/hikki/ - Hikikomori

The modern hermit


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what has your family's reaction been to you being a hikikomori? I've noticed my family almost stopped caring about my lifestyle entirely after I entered my late 20s.
Replies: >>24 >>214
>>22 (OP)  
They are in denial. I don't lie to them about it, but when I talk to them they always talk about my future for me as though I was clearly setting up myself for long term success and that I shouldnt let my bad luck get me down.

"I like how I live" gets a response along the lines of 'thats the spirit champ'. It'll probably blow up in my face eventually, or maybe they'll be the same as yours. I'm a lot younger than you are though.
Replies: >>62
>>24
If their denial of the situation continues It might be better to look into a way out of living with them. their denial of reality might turn into contempt and they might give you an ultimatum to get a job or become homeless.
I've looked into it, and I can't find a way to do it without getting a job. I could maybe try for remote work, since that way I wouldn't have to interact or leave the house, but it's unlikely. Maybe if I could get enough money to make all my money through crypto that could work, but that costs a lot to get started in too.

I'm stuck.
Maybe they will mellow out as well who knows. Its shitty that you cant do it without a job but have you looked into going the gov money route? I'm pretty sure all that requires is a sperg diagnosis In America now.
I'm not super familiar with how it works, but I'm not actually sure the government money would be enough to live comfortably. afaik its designed for people who are dependent on others and can't work (like cripples etc.) and also I think an autism diagnosis this late in life is unlikely and probably costs money too.

I definitely have mild autism, it's just that my parents "protected" me from the diagnosis that would have "made my life harder" and so I was put into public school and held to the standard of a regular person and had a miserable life and was horribly bullied for being different by all the other kids. My fondest memory of childhood was being forgetten in a corner for a full schoolday so I could read in piece. I read the entire orient express mystery novel and half a book about trains before the janitor found me after turning off the lights because everyone just left. It was such a nice day.

My problems are practical in nature. Where there is a will there is a way, though. Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe there is a way I just don't see yet.
Replies: >>74 >>148 >>214
They started ignoring me or more like not expecting anything out of me after the fourth year of staying inside my room, glued to a laptop all day long minus my sleeping hours. At first they really tried I'm not going to deny this, they did try to help me recover and sent me to psychiatrists who of course didn't do jack shit to help me out. they mostly force-fed me medications and gave useless advice like you should grow up your parents aren't going to feed you for the rest of your life, as if somehow I was retarded enough not to understand this myself. I'm approaching my six year as a shut in and I'm not scared of the outside world and/or judgement as much anymore, it doesn't scare me or cause a suffocating panic attack to step outside of the home and buy something from a nearby supermarket for instance. However, I don't do it. I oddly enough find it comfy to stay inside my home all the time now, it used to be a matter of "mental-health issues" now though it became my normal way of life, I don't expect myself to be doing much anymore, I don't aim for anything nor do I have any ambitions or dreams. I just barely exist, I do everything needed to maintain a physical survival of my body but other than that I don't do anything, maybe a couple anime episodes here or there, a movie or masturbating but even those, I find it very hard to sit down and do them. It might be anhedonia due to too much media consumption over the years but I honestly dunno anymore. I mostly sleep and lurk online for a couple hours nowadays.
Another thing that really surprised the fuck out of me and made me realize how harsh I fucked my public image in the neighborhood I live in, is that I went out a couple days ago to buy some snacks from a supermarket around here, I haven't been out since like December 2020 I guess? People were staring and pointing fingers at me, the kids avoided me, and I heard a old woman telling her other friend while pointing her finger at me, "look this little man went crazy, he hasn't been out of his home for years now and his parents are fucked because of him" surely I wasn't able to hear exactly what she said but I was close enough to pick up those lines. 
This really made me feel very hurt and I cried on my way back home, I have no idea how I'm supposed to be feeling anymore and suicide seems to be the righteous answer for me now seeing as I'm suffering day in and day out by staying in existence.
Replies: >>68 >>77 >>214
>>67
Normalniggers are the worst but this doesn't sound like something that happens just because you stayed inside. Did you do anything else besides that, or maybe did your family slander you? It's sort-of hard to imagine how being a hikki could "fuck" anybody else.
Replies: >>77
>>66
>I'm not actually sure the government money would be enough to live comfortably
if you able to get gov money you would also be able to get government housing with all amenities and I dont think you will ever be too old to apply.
Replies: >>148
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>>67
>maybe a couple anime episodes here or there, a movie or masturbating but even those, I find it very hard to sit down and do them.
I was having the same issue until recently what helped for me was vitamin d supplements and adding more dairy and eggs to my diet instead of mostly eating dried beans/lentils and rice. 
>Another thing that really surprised the fuck out of me and made me realize how harsh I fucked my public image in the neighborhood I live in, is that I went out a couple days ago to buy some snacks from a supermarket around here, I haven't been out since like December 2020 I guess? People were staring and pointing fingers at me, the kids avoided me, and I heard a old woman telling her other friend while pointing her finger at me, "look this little man went crazy, he hasn't been out of his home for years now and his parents are fucked because of him" surely I wasn't able to hear exactly what she said but I was close enough to pick up those lines. 
that hurt a bit to read anon, I've had an almost exact same experience attempting to buy cigarettes from the gas station in September 2020. 
<that crazy man is nearly 30 but he sits around and wastes all his family's money and time having to take care of him like he is a child
They said it in audible range and didn't even try to hide what they where talking about. 
>>68
>maybe did your family slander you?
When you live in a small town a story your parents told your neighbors whilst venting can quickly spread around. I never understood why normalfags feel the need to vent there frustrations onto others but that's just the way it is.
Replies: >>78
>>77
>A story your parents tell the neighbors
I don't understand what this could possibly be except deliberate slander? How could family affairs be the business of anyone outside the family? I do not understand that.
>can quickly spread
I also can't understand why something told in confidence would be spread. Why would the neighbors, who shouldnt have been involved in the first place, then go out and also tell other people themselves? Why create a game of telephone that even normalniggers acknowledge can only cause hurt? What drives them to act in such a way, I do not understand it?
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>>78
>I don't understand what this could possibly be except deliberate slander?
Normalfags don't view it that way, to them its just getting something off their chest. they will talk about you to their coworkers regardless if you want them too.
>I also can't understand why something told in confidence would be spread.
Normalfags have no privacy and will spread things for entertainment in their life.
Replies: >>141
>>133
But why would they do that? Why do they feel the need to be so mean and selfish? Everyone would be happier if people just didn't gossip, normalfags even acknowledge this constantly.
>>66
>>74

