/bmn/ - Bad Movie Night

37fe2b9135698b1b0cda7161fe1e3e54029b99206b2f2f956e9ab47b8cad1801.png
[Hide] (1.5MB, 1000x1426)

Supernatural Movies
For when nature is tired of being mild mannered.

Metaphysical
Movies with gods and demons, usually being dicks.

||Cross||
Cross is a movie about a mercenary team with a penchant for the abnormal. With a nonsensical plot about an immortal viking planning to destroy the world with a doomsday device, the movie is ascended from meh tier for a great cast of characters and decent acting from the main team of mercenaries. Granted, their traits are often two dimensional, but this is one of the few films on this list that actually earned its spot from hard work, rather than shoddy work.
'Hercules in New York''
Zeus and Hercules have a falling out, so Herc is sent to earth as punishment. There he befriends stereotype after stereotype, while performing feats that show off AHNOLD's weightlifting prowess. This whole movie is a delightful mess, and has a beautiful send off moment, with Zeus deciding to visit earth himself. To blend in, he dresses up as if he were a Jewish man, and then descends from the sky, giving an old woman a heart attack.
||Kazaam||
Shaq stars as a wish granting genie who's master is a young boy that discovers him by coincidence. As the kid's trust in Kazaam's powers grows, so does the lunacy that follows. Kazaam becomes a hit rapper, the kid finds his long lost dad is a record label strongarm. The effects in this movie are genuinely interesting to see. The ending will leave you in stitches as Shaq dunks a mexican mobster.
||Wishmaster||
Another genie (Djinn) movie, this time with a plot that more centered on the darker lore of Djinn's, namely being demons rather than mystical captives of a higher power. A djinn is wrecking havok in the modern world by granting the wishes of anyone willing, but one must be careful to not make the third wish, lest they wish the demon armies affiliated with the djinn be brought to Earth. Wishmaster is a film with very impressive practical effects and prop work. Shame that everything else about it is just decent at best. A proper B-movie.
||Di'ablo||
The project of a group of friends in the infancy of amateur VHS film production. A Minnesotan production; this film is a complete package, containing two fully produced "previews" of tragically fake movies. This film is a distilled experience in ingenious amateur editing in an era where VHS is starting to gain its foothold. Film folding and bloating are used to their fullest and provide an excellent experience and sets the baseline to great by default. Campy production just makes the whole experience a treat. Hell, even the documentary was produced in the same vein, and by the same crew. The whole film is on YouTube, and I recommend you watch it. Just ignore the transition effects, they're new and unneeded.

Vampires
For neck fetishists only.
Year of the Vampire: 2018

||Die Hard Dracula||
I have seen PowerPoint slide shows with better animations than when the casket started flying in this movie. Die Hard Dracula is what happens when you've lost the plot before you've begun filming and decide to wing it. There are too many things to list that I find incredibly hard to believe someone didn't intend to be comedic. Even considering it being comedic on purpose, it is made even more hilarious for how inept everyone in the production of this film was. Even middle schoolers with a camera and a green screen know to hide the bloody stunt wires.
||Curados de Espantos||
The much better produced Mexican equivilant to Die Hard Dracula. If you've seen the clip of fighting a Jewish vampire with a swastikafix after the crucifix failed, you've only had a taste of this movie. If you're a fan of harem VNs, you'll be rooting for the Count as he slowly adds more and more women to his. His resurrection resulting from an excavation lead by a love interest of the protagonist and the count, said love interest employs the services of the comically inept and perverted local shamans. This is all aided with hilariously accurate subtitles provided by a good friend of the stream.
||Vampires: Los Muertos||
Bon Jovi the vampire hunter. The movie follows Bon Jovi as he attempts to gather a band of hunters to hunt down a growing mass of speedy vampires, as their notoriety in Mexico begins to grow. Enjoyable practical effects, fight scenes, and fairly low budget; if you have a craving for blade but can't find a copy, this will be a decent substitute in a pinch.
||Dracula 2000||
A terrible attempt to spin the lore of Dracula into the modern era, Dracula 2000 starts by having it's plot fall into the category of "supernatural entity/event unwittingly set off by thieves." Very corny, and unintentionally hilarious; a great movie for people who want their horror thriller to be a comedy instead, or for those who like grills with short hair. Of this, I am guilty.
||Dracula 3000||
Completely unrelated to the previous film, Dracula 3000 is set in the 30th century, with a salvage crew happening upon a derelict vessel, heading towards a sun. While searching for valuables, and narcotics, the stoner of the crew cuts himself upon a casket full of vampire corpse dust and causes a reanimation of Count Orlock/Dracula. Horrible acting, absolutely awful; terrible writing and dialog, and an even shittier intro. However, the end of the movie is well worth sitting through the intro vomiting exposition and character introductions at you.
||Blade of the Vampire||
Blade of the Vampire chronicles the efforts of a unmemorable vampire hunter tracking down a vampire only memorable for being one of the worst on-screen vampires I have ever watched. Terrible casting, writing and action choreography, and cutting are the film's ironic saviors. There isn't much to talk about, as it is something you need to experience to get the full value of.
||Vampire Assassin||
NOT Blade, the movie. The only thing I feel is necessary to say about this film is the difference in vampire expiration. In most fiction, vampires self immolate at the wound caused by silver, or wood through the heart. In Vampire Assassin, vampires killed by whatever means produce electrical arcs from their bodies to the edge of the screen. If that doesn't interest you, you are as equally dead to these walking batteries.

