getting work as an amateur film-editor and will be moving into a house soon
>only ones who aren't busy with something are my sister's kids on summer break, and me
I don't necessarily envy them for having to work all the time, or for being normalfags, but all seem relatively happy with some sense of purpose. Not only am I pretty miserable on a daily basis, but even if I did have a well-paying full-time job, I still wouldn't be content because I don't really want that life. The whole day felt like one giant reminder of the fact that I don't belong in this world and I never really did. There isn't much here for me, and little that I'm willing to offer this world that I so deeply despise. I have never wanted to end my own life more than I have today. So, I think that I have decided that I will be giving myself one more year. I will be turning 30 next year, and if I can't get something worthwhile going for myself, then I am going to commit suicide. There's no point in continuing this rigged game if I can't even enjoy the occasional victory.
Recently decided to completely change my diet in preparation for exercise and it's really put into perspective how shit most food is. Every time is see a 140 calorie sweet serving I think of how much more fulfilling (for both my stomach and my body) that same calorie intake of fish or chicken would have been.
The fact that I was eating pizza, which is like 2 servings of chicken breast per slice, before all of this is fucking disgusting.
I've gotten to the point where even webring anons are alien to me.
I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this, almost half of my life is a neet life, especially as a hikki, and things are get more and more fucked up. Even the internet now burns me, I can no longer access any website without feeling contempt for the world and a desire for isolation.
In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life, but that's over, I fell in love with shitty people, made "friends" where I feel it was one-sided only. People tried to push me into degeneration and at the same time I became more emotional and felt infected with empathy.
Before that I had some "good" years as a neet without having constant depression and totally "empty" emotionally in a comfy way, feeling good alone, no thoughts about loneliness. Now I just feel alone and incapable of any communication including imageboards, has anyone else ever felt something similar or went through a transformation during his years as a neet?
>I feel like a pariah, out of place even in places like this.
>In 2017 I tried to get back to having a social life
>Now I just feel alone
Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself? If so then why is that?
I apologize in advance for the mess this text will be, my head is foggy and I can barely keep both my eyes open. Besides, my English has been deteriorating for the last two years.
I feel like an outcast because I feel like even other robots somehow have more hope, I'm no longer just a hikki in my 20's, now I'm a neet hikki in my 30's, people said i'm smart, but i've been feeling like a complete incapable retard since 2020, i'm having trouble expressing myself in both my mother tongue and english, I feel like I've forgotten everything I've learned and I find myself unable to learn anything, I don't feel motivated to try. When I was young I had an easy time making new friends and when I entered my neet life I at least felt some pride and security in that fact, but since 2019 I noticed that I was also unable to make friends, even virtual, after burning bridges I didn't feel able or motivated to make new friends and now I'm once again all alone including online.
When I decided to use webring after 8coom being fucked by feds I noticed that many boards are now full of cliques, discord, IRC and other groups, if you don't get in and become friends of those people you become isolated on boards too.
Like I said. In 2017 I decided to try socializing again using shitcord to talk about politics, at the time I still had an inner fire and cared about some things.
I was the person in all the groups who was older, in pariah groups I didn't fit very well and I'm also less suited as a normalfaggot even tho some used to see me as an extrovert "chad" for some reason, also way to many trannies or less manly dudes who were supposed to be my friends and always helped each other out or sought me out as a father figure for some reason and wanted my help when they were suicidal etc. But I never got it back, both online or irl, people look at me and think I'm incapable of feeling any suffering and that I don't need anyone, they can't empathize with me because I don't fit in either like a tranny, or a normalfag, or usual neet.
For exemple, I'm a tall man, masculine looking, i've been called handsome a few times both for trannies, gays and women, but having entered this depressive state more than a decade ago I simply stopped taking care of myself and my health and appearance just deteriorated and I lost my social and intellectual skills, I stay for weeks without brushing my teeth or washing my hair for almost 12 years now, even tho I shower every day and I don't let my room become a dirty place it's pretty obvious i don't care to live as normal person, It's almost like I'm a chimera that both neets and normalfags don't see as someone to have around.
>Why do you care so much for social interaction? Can you not find fulfilling and entertaining things to do by yourself for yourself?
As I said, during my early years as a hermit I didn't care at all about socializing, progressing in life, etc. I didn't care about losing my old friends, ignoring my family or about others living their lives while I was stagnant. So in 2017 maybe because of boredom and the boom that cuckchan was getting I decided to try to have at least some regular people to talk and be more close online. Even had some cringe long distance relationship, a small group of regular friends etc, but I didn't worked and in 2020 I decided to leave discord and interact less with people online again. Only after that, I started to feel a certain loneliness, although I feel more contempt and distrust of people now.
I already had hobbies, years ago i coded a site for people play rpg online, I spent a good part of my early years as a neet on this, distracting myself by writing, translating, coding, playing and being a GM, etc. But dramas happened and I decided to walk away from it and leave my site in the hands of some mods. I had other interests, but everything died, one thing has been corrupted, another thing I feel has dropped in quality, etc. I hardly watch shows, anime, or vidya.
To complete my post, books were my main distraction and pleasure in all these years as a neet, not vidya, but since 2018 I became almost unable to read, if I devoured books before and I spent almost all my money on books, I found myself unable to finish some of the last books I bought, others I didn't even begin to read. This is maybe the worst thing, if my first years as a neet were "easy" now I only see things get worse, either in my life or in the world as a whole.
I went back to playing some MMORPG a few years ago after I stopped accessing my steam completely and even playing something like that I rarely talk or Interact with anyone else. Even on online games I feel like muting the whole chat so I don't see anyone talking to each other.
You've got yourself in a feedback loop of shit. You need to pull yourself out, and that first and foremost means taking control of your emotions and severing the mental ties between your current self and your past baggage. A reset of sorts.
I also didn't notice once you actually bring up something you were individually passionate about. It's always a "distraction" or something you did with a group of people. If you want shit to get better you need to change this.
Fuck other people. Only you can make you happy. And distractions won't do
Firstly, individual hobbies are essential as they allow you to have safe fulfillment which is divorced from the state of the world or the people you know. Try finding some. Look for things that are truly mentally engaging or even better things that spark passion. For me, these things are vidya, anime, art, and sometimes origami. Having this variety of interests to fall back on is also good as it avoids burnout on any one hobby.
I tend to cycle my hobbies with a bias towards certain ones.
Remember, do not find a "distraction" find something fulfilling. It won't be easy but it's better than doing nothing or even worse wallowing in self-pity. Trust me. I've been there.
Also, you should try and keep your things in order and in general try to take better care of yourself (i.e health). It's hard to cultivate fulfillment when you're surrounded by filth and squalor. Being healthy is also a general mood boost so do try and improve this aspect of your life. I say this as someone who has very recently taken up weight lifting and exercise after years of eating shit and doing nothing. It really does go a long way and the hardest part is taking that first step.
And for my own selfish reasons do not become a normalfag after all of this. Your stint in 2017 was pretty disgusting to hear about, especially the trannies and roast. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since that was so long ago and I wasn't really the best person back in 2017 either. Seriously though a robot is a robot happy, sad, or bored. To become a normalfag simply because you can is to become less than and proves you were never a robot to begin with.
I can't give solid advice on this one as I haven't experienced this myself. However, I hope that some other anon who's pulled themselves out of a hole can help you with this one instead. This seems like a pretty big issue though so don't ignore it.
And again remember. Only you can make you happy.
I do apologize for the long post and unsolicited advice.
While you shouldn't generally take others' appearances at face value or use them as basis for comparison, let me ask you this; what do you think would give your life purpose? We can cross 'job' off the list since you don't wanna work, but surely there's something(s) you want to do instead of doing nothing for the rest of your life... Maybe you have activities/hobbies that you like doing, and if not then find some. You won't find your purpose sitting at home.
>using 30 y/o as death age
This is literal faggot mentality and I will have none of it. Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying. Your life matters.
Good on you anon, and best of luck finding non shit food in burgerland. You guys have it the worst.
It seems to me like you're missing social interaction, and that's okay. But let me you tell you this now, looking for it while in a desperate state will only backfire, and I'm saying this from experience. Don't go seeking people to let into your life when you're feeling lonely, because you will ignore red flags and misplace your trust, and also possibly come off as clingy. The first step is finding comfort in your solitude and enjoying your own company, and yes part of that involves living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of yourself as >>3053 said. Only then can you look into meeting new people, and only as an addition to your life that you can live without... You get the idea?
Venting on IBs meanwhile is fine because you're anonymous and there's no social contract binding you to anyone, this means you get to be as vulnerable as you want without risk, but it also means it's no place to make friends. Seriously. Anyone who expects you to be his friend and get all personal like whether on an IB or "other" platforms (discord/IRC) is someone you should stay the fuck away from. Generally I advise against trying to make any true friends online as the success rate is very low, so do keep that in mind. Chances are you will have to leave the house and do outdoor activities and rebuild your social skills to make new friends, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that may be.
I sympathize with your suffering. You don't have to fit into a certain group to be treated with sympathy, it's such a simple thing to offer yet most people don't offer it, that's on them and not you. Sure empathy is better but no two people will ever fully relate to each other, so learn to live with that fact. Understand that your problems are valid regardless of what other people think, then work towards solving them.
You're most likely burned out from years of both physical and social isolation, that indoor/solitary activities don't do it for you anymore. To iterate what I said above; go outside and do something different. If you end up liking something then great, if not then you'll yearn to go back to your old activities and will enjoy them again.
>It's been 84 years, but I am sure I will live to see that anon complete his post.
Well I'll try to put things a bit more shortly this time. There have also been new developments as I have actually completed the VN now.
So basically in this VN one of the girls was pretty into media, similarly to me. Anime and movies and the like. At first the game really emphasized this and I was absolutely loving it. The peak of this was this one stint where the MC and the girl argued for an hour about some shit in an anime that they watched. At that moment I felt a very strong desire to go inside the game and experience that myself. I felt this very strongly.
So for a while I was enjoying my time with the female character quite a bit. She was intelligent, had a fun sense of humor, and she had a passion for media similar to my own.
However as the game went on they started to focus less on that passion and more on the FMC extremely sarcastic sense of humor and her general life situation. This was fun too but I was, however, much less interested in that side of her. She also said some questionable things throughout the route which put me off at times but overall I had a positive experience with the character. I just wish they had focused more on her passion for media rather than her sarcasm. I feel that for somebody reading a VN such a focus may have been more effective and for me it would have most certainly been.
As for the desires in those aforementioned posts it seems to have died down a decent bit. I've either vented it over the course of this month somehow or I've come to accept that such a thing isn't possible and it's better to focus on enjoying the media and deriving value from the thoughts I have themselves. Or I just forgot what it feels like to really get a nice conversation about something like that since I'm not playing the game anymore.
You can be more specific if you want. Surely, there are robots that have an interest in VNs. I don't personally hold a strong opinion on them.
I don't normally feel any personal atachment to a particular form of media, but when it happens I feel a general frustration. There's so much to say, yet nobody to talk to.
Nevertheless, as you previously stated this board aliviates that feeling somewhat. I know that there will always be a few posters and lurkers that read everything that is posted here.
I believe you previously mentioned the limitations of text based comunication. Generally, I prefer it over speaking normally. In a normal conversation, many things are left unsaid or one can transmit the wrong intention. Rambling over a single idea for an unnecessary amount of time, where you can writte it in a sentence or paragraph. Of course, is very limited at transmiting many ideas in a fast manner.
I have thought about going and climbing all the United States high points and (further in the future) trying to climb some of the Seven Summits. The nice thing about this is that there is no impossible element to it, only a price tag and some fitness required, and that tag is quite small for many of the state high points at least and is not too high for a few of the Seven Summits.
It's clear to me that I need some adventurous and solitary activity to do. Reading books and browsing the internet will never compensate for this, and it would be tragic if I died without having travelled and hiked a lot.
>what do you think would give your life purpose?
That's hard for me to say really. After reading your post I realized that have never really known what constitutes a viable 'purpose' in one's life. Furthermore, outside of being self-employed and financially independent, I'm not too certain what I want to achieve in this life. I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
>>using 30 y/o as death age
I didn't mean to use 30 specifically, it was more a case of "I have failed for this many years, so I'll give myself one more year." The fact that it lined up with my birthday was more or less coincidental. I have, at times, considered ending my life sooner. A couple days ago, I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online. Unfortunately, they were harder to come by than I originally anticipated. I tried going to 8kunt because I know there used to be a /suicide/ board on there before it went down, I also tried to pull up old instances on the web archiver, but it didn't work. I even went ahead and downloaded tor because I figured there had to be a handful of easy-to-find references there. As it turns out, suicide-related information was difficult to find there as well. It really bothered me how many obstacles are put in place to prevent death and suicide. It reminds me of a post an anon once made, he said: "Life is like a prison. No one gives a shit until you try to escape."
>Take steps to improve your life but don't give yourself deadlines, work towards your goal but don't give up if you fail, always keep trying.