If you have actual autism or any mental disability you need a caregiver to take care of your money so I don't think housing would available unless they assign you group housing. 
t. on ssdi
Replies: >>149
>>148
>caregiver handles your money
That is so shitty, why is it so hard for me to just be left alone? Maybe the answer really is crypto or remote work...
Replies: >>153
>>149
>That is so shitty, why is it so hard for me to just be left alone?
I am pretty sure that its possible with government money to get housing by yourself anon. It all just depends on where you live
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Living with your parents and being a hikki has to be the most miserable situation in all mankind, ever. Fucking retarded (I am a gigantic nigger man who has a twitter vocabulary) pieces of shit keep playing poz news 24 fucking 7 and they all listen to that shit like a religious nigger listen to the gospel. Then when they are fed up with that they fight and bicker and make a mess out of their houses like a bunch of retarded children. I want to fucking die, being a hikki is the dumbest fucking shit in the world. I'd rather wageslave in some faraway land in some rabbit cage than to live with my parents. Those stupid dumb fucks who keep talking about having a relationship with your parents need to fucking die. Being a wageslave is always better than being a hikki living with his parents.
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Replies: >>211 >>213 >>214
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>>186
if noise they make annoys you just get sound cancelling headphones or whatever
>>186
I feel partial cringe by reading your post, but I know your situation well and I can relate with your revolt. The world actually ended in 1945.
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>>22 (OP) 
They basically don't care and don't even try to help. Even when they cared they just expected me to go be normal even though I tried and failed repeatedly because I can't deal with how stressful everything is in society. Everything takes so many steps and attempts that my energy and will to live are drained before I can get anything done in this bureaucratic mess that is so hostile to my very existence.

>>66
I was diagnosed only as an adult and it didn't change anything. My hope was that my family would understand me better, but as expected (because my family is terrible and is incapable of understanding even simple things), it didn't do much. Though I guess it lowered the expectations of "just become normal", which is the thing that I actually expected to happen. 

Still, they never help at all and whenever they are involved in anything, they only make things worse, so any attempt of fixing my life has to be done on my own. In a way, a lot of my problems come from them being around because I don't want to be seen doing anything unusual and have to deal with stupid questions and meddling, so I just don't do anything and stay in my room. I think getting diagnosed could be useful if you want to be understood, if your family is actually capable of understanding the diagnosis, unlike in my case.

>>67
I wouldn't worry about what people like that think. If they won't actually understand you, then what they think is irrelevant. Normalfags are scum, so just don't worry about it. If you fix your life, you won't have to live there so it doesn't matter. I dream of abandoning all connections to my past and never seeing anyone again, for similar reasons. I know that all of those people know nothing about me but are still judging me for something from the present and/or the past, and probably make a lot of assumptions as all. Neighbors are not a problem, though, I don't know any of them and stay away from them, and I don't even want to know what they think.

>>186
Relatable. They know literally nothing because they wasted their entire lives watching fake bullshit on TV, but they think that they know everything because TV is never wrong. And the arguing too, about problems that never go away because they don't like the obvious solutions.
Replies: >>226
>>78
>What drives them to act in such a way, I do not understand it?
They feel the need to keep engaging in conversation, and when you dont have hobbies, or an interesting career they resort to gossip
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>Last edited 6/28/2021, 15:13:37 by Hidden User
Was 186 made by a admin, or you can edit posts in jschan?
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>>220
posted an Oomer so I fixed it
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>>214
Nice Gengar 
>They basically don't care and don't even try to help. Even when they cared they just expected me to go be normal even though I tried and failed repeatedly because I can't deal with how stressful everything is in society.
It was that way for me too when I was younger. my parents gave up on ever trying to get me to integrate after I turned 26 though.
>Everything takes so many steps and attempts that my energy and will to live are drained before I can get anything done in this bureaucratic mess that is so hostile to my very existence
Its upsetting that nothing that can be done about this. I guess Secluding yourself more is the only option
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>>226
There are ways of having a simpler life, but getting there is the issue. I think living in a secluded area with a low population away from all the chaos would help me a lot. Things are a lot less stressful and much easier when there aren't too many people around, and even if interacting with others is necessary, it's easier to do it on a more personal level than to deal with a dehumanizing bureaucratic system that doesn't see anyone as an actual person. 

Technically running away from highly populated areas is a form of seclusion as well, but it's also a much more natural and healthy thing to do. Going outside wouldn't be bad in that situation. I just want to be in peace and do my own thing. Learning and doing new things and trying to be more independent from society would also be good, because I really don't want other people destroying the world to affect me. If work is something that I will have to do at some point anyway, I would really rather work for myself as much as possible, because that is a much more peaceful existence than absolutely having to deal with people that are fundamentally incompatible with me.
Replies: >>234
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>>232
>Technically running away from highly populated areas is a form of seclusion as well, but it's also a much more natural and healthy thing to do. Going outside wouldn't be bad in that situation. I just want to be in peace and do my own thing. Learning and doing new things and trying to be more independent from society would also be good, because I really don't want other people destroying the world to affect me. If work is something that I will have to do at some point anyway, I would really rather work for myself as much as possible, because that is a much more peaceful existence than absolutely having to deal with people that are fundamentally incompatible with me.
I would be lying if I said I've never fantasized about a genuine hermit life living in the middle of no where. Getting cheap land in middle of America from online work money is not the hardest thing in the world. Seeing as satellite internet has gotten better in recent years your internet speed wouldn't slow down that much too unless you live in a big city with fiber internet. If you wanna try you should go for it anon.
>I think living in a secluded area with a low population away from all the chaos would help me a lot
It definitely would. Cities are shit and even though I never leave my apartment I still feel overwhelmed by The normalfags who live around me. If you're looking for a hobby to distract you from that though I would suggest indoor gardening Ever since I've gotten into it its been a nice distraction and nice seeing my windowsill green every time I walk past. I am probably going to make a Indoor gardening general thread posting tips and Links to where you can buy seeds and shit like that.
Replies: >>236
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>>234
Even having a job in a better area like that wouldn't be as bad. In a more peaceful environment that doesn't have a lot of people, I wouldn't necessarily mind working all that much. My problem is with stress, and with living in a hostile environment, not with work. It could be an opportunity to learn various skills as well, that I can then use for my own benefit. People would still be an issue, but I don't think it's impossible for me to not hate a job depending on what it is and on who I will have to be around.

>even though I never leave my apartment I still feel overwhelmed by The normalfags who live around me
Yes, even the noise coming from outside is no good. I didn't step outside for over half a year, but I did a while ago because I had to go to the bank, and I did it on Sunday and there weren't as many people around, so it was east mode, but it was still awful and reminded me once again of why I don't do it.

