/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit


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Yesterday I saw my teacher from high-school. Back then, I would get excellent grades and she would always used to tell me that I am incredibly intelligent and that she sees me becoming very successful. She told me that she is very disappointed that, at 21, I am a NEET with no friends. I explained that society has nothing to offer me (went into a little detail about my reasons) and she said it's tragic we live in a world where people like myself just don't want to contribute. Anyone else had a similar experience where people had high expectatinos of you and you kind of let them down?
Replies: >>556 >>657
>>555 (OP) 
No and god i hope it never happens to me.You're still young, you can fix this before things get too bad.
My parents when I was young, legit thought that my sister was going to have to take care of me after they were gone.
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I had the opposite problem growing up no one thought I was capable. Not because I am necessarily unintelligent but because of my severe tism, lack of confidence and avoidance. Its also not because my schooling started off bad either I was put into gate classes in elementary school and got good marks on everything. But as soon as I got into middle school all of that changed. I stopped putting any effort into anything at all, I started filling out random answers in my homework and started having frequent panic attacks on a daily basis. My parents took me to a cornucopia of psychologists all of witch gave me different medication for my shopping list of recently diagnosed mental disorders, none of them helped my debilitating anxiety and lack of confidence. I was barely able to finish middle school without putting any effort in. My first semester of high school ended with me dropping out of public school entirely and I ended up having get home schooled. That continued until I turned 18 and was able to attend night school and get my ged. After finishing I was immediately pressured by my family to attend collage and I promptly dropped out after having a panic attack in the bathroom after my third class. All that has led me to where I am today Dismissed on every concern and ignored.
>21 years old
You sound too young to be giving up so soon.
>used to tell me I'm incredibly intelligent
I used to be, by my first year as a NEET passed I felt the light bulbs in mind slowly dim.
Instead of encouraging you she just tells you you're a fuckup, what a bitch. She set an expectation of you that wasn't real, maybe she should've laid it on nicer
Replies: >>595 >>599
>>594
>Instead of encouraging you she just tells you you're a fuckup,
That's what both of my parents have been doing ever since I was a teen. I will never forget the time my father basically told me he had given up on me when I was just 16. He got a new daughter with his new wife just a year prior and he went on saying how he had made "mistakes" raising me and it was "too late" but he wasn't going to do the same with his daughter. I'll never forget the tone of his voice and his phrasing, how he referred to me as if I was just another failed project and he was hopeful the new one would turn out better. My relationship with him has been going down hill ever since to the point I can hardly even consider him my father nowadays, whenever we talk he almost treats me as if we're just acquaintances meeting at a bar and he only feels obliged to me because of societal norms rather than actually giving a damn.
Replies: >>604 >>656
>>594
I see why my original post makes it seem that way. I forgot to say that she expressed her disappointment asking several questions about my plans for the future and trying to encourage me. It was mostly my total desire to engage in society that was the source of her disappointment, it wasn't so much that she gave up on me but saw that I gave up on myself.
>>595
What a fucking asshole! I hope that his daughter become a whore
>>595
how harsh is that!
and what a fucking stupid son of a bitch
that's why really all of the parents should be taking a fucking pedagogy and education course before they raise a child
>>555 (OP) 
Luckily never happened because I had shit grades
I know I let down many people (teachers, family, my past friends), though noone told me that directly. My psychologist said I have potential. I used to have lots of friends (now I have none), used to be physically active (now I very rarely go outside my house), no job for past 2 years (except for some odd jobs I have sometimes) or maybe even 3 years. I don't keep track of time honestly. 23 here, how can one break that cycle? I guess I'll just go back reading about conspiracies
I know I let down many people (teachers, family, my past friends), though noone told me that directly. My psychologist said I have potential. I used to have lots of friends (now I have none), used to be physically active (now I very rarely go outside my house), no job for past 2 years (except for some odd jobs I have sometimes) or maybe even 3 years. I don't keep track of time honestly. 23 here, how can one break that cycle?
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