It's becoming harder and harder enjoy myself other than spending time with my cat and music (which gets stale after a while). Another thing that calms me is taking showers/baths. I probably take on average 5 of them every day I have off from work. I'm also afraid because I'm not sure if I'm ever going to own a home. I want my own home because I want my cat to eventually have kittens (while keeping all of them) and I want kids of my own and I'm tired of paying for something I'll never own but have to pay for if it is deemed I damaged anything. My biggest problem is I have 0 credit for a home loan and not enough to buy something outright and frankly, I don't think I even want to involve a bank, I'll only do so if it's absolutely necessary. I have a budget of 25k and the best I can afford are polebarns (which I may never get to code because of cancerous zoning laws but this does seem to be the best option), and very tiny mobile homes/prefab houses which definitely wouldn't pass the inspections either. I even had a plan in case I had to deal with the banks, I would overpay my mortgage every month to the tune of my entire paycheck and my parents would pay all the other expenses which would take about 5 years to pay off and after that my parents can finally retire. I'm just sick and tired of seeing my parents working like slaves every day and my parents aren't exactly in that great of physical shape. My mom is emaciated and my dad has had back surgery. I used to post a lot here but that has slowed to a crawl and now I just post music occasionally. I wish I could come up with something different to say but all that would amount to is cynicism and pessimism. I'm sorry for dumping a blog post on you all but I needed to get it off my chest