Ghetto Vampire Movies
Surprisingly, there is more than one movie that exists in this sub-category.

||Vampiyaz||
One of the first movies to be added to the then unnamed favorite movie stack; Vampiyaz is a movie that serves as an example of the result of a no budget film being paired with a cast and crew with no talent of their own. Vampires that sound like velociraptors or enemies from Doom; a world where everyone shoots guns that sound the same; and cheap costume jewelry can doom the world. A classic.
||Bloodz vs Wolvz||
A later addition to the pile, Bloodz vs Wolvez (BvW) is a film by the same 'studio' that created Vampiyaz. It is a gang war film pitting high class ghetto vampires and low class ghetto werewolves against each other in battles that were given budgets in the triple digits. I am well aware that I put high class and ghetto in the same sentence, and it is not an inaccurate description. Not as memorable as its older brother, but plenty of good scenes in this film as well.
||Cryptz||
I found this movie some months after both Vampiyaz and BvW premiered and understandably assumed it was another movie from the same 'studio'. To my surprise, it turns out someone else thought of ghetto vampires as movie concept, and easily did a better job with the production and acting. Memorable in its own right, including the wimpiest dude in their group beating the shit out of a vampire with a fucking bone.

155821e2dfe201d25aca97c84339f02fed1b30e0d4076b690a5c6055655dbcf7.png
[Hide] (4.5MB, 1400x2100)

Criminals, Cops, and Armies
Where they go, a body count is sure to follow.

Crime
Whether from their point of view, or from the protagonist's own, the criminals run the show.

||Murder 101||
A genuinely decent film about Pierce Brosnan taking a break from the spy game to teach a literary narrative course. The main project is to make "The Perfect Murder" plot, with appearances being that someone is taking the project too far when a student dies. Twists and surprises abound, with actual mystery taking place. Ending is itself a twist, and would take you by surprise if I hasn't mentioned it. Murder 101 is potentially too decent to even be on this list, but this is the nature of not previewing any of the movies I stream. This will not change, but this film is perhaps the only (positively) controversial movie on this list.
||Gangland||
Perhaps the first movie on the Glory Pile, gangland is an apocalypse movie that forgot that it was an apocalypse movie. The plot about the world going under a massive viral attack of forgotten origin is forced into the back seat by the star of the show: Lucifer, the ruler of.. Gangland I guess. His outfit is ridiculous, a faux leather jacket with gray painted leaves glued to the shoulders, and his character personality even more so. The best way to describe this movie is to assume the writing and production team were tasked with making the cheapest good film they could make, and they failed.
||Deadlock||
An experimental prison of the future has what you wouldn't expect, and doesn't have what you would. No fences, outdoor guards, or division of population. It does however have a red light district and wireless paired collars that explode if you go a distance of 100 yards beyond your unknown partner in the prison. They don't tell you who your partner is, so no one escapes. A jewel thief gets lucky after he finds out who his collar partner is and they flee the prison to find the thief's stash of jewels. A genuinely enjoyable B movie throughout.
||Atomic Blue: MEXican Wrestler||
That is not an error in the title, it is what is printed on the front cover. Atomic Blue, also known by his stage name "Azul Atomico," is a luchador wrestler who is easily coerced into helping a kid fight the government from claiming eminent domain on a house for development. Prior to this, the kid's friend/brother is killed by the local gang under orders from what sounds like a much younger Mr. Plinkett. The movie Atomic Blue is the kind of film the phrase, 'lost the plot' was coined for. Azul was brought in because of the government seizure, but the film seemingly forgets about this by the end of it's short 1 hour run time. A movie that is just bizarre in it's structure and production choices, but amusing nonetheless. Who doesn't like surf-rock when watching essentially Mucha Lucha?