>indoor gardening
I am definitely interested in gardening. Don't really have the space to do it indoors. If I had land, I would definitely grow plants and cultivate some mushrooms with various health benefits. Growing my own food would also be a possibility, and it would be healthier too, no poison and genetic bullshit. I also want to build things, do more things in the real world in general. After so many years, I am kinda sick of sitting in front of my computer all day and really with I could have some more variety in what I do. I have skills, but I don't have space, and I don't have enough tools. Very limiting, and it sucks to want to do so many things and not be able to do any of them.
Replies: >>237
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>>236
those haunter images always get me 
>Even having a job in a better area like that wouldn't be as bad. In a more peaceful environment that doesn't have a lot of people
Whatever works for you. Personally I couldn't handle that  though and you might find it harder then you think it will be.
>Yes, even the noise coming from outside is no good. I didn't step outside for over half a year, but I did a while ago because I had to go to the bank, and I did it on Sunday and there weren't as many people around, so it was east mode, but it was still awful and reminded me once again of why I don't do it.
Reminds me why I haven't been outside for years. the atmosphere going anywhere in a city makes my stomach turn thinking about it.
>I am definitely interested in gardening. Don't really have the space to do it indoors. If I had land, I would definitely grow plants and cultivate some mushrooms with various health benefits. Growing my own food would also be a possibility, and it would be healthier too, no poison and genetic bullshit.
you don't need a lot of space for herbs and succulents a windowsill is all that's required. I also might post tutorials on glass deck greenhouses and the such in the thread when I get around to making it. you might find that useful. Id recommend growing your own garlic and thyme maybe even chives they're all good places to start and they all don't require the most space in the world.
Replies: >>238
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>>237
>you might find it harder then you think it will be
Not unlikely. There are not many people that I like, and with a low population, that number could be zero (not that it matters if I never go outside). Normalfags are still normalfags, even if they are more sane the their city counterparts. Work itself isn't much of an issue (though maybe I would get sick of it eventually), because again, I'm kinda tired of my lifestyle anyway, but it would be good to not have to do it with other people, which is why being more self-sufficient would be good. Spending time on that wouldn't be a big deal at this point, I feel like I waste too much time, because I have too much of it and don't have the energy and motivation to do the things that I normally do anymore.

>you don't need a lot of space for herbs and succulents a windowsill is all that's required
It doesn't help that there is almost no sunlight here, though. I am surrounded by walls. I kinda miss looking at the sky and seeing the sun, that is one thing that makes me wish I could more comfortably go outside. That and running. Having some land would be great.
Replies: >>241
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>>238
>Not unlikely. There are not many people that I like, and with a low population, that number could be zero (not that it matters if I never go outside). Normalfags are still normalfags, even if they are more sane the their city counterparts. Work itself isn't much of an issue (though maybe I would get sick of it eventually), because again, I'm kinda tired of my lifestyle anyway, but it would be good to not have to do it with other people, which is why being more self-sufficient would be good. Spending time on that wouldn't be a big deal at this point, I feel like I waste too much time, because I have too much of it and don't have the energy and motivation to do the things that I normally do anymore.
Maybe try a new hobby anon? jumping straight into work Might be jarring when all you've done is seclude yourself. 
>It doesn't help that there is almost no sunlight here, though. I am surrounded by walls. I kinda miss looking at the sky and seeing the sun, that is one thing that makes me wish I could more comfortably go outside. That and running. Having some land would be great.
If you want to get land somewhere and be a genuine hermit some of my posts in the indoor farming thread when I make it may be nice to know about. I hope you are someday able to get to that point anon.
Replies: >>245
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>>241
>Maybe try a new hobby anon?
Really limited by material conditions. I don't have a lot of space and can't buy a lot of things. I already have quite a few hobbies, but I neglect all of them because even my hardware situation is pretty bad.

>indoor farming thread
I will be reading that. Actually, I do have a concern, though. I already have problems with bugs here (I hate bugs), wouldn't having plants indoors attract them and make that worse? Oh, and I do want to have a greenhouse at some point if I can, so information about that would be good too. I tend to prefer colder climates, so that would be useful. I want to cultivate mushrooms and brew beer and wine and other stuff.
Replies: >>246
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>>245
>Really limited by material conditions. I don't have a lot of space and can't buy a lot of things. I already have quite a few hobbies, but I neglect all of them because even my hardware situation is pretty bad.
I can understand that, Ill recommend you whatever I manga I come across that I think is good and if I do a game night I will make sure its something you can run. 
>I already have problems with bugs here (I hate bugs), wouldn't having plants indoors attract them and make that worse? 
I don't know your situation. If bugs can easily get inside your house then maybe? I've never had a problem with this though maybe Because I keep spiders around? Well even if you do get aphids you can always spray your plants with a soap that wont hurt the plant but will kill the aphids since bugs cannot breath when they're covered in soap. I've never had an issue with plants indoors getting bugs though.
>Oh, and I do want to have a greenhouse at some point if I can
Ill post a tiny deck glass greenhouse design and a place to order the parts and a bigger design if I ever get any amount of backyard space and Ill make a cheaper version using plastic instead of glass for you as well. 
>I want to cultivate mushrooms and brew beer and wine and other stuff
You can always try making beer or mead right now. Beer and mead don't need light or much space to ferment in.
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>>246
I really should start proof reading my drunk posts. Otherwise Ill keep being called an esl by the Hispanic blacked.gov posters.
Replies: >>248
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>>246
There are a lot of small spiders here, but they don't do their job very well, clearlly, and have messed with me a few times and died. Didn't know about the soap thing. Also, any information about gardening will be saved, even if I can't use it now. I have a lot of files full of information about various subjects, so that I can use it later on. People have said a lot of helpful things over the years.

>beer and mead don't need light or much space to ferment in
My room is already a little bit suffocating. Doing everything in one small space sucks. I wish I had more rooms. Even working on electronics is something that I avoid because I don't have a dedicated space for that, and I can't exactly solder on my bed. Annoying. It sucks, but everything that I want to do has to be postponed for various reasons. I also don't want to buy anything because I want to get out of here, and having more possessions would get in the way of that. I got a ThinkPad W500, though, so at least I'm going to have the most powerful laptop that can fulfill all of my freetard needs.

