I'm done playing this game, at least ranked and salmon run. Might play the next Splatfest if it comes up before my switch online sub expires. I've realized how pointless playing this game is and I've recognized the telltale signs of a terrible gaming experience and I'm ducking out now before I sink anymore time into this sink of shit because I have been there before with another competitive game (with arguably much more complexity but I'll get into that later).
I'll be going into this in detail with hopes that I can turn away other anons who play this or are hoping to play this before they, too, fall into the pit of despair.
The good with this game is that it's truly a creative and fresh (get it?) IP from Nintendo, a company that has enjoyed doing the same old franchises over and over since its very inception. The game is truly fun while it lasts and while the singleplayer mode isn't terribly challenging or engaging sometimes, I felt content with it. The multiplayer is obviously where this game shines, though. The mainstay of the game, Turf War, is mostly consistently fun and inclusive no matter if you're dogshit or a pro - though for obvious reasons it would be more fun if you're able to pull your own weight. The weapons you're allowed to choose from are usually unique in some way or another and can drastically change how you play until you find one that suits your own particular style. Sadly this is where the bad comes in.
Each weapon gets a sub-weapon and a special. The sub weapon could be a grenade of some stripe, or a mine, or an enemy tracer, etc. The special could be anything from a buff for your teammates, a missile launcher, a mortar, etc. The problem is that the game tries to tell you that every weapon is equal, but it's clear from the start that some weapons are more equal than others. You will also realize this fact when every game starts having you faced up against the same few weapons every single time. You and your team may try something new but will you win the game with that new unorthodox style? Probably not. Speaking of your team, it's important to note that unless you have 3 friends of equal skill to your own ready to join you at your beck and call, you will have to team up with random people online. This could mean you might have someone of equal skill, less skill, or more skill. But keep in mind that the ones with higher skill typically join a team of their own, so the people you're with could very well be some kid on summer break or who just got out of elementary school for the day. It could be someone like you, sure, but what are the odds of that? To add another layer of uncertainty, your enemy team has just as much chance of being low-skill losers as they do of being a 4-stack who are coordinating in discord or mumble or teamspeak or some other fucking service. Yes, Nintendo does actually offer a voice chat with teammates but it needs to be done via the companion app and suffice it to say that very very few people bother with it, so your chance of coordinating with your teammates if they're randoms is essentially zero. The game gives you two (three technically) voice commands that your inkling can say - one for "This way" and another for "Booyah". Not very descriptive, so don't expect to be making much coordination happen with just those two. Let's say you want to be the carry of the game, well to do that you're gonna need a bit of an advantage. And this game offers it in the form of clothing you wear which will have at max capacity 4 "ability slots". Each of which could be one of 20 or so abilities that will boost some element of your character. For instance, there's one for movement speed, special weapon charge speed, special weapon damage, respawn time, jump time, etc. Clothes will have one ability to start out with then the rest will need to be rolled for at random as you gain EXP or have abilities of your desire entered manually, at the cost of "ability chunks" which the game is not very frugal with lending out. For just one piece of clothing, you will need 60 ability chunks to fill every empty ability slot - assuming you didn't manually pick the starting ability as well. You can get more ability chunks by farming with "drinks" which will very slightly increase the chance of getting a particular ability when you level up (very important to note the chance still isn't guaranteed and actually not very likely still despite the increase). Abilities will actually make a very big difference in whatever element you choose if you stack up enough of them. The problem with this, obviously, is that the ones who grind enough are rewarded with clothing that has the abilities they want and the players with more sane play schedules are left in the dust with random abilities on their clothing unless they, too, were lucky enough to strike out on enough ability chunks of your desired type. With that said, it isn't a guarantee you'll win even with the right abilities, but they do serve as an important crutch. In ranked you will see many players with clothing lined with just one ability since they were able to farm enough chunks to do so. Typically they will also be paired with whatever weapon is meta right now.
Another problem you'll encounter are the maps and their designs. Some maps simply do not have flank routes or anything with which the close-ranged players (such as users with rollers or brushes or short-range guns) can use to level the playing field with extreme-long range weapons like the Hydra Splatling, E-Liter, Explosher, Squiffers, other splatlings, etc. There may be one or two routes but not without leaving oneself open to attack from the defending players within.
An issue with Ranked mode in particular is that there is no way for one to "de-rank". You may be kept from ranking up to the next stage, but you are just one player in a team of 4, so you can still be carried to victory even if you do not deserve it. Clearly you can see how this might be an issue for players both skilled and unskilled. The skilled player suffers because they must now be teamed up with players who would never have reached that rank without help. The unskilled player suffers because they must not be inferior to everyone and fail at everything and thus learn nothing. There is no capacity for learning or understanding or coordination when Nintendo offers no voice communication between players without going through 10 thousand hoops nobody in their right mind would use. This is why 4-stack teams are used so often, nobody wants to team up with retards. This means a typical match will be you and 3 fucktards that got carried to whatever your rank is vs 4 guys on a Ventrillo server somewhere coordinating everything with a full wardrobe of custom abilities and the newest IMBA weapons of the season. Sure, you could find a team yourself and play with them all the time but where the fuck is the fun in that? Do that if you're starting a competitive team to win tournaments, not simply to have fun - you won't find any of that in a no-nonsense comp crew.
To make matters worse, you may often find yourself killed due to lag or some other network-related issue. A common tale is a splat charger killing you before their shot even lines up with your body, or a shot killing you long after its firer has died.
(1/2)