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only the dead can know peace from this FUN

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What is some stupid shit you did as a kid or embarrasing moments that still make you ache when you remember them?

I swear, I was mentally retarded as a young little boy.
Once I took my guitar to class because I misunderstood the sarcasm my teacher was implying. 
Now, I had a guitar but I couldn't play for shit. I don't even know why I brought it.
So, there I stood, while the whole class watched me half-assing the intro to smoke on the water to then proceed to play random single notes at a time.
I once took my gameboy to school. Played that shit during recess until a teacher confiscated it for the remainder of the day. When I got my gb back, the fucker deleted my pokeman save.
Replies: >>106438
First week in highschool, after we get out, the whole class decides to go to the nearby mall to get to meet each other. For some retarded reason I insist we should go to the underground parking. So I get into the elevator first, and another kid gets in behind me, presses the button, and immediatly exits. I go down two floors and have to run back to them like a fool.
I still cringe to this day. Funny enough, a few years later I got my way and convinced them that going to the mall undeground was cool.
You just reminded me. I helped one of my aunts set up her elementary school classroom a while ago and as we were tossing stuff into the trash she gave me some crusty Nintendo DS she must've taken from a kid years ago kek. Poor kid.

>>106417 (OP) 
Too much honestly.
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I could've easily become a lolcow if I had a bigger ego and wasn't aware of my faults in the slightest. Maybe I'll write some shit down.
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>>106417 (OP) 
when i shitted myself in high school, and walked home with my pants full of poo
for almost 10 km, because the public bus cucked me
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>>106417 (OP) 
my grandpa's phone somehow dropped into my backpack and everyone thought it was a bomb or something, this was after 9/11 too so all the teachers were paranoid over littlest things.I ended up suspended and it was bullshit.
Replies: >>106537
>>106417 (OP) 
>be holding soda in one hand
>cup in the other
>pour soda in cup
>hey yknow what I should hold both in one hand instead
>drink from cup
>pour soda over my face from the can spilling
this was in high school but I've got a similar more recent one
>be in my room going to bed
>holding glass of water
>get in bed while still drinking and holding the glass to my lips
>splash water all over my stupid face and soaking the pillow
>>106417 (OP) 
>Now, I had a guitar but I couldn't play for shit. I don't even know why I brought it. 

