Sorry to hear that anon, I think I know the sensation although without the suicidal disposition. It's like paddeling out on the sea with no way to tell if you are even moving at all while other people seem to have a clear way from A to B.
>I'm trying to take up new things, renew old passions, nothing makes me feel anymore. It's all dull.
Have you tried going for less? As in, try being actually bored sometime throughout your day, this tends to do wonders for getting my passions back up.
>I have it all: a stable dead-end job, an invasive landlord, only partially soy/sugar-filled diet, a harassing bank, an incompetent overbearing parent, a girlfriend-free celibate, an unoriginal friend group. I got it made, baby.
>So why the fuck did I feel like shooting myself on the way back from the store?
Sounds to me like you already have a good idea of what annoys you and could be fixed and that basics alone don't make a satisfying life. And sometimes days and weeks just suck
The ones that come to mind are Diskworld audiobooks, especially Going Postal or anything to do with the City Guards, Lovecraft stories or Fahrenheit 451. If you fancy horror you can look up HorrorBabbel, they do pretty solid readings of any old yarn they can find and the bigger spook-authors.