A big part of my problem is that it seems like every time I start to make progress in life, something happens to slow me way down or stop me dead in my tracks. So many times I started to find some form of hope in life, only to see it get crushed or ripped away. That is one the primary reasons why I feel a desire to commit suicide, most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome. It leaves me feeling constantly depressed, angry, or exhausted. I've recently gotten to the point where I will get so depressed that I suddenly just go numb, and I stay that way for roughly 20 minutes until my emotional state can regulate itself.
I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party. I have been trying to improve my life. I exercise regularly, I'm trying to eat healthier, and I've even started meditating daily for my mental health. Aside from that, I've been trying to actually write and list goals and objectives that I can reasonably achieve to improve my situation. I'll try for a while longer, but I feel so damned tired and drained these days I don't know how effective my efforts will be.
You're never going to be happy when your planning your own death and when your attitude paints everything you do in a negative tone. Trust me, I was once where you were.
And remember, happiness is something that can be achieved alone.
Hai friends, long time no see.
Have you been well?
here's your reply
'Twas a genuine heartfelt inquiry.
Miserable as ever I see.
Doing good ponyfag
I'd love to do that too someday, till then I try to hike whenever possible and build up stamina. I suggest you do the same and work towards the level of fitness needed for more challenging hikes.
>I have things I would like to do or improve upon, but it's all relatively vague.
It's a start. Focus more on these things, try to define them better and set some milestones, then begin working towards said milestones. Taking the first step is crucial because it will get the wheel turning and help you better decide what you want to do, and what you don't want to do.
>I tried to find some reliable methods of suicide online
I have a bunch of guides saved but I'm not sharing any because suicide is not a solution. It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc. Life becomes surprisingly bearable once you change all the variables that make you feel trapped.
>most of my life has felt like some elaborate form of torture rather than a series of challenges to overcome
I know exactly how that feels, but life isn't all like this. You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks, otherwise they will always be in your way and you'll never achieve better circumstances... Sure, you can't fight all the time, but you should fight often and not succumb to dooming thoughts, and things will get easier as you go on.
>I don't mean to sound like I'm playing the victim or having a pity party.
You're literally on /r9k/, relax.
>I have been trying to improve my life
These are all great steps, I'm proud of you anon. Don't give up now, take rests when you need to, but never quit.
Also seconding >>3078
A lot of people have an extreme over confidence in the truth of their opinions. It's good to be confident in your opinions however being too confident in them is an amazing way to stall any progress in the quality of your opinions. The same could be said for overconfidence in any other field. Arts and other hobbies are a good example.
The board has really matured over the years, hasn't it. Some of this is likely due to the slower nature of the board nowadays, however, I do think a good bit of it has to do with the general increase in maturity of robots as we've gotten older. Back in the day, this board used to be pretty nihilistic and down in the dumps but things seem to have turned around for a good bit of us. The culling of failed normalfags from this board after 8ch's nuking did wonders too. Though the subsequent 3 nukings were much more tragic
Aside from that, I wonder if I should get back into art. It's not a hobby I'm particularly interested in at the moment however I do think I'll begin to appreciate it more once I'm older. At the moment I'm having a good time with visual novels and the like but maybe I should put some time aside to brush up on my artistry (as amateur as it is)
Not a bad idea at all, post your work here when you do so we can critique it.
are you the same anon who posted his creature sketches here about a year or so ago?
You're right, anon. I've been learning this myself lately. Unfortunately, I've spent over a decade in a pit of depression and self-loathing, it will take quite some time to dig myself out, but I'll keep working at it.
>It's not life that's a prison, it's your circumstances. Your way of living, your routine, your town, your circles, your mental state...etc.
>You should persevere and keep fighting despite the torturous roadblocks
I think you're right about that. Over the past few years, I had fallen into the habit of blaming the kikes for most of my problems and shortcomings in life as an excuse not work as hard as I should, or even work in the right places. And though it is true that jews make life worse, I know they're really only an obstacle, despite their continued efforts, they can never truly stop our powers of self-determination. What's more is the part of my life that really has been my greatest obstacle are my parents, who have hindered my efforts for most of my life while believing that they're being helpful. However, I have had such a difficult time overcoming the challenges they've presented over the years that it became far easier to pretend that I had other, larger problems, rather than deal with what is in front of me. But I'm making far greater efforts to analyze, identify, and be honest with myself about my own circumstances: what is my own fault and what isn't, what challenges I face, and what my options are for making progress in life. I fell into a particularly dark place over the past several months. but I'm pleased to say the fire within me hasn't burnt out yet.
Thank you both for your replies. I've gone for some time without having someone to really listen to me and try to be understanding, and I had nearly forgotten how helpful it can be. I really slowed down my browsing and posting on /r9k/ in recent months because some robots went full-gatekeeper (which is understandable, given the difficulties presented to the board in recent years) and thus they developed a tendency to be somewhat unsympathetic and over-zealous, but I'm glad robots like you are still here.
>I wonder if I should get back into art.
I think it's good for a person to have a form of creative expression in their lives, it can be a very positive and rewarding thing. In fact, I personally would like to return to writing. It something that I used to enjoy, but just sort of dropped after a short while, so I think I'll go back to it and even share my stories here eventually.
I'm going to jump in and address your post in general, because I think it leads to some useful topics.
First, about negativity as it relates to attitude and worldview. In the past, the resistance put up against simply pointing out negative, "untouchable" realities always seemed to be reducible to a particular normalcattle impulse: to prefer a passive state of delusion where they only want to look at positive distractions rather than investigate anything that would make them uncomfortable. I would always prefer to be consumed by the negativity associated with what is true, because I couldn't live with what I perceived as deluding myself and always having that curiosity gnawing at me. However, only recently did I hear someone online point out a simple alternative. You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests; though it's true that the kikes are deeply involved in a lot of shit, it's still a danger to fixate on this in a way that feeds it with your energy. Furthermore, when it comes to the parasitic entities that they are working with, they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness. So then it becomes a matter of transmuting your lower self into the development of your higher self, by not giving fuel to your base desires (not looking at sexual material, masturbating, or allowing sexual desire to override your conscious mind), not creating circular thought patterns fixated on negative realities (though acknowledging they exist and must be dealt with at some point), and thus the focus shifts to strengthening yourself spiritually and physically, and basically saying this is ME, this in MINE, and NOBODY is going to fuck with my conscious autonomy. Another factor is the unfortunate reality that kikes and their shabbos goyim have been literally poisoning our food, water and air for years. So you have to be careful about what you allow into your body in this sense as well, and exercise is crucial on top of that.
Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms. We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman? Why should we feel bad that we don't have hot wives and fuck-trophies? Yes, enough children need to be born to survive into future generations, but you know that if you're not Mr. Moneybags with all the know-how in the world, any children you would have had would be filled up with vaccines, public schooling (brainwashing), and surrounded by racial enemies in a low-trust environment. Basically, childhood development would be conversion into the next wave of golems by jewish torturers, if they're not outright abducted and sacrificed to their demonic demiurge. (Adding to the shift in perspective relative to negativity, once you realize that the apparent power and material status the kikes have was the result of binding themselves to this demiurge and serving it, they are actually more pathetic than the lowliest nigger because they are servants of this hermaphroditic faggot entity -- at least a chimp can be a neutral part of an ecosystem.) No, we are here to be present when the ground is being cleared of all this debris so something new can arise.
I think it's up to people like us to re-establish a connection with our higher selves, because this is partly a spiritual battle. And as we've seen from the past year or so, we have enough spirit matter to distinguish us from these fucking herds of cattle and golems who bend their knees to professional liars, line up for their slave injections, and unconsciously reinforce their own degradation and try to entrap us in it as well. So ultimately, I think the lifepath and maturation of a robot is a necessary process, and I'm glad you guys are still hanging in there.
>You have to start with the framework that you're a conscious being with some degree of creative control over how your reality manifests
>they feed off of your lower vibrational energies (hate, fear, lust -- think of all the free internet porn and people hooked on discharging their energy to it) but are unable to control and feed off of you in this way if you are operating at a higher level of consciousness
The main thing that I have personally enjoyed about introducing meditation into my daily practices is that meditation strengthens the mind's ability to be conscious and aware. Tragically, I fell into the sinister trap of porn addiction from a young age, and though I would always be introspective enough to realize what I was doing wasn't healthy, it wasn't until recently that I have been able to effectively hone my conscious mind to stop myself from yet again falling into the porn trap before I needlessly discharge my energy.
>Another shift in mindset that would be good for robots is the understanding that we were born at the end of a cycle, the end of the Kali Yuga if you don't mind putting it in those terms
I've known this for some time, but it has often served more as a source of despair than anything else. I'm sure most robots here were all born around the late 80's to early 90's. We were born at the end of relatively good times, grew up during a steep economic and social decline, and will be spending the entirety or our adult lives in the Kali Yuga. With the current slow-burn that seems to be occurring in this dark age, it is likely that the new golden age will not occur until after our passing. Even if some of us live to see the golden age, we will be far too old to truly enjoy any of the benefits it brings.
>We were NOT put here to create! Humanity is currently diseased and there is nothing to contribute to, nothing constructive that will endure, so why the fuck should any of us feel a lack of worth just because we're not jumping through hoops to earn material bullshit from some subhuman?
This is a big part of why I lost my motivation to write. Over the years many people have tried to place an emphasis on the importance of creation, but when I would think about it, I would always come to the conclusion: "What's the point?" I've started a few stories in the past that would draw upon my personal perceptions of this corrupt world, and would generally follow a series of events in which a person or group of people revolt against some jew-like antagonist. However, during the writing process, I would lose steam because I would come to the realization that if I ever released my works to the public, hordes of normalfags would invariably misinterpret the themes and messages in the story, likely equating it all to "the villain is a nazi/fasict, punch nazis!" (there are actually a great many people who still believe that Tolkien wrote Sauron to be Middle-earth's Hitler, despite Tolkien himself saying that he detests allegory) or some other contemporary nonsense. So although I would like to return to writing, as I do enjoy the creative process, I don't think I will be sharing my stories with anyone, save for fellow robots.
>stocking up on supplies due to inevitable supply-chain disruptions/cyber polygon
>only one out of mom, mom's bf, stepsister, mom's bf's dad, and mom's bf's dad's other kids that even realizes what's coming down the pipe
>feel useful for the first time in ages
I don't get how you can look at what's going on and not at the very least CONSIDER stockpiling supplies, Great Reset shit aside.
Wait, what's going on? I don't pay attention to shit
More money has been printed since the start of the lockdowns than was printed from the founding of the US until 2019. Hyperinflation, breakdown of supply chains, etc, seems obvious if you just look at history, even aside from the WEF's Cyber Polygon faggotry.
Silly anon bad things NEVER happen. If someone was wrong about these things happening before than that means they will NEVER happen :^)
I don't think the United States of Israel is going to fall right now. They will probably borrow a quadrillion dollars from mysterious entities and never pay back, like they have been doing until now. After that, everything will be okay for a few years and then fucked again. Although, it's very likely a great crisis is right around the corner, preparing yourself is never a bad idea.
Ive been distracting myself with videogames so i havent been posting.
I had a strange dream the other day
It started out as an rpg larp battle amongst hs peers in the schoolyard, which then turned into a dragons dogma pvp match, with me 2v1 ing some guy plus a loli mage (i was playing on a crt?), who then happened to be an actual loli in my house (the guy logged off) who was riding piggyback on me asking me questions as i walked around said house.
I dont remember the questions but they felt interrogative. Maybe i was mkultraed idk
Why do people feel pride in identiterian qualities? Why should I feel proud about something which I had no part in achieving. I am proud things which I worked hard for, not for things which I was born into.
As a pretty individually minded person I find it incredibly hard to understand.
Wanting and liking the success of people who think or look like you is a group-selected trait, and wanting to associate yourself with traits that successful people share by broadcasting your own similarity to successful people is an individually beneficial action.
Pride isn't predicated on the self alone. A father can be proud of his son, and the son of his father, and this can go all the way up the whole people, ie the nation.
The layer of separation between player and world in the visual novel is aggravating.
It is aggravating in games in general however moreso with visual novels. I believe that there is a great deal not being done to try and dissolve this layer of separation. Perhaps I'm the only one autistic enough to care about the fact that I don't feel as much myself as I could when playing these games.
More player agency and power over the world would be a good start. maybe you can rope VR in if you've got the money for that. It could go a long way but at that point, I'm not sure if you could call it a visual novel. Though it may share the same goal and structure.
I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer but I'm not sure if they're stupid or not yet.
The writing is key to maintain the illusion in most videogames. In something like Pokémon or Call of Duty, it's easier to maintain the illusion due to simplicity of their world and premise. Those two can make feel that you are catching monsters in a foreign world or shooting down brown people in a fictional country. Despite how simple or badly written are at times.
I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games. In an RPG the writing is the context of the game and it might be secondary to the gameplay, in a VN the writing is the game. A VN that is very well written can afford to have mediocre or even bad art, but being badly written and limiting the player might be the worst flaw a VN can have.
The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
I have seen very few regular games that mantain the illusion all the way through, doing this in a VN must be a titanic task.
>I have some ideas about how one may specifically go about dissolving this layer
You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
>You might bring the game closer to an RPG than a visual novel.
