/hikki/ - Hikikomori

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I lasted a few months in university but it was too much for me

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I had a psychotic break at 18 and while I've never had such a thing happen again the past 6 years, I've never fully recovered.
I think I will be a hikikomori for the rest of my life. I am so terrified of the outdoors.

>>300
>employed 
>hikki
you are an ex-hikki at best let's be real here

>>304
Yeah I don't consider myself one anymore, but is there anything that states that a hikki can't have income without leaving their domicile? Not hikki-neet, just hikki.

>>308
>t is there anything that states that a hikki can't have income without leaving their domicile? Not hikki-neet, just hikki.

>The Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour, and Welfare defines hikikomori as a condition in which the affected individuals refuse to leave their parents' house, do not work or go to school and isolate themselves away from society and family in a single room for a period exceeding six months.[10] The psychiatrist Tamaki Saitō defines hikikomori as "a state that has become a problem by the late twenties, that involves cooping oneself up in one's own home and not participating in society for six months or longer, but that does not seem to have another psychological problem as its principal source".[

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

Finished college. Worst years of my life. 
I despise working together with people, and dear god there are way too many courseworks that force you to work in a group. 
After doing my internship, I realize how much I have to socialize in a work place. I can't see myself doing that shit for 40 years till retirement.

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After getting my GED, I enrolled in community college. Dropped out a year into it. Been fucked ever since. I envy the ones who stayed the course, have gotten degrees and were able to find jobs. They'll never truly know the pain of defeat.

>Dropped out second time through freshman year of high school, skipped enough to be held back, got GED two months later. 
>Sequestered myself at grandmother's house until mid-20's when she got dementia.
>Lived with mother after that but she was dealing with abusive ex. Did that for 2 years.
>Now late-20's and with my mother crashing at relative's place until we secure a place to live after moving out of state.

The last 15 years of my life have been spent in a room shut off from the outside, I rarely if ever ventures out of my room unless I needed something or to use the bathroom. That doesn't look like it will change, being honest I don't want it to.
The last 5 years have been an emotional hell. Even with an unstable living arrangement these days it's better than what it was. Unfortunately I still have a detached connection to it but that's an unfixable aspect of my self. I feel mostly numb, emotions have always been difficult for me, most of the time I simply act in a manner deemed appropriate and attempt to disengage at the earliest opportunity.
Taking pills to try to manage the depression and overwhelming anxiety but all they do is put me in a fog. My thoughts are hazy and my brain is full of cotton balls. I have trouble concentrating. My internal dialogue is far away, it come intermittently. I've never felt more alone because of it.

Not far. I stopped going to school when I was 15 and I have been a NEET ever since. I have no GCSEs (I'm British, obviously), no work experience, I don't know anybody within a 5 hour drive radius and I haven't spoken to the people I do know in several years. I'm pretty sure I have schizophrenia or something similar too. I'm probably going to kill myself soon.

>>178 (OP) 
High school, when the time came to choose which career i wanted to pursue i simply opted to drop out and live off my parents, worked surprisingly well (house was inherited from my grandparents, i am an only child) until quite recently when everyone got laid off due to the fucking chinese. Now we have to make do with our savings and what my father earns with his new job (mom wasn't able to find another one), meaning i can no longer "borrow" $100+ a week to purchase shit off the internet.

Terrible timing for it too, as my computer broke down half a year ago (power surge fried basically everything, even the monitor) and instead of replacing it i opted to buy a thinkpad to "learn" linux (which i didn't, it's running W10 LTSC), my TV started malfunctioning too, though to be fair it was rather old. I have a lot of things i need right now, so i might no longer be a NEET in a few weeks, and i'll have to slave away in bottom of the barrel jobs since no one sane would hire a 26 year old with no experience.

GED at 17, life was okay for awhile, mental breakdown at 25, live on bux now and life is beautiful. I've got maybe 3 years total work experience and I'm almost 30. If they ever cut me off bux that's when I will abandon everything

I've only worked a few months in my life, but that was about decade ago.
People are too terrible, and I have nothing to drive me to go outside.
I dropped out of college after a few weeks. I worked about 5 months in a supermarket packing juice onto shelves. Lost a lot of weight, and if it weren't for the incredibly terrible co-workers, bosses and customers, then it could've been a decent job. I lost a ton of weight in those few months, but gained it, and more, back.

