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only the dead can know peace from this FUN

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Due to weird and random circumstances, in exactly a year from now, I might move to Albania for business. any Albanians or people with experience with that godforsaken shithole here that can share any advice or stories?
Replies: >>165781
Do not shove glass bottles up your ass.
Replies: >>165754
That's more like general advice, or common sense I should say. Not quite related to Albania, my negro.
Replies: >>165755 >>165760
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>not related to albania
Boy are you in for a ride.
tl;dr: it is possible that the entirety of the yugoslav wars, a terrible series of wars that split the nation of yugoslavia into several countries, killed hundreds of thousands of men, women and children and saw many horrible crimes against humanity, was caused by a serb shoving a glass bottle up his ass and blamed it on albanians when it cracked in his ass and he had to go to the ER. even if it wasn't caused solely by his actions, it still significantly contributed to the war happening
Replies: >>165800 >>165869
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balkans are a special kind of autistic, everyone fucking hates each other because of the slapfights in the 90s. don't try to start anything between races or nationalities because you will end up in a ditch somewhere. my dad worked in montenegro for a year to get them ready to join NATO so i can ask him for advice if you want, more or less the same.
Replies: >>165869
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>>165750 (OP) 
learn to like rakija/ракија/pálinka. Trust me you'll be drinking a lot even if you don't want to and get used to gunshots. Just last Sunday I was woken up by a band of trumpeters and gunshots. Just another Balkan wedding.

Life in the Balkans is great.
>significantly contributed
Sounds more like a straw that broke the camel's back than a significant contribution. Assassinating an important and popular political figure is a significant contribution, a guy with a bottle shoved up his ass is just an average Tuesday in the Balkans whether it was assault or fapping.
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The Balkans is a microcosm of human nature, my favorite region of Europe by far and Albanians are the ultimate Balkanoids, all the stereotypes amplified leaning heavily on the trashy Eurowigger side and speaking an isolated language which they claim to be the progression of their ancient forebearers. The Cucuteni culture is older than Sumer as well. I'd like to imagine that when the Serbs and Croats migrated there they inherited the ethnic conflicts and idiosyncratic schizophrenia of the previous inhabitants who they had conquered and the same goes for the ones before them. Some forests in Jugoslavija you will find the tips of trees poking out of the ground. The region is fucking old.
Replies: >>165842
>Some forests in Jugoslavija you will find the tips of trees poking out of the ground
You mean the tips of old fully grown trees? Still alive? I would very much like more information on this, that sounds fascinating.
Replies: >>165932
Albania is the country with most bunkers per km^2.
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>It's fucking real
>This was the catalyst for war.
>This is an actual legitimate piece of significant history
I have no proper reaction image for this.
Proud to be part of the balkan diaspora, I never knew 1 man 1 jar was peak serbian culture.
God I love how that guy didn't even try for greece, he could have shoved everyone else in there or used a mutt wearing an aryan mask but decided to use the jew and niglet.
Excuse me mate I misremembered, the trees were only a few years old but even then they'd be dead and it wouldn't shock me to find entire forests covered in mud and dirt in general, mudslides can bury entire neighborhoods in an hour or few. I don't want to make it sound like there's a plethora of crazy locales in the region and I may be romanticizing it but there's a primordial character to the lands that makes it feel like you walk among ghosts and ancient orders. Look into Prokletije, the Bosnian Pyramids, Perućica and Tsarichina for starters.
Replies: >>166057
I just really like trees and the thought of centuries old living trees emerging from underneath the ground sounded absolutely fuckin wild to me.
Replies: >>166077 >>166084
They're called seeds anons.
Replies: >>166078
You know what I meant. If you didn't then I've got some seeds to deposit in your mouth and ass.
I don't know much about what trees would need to stay alive but when I first heard about it, thinking they were hundreds or thousands of years old, I assumed they were dormant and if they were to see sunlight again they'd start growing, otherwise the mud will just decay them into compost within a few years. On the other hand I recently learned that wood submerged in water becomes hardy and valuable so they could've been preserved that way.
Replies: >>166108
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<the trees are alive :O
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>I recently learned that wood submerged in water becomes hardy and valuable so they could've been preserved that way
I find trees in wetlands fascinating too, like these things that grow around bayous in Louisiana.
There's a couple lakes/ponds near where I live that have random trees growing up out of the middle of them, big ones too. I want to take my kayak out to them one day to see them up close.
Replies: >>166110
Enjoy ur mosquitos.
>I might move to Albania for business
How did you get entangled in this, OP?
Replies: >>166196 >>166932
Yeah why the fuck have you been sentenced to Albania.
Replies: >>166932
Albania doesn't really have an economy or job market unless you count prostitution drugs money laundering. OP is part of nato military about to be stationed near Kosovo or is going to work in stste embassy because there's fuck all in Albania
Replies: >>166212 >>166932
>OP is part of nato military about to be stationed near Kosovo
Is he also going to travel back in time to around 1999 or so?
Replies: >>166213 >>166231
Tensions have been rising in Kosovo recently.
Replies: >>166231
The US has also had a pretty large base in Kosovo since 1999. Dunno how you can know anything about the region and not know about that.
Replies: >>166240
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Fun fact: all telecommunications in Kosovo are owned by ((( Madeleine Albright ))) (she's died last year), Bill Clinton's secretary of state, through her "strategic firm" Albright Capital Management.
Replies: >>166248
Funner fact: I read this while taking a fairly large shit and it hurt a lot because I don't drink enough water and have a tight asshole because I'm not Albanian.
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OP here, it's not military or politics, it goes like something like this:
>relative goes to Albania for work related shit
>eats at local famous restaurant
>starts chatting with owner whom coincidentally had lived in our country for 20 years to bring money to Albania
>owner starts telling his whole life story and how he built his business up
>mentions he's going to retire in 2 years and shut the restaurant down because he's old and he's got so much money from it he doesn't care about selling it or not and has no relatives who want to deal with it either
>my relative sees the opportunity and asks if he would sell it to him
>owner says he's ok with it but not until he retires
>only wants the money of his initial investment as payment and he'll just hand it to my relative
So then my relative comes back, tells me about this whole ordeal and wants to rope me into his venture which I don't particularly mind because the money seems good. In a year from now he's scheduled to go there to start working there with the owner to begin figuring out how to run the thing and slowly building the trust of the locals as well so that the future change of hands can go smoothly.

All I know is that the establishment is rented and he pays 300 euros a month for it, and he doesn't get taxed because he doesn't actually declare about half his earnings so he can stay under the yearly 14 million leke threshold but he actually makes more than that, think 200k euros a year. The deal sounds almost too good, is my relative walking into a trap or what?

Pic unrelated.
Replies: >>166940 >>167009
>is my relative walking into a trap
It's fucking Albania. Prepare for the worst on account that mafias and politicians could be involved.
Replies: >>167009
Organized crime associations of Shqiptaria.
the restaurant industry is the hardest one to break into. multiply that by corruption and mafia like >>166940 says in a third-world country and that restaurant will be dead within a year. most of the regular patrons will stop coming as soon as they learn the old man who owned it for 20 years isn't in charge anymore. it may not be a scam but you will lose all your money and all your sanity trying to make it work.
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