Police
Frequent disregard for police brutality, often in a world that warrants it.

||Mind Hunters||
Aspiring criminal profilers for the FBI are tasked with finding a killer on an island as part of a training exercise. Unfortunately, they come to realize two things. First, someone has taken the exercise and made it a real survival situation. Second, every character has a cartoonishly obvious crutch or hangup about their personality. Distrust and dissent, as everyone tries to figure out who the traitor in their midst is. Saved from meh tier for the line "I guess we found his weakness.. Bullets."
||Bulletfighter||
A movie from Texico where a woman is found dead and a P.I.is contracted alongside the police to find the truth. This movie is full of absurd hilarity, such as a man sunbathing next to dumpsters, a woman roofies a dude's drink and then interrogates him while he's passing out, and a man who is called machete dies from his namesake in a stupid way. Just add a dash of hilarious gunfights, and you have an entertainingly stupid movie.

Military
I don't know what I've been told. This super soldier shit is often gold.

||Universal Soldier: The Return||
Van Damme is a recovering super soldier, and is part of the Universal Soldier program. The creation and managing of these soldiers involves an A.I. which naturally goes rouge. Comical fights, and comical acting. Having Goldberg as a super soldier is just great. 100% pure cheese.

One-Man Armies / Vigilantes
Defying the odds and the law of averages.

||Half Past Dead||
Seagal and his pal are busted for boosting cars, and sent to Alcatraz 2.0. Not joking here. Seagal is on a mission, to find out where the stash of an old bank robber is hidden, only for a paramilitary outfit to break INTO Alcatraz, for the same purpose. Half Past Dead in the right period of time for Seagal films to start being incredibly ridiculous, but Seagal is still fit enough to not have to resort to playfully slapping his opponent's hands away. GRRRRRRRRR.
||Steele Justice||
Steele is a man who survived hell in Vietnam, barely saving his best friend in a scrape with betrayal. Back in the States, his friend is murdered by the mafia, sending Steele on a (partially police supported) one man rampage against the mafia headed by the same man who betrayed him in 'Nam. What are the odds? This movie is incredibly enjoyable for the violence and stupid plot. Think Mitchell, but with more thought, violence, and with less awful hookers.
||Warrior of Justice||
I don't remember where I found this movie, but remember immediately grabbing it because of the awful art and the contorting neck on the cover. Warrior of Justice is a movie that you can only watch once to enjoy it, at least this copy. If we are to assume every copy of this film was made the same, let me explain why this movie is on this list. Imagine every single old YouTube video you've seen with poor or non-existent audio mixing. Channels are sometimes not used, or echoing on the other. Every sound is distorted, dialog can barely be heard at times. The plot is unmemorable, except for all of the standard 80's B-movie sex scenes, also complete with awful audio mixing. Perfect for blind runs as an example of awful film post-production, or for drinking with friends.
||Bounty Hunters||
Campy and energetic, Bounty Hunters centers around two bounty hunters going after a singular target.. Jersey, a bounty hunter who would put doomsday preppers into a state of confusion; and B.B., a competent bounty hunter who has the disability of trading logic to protect her pride; find that their target is wanted by the mafia, and find themselves protecting a prostitute that saw too much. If this sounds generic, it would be if it wasn't carried by the two main characters. Jersey acts like an idiot, B.B. chides him for it; and likewise when B.B. acts irrationally. A weirdly working combination, the two fight the mob with incredible luck. Campy and very fun to watch. The sequel is decent as well, but no where near as enjoyable. Only in this movie can a man on a crutch get the drop on an experienced bounty hunter.
||Disco Godfather||
PUT YOUR WEIGHT ON IT
A groovy time for an era long gone by, Disco Godfather is the story of one Rudy Ray Moore's secret lives as the titular Disco Godfather. The owner, operator, host, and headliner of his own establishment, the Disco Godfather is tired of the impact Angel Dust is having on the local population, after his nephew succumbs to temptation. Master of Moving Finger Style, the Disco Godfather attempts to find who's pushing the dust in the town, with almost enthusiastic help from the chief of police. The film also has a kick-ass soundtrack if you're a fan of disco. A joyful movie of absurdity; just don't watch it for a drinking game.