I'm not entirely sure. RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat. Perhaps applying what I desire to a VN like Fate/Stay Night would make it an RPG, however, applying it to a game like Katawa Shoujo, Clannad, or any other school visual novel would not. It may not entirely be a VN (even less so if VR is involved) however the goal and feel would be similar.
>I think of visual novels more as interactive books than games.
Not so much for me. When playing VNs I usually do self-insert. Not so much in applying the attributes of the player character to myself as much as imagining that I am the player character. For myself, the choices that are given are a chance for me to have agency in the game rather than a tool for telling multiple stories in one. This is likely due to the nature of most visual novels as a means of romantic escapism. I simply don't think I would enjoy these romance stories as much if I was engaging with them as if though I was an outsider.
However, a decent bit of VNs are pretty explicit about the fact that the main character is a unique and separate entity, and for those, I do treat them moreso as interactive books.
I don't think I'm alone in how I treat VNs. Though it may be to a lesser extent many must treat visual novels in a similar way. After all, romance and faceless protagonists are a staple of the medium for a reason. I do hope that one day someone looks a little bit deeper into why these things are enjoyable and decides to enhance upon that with additional player agency and more meaningful choice. As you say though, it would be a difficult task.
Books more in the sense that VNs are heavily text focused and the player is another character that is an active participant in the story. Of course, most VNs are supposed to be experienced as self-inserts where the main character is the main driving force of the story, and as such he must be flexible enough to achieve multiple routes in a believable way. Quoting myself:
>The writer must think, "What would the player want to say here" and "What should the characters say according to their personalities". Failing any of the aforementioned leads to a disconnect between the player and the game. Thus, breaking the illusion.
Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
>RPGs have an aspect of gameplay to them that almost always involves combat
The line between VNs and RPGs is strange. As far as I know, visual novels lack physical movement in a 3D space and mostly limit themselves to puzzles.
When I think about a story driven RPG, the first thing that comes to my mind is something like Mogeko Castle, Ao Oni, Ib, or Mad Father, and most of these lack a proper combat system, but you can die in those games. Nevertheless, these games rely heavily on their story.
What the hell is Yume nikki?
Despite the previous paragraph, I know what you mean. Those games are the minority. Something more traditional like Final Fantasy 10 can afford to have a eh story because of the combat system.
>The line between VNs and RPGs is strange.
Genres are arbitrary in some sense which can lead to some confusion. Monster Girl Island, for example, is pretty much a by the books eroge however there is a movement within a 3D space in that game. If we go one step further and VR to the VN formula is that still a VN? I'm not sure.
>Self Insert-kun must remain as a mirror to the player. The bigger the scale, the harder it's to mantain the illusion.
I agree. I do however think that the choices themselves may be a good informant on how to keep the writing close to what the player is thinking. That is if one were to take on the challenge of enhancing player agency in a VN, or any choice-influenced game for the matter. I just bring up VNs since that's what I've been enjoying recently.
I have troubles communicating that get worse by the year, I think something more sinister than autism, and now can barely bring myself to speak or think about anything in-depth, I used to be able to hold a conversation now anything that isn't utilitarian and simply-worded I stumble over and make an ass of myself or freeze up. My thoughts just vaguely there like a ghost.
Does this extend to writing as well? Ability to communicate if not practiced will atrophy. If it does, and it's not you not communicating much anyway, make sure your diet isn't severely fucked and that you're sleeping enough.
Yes, I type often.
Speaking is a muscular ability, it will deteriorate if you don't use it. Pronunciation aside, fluently expressing a complex idea becomes harder the less you do it.
Although, it may be related to the fact that you are not using your brain in an effective capacity. I have ran into this problem some times, studying a topic in depth generally helps.
What do you mean with player agency? I don't get it.
Most of the time in VNs the choices that the player makes are a very simple "Choose girl then avoid bad end". Other than that the player doesn't have power as an entity in the fictional world which creates a disconnect between the player and the world.
So when I say agency I mean allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world, as they would if they themselves were in said world. Thus reducing the dissconnect between player and game. I would prefer this over the sometimes annoying and overly simplistic "say the right shit to get the girl you want" or "say the right shit to avoid the death end" that we have now.
Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings". Maybe I'm just being an autist but I do see potential in what I ask for.
>Sadly, all I've seen regarding improving choice in games is either complete lack of interest (such with VNs) or completely missing the point and either chasing the illusion of choice or an arbitrary "gazillion endings".
I think that the best option is something like fallout, where there are like 3 different endings and many side stories with their respective endings. In regular RPG games, asking for 20 real endings might be unreasonable.
In VNs, it might be harder to apply this. I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C. Although, it might be hard to apply this to every route. As far as I know, only School Days does this, and this VN might be one of the most popular ones, having a retardedly high budget.
>allowing the player to have a meaningful effect on the fictional world
Having a real impact in the world might be harder to do in the context of VNs. You can do something like Undertale, where your actions affect everything in the world in an almost immediate level, or Chronno trigger where your actions mostly affect the ending of the game. Both of these examples are extremely rare, doing something like these for a VN would be a real labor of love.
>Maybe I'm just being an autist
It's fun to fantasize about game ideas. Maybe I am the autistic one that is cutting off the fun and overthinking this.
>I can't imagine an ending where there is more than the "They live happily ever after" ending or the "You fucked up, try again" one. Maybe something like the indie RPGs where there are Good and Bad Ending A, B or C.
Moreso for fun at this point I would like to continue the hypothetical. What I was thinking was more an undoing of the traditional "good choice→good end" "bad choice→bad end" thing.
For the sake of improving the player's sense of meaningful impact on the world, I think it would be better to simply have choices create differences. Not choices that steer you towards a "good" or a "bad" end. Just different choices, with different consequences that steer you towards a different ending.
On top of empowering the player, this would eliminate the pressure to pick "the right choice" when the choice screen comes up. These "right" or "wrong" choices sometimes force the player to act in an out-of-character manner simply for the sake of picking the "right" option. This of course creates a disconnect between player and game. Doing this would also emphasize choices as a chance for the player to express their autonomy rather than as a type of artificial difficulty.
As an example of what I mean. Let's just say that at some point the heroine asks you for your opinion on some clothing. You make your decision and then the next time you see the heroine she's wearing what you liked. She could even begin to wear that permanently. This example is small and sort of insignificant, however, it's a good example of the kind of thing I'm talking about. Nothing good or bad, just different.
I think that even something simple like this could go a decent way in improving the immersion and sense of presence/being the player feels within the VN/game world.
Ideally, this same premise could be applied to more important decisions and even compound into something larger.
I think fallout new vegas did something like this if I remember correctly. It seemed pretty forced at times but I think they had the right intentions with the way they tackled choice in some of their side stories.
I honestly don't have a problem with the way choices are in VNs right now. I just believe that there should also be VN/games that try and take advantage of choice as the tool for improved immersion and presence that it is. Doing so could go an incredibly long way in the very personal and character-focused genre/medium that is Visual Novels.
That sounds really good actually. Now I'd like to see something like that.
I have only seen something similar in KotOR, maybe in something like Gothic too, where the game pulls your leg if you always try to be a good guy and choose what seems like the better option. After a while, you just act like yourself and let the game flow. I imagine it would be nice to see this in a VN.
Then again like you said, there is nothing inherently wrong with the way RPGs or VNs play, but this would take things a step further and that is always nice to see.
>fallout new vegas
I am conflicted with this game. At times it's really good with this, other times the choices are between being an "evil nazi" or Jesus Christ in person.
It's levitating inside me awkwardly whenever I think about it, there's nowhere to put it.
>Congrats on fitting in with the normalfags
For the sake of brevity and needless damage control I guess, though for a big part actually did like me because I was a good worker and that's because it reflects on your character. I heard through the grapevine some fat guy or big cowboy who replaced me got in a bar fight that weekend or the next with another worker and stabbed him in the stomach and that was funny.
Self insert should not be the dirty word it has come to be for many. In non-video game mediums the dislike of the trope is understandable. However, when concerning video games, player as protagonist is a very powerful tool and one that leans into the interactive nature of a video game very well.
This should conclude my thoughts that I've been posting over the last couple of days. Unless someone points out something I had not considered.
That sounds fair. I prefer to have a self insert in most games. The disconnect can be really strong if I dislike the protagonist and can't change it in any way.
I have grown to understand Visual Novels better.
I have nothing more to add either. Discussing escapism would be interesting, but that's another story
I think the argument for escapism is pretty cut and dry in a place like this.
There are things which we cannot experience in a world like this and so I see no issue in seeking those things in escapist media. That ranges from being a super-hero in a fantastical world to simply experiencing a true love in a mundane world.
Escapism only becomes detrimental when you use it to run away from your problems rather than as a tool to experience the unexperienceable, and perhaps finding meaning in doing so.
We are pretty much on the same page then. Although, I can only enjoy escapist media when my immediate reality becomes too overbearing. In normal circumstances, I like to watch or read something better written.
I wouldn't say well-written and escapist are mutually exclusive. Romance VNs are pure romantic escapism yet they can be very well written. I get what you mean though. Non-escapist entertainment can cover a wider variety of topics/genres and is generally allowed to be much darker.
I hate to keep taking up so much of the discussion in this thread with my VN autism however I hope that you all will tolerate this just a bit longer.
Just today I was playing a VN, as I do, and it switched to the girl's perspective for a bit. She started thinking of such kind and loving things about the player character (and vicariously me due to my self-insert style of play) and it was quite the bitter-sweet moment. It honestly made my sensitive ass almost go a bit watery-eyed.
Reason being is that sometimes when I'm playing VNs I start to remember the impossibility of it all; the cloyingly sweet love, the idealistic girls, and even if only a little bit, it does get to me. With this case specifically, I was touched by such genuine words of love and kindness, words which were being directed at "me", words which would be neither thought nor spoken in a world like ours.
Overall though the segment was very enjoyable, though again, slightly bitter-sweet. It's a fleeting feeling but a powerful one nonetheless.
I imagine a younger me would have been much more saddened by something like this but I've come to terms with the way the world is by now and I aim to live my life contently in spite of it.
Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
This is one of the reasons why I can only enjoy this type of media in unbearable situations. Just like you said, reality can be disappointing, but I don't want to think about that while I am immersed on whatever thing I am reading/watching. Nevertheless, I can suspend my disbelief if I want to disconnect from real life and stop thinking about everything.
>Again sorry for talking about the same shit for a week straight. And if you've read all of this shit, thank you for taking out the time.
It was a nice read. I enjoyed it.
From my part, I haven't written that much in a long time, my grammar is starting to fall apart.
You can express your feeling on the General Media Thread if you don't want to keep posting in this thread.
My parents STILL hope for me to get married and have children. I am 29 years old and never had a relationship, nor am I really interested in 3DPD, even less in non virgin ones. But I do feel a bit guilty about letting them down, it sucks.
>My parents STILL hope for me to get married and have children
Have you explicitly told them that you do not ever plan on entering a relationship? I've already made it pretty clear to my parents and they seem to have accepted it somewhat.
Though I am younger than you are so maybe they still think it's a "phase".
>But I do feel a bit guilty about letting them down, it sucks.
Don't feel guilty as you've done no wrong. You are looking out for your happiness and your wallet.
Not really. Considering that my mother would guilt trip me before as a child for not doing stuff as she wanted or just screamed at me, and my father just got mad and started ranting when discussing different viewpoints, I rather just tell them pretty much "uh huh" and that's it. But apart from that they were ok parents I guess, reading some stuff in these threads show me that I should be thankful for that. It's just that it seems for normalniggers reproduciton and their offspring reproducing is all that really matters in this life. Normalniggers deep inside would rather you have kids and live eating trash than you dying alone comfortably.
Does the possibility of an argument outweigh the relief of your parents finally shutting the fuck up about kids? Or do you think that your parents are so thick-headed that they wouldn't listen to any amount of reason concerning this issue?
havent posted in a while, was distracting myself with vidya, i should exercise, im geting very weak
I went up two state high points recently. It was enjoyable.
I assume that I will eventually have to move to a mountainous area because I want hiking and mountaineering to become lifelong hobbies of mine.
The captcha is ridiculous.
feeling a lot better and quite hopeful
on march, i felt like shit pretty much everyday and thought that i "will kill myself soon"
now that i look back at it, the problem was probably not so bad?, but it did feel bleak
games aren't as enjoyable for me anymore, and i don't really have anything to do online, so now i'm just wasting my days away and do programming every other day
been playing the back 4 blood beta it's shit but it's a game to keep me distracted from my own fucked up thoughts I guess until a better one comes out
I've said it before but when I bored I think of a world/story in my head. I've been doing so for about 3 years now and it's gotten to a point where some of it is actually pretty fleshed out. I'm not entirely sure what I should do with this though.
I don't feel particularly inspired to share it but I do like drawing to some extent so maybe an anthology of art depicting some of the scenes would be nice. If I did I would definitely need to practice up on my art a bit more since I would hate to do a diservice to something I've spent so much time with. Getting whats in my head onto paper perfectly so to speak.
Though I'm not sure I'm passionate enough about art to do something like that.
I do the same thing.
In my case, I have some affinity for writting.