>>247
Coincidentally, I am very drunk right now. I think people can never really tell, because I can control myself well regardless of how drunk I get. In many ways it's ever easier because it forces me to focus more. I read once or twice that being able to do that is a common thing for autistic people. I suppose it has more of an effect on people that automatically behave "normally" than on people that need more control and intent in order to do so in the first place.
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>>248
>My room is already a little bit suffocating. Doing everything in one small space sucks. I wish I had more rooms. Even working on electronics is something that I avoid because I don't have a dedicated space for that, and I can't exactly solder on my bed. Annoying. It sucks, but everything that I want to do has to be postponed for various reasons. I also don't want to buy anything because I want to get out of here, and having more possessions would get in the way of that. I got a ThinkPad W500, though, so at least I'm going to have the most powerful laptop that can fulfill all of my freetard needs.
Sucks about the space situation, I hope your able to move anon. I'm sure the things ill post will help when you do.
>There are a lot of small spiders here, but they don't do their job very well, clearlly, and have messed with me a few times and died. Didn't know about the soap thing. Also, any information about gardening will be saved, even if I can't use it now. I have a lot of files full of information about various subjects, so that I can use it later on. People have said a lot of helpful things over the years.
I'll link you the soaps that are good later. Soap also works for killing wasps as well.
>Coincidentally, I am very drunk right now. I think people can never really tell, because I can control myself well regardless of how drunk I get. In many ways it's ever easier because it forces me to focus more. I read once or twice that being able to do that is a common thing for autistic people. I suppose it has more of an effect on people that automatically behave "normally" than on people that need more control and intent in order to do so in the first place.
I normally proofread my posts when I'm drunk I've just been getting more drunk then normal lately.
Replies: >>260
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>>257
Yes, and with the world's situation, doing anything is much harder than it was before, and even before all this, I still couldn't do much. Really testing my patience. It's difficult to stay optimistic at this point, and just not getting depressed takes so much effort that I don't feel like doing much anyway, especially after half a decade of isolation. I am definitely not taking those "vaccines", so everything will be extra difficult and maybe I will have to tolerate this for years now. Already wasted so much time. But regardless of that, I'm resisting until the end. Not giving away my freedom, even though I really have basically nothing to live for. It has never been clearer and more blatant that something incredibly evil has taken control of the entire world, and I refuse to go along with what it wants. I hope I get a chance to bunker up in a rural area before things get even worse.

>I've just been getting more drunk then normal lately
Don't drink too often! I only do it once every week or two, to keep my tolerance to alcohol reasonably low and to give my liver enough time to recover (and I only drink water and drink a lot of it). Even then I have been doing it more than usual, because I'm not skipping any weeks at this point.
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>>260
>Yes, and with the world's situation, doing anything is much harder than it was before, and even before all this, I still couldn't do much. Really testing my patience. It's difficult to stay optimistic at this point, and just not getting depressed takes so much effort that I don't feel like doing much anyway, especially after half a decade of isolation. I am definitely not taking those "vaccines", so everything will be extra difficult and maybe I will have to tolerate this for years now. Already wasted so much time. But regardless of that, I'm resisting until the end. Not giving away my freedom, even though I really have basically nothing to live for. It has never been clearer and more blatant that something incredibly evil has taken control of the entire world, and I refuse to go along with what it wants. I hope I get a chance to bunker up in a rural area before things get even worse.
Don't let the state of the world get you too down anon even though its hard not to sometimes. I agree with you entirely though. I hope you are able to move out with no difficulties regarding the "vaccines". 
>Don't drink too often! I only do it once every week or two, to keep my tolerance to alcohol reasonably low and to give my liver enough time to recover (and I only drink water and drink a lot of it). Even then I have been doing it more than usual, because I'm not skipping any weeks at this point.
I used to skip weeks at a time as well, its just recently that I've fallen back into daily drinking.
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>>261
I used to skip months, but every week or two was already my limit. It's important to have some rule that you follow, so it doesn't get completely out of control. The same thing goes for routines. It's important to have at least one thing that you do every day no matter what. To me that's a least a little bit of exercise. I think it helps me maintain some stability and not feel progressively worse every day. I should do more, but I tend to fail because I feel very unmotivated. Still, that one thing has to be done. It's my anchor.
Replies: >>263
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>>262
>It's important to have at least one thing that you do every day no matter what. To me that's a least a little bit of exercise. I think it helps me maintain some stability and not feel progressively worse every day. I should do more, but I tend to fail because I feel very unmotivated. Still, that one thing has to be done. It's my anchor.
That's good that you have something to keep you stable. I used to do push ups daily until recently. I stopped because I started thinking it was pointless. I Should should start doing them daily again though.
Replies: >>264
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>>263
Ampharos is underrated. Very cute line in general.

Any exercise is fine. Even if it's just a little bit. I notice that simply forcing myself to exercise makes me a little less depressed. People say things like that, and over the years I noticed that it's true. I tend to feel worse over time because life is terrible and the world is hell and there is no reason to be happy and I have nothing to live for, but the exercise counteracts that, so I stay as miserable as I normally am and not even more miserable (until I run out of energy to do anything at all, which is what happens to a lot of people). I guess it's because it gives me more energy and it requires putting the bad feelings aside for a moment, so it neutralizes my mood a little bit.

Every hikki should do it, that's for sure. Even if it's just running in place for five minutes or doing some squats, it doesn't matter what it is and it barely matters how much as long as it's exercise and gets your blood flowing. It may seem like a pain in the ass, but if you do it every day and make no exceptions, it just becomes routine and it's not a big deal anymore, and you at least maintain some ability to do something consistently. No matter how late I am, I do it anyway. Years ago I even went to bed once or twice and remembered that I forgot to do it, and I got up and did it anyway. It's the one thing that I have to do no matter what, because if I don't do it, I'm not going to do anything, and every day I will sink a little bit deeper.
Replies: >>266
Lots of yelling, but I think she got tired of that. I'm afraid of world much more than I am afraid of her.
Replies: >>268
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>>264
it is a very cute line
>Every hikki should do it, that's for sure. Even if it's just running in place for five minutes or doing some squats, it doesn't matter what it is and it barely matters how much as long as it's exercise and gets your blood flowing. It may seem like a pain in the ass, but if you do it every day and make no exceptions, it just becomes routine and it's not a big deal anymore, and you at least maintain some ability to do something consistently. No matter how late I am, I do it anyway. Years ago I even went to bed once or twice and remembered that I forgot to do it, and I got up and did it anyway. It's the one thing that I have to do no matter what, because if I don't do it, I'm not going to do anything, and every day I will sink a little bit deeper.
Ill give it a shot anon. I hope I'm able to make myself continue with it. Any tips on how to Force myself to do it daily as well? I've been having a lot of motivation problems lately, I can barely even force myself to eat anymore.
Replies: >>267 >>276
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>>266
Stop accepting that as something optional, I guess. I just decided to do it and don't allow myself to end my day and go to sleep until I have done it, so I better do it or I will suffer. It's not like I even give myself a choice, I'm not allowed to not do it, especially considering that I'm not exactly strict anyway and my obligation is only to do the bare minimum and anything else is just a bonus, so it doesn't take that much effort. And I exercise in front of the computer anyway, so I can watch videos or listen to something, so it's not like I'm losing precious time that could be spent wasting time like I spend the rest of my day at this point (it's amazing how little I do these days). 