941c1f06b7c3cc8c516aba57a707e9f7c2dbbb8d47791f270dbb8e9598e8236e.png
[Hide] (1.6MB, 630x1200)

Evil Masterminds
Let me tell you my master plan, as you have no chance to escape.

||Cult of Fury||
A woman is about to marry a person that is obviously a open-shut psychopath case, just because he's the chosen one of the ___ cult. His engagement gift to her? Blowing up a cruise ship; how romantic. Surprisingly, she gains sense and flees. Suddenly cut 5 years to the future, and the setting is now VEGAS. Talking about the plot beyond this point is just stupid, because everything else is more entertaining. Such as, a foot chase after a stolen show car rampaging throughout a casino; a casino that consists of nothing but styrofoam cave walls; green screen abuse; TACTICAL ROLLS; and more. If you're not satisfied with a movie that has two humans outrunning the rushing waters previously held back by the now destroyed Hoover Dam, you need to get your head checked.
||Shapeshifter||
A teenager who knows his parents are spies doesn't get to enjoy their retirement for long, as they are captured. He finds a tape where he is told to call 1-800-CIA-HELP. The CIA tell him to stay put, so he naturally goes on a globetrotting adventure to find a land where vaporizing guns and cabinets that lock with a key but without a keyhole. He uses a magical instrument (a glass harmonica), and gains the ability to shape shift. Eventually, the kid learns how to hack computers by learning Steve's powers to Skidoo. He can too!

7ca8b297ee0d6ec792fbc262ca5dcb04340ce4bd486942319c5f944d76a08f1f.png
[Hide] (1.2MB, 580x878)

Science Fiction
Also known as Syence Fyction.

Futuristic
Takes place in, or features technology from the future. Chrome surfaces not guaranteed.

||Arena||
Rocky meets original trilogy Star Wars ripoffs. No human has become the champion of the titular Arena, but one man now has the guts to try. Fairly decent alien designs and world building. This film is in this pile for being one of the few films that entrance you from start to finish, because you develop a fondness for the characters. Everything is decent in this movie. It's a shame this is one of the few places you will hear about it.
||Future Sport||
The plot is simple: political tensions are at rebellion levels concerning territory disputes. A washed up future sportsball player decides to take matters into his own hands, and challenges the 'bad guy' faction to a game of "Future Sport." A game so popular that it doesn't need a creative name. Wesley Snipes attempts to play a Jamaican man, terrorists are beaten up by future skateboarders, and weeb speak has bled into their modern lexicon. Give it a watch you estrogen challenged bakas.
||Thrill Seekers||
A once famous journalist now works for a rag that publishes content easily confused for the Weekly World News. He stumbles upon a mysterious man who's been photographed in three disasters within a period of a hundred years. This sets the reporter off on an investigation that leads to him stumbling into the same man on a plane that is supposed to crash into another plane, historically. Unfortunately for him, he was a wimpy small guy, and bailed before crashing the planes with no survivors. He is seen again on a train that is supposed to crash. All of these disasters are thwarted by the reporter. This is causing changes to the future serious enough to warrant agents being sent after him, and his cute assistant/accomplice. Corny plots, plot holes, cute female lead, and the time travel who looks Jewish started the whole trend of time paradoxes because he dropped a coin. Coincidence or not, it is goddamn fun to watch throughout. A legitimately enjoyable film.
||America 3000||
The world has gone through a near extinction level event, and now women and men exist sperately, or in caste states with female citizens and male sex slaves. A few slaves break free and happen upon one of the greatest finds of their generation: a kindergarten alphabet and spelling book. Armed with this new knowledge, the men build a tribe of their own, rescuing their kind.
After becoming established, a search party discovers a hidden United States bunker meant for the President. The Male leader assumes the role of Pres-E-Dent, and attempts to combine the sexes once more. This film is a genuine treat in the realm of B movies. You have what is essentially a Sasquatch being comic relief in this movie just because he found a boom box. This movie puts a smile on your face and does not relent.
||HUMAN PETS!||
One of the adventures in the 6 film series "Josh Kirby... Time Warrior!", HUMAN PETS! (HP) starts us in a medival area where the previous film presumably left us at. Starting this series in the middle, blindly no less, was probably not the best idea, but like Star Wars, who needs the prior history if it's not given to us? We find that Josh needs to liberate a kingdom that has a dinosaur problem. Josh's love interest is a warrior of Kang, and follows the Code of Kang. We truly wuz.