If the story has a moral and good concepts, I try to write it down as a short story in the most detailed way possible.
It might be pure autism, but I consider that most of my stories are not worth being writen down. However, I do learn a thing or two from these drafts.
>I would hate to do a diservice to something I've spent so much time with
I have a huge story of my own planned, but I try to focus on the shorter stories. I can't write that story now because I am missing many key elements, but I still have it at the back of my mind.
>I don't feel particularly inspired to share it
Neither do I. However, it's a good grammar test and keeps my mind sharp. In your case, it would be a good drawing exercise. Not necessarily the whole thing, some scenery or a character or two.
>Though I'm not sure I'm passionate enough about art to do something like that.
I just do it for the fun, beats not doing anything.
Anyone else ever feel hollow, like there's nothing left in you? I often feel depressed and when that happens, I try to look for some reason not to fall entirely to despair, like thinking of what might be good in life or what I have to look forward to, but I can't seem to come up with anything. Obviously there are no external elements to get excited about, the times we live in and the people around us are horrible. So I inevitably have to look at myself for some internal reason to find some small trace of meaning in this life. The problem there is that I am, in a sense, nothing. Being a robot, the eternal outsider, things like my family, heritage, race, nation, etc. hold little importance to me. Aside from that, we live here in the Kali Yuga, a time in history where everything is in a state of decay and can't possibly be changed by an individual or group, only the majority of a nation can start to change things, but of course the normalfag masses wont act until the situation gets too bad to ignore any longer. So trying to do anything that might inspire anyone or effect the world at large is a waste of time, as it all falls on deaf ears.
What this all comes to is the realization that finding some kind of purpose or over-arching goal to strive toward in life is incredibly difficult. The things I feel I could conceivably work towards seem shallow and pointless. Despite my original intent to ease my depression but looking for something to look forward to, these conclusions of futility and meaninglessness only serve to compound the problem. So as I look into myself, I see nothing. What's more is I realize that I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. All of these thoughts end up sapping me of any energy or will and I'm left feeling completely empty, like the spark of life inside me is just dead, and that I've become some walking corpse. Anyone else deal with these thoughts, like you have no identity and nothing to strive for?
Whenever I feel like that I play horror games. The edgier the better. The absurdity of it all makes me feel better. :)
That feeling is inevitable for almost everyone here. The fact that the world is an evil and unwelcoming place for most of us and there's little we can do about it is something that I've learn to live with.Who knows we may live to see the collapse, better make preparations for that day.
>Anyone else deal with these thoughts, like you have no identity and nothing to strive for?
I have felt like that and it's likely that it will happen again. Comunication with someone that understands me in some capacity (even if it's online) can make all the difference and usually helps me get out of a tough spot. I am only a man and as such failure is not out of the question. After all, if I were to fail and fall into a pit of hopelessness, it would be incredibly hard to get out since I am all alone on some matters.
>finding some kind of purpose or over-arching goal to strive toward in life is incredibly difficult
My goal is to escape from society and live like a hermit as long as I want. Achieving this is not going to be easy or fun, but if I succeed I'll have no regrets. If somehow I were to succeed, I would try to perfect my skills in various arts and attempt to transcend most human pleasures. I believe that all the suffering will be worth it once I achieved this.
>The things I feel I could conceivably work towards seem shallow and pointless.
It sounds like might be having an identity crisis. Sadly, there's very little other people can do for you, but it might be something temporary.
Speaking from personal experience, a deep reflection on your life up to this point might help you, try not to miss any important detail. You might need an outlet for expressing yourself too. If you try to write a serious story, poem or song, you will find a lot of yourself reflected there.
I need to play more cheap games, those are always fun.
I've recently realized that builder-style games (Minecraft, Terraria, currently playing Dragon Quest Builders 2) are probably one of my favorite genres. Of course, video games are only a temporary distraction from my troubles, so the feelings always come back sooner or later.
>The fact that the world is an evil and unwelcoming place for most of us and there's little we can do about it is something that I've learn to live with.
I try to accept my position as an observer and not a participant, knowing that I can't change anything, but it has always been difficult for me to accept. It's hard for me to look at the world as a collection of unfortunate circumstances that ultimately only effect me to a limited degree, because something in me forces me to see it as a problem that needs to be solved or as something broken that needs to be fixed. It creates this internal conflict where I feel compelled to work or fight for something, but I know that in truth my efforts would all be in vain.
>My goal is to escape from society and live like a hermit as long as I want.
This certainly has its appeal, of course whenever I hear people bring up these kinds of things, it's usually in the context of living in the woods somewhere, and that 'innawoods' lifestyle doesn't quite click with me. I do have a love and appreciation of nature, but I feel like living in the sticks would be too radically different from the life I know, and I probably wouldn't adjust too well. However, I certainly would like to cultivate a situation for myself where I can minimalize my interactions with normalfags and the outside world, being something of a self-employed shut-in of sorts.
>It sounds like might be having an identity crisis. Sadly, there's very little other people can do for you, but it might be something temporary.
>a deep reflection on your life up to this point might help you, try not to miss any important detail. You might need an outlet for expressing yourself too. If you try to write a serious story, poem or song, you will find a lot of yourself reflected there.
It probably is an identity crisis, but unfortunately I don't think I can call it temporary. I've been feeling this way on and off for quite a while now, I'm not even sure how long. I will try your suggestions. I have enjoyed writing in the past, but I haven't felt motivated to do it for a while, so I'm probably pretty rusty but I'll give it a try. Thank you, anon.
I am envious of large herbivores. Not only can they neet because their food is pretty much everywhere, they can also be very fit eben though all they eat are sticks and grass and leaves. A moose primarily eats river plants and branches and yet they look like gym rats. Imagine being a horse, having the ability to roam wherever there is grass to eat. Predators are generally a problem when herbabros are too young or too old to defend themselves and run away. Herds dont kick out their weakest memeber like wolfpacks do, the only time a herbabro would have trouble in a herd is mating season, ane even then its just hoarding women to breed with. They even have enough brainpower to enjoy life (at least horses seem to). Horses and bison and buffalo roaming the plains/prairies, moose and deer neeting in the woods, caribou and arctic bison having fun in the snow. All while I lie here and die
>It creates this internal conflict where I feel compelled to work or fight for something, but I know that in truth my efforts would all be in vain.
It is natural to feel angry at something we consider irredeemably evil. It becomes a problem when you obsess over it. Also, it depends on what you consider vain, a cynic faggot would say this conversation is vain, but I am enjoying it and is having a positive effect on me. Changing the world may be impossible (or pretty hard rather), but you can always change your immediate reality to some extent.
>that 'innawoods' lifestyle doesn't quite click with me
I meant something more like a place (be it house or room) were I can stay away from most people for 1 or 2 months on and off. If I were to live in a tent innawoods, I would probably die a week in. Also, I am aware of the effects that total isolation can produce on the mind, that's why I don't think I could live completely cut off from society.
>I have enjoyed writing in the past, but I haven't felt motivated to do it for a while
I'd say the reflection that comes from trying to write a deep story is more important than the story itself, but it's nice to have it written down for the future.
Herbivores can be pretty impressive. Gorillas are the ones that impress me the most, maintaining the giant body with that diet.
I think being a herbivore would be cool to a certain extent. If there was a really cold winter, plants may not grow and then you would need to travel god knows how far. If you are talking about a more humanized area, it would certainly be a little better. Regardless, I prefer being human.
>a cynic faggot would say this conversation is vain, but I am enjoying it and is having a positive effect on me
Me as well. The life of any robot can be lonely at times, so it's always nice to come here and have someone to talk to, especially in a case like this where two anons like us can enjoy a constructive back and forth.
>I meant something more like a place (be it house or room) were I can stay away from most people for 1 or 2 months on and off.
This is pretty much my aim as well. I currently have the misfortune of living in a suburban area that borders a major city, so the population is a bit dense and uncomfortably 'diverse,' if you catch my meaning, and I have a hard time finding worthwhile places to go and thus spend most of my time cooped up in my room. My goal is to move somewhere a bit closer to nature, an area where I could go out in the sun and the fresh air, but also get the things I want/need from the local stores or the internet. On top of that, I'm working towards becoming self-employed, so if I could get to a better area, I could enjoy a mix of indoor and outdoor activities, and interact with other people only when I choose to.
>I'd say the reflection that comes from trying to write a deep story is more important than the story itself, but it's nice to have it written down for the future.
I'm still playing around with a few story ideas, but I haven't to come to anything I want to run with just yet. I think if I ever do manage to write a full story, I'll find some way to share it with fellow robots.
At the risk of sounding cliché, I usually envy birds more than any species. The thought of spreading my wings and soaring through the air, the wind tickling my feathers as the sunlight beams down from above. Traveling where I please, seeing the splendor of nature's intricate architecture with no one able to hold me to one spot. Birds have long been one of the foremost symbols of the freedom throughout human history, which is in all likelihood the thing I desire most.
I hate to be that guy but the lives of animals are largely romanticized. Being an animal is being a no-brain retard that lives to fuck and then die either via terrible disease, starvation, or having your throat ripped out of your neck.
Continuing the autistic discussion though I think domestic dogs and cats have the best pure QoL of any animals. Being a cat has fewer highs but it's a safer bet since you can fend for yourself if you lose your family. You are also generally more independent and less likely to be treated like a toy. A dog with a good family will probably always have it the best though.
I've come to believe I have Schizoid PD or something similar because it describes me to a T (tee?). Don't really feel any different though, because I don't really feel much anymore. Besides panic and feeling absolutely terrible sometimes I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed anything or felt any deep, genuine emotions, it's all just become routine or driven by fear and punishment. It's hard to do anything when none of it makes you feel anything: food, exercise, hobbies, porn, sleep, socializing... Sometimes I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything, and the longer I spend thinking about it the less anything makes sense. Hope you guys are doing okay.
It's probably confirmation bias, as is the case with many other people who make assertions of this kind. I presume that you would have to have a schizo relative and to have had lifelong or near-lifelong schizoid experiences for it to actually be likely that you have it.
Moreover, it is disputed among academia as to whether or not it is even a disorder in the first place, and it is the sort of mental problem where little or nothing can be done about it anyway.
Modern society just comes up with all these mental illnesses, most of which are primarily the culprit of environmental factors exacerbated by the highly unnatural conditions that people live under, and then drugs people and gives them therapy rather than attempting to correct or remove the underlying environmental factors that cause the psychological problems in the first place.
Its about the distinction between instinct and consciousness.
>Anyone else ever feel hollow, like there's nothing left in you?
>So as I look into myself, I see nothing.
>no identity and nothing to strive for
>I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed anything or felt any deep, genuine emotions
>I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything, and the longer I spend thinking about it the less anything makes sense
Same shit here. I have been finding myself suddenly staring at the wall for many minutes, just wondering when is it that my existence will finally end, then I snap out of it and return back to whatever I was doing to pass the time. I have been like this for more than a decade, I believe that I deserve euthanasia, just like that one Belgian femoid who got euthanized due to depression about 6 years ago. I just hate that some people can be freed from this horror called "life" that easily, meanwhile I get to stay here suffering from extreme amounts of pure existential pain, especially after series of failed but genuine suicide attempts, made with the little resources and windows of opportunity that I have available to me.
Worst of all are the "suicidal" people who can easily kill themselves, but refuse to because of shitty excuses like
<I don't want to kill myself with my gun because I will add up to the gun deaths statistic.
Fuck you faggot, your gun rights are being eroded anyway whether you like it or not, because you and your armed compatriots refuse to actually use your precious pea shooters to put a permanent end to gun grabbing and other tyrannies.
<I don't want to jump from my apartment on the 15th floor because I will traumatize any "innocent" bystanders.
As if the flesh drones that are the normoid masses have the necessary memory and attention span in order to be traumatized in the first place, they will just forget about the incident after a couple of days. I have seen deaths like this happen and the way communities deal with them, people just forget that anything unusual has happened after more or less 72 hours. People who use these excuses are just fucking cowards, I hate them, I wish I could kill them and then myself.
>Hope you guys are doing okay.
I'm not, and I have realized a long time ago that I will never be okay. Sorry for ranting at you, you are a good robot, I can relate a lot to you.
I like to think that animals have more brainpower than what is generally believed, but maybe thats just what all nature documentaries tend to imply. What i find the most appealing of being anything but human is how naturally things come to animals like >>3227 said. Being too dumb to feel that bad about existing, but also enough mental power to enjoy things isnt that bad either. Animals just have to exist to perform their great feats. Large animals just eat and playfight to get their strength, birds just need a little practice hopping around to fly, e.t.c. when i just exist i end up like this.
On another topic, have you guys messed around with voip software? Id like to set up Various numbers since everything needs a phone number these days. What would you recommended?
Id like to learn how to Minecraft in real life one day, but construction and architecture is so jewed these days.
>On another topic, have you guys messed around with voip software?
Why would a robot want to do that? Isn't that just used for voice chatting, talking? Text messages are better for preserving your anonymity, unless you're planning on using a voice changer.