Maintaining some willpower and some ability to force yourself to do things is part of the goal, actually. It's one of the benefits. I still suck at getting things done now for various reasons, but it's good to know that I'm not becoming completely incapable of doing that, at least. You have to decide to permanently add that to your routine as a daily maintenance and to not allow yourself to skip any days ever, I guess. I don't generally make absolute decisions like this precisely because I know that there is no going back unless something goes horribly wrong, but there isn't much that can go wrong with exercise since it's not exactly complicated and I don't even have a goal other than maintaining my health at least to some extent. Just not going more of it makes me feel guilty enough sometimes, so not doing it is not a valid choice, and I won't get the benefits that I get out of it if I don't do it, so at this point I need it. Kinda difficult to give tips because it's so simple but also not, I guess, but maybe this can help somehow. If this is incredibly incoherent, it's because I'm sleep deprived and barely conscious. I should sleep.
Replies: >>271
>>265
My parents also scream and yell on a dialy basis. Always ending with "we should get a divorce". They have been at it for 10+ years now
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>>267
>Stop accepting that as something optional, I guess. I just decided to do it and don't allow myself to end my day and go to sleep until I have done it, so I better do it or I will suffer. It's not like I even give myself a choice, I'm not allowed to not do it, especially considering that I'm not exactly strict anyway and my obligation is only to do the bare minimum and anything else is just a bonus, so it doesn't take that much effort. And I exercise in front of the computer anyway, so I can watch videos or listen to something, so it's not like I'm losing precious time that could be spent wasting time like I spend the rest of my day at this point (it's amazing how little I do these days). 
I've been having the same issue, I often times find myself laying on my bed or taking a nap rather then eating food or playing games. Motivation is something I've always had a problem with.
>I guess, but maybe this can help somehow. If this is incredibly incoherent, it's because I'm sleep deprived and barely conscious. I should sleep.
I'll try my best anon, I'll take your advice to heart.
Replies: >>275
>>271
>Motivation is something I've always had a problem with.
I had a lot of motivation to at least have fun, but I lost most of it, because I don't enjoy anything as much as I used to, and I kinda feel guilty for just doing things for fun instead of learning something. I'm also too worried about the future. Really miss enjoying games and anime, though. I actually feel kinda guilty for watching and playing things before learning enough Japanese to be able to do it without translations, though, because then it would technically be studying. That mentality has cursed me for years, but I really haven't felt like trying again lately. I came up with a new approach, but it's kind of a pain, and the state of the world in general kinda drained all of my energy.
Replies: >>279
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>>266
For me, I found that other people were the biggest boundary because of my social anxiety. For example, I would be afraid someone would walk in my room while I'm doing pushups or hear my heavy breathing and wonder what I'm doing (no idea if that can be heard from outside my door but I have decent hearing so I always project that on to others). Once I know everyone is gone, it becomes far easier to do absolutely anything. Of course you can't really solve that issue if that's what it is.
In any case, when it comes to doing something like pushups, you really just have to force yourself to do it once. That kind of thing always becomes much easier afterward. Basically your first time, just do push ups in one go until you can't anymore. You don't have to follow this guide attached if you're not interested in actually getting fit, but I think at least doing that every day might be good. The first time doing pushups after having not done them in a year or more might feel really hard but it's satisfying knowing that you're doing something good for your body even if it feels like your face is going to explode. Oh, and speaking of that, make sure to breath correctly. I can't remember when you're supposed to breath in and out for push ups but I think you breath out on the way down?
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>>276
>I think you breath out on the way down?
I was wrong. You breathe in through your nose on the way down and you exhale through your mouth on the way up. That's what it says everywhere online anyway.
Replies: >>279
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>>275
>I had a lot of motivation to at least have fun, but I lost most of it, because I don't enjoy anything as much as I used to, and I kinda feel guilty for just doing things for fun instead of learning something. I'm also too worried about the future. Really miss enjoying games and anime, though. I actually feel kinda guilty for watching and playing things before learning enough Japanese to be able to do it without translations, though, because then it would technically be studying. That mentality has cursed me for years, but I really haven't felt like trying again lately. I came up with a new approach, but it's kind of a pain, and the state of the world in general kinda drained all of my energy.
I've discovered something recently that's helped me start playing games again. I've found that just gritting my teeth and not stopping after my first death in any game. I've been putting hours Into new Vegas again doing this and its helped with my motivation to play games dramatically. Id recommend trying that for learning Japanese as well, it might work for you anon.
>>276
>>277
thanks for the guide anon, I will see if I'm able to stick too it.
Replies: >>282
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>>279
>I've found that just gritting my teeth and not stopping after my first death in any game.
That's not a problem for me at all. I beat some famously difficult games in the past, so I'm used to taking losses and moving on. I actually play the same arcade games all the time, these days, whenever I do play something (and admittedly make very little progress because I'm playing a lot of fighting games and the bosses are always the bad type of bullshit), and that does involve a lot of repetition. It actually became kind of a bad habit, because I don't play games that I have never played before very often anymore. 

So, I am a master of repetition, and have always been (even as a kid, I beat some pretty hard games, and would beat the same games even dozens of times, and again, probably the autism). The problem is that I can only do that with fun things, and learning Japanese is typically not fun, and even if it is somehow, it's not for very long. It's not rewarding either because I never get any payoff. Even knowing what I know, still can't read much without translating, still can't do anything with it. Learning English was effortless because I did it by just having fun and using it all day, never even thinking about it, but I haven't figured out how to do that with Japanese. Maybe I should just force myself to play games (that have no kanji) and to not worry too much about the parts that I don't understand, but I'm too much of a perfectionist now. Maybe something that I played before, I don't know. 

It's kinda weird how much my adult mentality backfires when it comes to learning. Now I want to do everything properly and efficiently, reading books and studying, and it never works and my memory fails me and I just get bored. Being a moron wasn't better overall, but it definitely was better for learning. Maybe I have to try to recreate that somehow, but also make it more efficient by adding some studying. Still figuring this out, which is part of the problem, because I think too much about everything when I could actually be doing things. It's funny. I am objectively way more intelligent now than before, but that has also made me a drooling retard that can't stop shooting himself in the foot. Help.
Replies: >>284
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>>282
>So, I am a master of repetition, and have always been (even as a kid, I beat some pretty hard games, and would beat the same games even dozens of times, and again, probably the autism)
I have the same problem however I was referring to being unable to play even the same games. I've spent my days looking at the ceiling and sleeping rather then playing games, That's just what helped me start playing the same games again.
>learning Japanese is typically not fun, and even if it is somehow, it's not for very long. It's not rewarding either because I never get any payoff.
I don't really have any specific help that I can suggest. I've never had any interest to learn nip before. Maybe taking it slower and burning yourself out less would be better? 
>It's kinda weird how much my adult mentality backfires when it comes to learning. Now I want to do everything properly and efficiently, reading books and studying, and it never works and my memory fails me and I just get bored. Being a moron wasn't better overall, but it definitely was better for learning. Maybe I have to try to recreate that somehow, but also make it more efficient by adding some studying. Still figuring this out, which is part of the problem, because I think too much about everything when I could actually be doing things. It's funny. I am objectively way more intelligent now than before, but that has also made me a drooling retard that can't stop shooting himself in the foot. Help.
If I knew How to help I would however I've been having the same problems. Best suggestion I can think of is to not beat yourself up to much over it. This is something you do for free for yourself you get to decide the pace you go at. Trying to do to much to soon will make you start to feel like you are working a job and that's never a good thing to get into with any hobby.
Replies: >>285
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>>284
>Maybe taking it slower and burning yourself out less would be better? 
You found another issue there. I am really unbalanced. I either go too fast or not fast enough and both paths end in inconsistency. During the initial months of learning, I was really consistent and tried to do a lot, but then I reached my limit. It also seems like at some point, my brain just refuses to remember more. There are also certain words that my brain doesn't want to remember for some reason. Normally being slow isn't much of an issue, particularly when I'm learning something passively by having fun, and I still have to get to the enjoyable part. It's especially difficult to be consistent when I have to figure out how to learn something and what to do and prepare things to do every day, that may be one of the biggest obstacle for me. Having to think about learning is a huge pain. Burnout is probably an issue for me in general (except for playing the same games for years, apparently). Maybe doing more would help, particularly getting away from the computer. That would add more variety to what I do and probably make everything better, but my options are limited right now, so it's all computers and doing things using the computer. I don't have physical books either. Really miss them.