Robots
Tin cans, rampant AI, cardboard boxbots, and all other kinds of robots you dig. They deserve your respect.

||Robot Wars||
A spiritual successor to Robot Jox, Robot Wars puts the viewer in a world decimated by radiation and disease; condensing the remaining population into three major powers, the North Hemi, a north american capitalist juggernaut ironically near bankruptcy; the Eastern Alliance, a traditionalist grouping of nations from the orient and abroad; and the 'Centros,' a band of terrorists, thugs, and more who live in or near the irradiated wastelands, and cause trouble to the other two powers. This film has high production values from the set designers and just the atmosphere of the film in general. The dialog and plot are dumb and thin respectively, but the world building is impressive, and the actors sell nearly everything they are given, giving the film a performance far better than it may deserve. The title is deceptive, as there are only two battles involving giant robots in them, and they happen in the beginning and the end. Impressive stop-motion animation, and full of grade A cheese.
||Evolver||
It's the year 198X, and a local town has their youth flocking to the newest craze, Virtual Reality arcades, and the hit game Evolver. Our protagonist hacks his name onto the highest score list, and finds himself the winner of a prototype home version with a physical version of Evolver. Evolver learns new tactics as he evolves, eventually incorporating ball bearings, knives, lasers, and more as our protagonist(s) keep kicking his ass. This movie is very creative with how Evolver intends on taking out his targets, using saw blades, a car, and even attempting electrocuting a girl in a pool. A great example of a film concept done well, but that's about the only thing it gets right. Thankfully, the film is able to be carried by the titular robot alone.

2f35242b67078bdf0a3a939cb6b977c4c1c80f86d9e5c1c80559f3099f2df1d0.png
[Hide] (2.7MB, 1063x1500)

Superheroes
Frauds among us.

||Mercury Man||
A Thai superhero movie about a man who gains superpowers from a stab wound from a mystical amulet. He's essentially a telepathic superman with the additional ability to have molten spunk. An above average production, earning it's place on the pile for its entertaining fight scenes and for the cameo of Beer Nigh 科学人.

0cd7e1bdaf79aacc51c9271b9895f5e4ed13331eb24df2648511075af3df4c3f.png
[Hide] (737.1KB, 460x690)

Fantasy
The real fantasy was these movies becoming successful.

Medieval
In a time long before quality filmmaking.
||Maradonia and the Shadow Empire||
What do you do when your efforts to raise an ever changing amount of money for a film adaptation fails? Make it yourself of course. Originally written as one volume in a series of books by THE YOUNGEST EVER PUBLISHED AUTHOR, this adaptation was entirely a family affair. Literally. Starring the author Gloria Tesch, and directed by her father. This film is full of extremely hilarious attempts at CG and Masking, and even better acting straight from Gloria's extended family and family friends. Including a black dwarf who owns a fucking ANIMAL BONE MOTORCYCLE. The only real downside to this film is that repeat viewings have it lose its luster. The first time view is like chasing the first high you've ever had on your choice of brain bender. You'll never get it again. We also may have never have gotten this film, if it wasn't leaked due to disagreements with the production crew. At least that's what the hearsay says. The one thing I do know is a father who directs a movie where his teenage daughter is completely naked (censored with evergreen branches) needs to have an eye kept on them. I wonder if there needed to be any re-shoots because of 'production problems' during that scene.

0553ba0c0a58d672511c74c35e65b717c8a36d694c917e62e9972b10e2c51da9.png
[Hide] (791KB, 580x813)

Horror
Fellow kids vs. the World.

Zombies
Movies about the walking dead, shambling alongside equally dead careers.

||House of The Dead||
One of Uwe Boll's master strokes. If only it induced a stroke for the infamous director. In HotD, a bunch of 'college students' decide to go to a rave on an island, and arrive to find everyone missing. They are soon ambushed by the dead, and the cast slowly dies off until there are only two left. Unfortunately, they're also the worst in the cast. Ascended to the Pile for the midway fight scene that lasts nearly 10 minutes and three different music tracks. Can you visualize a slomo circular camera pan around individual characters? How about 9 more?
||FIST OF JESUS||
Jesus and Judas versus a mob of zombies; the result of the Lord's first attempt to resurrect the recently deceased. Armed with deadly fish, Jesus cuts through the recently reanimated; guts and body parts flying everywhere. A truly blissful experience. Doubly so when Judas feels depressed and decides to hang himself.

