/hikki/ - Hikikomori

Probably an old post but like, idfk

My parents are at the age that they could die any day now.
I'm incredibly worried/stressed about becoming homeless, because I live in a country where noone has a soul. It's a 3rd world shthole with the worst of the worst of satan's creations.
I wonder why God would let me live this long.

I've been thinking a lot about happiness studies recently.  The more I read them, the more I think that happiness--as a 5-year-old would define it--is a essentially a luxury belief.  It's something that you put on airs and tell others that you're happy, because that gives you status in this world.  The reason I've come to this conclusion is because from all the studies on Hedonic Treadmill I've read, the more it seems to be the case that over the span of a couple years happiness does not exist.

In practice, it feels like I've just normalized my depression and desensitized myself to it.  Or when I feel depressed/sad, I'll end up telling myself, "It's just serotonin/dopamine withdrawal, I'll just wait it out."

But it also makes me look at society at large and think, "Why are you chasing happiness?  It isn't possible."  That, or I'll be frustrated at conversations I'll have where someone is CONVINCED they are not talking about happiness, but their definition is fucking happiness-as-a-5-year-old would define it.

I posted these thoughts in some other boards, so apologies if you've already come across it elsewhere.

>>896
>My parents are at the age that they could die any day now.
I've been struggling with the realization of my parents' age as well.
>I'm incredibly worried/stressed about becoming homeless, because I live in a country where noone has a soul. It's a 3rd world shthole with the worst of the worst of satan's creations.
Idk what to say about that.  You make me feel fortunate.
>I wonder why God would let me live this long.
I sometimes wonder if there is no Hell because we are already living through it, and when we die, there will be God saying, "Alright, your time has been served."

>>902
I'm not 100% sure of what you're trying to say, but recently I have been having thoughts about how there might be no such thing as "happiness", at least long-term/permanent.

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>>903
I'll try again and try to stick to the main point.

Happiness/Sadness are the expressions of chemicals in the brain.  Due to our biology, however, a consistently net positive expression of these chemicals is impossible, and is considerably more fleeting than one may realize.  This is backed up by happiness studies as well.  Therefore, happiness/sadness as a goal in life is impossible, and the information conveyed by these emotional states are useless and should be ignored.

>>906
Well, I guess I might as well keep talking to myself.

This thought has been sticking in my brain more and more, begging for it to get fully written out into some overly wordy manifesto.  There are so many societal morals that go out the window when one considers the impossibility of happiness.  There are so many therapies and psychiatric studies that appear more plainly to be nothing more than manipulative shams when one considers that happiness is an impossibility.

It completely changes the worldview, and I don't know where to begin with it.

I've been trying to code a game, but I either get overwhelmed by how big the task is, or when I break it down into small enough tasks the code gets so spaghetti that I lose track of everything.

>>910
I've been trying to improve the way that I plan it so the separate tasks really are segmented enough to not be overwhelmed.  I think I've come up with a way to design the system beforehand, and then use graph theory to simplify and modularize the codebase.  But, I doubt it.  I've only written a single function.

>>916
How is it going so far?