>not beat yourself up to much over it
Definitely bad at that, though I have improved. Not abusing myself quite as much as I did before. I did learn a lot over the years and I recognize that, but it's not enough for me. I do beat myself up for not knowing things that I think I should know, even though most people don't really know anything so technically I could stay where I am and be better than average, but I also don't judge myself based on other people's standards because they are typically not good standards at all. Part of this is that I don't want to feel like I have completely wasted my time. Which is a real problem, because I have been wasting most of my time lately. My list of things that I want to do is absolutely enormous, and keeps growing. I have a hard time even remembering what to do because there are too many things (and I don't think my memory is good enough anyway, even though I do remember a lot of stuff, but it feels bad because I can't remember certain things that I want to remember), and I end up making new lists that also grow to be huge and then have to merge them later, and even things that do get done stay in the lists because I never bother looking for them and removing them. At least I know that this problem is not even close to being unique to me. Heard it a lot of times, it's not that uncommon. I actually think that translating all of my lists to Japanese could be a good way of learning that and fixing my mess at the same time.

Anyway, figuring out how to learn can be more difficult than actually learning. I definitely do need a more relaxed approach, because only that can possibly work and most of what I know comes seemingly from nothing because I was just having fun and being naturally curious, and ended up knowing things by the end of it. The fact that studying is even a thing for me is wrong. I should just integrate those activities into my routine and do them in enjoyable ways, like I did when I was a kid. And to do that, I should definitely stop doing the same things all the time and do those other things all day instead. I need to remember how to use my autism in a more fun and productive way, and to suppress my introspection a little, because as you can clearly tell, it may be a little bit out of control. I definitely waste too much time online as well, but that's because the isolation finally got to me, so I need the internet to stay sane. Definitely spend way too much time thinking and not enough doing. Thinking can be very productive too, and my personal growth during isolation happened thanks to it, but I shouldn't be doing it as much as I do, especially when most of my ideas end up in a list somewhere. Some people have the opposite problem, though. They want to do a thing and have a lot of talent and skill, but have no ideas. If we could fuse like anime characters, the result would be very superhuman for sure.

(Yes, I made and posted a relevant Digimon 02 clip in 2021. Could have picked something else, but that would have been a waste because you don't see that every decade. Still the coolest shit in the world along with all the other coolest shit in the world. I like a lot of things way too much and tend to keep liking them forever. Other kids really didn't appreciate my obsessive nature as a kid, especially with my lack of social skills, but even now, I disregard their opinion and consider myself to be the cool kid, because I am, even though I do hate myself in a bunch of ways. A neurotic hikki watching 90s and 2000s cartoons is definitely cooler than a normalfag corporate slave.)
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>>285
>You found another issue there. I am really unbalanced. I either go too fast or not fast enough and both paths end in inconsistency. During the initial months of learning, I was really consistent and tried to do a lot, but then I reached my limit. It also seems like at some point, my brain just refuses to remember more. There are also certain words that my brain doesn't want to remember for some reason. Normally being slow isn't much of an issue, particularly when I'm learning something passively by having fun, and I still have to get to the enjoyable part. It's especially difficult to be consistent when I have to figure out how to learn something and what to do and prepare things to do every day, that may be one of the biggest obstacle for me. Having to think about learning is a huge pain. Burnout is probably an issue for me in general (except for playing the same games for years, apparently). Maybe doing more would help, particularly getting away from the computer. That would add more variety to what I do and probably make everything better, but my options are limited right now, so it's all computers and doing things using the computer. 
Reminds me of when I tried to teach myself calculus. It never stops being a pain in the ass all you can do is grit your teeth and push yourself through. Doesn't help that my motivation is and was non existent. Only recommendation I can make is picking out a few words you want to learn and take a few days to memorize them one step at a time. I've never tried learning another language though so I don't know if my suggestion would even work. 
>I don't have physical books either. Really miss them.
I would recommend getting back into reading regularly. Reading when I don't want to play games is a good way to spend time when I would otherwise be staring at my ceiling.
>Definitely bad at that, though I have improved. Not abusing myself quite as much as I did before. I did learn a lot over the years and I recognize that, but it's not enough for me. I do beat myself up for not knowing things that I think I should know, even though most people don't really know anything so technically I could stay where I am and be better than average, but I also don't judge myself based on other people's standards because they are typically not good standards at all. Part of this is that I don't want to feel like I have completely wasted my time. Which is a real problem, because I have been wasting most of my time lately. My list of things that I want to do is absolutely enormous, and keeps growing. I have a hard time even remembering what to do because there are too many things (and I don't think my memory is good enough anyway, even though I do remember a lot of stuff, but it feels bad because I can't remember certain things that I want to remember), and I end up making new lists that also grow to be huge and then have to merge them later, and even things that do get done stay in the lists because I never bother looking for them and removing them. At least I know that this problem is not even close to being unique to me. Heard it a lot of times, it's not that uncommon.
>Anyway, figuring out how to learn can be more difficult than actually learning. I definitely do need a more relaxed approach, because only that can possibly work and most of what I know comes seemingly from nothing because I was just having fun and being naturally curious, and ended up knowing things by the end of it. The fact that studying is even a thing for me is wrong. I should just integrate those activities into my routine and do them in enjoyable ways, like I did when I was a kid. And to do that, I should definitely stop doing the same things all the time and do those other things all day instead. I need to remember how to use my autism in a more fun and productive way, and to suppress my introspection a little, because as you can clearly tell, it may be a little bit out of control. I definitely waste too much time online as well, but that's because the isolation finally got to me, so I need the internet to stay sane. Definitely spend way too much time thinking and not enough doing. Thinking can be very productive too, and my personal growth during isolation happened thanks to it, but I shouldn't be doing it as much as I do, especially when most of my ideas end up in a list somewhere. Some people have the opposite problem, though. They want to do a thing and have a lot of talent and skill, but have no ideas. If we could fuse like anime characters, the result would be very superhuman for sure.
I do the same shit anon, I found beating myself up over stress when it comes to memory and motivation problems only made those problems worse. Its good that you are starting to not stress yourself over this anymore. I don't have many recommendations or much to add at all because I've had the same problems for awhile now. Abusing ourselves over the littlest of things is probably what lead both of us into isolation in the first place.
>I actually think that translating all of my lists to Japanese could be a good way of learning that and fixing my mess at the same time.
You should try it anon It shouldn't hurt anything.
>Yes, I made and posted a relevant Digimon 02 clip in 2021. Could have picked something else, but that would have been a waste because you don't see that every decade.
Its always nice to see Digimon posted in whatever current year we are in.
(Sorry its taken me more time then usual to reply, I've just been doing nothing other then reading for the past few days. Without taking breaks from the computer I find myself not wanting to play any games or do anything at all while I'm on it)
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>>287
>calculus
I had to learn some of that in college briefly, before dropping out. Teachers know how to make even really basic things seem complicated, so doing it on your own is the way to go even in school, I guess. I only really put effort into learning things that I want to use, and I still have no idea what it's used for (math teachers never know, so most math is taught out of context, and that also makes things unnecessarily more difficult), so I never had a reason to go back to it.