I thought that was the general term for "Internet based phone service" which includes text messaging. Im looking for something that allows me to create phone numbers that can be used to receive confirmation codes via text messages
I'm sure we all realize that being an animal is far nicer in theory than in practice, but I think it's the freedom, simplicity, tranquility, etc. that these animals symbolize that have the greatest appeal.
>It's hard to do anything when none of it makes you feel anything: food, exercise, hobbies, porn, sleep, socializing... Sometimes I hope I'll die in my sleep because I don't see the point in anything
I certainly know how you feel there anon, as I have spent the majority of my adult years feeling exactly the same way. Last year and the year before that felt especially hopeless for me, (not because of COVID, mind you) I would spend almost all day feeling either depressed, angry, or completely numb. I'm not sure what all you're going through in your personal life, but I would recommend meditation. Try to find 20 minutes (or more) each day to sit quietly and clear your mind. It is by no means a miracle cure for any of life's bigger problems, but it will give you greater mental fortitude to cope with whatever your struggling with. It certainly helps me.
>just like that one Belgian femoid who got euthanized due to depression about 6 years ago.
I had no idea euthanasia was still legal anywhere, lucky Belgian bastards. Then again, I'm so untrusting of doctors that I probably wouldn't go through with it even if I could, in fear that the doctor will fuck up the procedure and leave me in a vegetative state, at which point I would be mistakenly buried alive.
<I don't want to jump from my apartment on the 15th floor because I will traumatize any "innocent" bystanders.
>As if the flesh drones that are the normoid masses have the necessary memory and attention span in order to be traumatized in the first place, they will just forget about the incident after a couple of days.
Or worse still, the normalscum will use it as an opportunity to virtue signal on social media for sympathy and social brownie points, then forget about it.
Truth be told, I'm really rather conflicted on my views about life and the universe. Some days I'm just trying to make the best of a terrible situation, striving to improve myself in whatever way I can. Other times I feel so despondent that I not only wish that I could die, but that I could erase my existence entirely so that not a single iota of my being exists anywhere ever again, removing myself from the universe completely. At any rate, I truly hope that something starts to look up for you soon, anon, even if you have no reason to believe it will, I still hope it does.
Seems everyone's doing a lot more shit than I thought. Makes me feel guilty for being pretty alright for the last 2 years. Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
I wish I could do something about it but I'm just a stranger on the internet so there isn't much I can do other than say that I care. Which I do. After all, I owe a great deal to this place and I feel a strong brotherhood with the anons here.
Voip is "Voice over IP", pretty much any software that allows you to use a microphone to transmit sounds, mainly those of your voice, through the internet. This includes chat programs as well as videogame's built-in voice chat. What you're looking for is a fake phone number service. You can find those online, I have used them before in one occasion, but most of them are scam sites so be careful. If I still remembered the site that I used, I would tell you, but I completely forgot its name.
>I had no idea euthanasia was still legal anywhere, lucky Belgian bastards.
Its also happening in the Netherlands too. Interestingly enough, I can only find news reports of depressed femoids being euthanized, but not any males. I do think some serious male cases have earned the right to receive the procedure too, but its almost as if news websites only care about depressed women.
>fear that the doctor will fuck up the procedure and leave me in a vegetative state
I have read news of botched executions of death row inmates in the US, but never any euthanasia or assisted suicide failures.
>the normalscum will use it as an opportunity to virtue signal on social media for sympathy and social brownie points, then forget about it.
I completely forgot about that virtue signaling habit that normalniggers have.
>Truth be told, I'm really rather conflicted on my views about life and the universe.
>Seems everyone's doing a lot more shit than I thought. Makes me feel guilty for being pretty alright for the last 2 years. Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
The real purpose of life is continuous self improvement, to the point of achieving perfection. This goes not just for us, but for every living being. This is what evolution is all about. I'm not gonna tell you to become a normoid, but don't be ashamed of surpassing all robots, apprentices and wizards. Be the best person you can be, and live the best life that you can.
>At any rate, I truly hope that something starts to look up for you soon, anon, even if you have no reason to believe it will, I still hope it does.
I'm sure that we are all familiar with the
<We're all gonna make it
meme, but the truth is that's the most stupid egalitarian femoid bullshit a man could say. This isn't kindergarten where everyone gets a participation trophy, that everyone is a winner and there are no losers. No, not all of us are gonna make it, some are going to have good lives with happy endings, while others will have bad lives with shitty endings.
At this point, I'm sure that my case is the latter, not the former, and I'm at peace with this. At this point, the only thing I desire is not going out with a whimper, but with a bang, like Captain Falcon's death in his anime. I can't say exactly how I think my life will end, but I'm sure that it will not be a peaceful death at the end of a fulfilling life.
>Like I'm leaving you guys behind.
Don't feel guilty, anon. It is only the normalfag who resents people with higher success than themselves, and will turn their backs on friends who surpass them. I'm glad things are going well for you, and the fact that you can still pause on the path and look back in concern for your brethren speaks volumes about your character. I hope things continue to look up for you.
>I can only find news reports of depressed femoids being euthanized, but not any males.
That could be potentially good, depending on one's perspective. Looking at roasties in US, when faced with depression they often turn to things like feminism, substance abuse, or some other form of shameful behavior. If euthanasia were available to the women in the west, it would potentially mean fewer attacks on men, fewer jobs stolen because 'muh glass ceiling,' less expectancy for men to clean up after women. It could possibly have its advantages.
>I have read news of botched executions of death row inmates in the US, but never any euthanasia or assisted suicide failures.
Be that as it may, I think I would rather leave my fate in my own hands. I really don't like doctors.
>not all of us are gonna make it, some are going to have good lives with happy endings, while others will have bad lives with shitty endings.
When I say 'I hope things look up for you' I simply mean that I hope you find something worthwhile to strive towards, and that you achieve it in some degree before the end. When it comes to the idea of 'making it,' I believe that everyone's vision of success is ultimately unique to each individual. To people in the US for example, success is often measured by wealth, fame, and influence, to a monk in a temple or monastery, however, success is defined by a sense of spiritual enlightenment. As robots, the prospect of a happy ending is quite possibly unobtainable, we wont be celebrated by scores of loved ones, our deaths wont be some act of martyrdom that sparks great change. I believe the best we can truly hope for is some sense of inner peace before our final moment, and that is what I wish for every robot: the knowledge that we did the best we could in an impossible situation and a cursed life.
>I believe that everyone's vision of success is ultimately unique to each individual.
I actually have this exact same belief.
>I believe the best we can truly hope for is some sense of inner peace before our final moment, and that is what I wish for every robot: the knowledge that we did the best we could in an impossible situation and a cursed life.
I sure felt that way during every suicide attempt. Nothing but the feeling of accepting whatever the fuck comes after death, and being glad the torture of being in this world was coming to end. Can't say I suffered during what I thought multiple times to be my final moments, when what I feel everyday while waiting to fall asleep is much worse.
When it comes to death and suicide, I am of the belief that no one should stubbornly cling to life, nor rush towards death too soon. Everyone dies, and attempting to circumvent the inevitable is foolish. On the other hand, life is a challenge, and though it is often an unfair challenge, one should rise to meet it as best he can. To me, this means attempting to find what you want to accomplish in this life (no matter how big or small) and working at it to the best of your ability. Then when you feel satisfied with what you have achieved, wrap up your affairs in this world, and end your life in the manner that feels most right to you. I believe that is the best way to go about it.
I know when people talk about wanting to commit suicide, a wave of their peers instantly emerges to urge them not to. I will not do this, however. Though I would prefer you stay, I wont try to coerce or beg you, as only you can truly know what is best for you. All I ask of you, or anyone else who considers suicide, is to hold off until you're certain that you're ready to go. No regrets, no doubts, just absolute certainty that your work in this world is done and that you're ready for the end. If you do decide to attempt suicide again, know that I and other robots will miss you, but I wish you the very best, wherever your soul may end up. Should you choose to stay, however, I will be here for you, ready to offer conversation, compassion, and any help it is within my power to provide.
Lastly, I would like to say that I am proud of you for enduring this life as long as you have, for whatever that is worth. Outsiders will often look at robots and write us off as "bitter incels," they see us as weak and foolish. But to see so much of the world for what it truly is and to still persist in spite of it, that takes a great deal of resilience that no normalfag could hope to match, and it is something worth being proud of.
Those are some wise words, anon.
>life is a challenge, and though it is often an unfair challenge, one should rise to meet it as best he can. To me, this means attempting to find what you want to accomplish in this life (no matter how big or small) and working at it to the best of your ability. Then when you feel satisfied with what you have achieved, wrap up your affairs in this world, and end your life in the manner that feels most right to you. I believe that is the best way to go about it.
>All I ask of you, or anyone else who considers suicide, is to hold off until you're certain that you're ready to go. No regrets, no doubts, just absolute certainty that your work in this world is done and that you're ready for the end. If you do decide to attempt suicide again, know that I and other robots will miss you, but I wish you the very best, wherever your soul may end up. Should you choose to stay, however, I will be here for you, ready to offer conversation, compassion, and any help it is within my power to provide.
>Lastly, I would like to say that I am proud of you for enduring this life as long as you have, for whatever that is worth. Outsiders will often look at robots and write us off as "bitter incels," they see us as weak and foolish. But to see so much of the world for what it truly is and to still persist in spite of it, that takes a great deal of resilience that no normalfag could hope to match, and it is something worth being proud of.
Thank you, every single word in your post is truthful and I agree with all of what you wrote. I have been a victim of very poor albeit not completely bad parenting, my school life sucked ass and I was miserable throughout all of it, I dropped out way too soon and thanks to that there's no likelihood of me ever getting a job in my life. I have a distant uncle in a slightly similar but much better situation and he is also having a hard time finding employment. I don't have any disability that makes me eligible for welfare so I'm fucked on that front as well, my future looks extremely bleak. To make up for leeching off from my parents and being a freeloader in general, I have tried being a helpful person as much as I can, I have helped them and a number of decent people across the internet. I haven't accomplished much in my life, but I'm proud of the few good things I have done with it. I have been ready for death for a very long time, I have almost accidentally drowned once in my childhood and the experience unfazed me, my first suicide attempt was at the very start of my teen years and the failure disappointed and saddened me deeply. I have been getting an inch closer to success with each failed attempt, but now I have struck a dead end. I will be alive until I figure out what the fuck I'm going to try next, because the only options left available for me are very painful and gruesome ones, shit that I don't have the balls to do...at least at the moment, because I can definitely feel the courage building up inside me, courage which is being produced by a completely joyless life.
As I have said, I do feel completely done with this life and ready to end it, the only reason I still live is because I lack surefire suicide methods, I live against my own will. I will be happy to share this little board with you while I'm still alive, and I wish it was more active, its been really slow lately. I miss our 8chan days but I am glad that post quality has improved dramatically since then. I wonder where all the other robots have gone to, I'm sure a high number of them have already committed suicide but I don't think our low numbers are solely due to this, I have a feeling the rest of them who are still alive have fucked off to the darknet, but unfortunately I'm too tech illiterate to look for them there.
The slowness comes in waves like lulls in a conversation. I think we'll be alright for a while.
It is still a shame that we lost so many robots since 8ch. I wish we could have kept them while still losing the failed nornalniggers. Or at least more of them.
The board is pretty inconsistent with the posts. It might have over 10 post per day or 0 for a whole week. I am happy this place still exists, regardless.
>8ch died over 2 years ago
Time sure flies
>Time sure flies
It really does. Sometimes I forget how many communities I have been a part of, and I like to take some time off every once in a while to try remembering all of them. Here are some screencaps from the old 8ch board. I still remember the context of the 3rd screencap, it was a reply to a thread where OP said he had a brother disrupting his entire family with his degeneracy. Fifth pic was from an anon who enjoyed writing manifestos but never really intended to use them.
I still have a few screenshots, but I lost most of the late and earlier ones. After that, I saved a few from anon.cafe. The ones I have are all mixed up. I might post a few noteworthy later.
>I still remember the context of the 3rd screencap, it was a reply to a thread where OP said he had a brother disrupting his entire family with his degeneracy
I tought you were talking about a thread were some anon asked how he could kill his diabetic father to get the insurance money. Surprisingly enough, those were 2 different thread. The one I am thinking about was just a shitpost.
>Develop psychic powers by drinking his cum and gazing into his brain.
Time flies but it's still so jarring seeing screencaps like these from such a recent time. 2019 was only two years ago. I remember 2019, and what I was doing during it. I remember browsing boards during that time, hell when I stopped using my laptop because of a cracked screen and put it on sleep mode to rest by my bed these last two years I still had tabs from 8chan open. But that was all two years ago, over 700 days. Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
That seems so much closer than something like the 2016 election, which I still remember vividly. It feels so much more recent than Gamergate, the rush of new posters Adventure Time brought to /co/, or when when the SCP threads on /x/ became an independent website. Moments in my mind have become reality, and now those moments are passing by in the blink of an eye. It's surreal.
>Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
Are you deeply dissatisfied with your life, anon? Don't beat yourself up by comparing yourself to others.
