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[Hide] (237.9KB, 1200x1674) >>2045
I think I will call it a win.
It was very difficult on the first weeks, and I constantly failed to complete even the smallest daily goals.
After the first month went by and zero progress had been made I started to think of giving up, but I continued on. I failed hard still, and the more I failed, the more I thought I would fail again next time. Until it happened.
I woke up one day, made my todo list and thought to myself: I am gonna fail this anyway, so I don't really have any need to worry. This fatalistic outlook, although filled with doom, felt very light. It felt as if I had been freed... But I didn't think much of it at the moment and carried on.
I completed the entire list that day.
The next day was one of estrangement. I could not understand why I was able to do it by literally giving up. So I decided to try again while thinking: This is not really gonna work again, so there isn't any need to worry.
I completed the entire list again.
I must admit, I felt angry at that point. It had been frustrating to fail when wanting to achieve, and although I had finally been able to achieve, it was only so after I wasn't expecting to actually do it.
I spent some time thinking about it, and then I realized it.
What allowed me to follow through my goals was not that I was expecting to fail, but that I had given up on expectation itself. Previously, I would think how much I am lagging behind and how much I had to do it otherwise all would be lost without it. There was no way I could concentrate with this constant pressure, so I always hesitated and procrastinated. But as soon as I removed the hope, there was no weight to act, and I could just be.
I have been repeating this since that day and it worked flawlessly.
The biggest takeaway I think is: you can't really walk a trail while gazing at the destination.