>reading
I like reading, but I don't really like reading scans of actual books on a screen that much anymore. It's kinda awkward and it doesn't get me away from the computer. It's also less spontaneous because I have to open the file and it's easier to forget about it. I miss just having a physical book on my table and picking it up and reading it. Actually, I used a physical dictionary to look up English words as a kid. Kinda want to do that for Japanese too. For learning in general, I would rather use a physical book and use the computer for only for writing. Like, I feel like I am overdosing on computing, I guess would be my real complaint. I always have a bunch of windows open in a bunch of workspaces (or tags) and it's just a huge mess. I'm drowning in windows and drowning in things to do and I barely get any of them done because I'm overwhelmed and my life has become too monotonous, so I don't feel like doing any of them. Actually, I think the reasonable thing to do right now just might be to watch anime all day, or play some game that doesn't take a lot of effort excessively, just to rest and learn how to relax and have fun again. I wish I had a couch, or something else, though. Sick of sitting on the same chair all day, every day. A recliner would be nice too.

>Abusing ourselves over the littlest of things is probably what lead both of us into isolation in the first place
That is definitely part of it. Along with my general inability to handle the stress that society expects me to tolerate and to accept as normal, and to not even feel it (a lot of normalfags don't seem to). Well, and all the other things that are weird about my brain. There are too many of them, that's why adapting to society isn't really even an option and my biggest regret was trying at all. But I didn't know what my options were. School really makes it look like there is nothing to do in the world other than going to college and then being a corporate or government slave. Or maybe being poor and miserable for your entire life (not knowing that there are ways of living pretty well with very little money, particularly if you want to live correctly).

>Sorry its taken me more time then usual to reply
I understand that people can't reply to everything all the time, it's fine. Though I admit that my guilt complex does make me think that I killed threads sometimes, and that I'm reducing a thread's or a board's quality with my presence. That's another mental thing that I have to try to keep under control.

>Without taking breaks from the computer I find myself not wanting to play any games or do anything at all while I'm on it
I swear that I didn't read this before writing that second part. You are doing what I should be doing, except everything I have is in the computer.
Replies: >>292
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<writing a long reply at 4am
<Hear a fucking crash then my power flickers
<computer shuts off
<FUCK FUCK FUCK
<all my effort down the drain decide to not reply and wait until I can think of something else to post
<11am rolls around still doing nothing but staring at my monitor thinking of something to post. whilst watching videos
<audible knocking at my door
<look through my peephole its my mother
<FUCK why is she here
<starts banging on my door again and hits me in my eye
<open my door and she immediately forces her way into my apartment 
>took you long enough anon. its fucking filthy in here.
<she is holding a bag of take out Indian food and a box full of hair clippers 
<"why are you here mom?"
>I'm eating lunch with you and you need a hair cut you look like a homeless person anon.
<fucking baffled 
<hasn't contacted me for over a year yet she is insistent on eating and cutting my hair
<she sits down at my table with me and we eat as she rambles about random bullshit
>you should really get the vaccine anon, it'll be good for your health
<"no thanks I'm not doing that"
<visible disgust  
>I never thought you where a science denier type anon you don't wanna die do you?
<fuck I need to bullshit my way out of this one
<"no I just thought it was rushed by trump is all"
<seems satisfied with that response 
<we finish eating then she cuts my ass length hair off 
<leaves
<thank fuck
<proceed to watch videos again in peace 
I'm just going to pretend I'm sleeping next time that was an awful experience.
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>>289
Sounds like something out of a comic strip lol hang in there
Sometimes on learning motivation, you just have to do it even if you despise that part of it, even if its retarded just do it anyway to complete your objective  , you get a routine and then you just start doing it out of spite until you learned, literally just push through. I call it the fuck reflex.
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>>288
>I had to learn some of that in college briefly, before dropping out. Teachers know how to make even really basic things seem complicated, so doing it on your own is the way to go even in school, I guess. I only really put effort into learning things that I want to use, and I still have no idea what it's used for (math teachers never know, so most math is taught out of context, and that also makes things unnecessarily more difficult), so I never had a reason to go back to it.
Even then its fucking useless, a mathematician could write software that could do everything a person can do and with more accuracy. What made me realize stem was a Gay club and a scam was how up their own ass they are about being a career student and achieving nothing of value. They go to high school part 2 for a decade and the only thing of merit they ever accomplish is usually something of no value and they end up a neet living with their parents with mountains of debt they will never be able to pay. 
>I like reading, but I don't really like reading scans of actual books on a screen that much anymore. It's kinda awkward and it doesn't get me away from the computer. It's also less spontaneous because I have to open the file and it's easier to forget about it. I miss just having a physical book on my table and picking it up and reading it. 
I had this same problem as well. I've started buying books online instead of reading things off my screen. The money is worth having the book physically. Have you tried turning down the brightness on your monitor that's helped me read off it in the past more easily, Inverting the colors so its white on black is also easier on the eyes and is easier to read I've noticed. 
>Kinda want to do that for Japanese too. For learning in general, I would rather use a physical book and use the computer for only for writing. Like, I feel like I am overdosing on computing, I guess would be my real complaint. I always have a bunch of windows open in a bunch of workspaces (or tags) and it's just a huge mess.
That genuinely sounds like a good idea anon, let me know how it works out for you. 
>That is definitely part of it. Along with my general inability to handle the stress that society expects me to tolerate and to accept as normal, and to not even feel it (a lot of normalfags don't seem to).
That's just the way it is, normalfags don't care about anything they just want feel good in the moment. They will claim their job is so stressful but when they are forced by the government to like like us for half a year they want to kill themselves. 
>There are too many of them, that's why adapting to society isn't really even an option and my biggest regret was trying at all. But I didn't know what my options were. School really makes it look like there is nothing to do in the world other than going to college and then being a corporate or government slave.
Normalfags won't go against the status quo. That's what they've been told will lead them to success and they go into it happy. Getting tons of debt and living a consumerist lifestyle where you are defined by your hobbies is not something they are going to ever change. They will go 300 thousand dollars in debt to buy a house made out of particle board that wont even last 20 years. School just sets up normalfags to live that life style and teaches them that going to collage, getting a mortgage and working in a cubical are the ideal human life whilst owning nothing and having unpayable amounts of debt. They don't even know there is any other alternative.
>I understand that people can't reply to everything all the time, it's fine. Though I admit that my guilt complex does make me think that I killed threads sometimes, and that I'm reducing a thread's or a board's quality with my presence. That's another mental thing that I have to try to keep under control.
Your posts are fine anon you are not bringing down the board in anyway.
Replies: >>294
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>>289
Reminds me of episode 8 of NHK ni Youkoso. Except worse and without Misaki. Also, I exclusively use laptops now precisely because the power here can't be trusted and I don't have an uninterruptible power supply. Other than mobility (flying with a desktop doesn't seem great, and I will probably have to do so if I want to bunker up in the middle of nowhere). I also don't have a GPU anyway, and my best desktop has really bad integrated graphics.