>That seems so much closer than something like the 2016 election, which I still remember vividly. It feels so much more recent than Gamergate
You're making me feel old. Gamergate was such a clusterfuck of epic proportions that I seriously wish that it never happened, that way I might have never gotten into politics and conspiracies and ruining my mind with all of it. Fuck Zoey Quinn or whatever her real name was, she just had to go and have sex with five guys involved with "game journalism" thus leading me to losing my blissful ignorance and peace of mind.
>or when when the SCP threads on /x/ became an independent website. Moments in my mind have become reality, and now those moments are passing by in the blink of an eye. It's surreal.
I wasn't around /x/ at that time but its a damn shame what became of the SCP community, its been pozzed to shit. I fucking hate liberals so goddamn much.
>Enough for someone to change careers multiple times, move to a new country and learn a language, write a book, master a skill, god forbid raise a child.
Anon doesn't focus his energy because he has an irrational hope in the back of his mind that (due to the events of his formative years holding him back) he will be saved, remembered, or put to use for a good cause relatively soon but suppresses that he will be the same person he is at 40 years old living in a world following it downward trajectory until his life is ended by self-infliction or sociopolitical factors being a statistic either way.
Yes. That said I don't think many people who post here differ from that mold much. It could be that I'm growing older and the passage of time is a lot more sudden but specifically the screencaps the other anon posted really hit me. That and late night drinking on a work night tends to get me into a sentimental mindset.
>Gamergate was such a clusterfuck of epic proportions that I seriously wish that it never happened, that way I might have never gotten into politics and conspiracies and ruining my mind with all of it.
The powder keg was already filling up beforehand. The year before, we had that incident with that mod on the Mighty No 9 forums, though it wasn't nearly as big as GG and blew over within a couple weeks. Or hell, you could go back to 2011 when Occupy started and later on got infected with the progressive stack, and when Anita appeared with her whole grift. That's what set the stage for all the later incidents: woman worms her way into influence and cries sexism at anyone opposing her, and people believe her since her media contacts have her back. After a few years, some men realized they could get in on the oppression racket if they just start calling themselves women, and that's (part of) what led to our current tranny problem.
Had all that not happened, I'd definitely be a lot happier. All the interesting communities wouldn't have gotten pozzed to shit, I wouldn't be so damn paranoid of getting a mob sicced on me for a minor disagreement, and I'd have made some friends. I wouldn't give a shit about politics outside of the distrust of authority I've always had. I don't even think I'd be on imageboards anymore. I was already tired of them in the early 10s and wanted to leave. Started looking into forums and such, found a couple that fit my interests. But then the culture war shit started, everything got infected, and I wound up returning since they were the only place left where I could speak my mind.
Really the only "upside" to all this is that I'm more aware of some things. Whenever I hear about the media's current boogeyman of the month, I know it's never something that got big organically. The media/feds played it up because the last bad guy was getting worn thin. And I've realized just how much of the Western internet stems from Something Awful: moot was a goon, most gaming forums are run by goons, and a lot of big indie games owe their success to their creators' SA connections. But the former knowledge, I would have realized eventually anyway. And the latter, what could I even do with that? Maybe if I still gave a shit about making a game (and could stomach being among goons), then I'd try to network with them to help spread the word about it.
>Really the only "upside" to all this is that I'm more aware of some things. Whenever I hear about the media's current boogeyman of the month, I know it's never something that got big organically. The media/feds played it up because the last bad guy was getting worn thin.
This really was the only positive result of that entire mess.
I don't know why, but I hate goons. I can't put my finger on it, there's no reason for it, I just do. I barely know jackshit about SA or them, but there's just this instinctual hatred inside me and I really don't know why.
I'm not sure what my older relatives have but they're obviously troubled. My grandmother has dementia and every one of my aunts has deep seated anxiety, as does my mom. It's just, it perfectly describes how I feel about everything. Beyond the fear and when the anxiety rarely fades all I feel is empty, like there's no point in doing anything because there's no one to do it for. The fact it's disputed is what kept me from discussing it with my therapist. Not that there would be much point since he'd likely suggest the same things as he does for my existing problems. You are right that it's all the result of some underlying factors, and I should spend more time identifying those so I can ideally improve my environment.
Aside from the fact they fall into the usual forum cliques (and let that extend to their real lives) it's a lack of belief and a very grating sense of sarcasm. Their washed up founder, many of the big names from their forum, and anyone with strong connections to them have a very weak-willed stance on issues and let their egos get in the way of actual humor or professionalism yet never adress issues seriously, like they're still teenagers who can just let the teacher take care of the problem. They're stereotypical grifters who don't believe anything and just use each other to feel important. Consider how the few goons who haven't been part of some endless drama are the few who distance themselves from that legacy. I'll leave it at that because it's only my opinion and I'm sure if I go on someone will crawl out of the woodwork to naysay.
>lack of belief and a very grating sense of sarcasm.
>anyone with strong connections to them have a very weak-willed stance on issues
>like they're still teenagers.
>They're stereotypical grifters who don't believe anything and just use each other to feel important.
Looks like my primal hatred for them was just my faggot detector going off. Thanks for the rundown on them, anon.
Oh fuck that was an edit i did way back in the day, i lost it after i had to clean my computer and forgot to back it up, thanks for posting it anon glad i thought it was lost to the zone forever, there was another edit some anon made aswell of the same quote with the guy from Hatred and a red filter on it, does anyone still have that one saved?
You edited that XCOM picture? Your aesthetics are pretty good, I loved your work. You should make more stuff.
>no likelihood of me ever getting a job in my life
Getting a job is very difficult now. Even normalfags are struggling to find work, and their resumes are very good. You can't have any gaps at all in employment, and above all else you need a valuable skill which I guess some never develop. It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually. There's nothing we can do about it. Enjoy this life while you still can, anon.
>Even normalfags are struggling to find work, and their resumes are very good.
I have been aware of this for many years, but the scamdemic really cranked things up to another level.
> It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
I have taken this pill a very long time ago.
>There's nothing we can do about it. Enjoy this life while you still can, anon.
This is something that has been discussed in another good board I frequent. Shit is fucked up, the good guys have lost and evil now rules the world, there's nothing that can be done about that and worrying about shit we can't change just drive us insane, so we might as well let go of all of this bullshit and just enjoy the little things we still care about.
I don't have much to enjoy in life but I have finally got my shit together and got back again into solo traditional gaming since dropping it some years ago, I'm currently making my own crazy setting for new campaigns. I have only got the basic stuff done but I have noticed some slight similarities to Samurai Jack's world, mostly the diversity of technology levels, its quite anachronistic. I'm having a lot of fun making it and I can't wait to start playing in this gonzo world.
>It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
That is not an entirely bad thing, I think. I look forward to the day I am permanently freed from this cursed world, and once we're gone, all that will be left are the kikes and normalfags who will be condemned to rot in the hell they have created.
>Shit is fucked up, the good guys have lost and evil now rules the world, there's nothing that can be done about that
This is the most painful part of all of this for me. I spent my childhood watching, reading, and playing through tales of heroism, the good guy(s) standing against impossible odds and vanquishing evil. When I was growing up I wanted, more than anything, my chance to make a heroic stand of my own, whether it was fighting in a great battle for the fate of the world, or laying down my life for a righteous cause. Even at a young age, I would have gladly given my life for the greater good. Unfortunately, those tales were just stories, and the real world is a sick and terrible place. Even most of the heroic acts recorded throughout history were actually just done by petty men for the sake of fame, money, or politics. Few truly good men exist in Earth's recorded history, and most of them have been portrayed as villains, further proving how bad thigs really are. I may never get my chance to have a heroic last stand or inspire goodness in any meaningful capacity, but I can promise you all that I will never submit to this evil, no matter what.
Time lasts for quite a while and the evolutionary pressures that produce people who are good natured and kind isn't going to go away. It's more or less irrelevant who rules the world as regardless of anything time isn't known as a force that permanently cements rulership.
>That is not an entirely bad thing, I think. I look forward to the day I am permanently freed from this cursed world
This. I look forward to death too, and I hope its permanent.
>This is the most painful part of all of this for me. I spent my childhood watching, reading, and playing through tales of heroism, the good guy(s) standing against impossible odds and vanquishing evil. When I was growing up I wanted, more than anything, my chance to make a heroic stand of my own, whether it was fighting in a great battle for the fate of the world, or laying down my life for a righteous cause. Even at a young age, I would have gladly given my life for the greater good. Unfortunately, those tales were just stories, and the real world is a sick and terrible place.
I wrote something similar in another board. I wanted to be soldier and have a military career when I was a little boy, and I spent my childhood watching stories about heroes too, but like you have said, the real world is different. I have realized and accepted this horrible fact and I'm moving on with what remains of my life, but the thing that really saddens me is that there people who still operate in this childish logic and genuinely believe that things are going to get better in the future, that evil won't rule Earth forever.
>but I can promise you all that I will never submit to this evil, no matter what.
Same, I would rather be dead than be turned into a NPC, even if I have given up on fighting.
You remind me of those people I have mentioned who still have this childish notion that "good always prevails in the end", no offense intended.
>the evolutionary pressures that produce people who are good natured and kind isn't going to go away.
Got some bad news for you, that's precisely what the vaccines are for. https://archive.md/c0mjV
>time isn't known as a force that permanently cements rulership.
Time is ruthless to centralized rulership, but not against decentralized rulership. Evil has taken over this world a few thousand years ago, what we are witnessing is just the consolidation phase and the mopping up of legitimate resistance against this consolidation.
<B-but the Taliban!
They're actually in on it too. Decentralization, son, they're a different branch of the same evil force. Look into Gnosticism.
There really isnt a solution, is there? Now that you mention it, the last parfait of the Cathars said before his death in 1321 that the laurel would become green again after 700 years. Well the time has come. And I have to say that it might not be coincidence that the few anons worthy of anything have become interested in gnosticism. For me this year that stuff really grew on it, and I have to say, how can this world not be a fallen realm? Anything good or pure in it is enslaved, tortured in some way or another until its left begging for mercy.
And yeah, there are no political groups nowadays that are not part of the demiurgic beast.
>the laurel would become green again after 700 years. Well the time has come. And I have to say that it might not be coincidence that the few anons worthy of anything have become interested in gnosticism.
This prophecy doesn't comforts me at all, I have no hopes of things improving anymore. There might be one valiant last stand before evil reigns supreme and that's it. We lost our real chance of defeating evil back in the 20th century. As for the surge of interest in gnosticism, it is a result of the efforts made by forces that lie outside of this plane of existence who are still fighting for this place after having been expelled from here by the "demiurge" and his forces. Gnosticism it's one of the most important parts in the big puzzle of truth, the other parts lie elsewhere and the truth seeker must find the rest of the parts on his own. What is the value of a spoonfed truth? Mystery schools existed for a reason, the noble soul must earn knowledge, not have it freely handed out to him.
>how can this world not be a fallen realm? Anything good or pure in it is enslaved, tortured in some way or another until its left begging for mercy. And yeah, there are no political groups nowadays that are not part of the demiurgic beast.
Earth isn't really a fallen realm, it din't naturally degenerated itself or was designed to fall from grace, it's actually a hijacked realm, the being called "demiurge" by gnosticism din't create shit, him and his pals just decided to steal this place from its legitimate caretakers. That's all I'm willing to say about this, I'm tired of it all and just want to distance myself from all of these harsh truths about things that are now completely outside of our control.
I understood it on a conceptual level, but recently it's really been driven home to me that the genetically modified fucks surrounding us truly are golem. This slave injection is just one of the finishing touches on degrading these cattle into perfect little goyim to be fed off of by these parasitic fucking demons. These cattle surrounding us really aren't human anymore, how could they qualify as such? Their thoughts and impulses are not their own, they line up to be injected with genetic fuckery, and as you guys are saying, they will continue to turn this realm into a level of hell ruled over by demonic kikes and their demiurge... So fuck them, there are other parts of the universe where consciousness resides, which isn't in such a goddamn pathetic state, so I'll meet you brothers there, fuck this place. And I hadn't even really thought about what was mentioned about false heroism; the sense of righteousness and heroism has been inverted, and the golem would, by their programming, be weaponized against anyone who still cared about them, and would have no conception of any force for good -- they can't even understand the most basic shit about the entities ruling over them. We have to retain some sense of self-respect and care for our own wellbeing, and I have to conclude that we can't give a single shred of fucks about any of these cattle, and must contemplate the need to avoid being recycled back into this shit hole, and to eventually relocate our souls to a decent place. The last bastion of righteousness on this planet will be doing you-know-what to any fucking ZOG-bot who enters your space and tries to force kike pharmakaea into you. Mass resistance is fucked unless Uncle Adolf literally returns as a god to initiate the smiting.
I believe the prophecy just means that the knowledge of gnosticism is again available to us all and so those with spirit can find it again. Doubt it meant anything about saving this realm or the cattle in it.
At this point, I believe one of the main reasons that mystery schools were a thing is that if you knew too much about this you would be chased down and killed, like the kikes are trying to do right now with the bad goyim - and for them, just knowing about the poison they are dealing with their injections is enough. Imagine knowing about Gnosis!
It is true that the Demiurge did not create nothing, he is more like a matter organizer, not creator. But the kikes fell for his tricks and worship it.
I think that all anons here, even if they are not into metaphysics, are just tired of this gay earth. That is one thing we all have in common here.