Every one of my futures was taken away from me, and now I cope with God and hope He comes to fetch me soon.

i also pray to God all the time he fetches me, to make me more pathetic, i was raised in an irreligious household (but ever since i was a kid to think of Christ's love for me warmed me so much). at least God loves us

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Collage.
Figured out real quick that i hate being around vapid self absorbed special snowflakes who speak exclusivily in passive agressive manipulation.
Unfortunately my entire life is teming with these schizo retards so i feel like the only way to stay sane is to reject everything.
It's either that or become an asshole to rival the assholes but that just feels like too much effort and i don't think i could live with myself doing that.

before that i dropped hard out of highschool and for about 5 years i did nothing but play vidya and watch anime.
If i thought about a time i think of fondly in my life it's that brief period of giving absolutely zero fucks. I got talked into trying for higher education job cause my family are all weasles and in hindsight i should've seen that i was being used. 

It's a weird feeling longing for days when things sucked but marginally less then it does now.
I don't have BUX or any actual long term form of income and my rent is starting to bleed into my savings (that was supposed to be for uni) 
Eventually i'll have to do something about it but i'm uncertain. 
Even with how shitass everything is i still don't want to feel like a burden to those i know..
I just want to sleep in.  

How do you anons do it? how do you manage to get BUX and not feel a constant dread from it?
I think i'll just die.

/blog (i feel like a faggot for even writting this)

Just like the most here, since high school i've been hikki. I only go out if i need to get some food, usually at late night so it is empty and everyone left. I got so used to this lifestyle that i don't know what to do after my family forsake me and i am sure the time is very close of that happening.

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Got a useless degree in community college and worked some jobs.

After high school
starting college
I just burnt out. 
Stayed that way.

>>397
> community college
College is scam anyway. Your probably better off now instead of having to work a job you hate because of college debt.

I never even got as far as university, and I shouldn't have graduated high school either since I just stopped attending one day. Never had a job, and can't go in public without almost passing out anymore. Not sure what I'm supposed to do, nothing brings me pleasure. Probably no way to get bux either, it wouldn't be a livable income in this shithole country either.

I was in college for 3 weeks. Became a neet for 5 years. Worked in a supermarket for 6 months. Been a neet/hiki again for the past 9 years.

I kind of wish I lived in a more slow-paced place. Then I wouldn't mind working if it was a small town with friendly people.

But now I'm stuck in a cement prison in the city.

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>>179
Same. 
Almost quit during year 11 and 12, but 13 was pretty good. Then UNI. Shit was so easy in the beginning, then I skipped some shit and I can't into. No motivation anyways, SA, eventually just stopped showing up. There was simply no job I could imagine myself doing, what was I studying for?
Got a job, then started drinking to cope.
A handful of years later and I'm a hikki, still stuck, but at least not a full-blown alcoholic.

>>613
Want to switch places? I'm looking to move. I anticipate the freedom through "anonymity" that comes with living in a bigger city.
I know too many people here and I'd rather try to start fresh

I went hikki in my mid-20s, just to make people online angry. Parents always said to not let internet people control my life, and they certainly aren't now :^)

>>178 (OP) 
I was 18 when I decided to exile myself. Im still not sure if it was the right choice but im here anyway

>>672
Right out of highschool, any reason why?

I droppd out of school at the beginning of year 12, but a part of me already knew that something like this would happen the year before.

>>397
Shit, did I post here over a year ago? I must have been high if that's the case, but I really think you're just a parallel version of myself out there somewhere.

I always wanted to life self-sufficient in some remote place at the countryside.
But with 18y, shit came raining down on me and I finally broke. 
-Couldn't finish my A-Levels, cause my mind was very far out there.
-Cut up all ties with my father, never told him why.
-I became 19
-My mom and I moved to another city, I immediately cut off all ties with my friends nobody knows where I am now.
-Mental State grew so worse I couldn't hold down my part-time-job anymore. 
-mid19y  I became a full Hikki.

I never really got far with my life.

>>178 (OP) 
Is this me?

>>686
your dad would be glad to talk to you imo, give him a call

Did all the things people said I should do "enjoy life" like changing cities, getting a career, a GF, doing drugs, renting your own place, college

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Barely finished college, dropped out of uni. Cant even bring myself to get my documents back. Got a couple of shitty jobs tho, years ago. Was fired for getting gallbladder stones removed. Haven't left the house in 6 weeks or maybe more. 
Interacting with people is a nightmare, even if I like them and enjoy their company. Recent chapter of chainsaw man summarized it very well.

>>178 (OP) 
I got into a cheap college, but had to drop out because my mother had some financial problems.
I also had a few jobs in my early 20's, but it was just shelve packing jobs and 2 cashier jobs.
I now have no money, friends, health, or anything else. I'm worse off than I was 15+ years ago.
The only thing I have to look forward to is God's return.