>science denier
Fuck, there we go again. I wish I could never have to deal with anyone that watches TV ever again. Meanwhile actual scientists and doctors are being ignored and censored while people's blood vessels are getting permanently damaged. More like a TV/government denier. Or just a reasonable human being that questions things, particularly when told by known liars.

>>291
Yeah, I already do that with exercise. Not that I do it exceptionally well considering my lack of energy and motivation. Eventually I will have another burst of motivation and take advantage of it, or at least I hope I do. For now, I want to get my computer situation in order first. Procrastinating a lot, though.

>how up their own ass they are about being a career student and achieving nothing of value
That's most people in general. Most people go to college because they have been in school for their entire lives and are afraid of doing something else, or just don't know what to do (like me, I had no idea what my options even were other than college and then magically getting a job somehow). In my case it was "free". "Free" being what we non-Americans call things that we pay for our entire lives through taxes (destroying our upward mobility), regardless of whether or not we use it or it deserves to exist at all.

>The money is worth having the book physically
Yes, but I want to get out of here and having more stuff to move would be a problem. I'm delaying a lot of things because of that, until I can have a more stable existence. Even after that, I will have to figure out how to get all the books that I want without giving any money at all to Amazon, even if it's more expensive. Buying used could work as a last resource, though it is kind of an indirect contribution to Amazon, though not nearly as bad. It's kinda like buying things from China. Don't do it, but if you do it, maybe get some cheap used crap. If it breaks, great, it's an opportunity to learn how to fix it so that you can be more efficient and generally a cooler and more reliable human being.

>Inverting the colors so its white on black
I use Zathura as my PDF reader, and it can actually recolor everything however you want, not just invert the colors. I do that (right now it's amber on black because it looks cool, though it doesn't match anything else on my system so it's kinda silly and I should change it). Still, I do have to use the computer, which is kind of a pain. I guess I have a lot of technology fatigue in general. I don't want to open files and press keys to scroll, on my monitor that isn't big enough for a full page, I want actual pages. The problem is, again, transportation in the future. I want to keep the books. Oh, and my hands kinda hurt from typing too much as well. Maybe an ergonomic keyboard would help. I wish I could try one without buying, to see if I like it.

>a consumerist lifestyle where you are defined by your hobbies
That's the thing, a lot of them don't even have hobbies. And when they do, it's really damn superficial. Just an excuse to spend money and waste time, really. No sense of quality either, they just consoom whatever new crap the marketers put in front of them. The kind of people that don't play old games unless Nintendo sells them an emulator and don't watch things that aren't on Netflix (they also love renting shit), or something like that. They don't pursue excellence of some kind within various interests, they just follow the market and passively consoom. Extremely shallow. Even when they only care about one thing, it's still generally shallow.

>School just sets up normalfags to live that life style and teaches them that going to collage, getting a mortgage and working in a cubical are the ideal human life whilst owning nothing and having unpayable amounts of debt
Pretty much. It's a form of slavery that conditions people from birth to not even realize that they have been enslaved. Some people naturally reject it to the point that they simply can't integrate, and are forced to wake up, and I suppose that was my case. I am naturally against debt and I'm really patient when it comes to buying things. Though at this point, getting a mortgage at least in America doesn't seem that insane (at least if you can still get something cheap out in the middle of nowhere), considering how much money is being printed. 

Even if it's just some land to park a trailer on, it may be worth it just to get away from the cities, and to not have to pay rent. Depends on interest and how much you can pay, on how much it costs, on how much prices are rising and on your situation in general. At this point, it's almost a form of insurance against government tyranny and possibly a collapse. Buying a shit house that you will be paying for the rest of your life is a horrible idea, though, and I know that a lot of normalfags in my family did exactly that. Some even spent the cost of a small apartment on weddings, which is one of the most incomprehensibly retarded things that someone can do. Anyway, it's better to get a cheap house in a small town and start from there. In general, as a definitive place to live, buying houses from 100 years ago may be a good deal as long as they are in good condition. Better built, and if the condition is good, they should last quite a long time. Consulting an expert is a good idea, though. A good realtor.

>you are not bringing down the board in anyway
Consult episode 12 of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei for more information about that particular issue. Relating to that show is a very bad sign, but I do. I successfully ignore that for the most part when I'm posting in certain places (and it's counteracted by the guilt of not posting in inactive boards and potentially causing them to die and maybe even making other people feel guilty for that in the process), but that has socially crippled me for decades to one extent or another (or at least is one cause of that). It's not entirely negative, though. 

It's better than being inconsiderate, I suppose. It is better for me to suffer from being incredibly neurotic than ruining things for other people, though I guess I can't recommend being like me considering the results. Put me in a chat room and I will probably never say anything. I will never take the initiative because I'm too introverted (and in real time and with multiple people around, the pressure is too intense and I can't deal with groups), but if by some miracle other people have a good discussion, I will not join it because I do not wish to interrupt someone else's good time. In many ways, I am being killed by my own empathy, and my own rationality as well. Living is too complicated. Help? Kill me?
Replies: >>294
>>293
Made a mistake, I didn't quote this post.
>>292

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