It´s terrible. The cattle believe more what the talking heads in the TV say than their own family, who dont have spurious interests at heart when warning them of the injection. The world has gone mad. The only heroism I can think of at this point is sending some creepers to visit the towns they built in Minecraft.
>This slave injection is just one of the finishing touches on degrading these cattle into perfect little goyim to be fed off of by these parasitic fucking demons.
>how could they qualify as such? Their thoughts and impulses are not their own
Correct once more, a real human thinks for itself, it has a living soul. A NPC / golem does not.
>And I hadn't even really thought about what was mentioned about false heroism; the sense of righteousness and heroism has been inverted, and the golem would, by their programming, be weaponized against anyone who still cared about them, and would have no conception of any force for good -- they can't even understand the most basic shit about the entities ruling over them.
This is one of evil's favorite tactics, and has been first used thousands of years ago. This was how they pulled off their first massive victories. The second time they used it was in WW2 and they have been using it constantly ever since then.
>there are other parts of the universe where consciousness resides, which isn't in such a goddamn pathetic state, so I'll meet you brothers there, fuck this place.
>We have to retain some sense of self-respect and care for our own wellbeing, and I have to conclude that we can't give a single shred of fucks about any of these cattle, and must contemplate the need to avoid being recycled back into this shit hole, and to eventually relocate our souls to a decent place.
This is a massive endeavor and the best goal worth working towards to. I was pursuing this since 2019 until now, but have given up due to my shitty circumstances, tiredness and depression. I endorse your wish to embark on this journey. I have only a single tip for you: If you're noble, you will receive help from beyond, but be very wary of paranormal contacts, demons often disguise themselves as positive beings of love and light to trick the truth seekers into blindly trusting them. If you don't believe me, just read all of esoteric waifufag's posts and how he speaks of his "waifu", which is actually one of those spiritual predators, feeding off from what would otherwise be an incredibly powerful man if he wasn't being driven mad by it and his environment.
>Mass resistance is fucked unless Uncle Adolf literally returns as a god to initiate the smiting.
The chances of Adolf returning aren't zero, but they're slim and most likely wouldn't bear any fruits. Him and his allies had the strongest chances of victory back in the 20th century. Even if he returned today, he wouldn't win, things are thoroughly fucked and the enemy is far more powerful than before. He can only win by bringing the rest of his allies and his superiors with him, but that's unlikely too, otherwise it would already have happened before things got to this point.
>I believe the prophecy just means that the knowledge of gnosticism is again available to us all and so those with spirit can find it again. Doubt it meant anything about saving this realm or the cattle in it.
I was thinking about this too, you're most likely correct.
>At this point, I believe one of the main reasons that mystery schools were a thing is that if you knew too much about this you would be chased down and killed
You're right, this is one of the purposes of secrecy, but this only started happening after their first major victories, mystery schools existed before religious intolerance.
>It is true that the Demiurge did not create nothing, he is more like a matter organizer, not creator. But the kikes fell for his tricks and worship it.
He wishes he had the power to organize matter, he can't even do that! The kikes don't worship any creator or organizer whatsoever, but a demon which tricked them into believing it was actually god. As most demons, it has the power to influence things on this world but nothing beyond that.
<Why is it so powerful, then?
It isn't working alone.
Not worth the effort.
Thank you, friendo. You know, I think esoteric waifufag is a good dude, maybe it was out of despair he gave over too much to that entity. I value my independence too much to put a lot of faith into spiritual helpers, but I also suspect they can keep alive parts of ourselves that would otherwise wither away given the circumstances. Higher vibrational love for a waifu is probably a good thing, maybe it can contribute to one's soul being more resilient. I will say that even if you perceive you've given up on the endeavor we're referring to, I doubt your soul is so incoherent that it'll just dissolve upon death. My guess is you'll be presented with a temptation to walk the path towards being recycled, but you don't think you'd be so susceptible and give in, do you?
>You know, I think esoteric waifufag is a good dude, maybe it was out of despair he gave over too much to that entity.
He is an excellent dude, a bit too immature and still has a quite a long way to go, but an excellent dude nonetheless. He will go far if he shakes that parasitic entity off him.
>I value my independence too much to put a lot of faith into spiritual helpers, but I also suspect they can keep alive parts of ourselves that would otherwise wither away given the circumstances. Higher vibrational love for a waifu is probably a good thing, maybe it can contribute to one's soul being more resilient.
Devotion towards a spiritual helper is indeed important for keeping your soul alive and strong, this is what's known as paganism. Waifuism is a gray area in my eyes because it seems to be easier for parasitic demons to disguise themselves as waifus and feed off from people, I have encountered multiple anons afflicted by this condition. They can also disguise themselves as angels and pagan gods too, but its significantly harder for them to do the latter and a bit easier to do the former. I'm kind of an hypocrite when it comes to this topic, since I have some strong feelings for Junko, but I can't really call her my waifu because I'm simply too dead inside for this waifuist stuff.
>I will say that even if you perceive you've given up on the endeavor we're referring to, I doubt your soul is so incoherent that it'll just dissolve upon death. My guess is you'll be presented with a temptation to walk the path towards being recycled, but you don't think you'd be so susceptible and give in, do you?
Its a tough question to answer, I would never do that voluntarily but from what I have read, some people seem to be tricked into reincarnation. I would just like to stop existing altogether. I'm beyond "fuck this gay Earth", I'm tired of existence itself. I just want to be nothing, I want to be the void between the galaxies.
>good always prevails in the end
My position is closer to the irrelevance of the question, evil can't prevail for the same reason good can't prevail. Time doesn't stop, a position that seems permanent will change as things change. Every aspect of life is transient.
>that's precisely what the vaccines are for
Vaccines can't stop evolutionary pressures, as long as something is advantageous or simply good enough it will exist.
>but not against decentralized rulership
I was speaking of "decentralized rulership" to begin with. I'm not talking about any specific group or people.
>You should make more stuff.
I did, its just not stuff you'd expect, small world and all that...
>he shakes that parasitic entity off him.
i could spend 3000 Posts explaining why this is not true and write another 4000 posts on how living dangerously Skorzeny style and confronting life not as a penitence but as a test of strength and embracing the principle of struggle is a better framework for living than hoping for things to get better then being dissapointed and falling into blackpill but im feeling lazy today (and the new BO is probably going to shoot at me for peeking my head around here) so i'll just post some quotes and call it a day
>Every aspect of life is transient.
>Vaccines can't stop evolutionary pressures, as long as something is advantageous or simply good enough it will exist.
>I was speaking of "decentralized rulership" to begin with. I'm not talking about any specific group or people.
I understand your previous post better now, can't completely disagree with it.
Aw shucks, had I waited a bit longer, your reply would show up before I completed the captcha and I wouldn't have to double post, but now it can't really be helped. I had no idea you were the same anon that I replied to, I thought you left this board, you have really improved your writing style enough to the point of being anonymous again.
>i could spend 3000 Posts explaining why this is not true
I could do the same but I don't have the same in fire in me as I had years ago, and I know that nothing I'm able to write would change your mind, because I have encountered many anons suffering from spiritual parasitism from an entity they perceived as their waifu and none of them were ever able to see things as they really were, and all of them were batshit insane and never showed any signs of recovery, instead their mental state just kept getting worse and worse. On top of that, I'm not in the best health and arguing with you would just worsen my condition.
>and write another 4000 posts on how living dangerously Skorzeny style and confronting life not as a penitence but as a test of strength and embracing the principle of struggle is a better framework for living than hoping for things to get better then being dissapointed and falling into blackpill
>so i'll just post some quotes and call it a day.
This is something you are actually completely right about, and so are the quotes you have posted. I'm just too tired and demoralized to carry on, I can't struggle anymore, I just want to put a bullet in my head and be done with all of this insanity.
>(and the new BO is probably going to shoot at me for peeking my head around here)
I don't think he would do that, I exchanged a few posts with him and he seemed like a nice person. Even if that happens, I will be your advocate. You have changed, I have read all of your posts here and in the /r9k/ archives and I can tell that you have improved a lot as an anon, you should be allowed here as long as you continue behaving this way. Carry on struggling and improving your grammar, you're doing great.
>It's a hard pill to swallow but people like us will die out eventually.
It'll probably take a bit more than one would expect though. I'm quite young for a robot so considering my situation I would say we've got another few years of new bots coming in. Though chances are they won't be finding this place.
Goodbye /r9k/, you guys were some of the finest people I ever had the honor of meeting. I never wrote a goodbye anywhere prior to my previous attempts because I couldn't be sure I would succeed and during the times I was away from imageboards, but this time I'm sure that I won't fail. Stay strong, robots that are doing reasonably well. Those of you who are pissed off at the world, don't do anything stupid. Those of you who are suicidal like me, make sure to minimize the chances of being found and "rescued" as much as possible when trying to catch the bus. That's all I have to say.
I can't really say that I agree with your choice. I always say to myself that I will stop trying after I am dead or killed. I might sound egoistic, but I wish I could stop you. In any case, I hope that you get the after life that you want if you do die.
It's my conclusion after seeking permanence and realizing there is none. I don't like gnosticism and I don't believe that having knowledge elevates you above others metaphysically, everything is instead reliant on a person's character. I don't understand why we exist but I think a good base to guess with is to assume God wants humanity to live, for whatever reason.
Goodbye anon, I hope when you reach the other side that your waifu is waiting there for you to spend eternity with.
DO A FLIP FAGGOT
lol faggot, listen to this anon's advice >>3308
fucks are in short supply
If you are the anon that I think you are (the one I've been conversing with in previous posts) then it was an honor to know you. As I said in previous posts, I'm sad to see you go and I will miss you, but I wish you the very best in whatever may follow this life. If there is some sort of afterlife, I hope to meet you there someday, that we may once again enjoy each other's conversation.
If you find yourself hesitating please do act on it. But, if you're gonna go, then I hope that your last moments are moments of peace. Godspeed whatever your decision may be.
>What would you recommended?
Mumble, however, IRC, XMPP and imageboards/textboards are better.
VR Chat is actually pretty nice when you play it solo as a sort of VR Gmod. There are alot of worlds which can really take your breath away, which is impressive considering the context. It really puts into perspective how uninspired modern video game companies are when unpayed modders do a better job than they do at taking advantage of a new medium.
I mean, I get the appeal of shooters and sims, but those genres being the majority of content in a medium like VR is ridiculous. VR is much better suited towards realizing awe-inspiring fantasy than replicating reality; though it is suited to both.
>unpayed modders do a better job than they do at taking advantage of a new medium
It never ceases to amaze me how imaginative, inventive, and dedicated modders are in general. It's exceedingly impressive when they can manage to take a game that was mediocre or even terrible, and turn it into something not only playable, but memorable. Great examples of this would be any post-Morrowind Bethesda game, and more recently, M&B II: Bannerlord, where a Russian modder crafted a fully playable MMO mod that supports up to 1000 players. It really puts these "AAA" developers to shame. I think if I were a programmer/artist/3D modeler/etc. at a big game studio like Bethesda or Blizzard, I would be embarrassed to tell people where I work, I'd probably just tell people that I write bank software freelance, or design logos for small businesses or something.
I am a very slow writer. I mostly stick to short stories because it's something that I can do in a reasonable amount of time and be proud at the end of the day if I did a good job. If I want to write something, I always start with the first paragraph of the story and try to keep perfecting it. After that, the rest of the story comes naturally (with some notes beforehand, of course). I have never tried to write a long story so I can't tell you if this will work in your case.
>I'm just not sure if I want to tell it, or even if i did want to tell it that I would be able to do it properly or at all.
I've already said it, but I don't think I am ready for something like that either. Additionally, I am facing the same dilemma and haven't found an answer yet.
I need to reword my thoughts but know that I don't write. I just have this story floating around in my head. If I were to tell the story it would likely not be in traditional book form. Perhaps a video game or a comic/manga. Though again I'm not sure that I want to in the first place.
The answer is just do it. There's not going to be a magical change in your attitude after a period of doing absolutely nothing, unless you're burnt out from doing something else.
>The answer is just do it
The long story thing? I'll get arround that eventually. My biggest problem with writing long stories is the autonomous aspect that comes with telling any story (As in, "what you read is what it is", standing alone without any outside information aside from the one that you are reading). Many times, I've written a single paragraph and after reading it an hour later, it made no sense to me. Regardless, I'll try my luck writing an introductory chapter later.
Of course not everything needs to be a book. I have a few comic/manga ideas that could be decent if done correctly. Although, I'd call them concrete scenes, imagery and powers coupled with vague concepts of characters. Videogames are a whole other beast.
I have a very sporadic way of developing my story. Imagine a very rough sketch with a lot of detail in really important areas but still incredibly crude for the most part. With some random patches of detail in interesting areas.
The most concrete part (and most important part) of my story would be my goals for the worldbuilding and the progression of the protagonists
If anyone is curious it is a fantasy story. It's less of an epic and more of a character-focused story, something like Berserk. However I like for the world to move without the protagonist, he is central to the story but not to the world. He is the protagonist of his own story but just another actor on the world stage, one whose significance is not very great for the most part.