Slashers
Humans and tires beware!

||Devon's Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy||
In a high school where everyone are fellow kids, Ichigo and his friends are an odd bunch. One of them has panic attacks due to a curse from a local legend. A boy, born into a family of psychopaths, was saved by an equally psychopathic grandmother via a double homicide. The bloody boy breaks out of where his grandmother locks him up, and starts increasing the average I.Q. of the local area. This movie is pure camp, full of moments that are now stereotypical in bad slasher movies. That abandoned school building? That's a great place to hide!
||Zombie Nation||
This movie centers around a killer cop pulling over women, deciding if they are clean (they never are), and killing them. There's only one snag, one of the girls went to a Voodoo appointment (no joke), and all of his recent victims come back to life.
This movie is an example of pure distilled film making on a budget. The police station takes place in the boiler room and plumbing of what seems to be a warehouse. The killer's hideout is essentially any privately owned thrift store. The cast is awful in the best way: terrible dialog with voice inflection misuse that would make a serve autist feel better about themselves.
Special mentions must be made to the soundtrack, of which you will be able to find in the OC Thread of this board. Turu tu tu tu tu ~~♫
||Satan's Little Helper||
A severely naive kid befriends a town's unknown serial killer who is wearing an awesome demon mask. This kid is the kind of kid you file away into the asylums found in Zombie Nation, actively wishing misery on his neighbors while being simultaneously oblivious to 'Satan' literally following through. This movie is essentially an Atlus film, carried on the shoulders of the actor playing Satan, and his superior Method Acting skills. As he gets more creative with his kills, you begin to forget that the mask is a mask and start to treat it as his actual expression. This movie is a fucking treat and perfect for any Halloween movie night.
||No One Lives||
It's hard to make an entertaining movie when there is both a cliche and a spoiler in the title. Even harder when it's a WWE produced film. Yet, this film is a very enjoyable slasher movie, despite all initial biases. A serial killer with a penchant for finding impressionable female accomplishes threatens a local incompetent gang after they kidnap his new project. Despite her warnings to run, they attempt to fight him off, and spoiler alert; no one lives. A genuinely enjoyable slasher movie. While it's nothing to write home about, it's certainly not a waste of your time.

Homeboy Horror
Tales from the Crips.

||Recoil||
A master class in terrible editing. Recoil is the "story" of a kid realizing he's a lab experiment, and has to evade the world's most incompetent government agents and police officers. He has a gun for a hand even, and the editing is hilariously awful. That aside, the soundtrack for the movie is genuinely well produced, and funky. If you were drunk enough, you'd think that this was an alternate universe Static Shock. Hell, they even have the spitting image of Richie.
||Urban Nightmare||
A gang leader finds his grandmother dead in a satanic circle, and finds her voodoo spell book. Shortly after, a cop who is close to retirement and about to marry his stripper girlfriend visits his her at her workplace. By coincidence, the voodoo gang enters the strip club and sits down. One being told how to hand a stripper money by a drunk autist, the gang lets loose on the customers of the club, rapes and murders the girlfriend and decapitates the cop. Unfortunately, voodoo isn't fool proof, and this gang are nothing but fools. Extremely campy, poorly produced, and genuinely enjoyable. You can't go wrong with a voodoo gang premise.

Monsters
These kind don't come through closets.

||Alien vs. Ninja||
Not technically a horror film, unless you're one of the nameless ninjas that met the titular alien. Alien vs. Ninja is an over the top martial arts movie that doesn't take itself seriously and is all the better for it. A meteor falls from the sky and a local ninja village sends two teams to investigate. Great fight choreography, an inventive alien design, and an awful english dub. When an alien and a ninja fight each other with katanas and the alien becomes Sonic the Hedgehog, you have found a damn enjoyable movie. Just watch where you step.
||Bug Buster||
A girl and her family move north after the father loses his job. Purchasing the local motel to run, the family becomes quickly ingrained in the community; just in time for the local legend to come to fruition. People are mysteriously dying of boils and it hits the point where a quarantine is called on the area. This plague must be quelled, so there's only one person to call: GENERAL GEORGE: PEST ELIMINATOR. He'll kill those bugs dead.
||90210 Shark Attack||
Where to begin. 90210 is a shark attack movie that does not take place in or in close proximity to the shore. We've seen movies where sharks attack from pools, or toilets; but nothing this dumb. Just 3 steps away from being just beefcake only, this plot centers around a group of 'high school' or 'college' students taking an elective course about the ocean.
Naturally, the ability to film in the ocean costs too much, so the plot must take place in the only set they could afford: a house you've most likely seen in a porno. One by one the characters mysteriously get killed off by one, until the dramatic reveal. It is only dramatic as no one would expect something so goddamn stupid. Rest in peace Stairs-chan. ;_;