That's about what I'm willing to share for now but I'm curious about your ideas. If you're willing to share them that is.
I developed my story in the opposite way, but there are some similarities.
Choreography in fighting scenes and key scenes are the things that I enjoy more about the whole thing. The story partially exists as an excuse to show these.
The setting is quite detailed and I have thought a considerable part of the story already. The world should change through the story. Ideally, it would happen naturally.
I have very vague ideas about the characters and who they are, but their powers should be somewhat complementary to their personalities.
At the beginning, the characters (incluiding the main one) should look like they are expendables and the story should reinforce this ideas. Most powers should have fatal drawbacks that make them undiserable to have. Towards the end, my story concept is closer to 20th Century Boys where those who are alive try to stop some evil fuck from being evil.
Last week I had a dream that made me reflect on how shit my life is and how much I hate myself, and that if I deserve to live then my head and ego will not be blown off for when I buy a revolver and play a dangerous game of Russian roulette, and be a man for once but mulling it over too much had me chicken out especially in being reincarnated in this age of pollution and subhumans. The desire to play hasn't gone away and I feel empty inside now, the thought of the suspension and living and thanking god and death, crying and being grateful was the only time I felt something in years but is just a pathetic fantasy in my head for people to laugh at me for. People who boohoo over suicide are fucking normalfags to a T, people have their reasons for dying and it's selfish to not let them go as sad as it is to me. Any act of anger and discomfort is a sign that you are living and still want to live and poetically suicide is the ultimate expression of having wanted to live happily. If you backed out and are reading your replies I don't think you're a pussy or full of hot air for not doing but if you did then I'm glad for you.
>mulling it over too much had me chicken out especially in being reincarnated in this age of pollution and subhumans.
I share this fear as well, in fact I would say it is my greatest fear at present. The thought that I may be tied to this world for even one more lifetime is too much to bear. A while back, I downloaded the esoteric books that were being shared here. I started reading a bit but sort of dropped off because the first book I chose to read didn't quite grab me. I decided to look into those books again recently, this time choosing to read ||Revolt Against the Modern World|| which is more appealing to me thus far. I have since decided that in order to give myself the best possible chances of escaping this world, I will be dedicating most of the time I have left in this life to achieving transcendence, like Evola.
Truth be told, I really don't know if any of the ideas or concepts are true, but I personally believe the best thing I can do for myself is to try to follow them. If they turn out to be false, then I don't really lose anything anyway. I have no faith in any modern religions, and if athieists are correct then I will cease to exist when I die, which sounds pretty good to me. However, if this spiritual traditionalism has any truth to it (which to me seems to have ||at least|| a bit of legitimacy, based on what I've read thus far) then I don't want to risk leaving the fate of my soul to chance.
I'm trying to cut myself off from these stupid fucking sites and it's not working, I'm making an attempt at nofap and the first day I'm already sitting here with a raging hardon thinking about my degenerate fantasies, I'm trying to think of ways to avoid the internet entirely or at least only use it for necessities but I'm not sure how to wean myself off of it, and last but not least I've finally admitted to myself that I fucking hate my brother as in I genuinely hope he dies but the fucker owes me a couple thousand dollars and I'll never get it back if I just cut ties like I desperately want to. Guess if the economy collapses that last bit solves itself but I'm not doing too great right now I'm pretty miserable.
Not sure if purchasing an onahole is unbecoming of a robot but I ordered one a few days ago anyway. I think I have a healthy relationship with pornographic material though so I'm confident that nothing negative should come of this. Obviously the porn-addicted or nearly addicted should not consider the use of these products. I don't have it yet but if any of you are interested I may report back.
Why would I look at porn with an onahole when I could use it while thinking about my waifu?
That's what I meant by pornographic material. Any content imagined or otherwise consumed for the sake of sexual pleasure. Probably a better word for that though, I know.
Also a real high level way to do this would be to have VR, an onahole and Koikatsu. Then make and have sex with your waifu in VR.
I don't even need all that when I am having consistent lucid dreams but that's hard to do on demand.
Unfortunately I have to wageslave so I also have to deal with normalniggers and their obsession with knowing if everyone else has fucked or not. One of the straight out asked me if I eat ass today and I told him no, which I guess was cause for amusement because I can already tell this cocksucker is going to make a thing of it and bring it up in the future just to mock me. I don't know how sticking your tongue in a literal shithole is admirable to the fucking people but I need a way to get this nigger to fuck off. No, quitting or deliberately getting fired isn't an option yet, I need to save money and unemployment doesn't pay enough to sustain NEET life where I'm at even if I pick the shittiest possible apartment.
Don't be paranoid about him making a thing of it because chances are he already forgot and doesn't care enough to tell anyone if he does. It also isn't a thing of admiration for normalfags its really just a "whatever you say=funny haha" kind of question like "does your mom know your gay" or "do you have ligma". Just some info from a guy who's had to deal with normalfags for a fair bit now. Knowing is half the battle when it comes to dealing with them.
Maybe, but I've had to work off and on like this for years and pretty much every time one of these creatures has brought up fucktalk it becomes a recurring issue, even if I just go "haha yeah" or try to make something up. I don't know if they can just sense I don't have sex or what, because I lie to these types about a lot of other shit, even "embarrassing" stuff like when I still lived with my parents, and most of the time they'll believe me, but any sex questions pop up and it's like they know right off the bat.
So far the only thing that's kinda worked is just total silence in response, but then they'll start being passive aggressive and that's a whole other pile of crap I don't wanna deal with. The sexual revolution was a mistake.
I'll deal with it for a little while and then do something spiteful to get myself fired once I have enough money saved up. I'm also mostly just venting, but any suggestions would be nice.
If you really don't care, you could say that you were molested as a kid and you have a bad relationship with sex. Most people will drop the conversation all together. But be careful, some people (specially women) might take this as you opening your heart to them and that can result in other unexpected problems.
Seems a bit extreme. My preferred hail mary is "religious reasons". Most people will drop it after that.
>Seems a bit extreme
That's fair. I really wouldn't say that either for the implications that it may carry.
That's the obvious choice, I just say, "I'm waiting for marriage (or death that's most likely)".
In any case, like >>3344 said most people really don't care after you get old.
I can't stand anyone else but being left out makes me feel bad.
I feel the need arising for a creative outlet. I wonder if this desire will last.
It doesn't ascend past reason, as if make reason unnecessary and without point, it subsumes and precedes reason, more simple than intuition and causality, precedes experience itself. I'm so small.
I'm incredibly bored. Are their any bots who'd be willing to play a game? Something like what we did with minetest way back when. Shit, I'd be fine with even a 2 player play through of some game. I just need to interact with someone who isn't a normalnigger for a bit since work has been a bit draining recently.
unless you're that nigger who kept destroying torches and shit. fuck you.
do you have a ps3
do you like runescape?
Only played it a few times.
I apprecieate the reply.
I like the idea. I don't know if the minetest server is still up or if you have any other concrete game in mind. I am up for it anyways.
Just some ideas.
I played it solo a few months ago and I liked it until the mid-game. After a certain point, the grinding became too much for one person so I dropped it.
In the same vain as Valheim, I also like 7 Days To Die.
If I had to choose between the three, I would pick this one. It's more suitable for the context and It's accessible to most.
I'm not familiar with that one.
I don't know too many multiplayer games in any case.
https://yeshoney.xyz/r9k/res/970.html (That's the minetest thread).
I might be willing to join in on this as well, though I don't have many ideas as to what to play. I do have Terraria, and would be willing to try Valheim or TableTopSim, (although I haven't heard of that one before) Minetest/Minecraft also sounds good if anyone is up for that.
Anonymity might be an issue in Terraria since its steam based. Minecraft might require 3rd party free server hosting or someone to pay up for a server.
As long as I can be sure that my steam name is only shared with other robots, then I'm ok with Terraria or Valheim. As for Minecraft, I may be willing to pay for the a server if enough robots are willing to join and play frequently enough to justify the cost. Also, I have never set up a server before so I would have to figure out how it works, but again that's dependent on you guys. Of course this is assuming that we choose to play Minecraft and not something else. I would throw in some game suggestions of my own, but I almost never play multiplayer games, so I'm short on ideas.
As far as I know, creating a pirated terraria server is relatively easy. In minecraft, you can use Aternos for the multiplayer, and there's minetest too. I don't know if there is a way to play Valheim without Steam.
I would use a secondary or throwaway account if we do end up playing in Steam. You never know who might be lurking arround.
Valheim is easily pirated with multiplayer though so that's no hassle. OnlineFix being the way to do so
Also I'll leave this here for now.
I'll need to mull it over a bit since all 3 games have a very nice comfortable appeal.
Seems like the votes aren't showing up in the results so i vote minecraft but I would be fine with terraria too. I've never played valheim so idk about it. The minetest server we had a while back was fun but it kind of died, idk if it's still up.
We'll do it by word then I guess.
I'm fine with anything, but here's the breakdown in my mind
Terraria has the most content density and is a complete experience with an ending
Minecraft can be played endlessly (which is a bonus) but conversely has no end goal which means it can die pretty quickly if goals, like builds, aren't set up to keep us going.
Valheim is quite fun and nothing beats a nice round of sailing with some friends in that game. However, the game is incomplete so once we get to the last boss the game has right now, there won't be much left to do. You also wouldn't get the satisfaction you get from beating a proper final boss, like in Terraria.
Other than that, the building is pretty good and the combat is alright. It's also quite pretty, though that may be an issue performance-wise.
Multiplayer wise having a robot who's experienced in running Minecraft servers is a huge plus. Valheim and Terraria servers we'd have to either research or just host the games. Meaning that the host would have to be in-game for the multiplayer session to run. World files could be shared if a robot is unsure of their ability to host on a given day.
Also It's probably better that we talk this out anyway. Let's make sure we've considered everything and then come to a proper conclusion through discussion. If the poll starts to work we can take that into consideration too.
Terraria requires the least amount of players to take advantage of a multiplayer playthrough. That's it I think.
Some things to consider.
Unlike Minecraft, in Terraria and Valheim your character is not tied to a specific world.
Minecraft and Terraria can run in pretty much anything. On the other hand, you need a relatively decent computer to play Valheim.
I voted for Valheim, but it's not showing either. It's fun despite being incomplete. I would be fine with anything really.
I've been mulling it over a bit and I'm sort of leaning towards Minecraft/Minetest at the moment. Aside from >>3364 feeding my paranoia about Steam, both Terraria and Valheim could potentially have a heavy focus on objectives, and if we spend too much of our time on said objectives we may lose some of the comfier aspects that come with just building and chatting. Also, depending on the difficulty of the enemies/bosses, we may not be able to coordinate well enough to overcome the challenges. That being said, I'm still open to playing those if that is the final choice.
I think with Minecraft/Minetest, the best way to go is plan out a reasonably large build project, like a castle/temple/coliseum or even a town/city. This would give us plenty to work on, but wouldn't be too demanding a task that it would interfere with the social aspect. As far as the servers go, as I said previously I have never hosted a server before, so I'm not sure how it all works. There is also the matter of choosing either Minecraft OR Minetest. I've played Minecraft before, and I tried Minetest briefly, but I'm not sure if one has any clear advantages over the other aside from Minecraft having a relatively complete package from the start, as where with Minetest I think we would have to agree on a list of mods to use before playing together.
Each choice does come with it's own ups and downs I guess. Minecraft is always a solid and comfy option, but setting up a server might be pretty tricky, and we may need to pay monthly to keep it up. Minetest is free and customizable, but may come with the same challenges as Minecraft with the servers. Terraria and Valheim seem like they would be easier to set up for multiplayer, but sharing our steam with one another could carry some risk. Also, Valheim is incomplete and may not run on everyone's system. I think for me it comes down to the servers, if someone knows how to set up a Minecraft/test server and is willing, then I vote for that option. Alternatively, if someone knows how but can't pay, then I may be willing to do it if someone can teach me how or point me in the right direction. Otherwise, it's between Terraria or Valheim, unless a new suggestion is brought to the table. I know someone mentioned OS Runescape which I would be alright with as well, but there is of course the monthly fee if we're going to play long-term.
I'm starting to lean towards Minecraft. Having a server up all of the time is a big bonus compared to hosting as long as someone is willing to set it up. Also I haven't played 1.17 yet so it'll be a decently fresh experience.
Let's wait for some more opinions though and then choose. Once we do and the server/hosted session is up we make a thread.
For minecraft make sure to have land claims and/or disabled greifing. Just in case.
Steam is required for the fix now I guess so there's that. Might start it later now. I reccomend using a throwaway if you care enough. It still being pirated means throwaways work as you wouldn't need the game on the account.
Anyone alive right now?
Can't speak for anyone else but I died a long time ago. Just waiting for my body to start decomposing.
To bypass all the gay shit from other sites.
I've got a multiplayer session running if anyone is interested.
Burner's friend code: 1255065819
Password is: 9001
I recommend starting with low graphics settings.
Let me know if one of you wants to get on. I'll be asleep four hours from now though.
If anyone's interested just send a request to the friend code. I'll start it after I get a few. Seems pretty dead right now though. It's was monday though so it's understandable.