I took guitar class at school but didn't learn much because it was taught by the orchestra teacher and you could tell she she only created the class so she could take a break. it felt half-assed.
>Maybe I'll write some shit down.
Do it!
Replies: >>106566
>tell 2nd grade teacher i want to sing the national anthem in front of the class
>she lets me
>after we get back from recess i stand in front of the class
>sing the first two lines + "what so proud-"
>don't know the words after that
>sit down
Replies: >>106537
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For a brief period, I just did everything that the people who liked to mess with me told me to. I don't really know why. I think I was scared of there being repercussions, if I didn't do it. Like I'd just get beat up after school because of it. There's also that I literally can't say no to people if they keep pressuring me about something, I just cave in 99% of the time, after not long. I also had anger towards the school because of the stupid rules that messed with nobody but me. All of those things combined, I didn't even stand a chance.
Anyway, so, I did insanely retarded stuff to the point where a couple of my teacher thought I was genuinely disabled. I ripped curtains in the classroom off from their place when asked to raise them, literally flipped tables while the teacher was lecturing, asked nonsense questions to look really dumb and stall the class, constantly played with empty water bottles to make a really annoying noise, after spilling said water bottle in multiple places so the classroom is dirtied up for the rest of the day, kept hitting the walls so people in the classroom next to us got annoyed and complained a bunch about it, and I even pretended to have OCD to move tables around every minute or so while the teacher had to watch. I made some of them have meltdowns and yell at the whole class for the rest of the period. Jesus, I was a fucking asshole. 
Thankfully, I got scared enough from getting a lot of warnings that I managed to refuse doing stuff from then on. To my relief and realization of absolute stupidity, the people instigating me completely forgot about me the second I stopped being entertaining for them, and that was it.
But I will say, the school kind of deserved it for having such retarded rules and making my life hell.
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So how did you make your way to imageboards zonzie? I'm genuinely interested.
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Oh, nothing special, I was 13 or something and was browsing ED because of my curiosity and boredom at the time, so, I came across a page about altchans, and I got interested. I think it was because of the cool kids club factor, more than anything. 
What made me stay, I hadn't even used 4chan or actually anything at all before it, and the only interaction I got on the internet beforehand were random people I added on Steam. Which wasn't much at all. I think because of that, I just got really attached to these places after I got a taste of interaction out of them. I still barely use anything else.
So, not the best thing to start getting influenced by, I suppose.
Replies: >>106502
My story is pretty similar to yours as well. I shut myself down in highschool as well. I just couldn't stand that shit. They taught me to hate myself and everything they taught was gospel and never wrong. I also hated the rules as well. In my highschool, you could get in trouble for carrying a bookbag around when you weren't supposed to and could get in trouble for fighting back against someone who is picking a fight with you, which happened with me more than once. How I found my way to 4chan was because of the pools closed meme and have never looked back since. 
>So, not the best thing to start getting influenced by, I suppose.
There is nothing wrong with being influenced by this place.
Replies: >>106504 >>106506
There was a friend over at my house. We were at my desk playing vidya. I opened a drawer forgetting that there was a bag of jizz inside. He saw it and got freaked out. I insisted that it was toothpaste mixed with water.
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>could get in trouble for fighting back against someone who is picking a fight with you
School prepares one for real life: the criminal getting away with crime and always obey your superiors.
>There is nothing wrong with being influenced by this place.
There is, it's full of miserable cretins.
Replies: >>106507
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Yeah, I get the feel. I disconnected myself from it altogether and forgot about everything that happened and was told the second I came home, with the help of escapism, of course.
In my case with the rules, it seemed like they were designed for the sole purpose of making my life worse, while it not mattering to anyone else. The behaviour that was the worst of it they were very lenient upon, like picking fights and causing general trouble. Perfect for the type of people around me, who were all in a circle and very noisy. But someone with no friends and nothing to do, they were just hellbent on keeping down.
Thing is, our school had this absolutely retarded thing, an afternoon break. But it was an hour and half long. Of just absolutely nothing, no lessons, nothing to attend, just standing there, every single day. God it was mind-numbing, and I was denied having a phone no matter what. Every time I tried to do something to entertain myself, without affecting anybody else in any way, I was denied and punished for it. 
I just don't understand the need to turn these places into concentration camps more than schools, creating nothing but tension for whoever attends them, it's blood-boiling.
Sorry you had to deal with it yourself, I hope that things have eased up with life, at least.
>There is nothing wrong with being influenced by this place.
Oh, maybe not this board in particular, but the ones I started out and moved into were kind of shitholes, so, there's that.
>There is, it's full of miserable cretins.
Yes, but so is the world. At least here said miserable cretins are self aware.
Replies: >>106508
If so self-aware why be or express misery and cretinious behavior.
Replies: >>106509
Isn't this what a miserable cretin does? Hence the self awareness. A miserable cretin who isn't self aware would insist on cursing others with their presence rather than cloistering themselves among their own kind.
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when i was 12 i always ate lolly pops and ice cream while staring at adolesents because they stared first or back and i was wondering why they were staring
i only learned why a few motnhs ago im literally shaking rn
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But you could choose to be livelier in the community you belong to.
Replies: >>106532
Masks are already worn enough already to blend into the community at large one is obligated to belong too. Those who prefer grim truth to the polite lie congregate here, verses elsewhere where the inverse applies.
Replies: >>106533
In prose and candace. We/you/I should be try to be better people and find happiness and never give up.
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>everyone thought it was a bomb or something, this was after 9/11
Something similar happened to me.
I told my teached I wanted to talk about WW1.
I got up and just said "uh some people fought on horses in the late 19th century", then after 5 minutes of silence sat down in shame.
It still pains me to this day because I now know a lot about WW1.
Every once in a while I would jack off when I was still in my private elementary school. I didn't even bother to go to the restroom to do it. I'd just spread my legs and rub my dick through my jeans while still sitting in my desk. I didn't break this habit until I hit high school. For some reason I never got in trouble for it because everyone was either too freaked out by my boldness to confront me about it or just gave me the benefit of the doubt that I was mentally challenged.
yes this is also the reason people hate "soy" faces
>arrive to class high
>class snitch claims I've been doing drugs 
>teacher rags me about doing drugs 
>told to go visit the principals office and explain myself
>visit the toilet instead
>see friendo 
>sell some weed in a stall
>walk out twenty dollars richer 
>kinda hungru
>grab a few slices from the pizza shop across the street 
>return to class
>scolded because I have pizza
>shrug my shoulders
>sit in my chair satisfied 
>told to visit the office again
>make my way to the office
>principal yells at me I'm coming to school high, disobeying orders, buying pizza and being a nuisance 
>explain I just want to learn
>tells me I'm suspended for three days and to learn about my mistakes on my time off 
>walk out, get some chocolate milk
>bike home and smoke a bong
I knew a guy who snuck into an an empty theater playing Blade with some fruity vodka and got drunk alone. In middle school art class a friend of mine got high off of paint thinner in front of the whole class when the teacher left and nobody said anything.
>first year of high school
>10/10 girl from rich family acts tsundere to me
>shes ultra strict
>goes to the track and field and other extra curricular activities
>doesn't hang out with the druggy kids
>high marks in all classes
>one day muster the courage to ask her out
>we go to an ancient ruins site near by, there is a long scenic hiking trail there
>as expected she acts all proper and snobby, still feel like I can't do anything with her and this is like going to church
>but on the way back we stop and talk about some more personal stuff (as opposed to boring discussions we were having before like talking about the people who built the ruins)
>she leans on a column and puts her hands behind her head, kind of making me think she's signalling me to go in
>kiss her
>she accepts
>next few weeks still nothing much happens
>at school, she acts all casual towards me
>we go on more dates which are all pretty uneventful, aside from a few kisses
>but then one day she texts me
>anon, let's go to the ruins again :)
>say wtf, we already went there, but okay
>this time she turns off trail onto a smaller, unofficial trail
>after a minute in she jumps on me rubbing her hands around my back and kissing this time french kissing
>she puts her hand down my pants
>WTF??? i thought this girl would never want sex until she's 30
>she sucks her fingers and puts her hand back down on my dick
>we go all the way
>nobody ever found out her secret, they all think she's perfect
>a month later she dumped me saying I'm a wimp, and started dating some gay looking emo kid
>didn't care much because I was red pilled at that point and got plenty more girls
Replies: >>106554
If that were me I'd just walk home naked and ditch the clothes I use to wipe my caca'd ass and pants, I'd have more dignity. You ever notice how human beings exercise or mask their bodies to what clothes can be worn rather than the body looking good without covering itself in garments?
No and I did it once on /cafe/ almost two years ago. I'll tell you I wanted to be a trans girl when I was a pre/young-teen, didn't dress up or hang out in any gay communities though.
And why were they staring at you?
I tried to be the class clown in high school, always cracking wise and acting like a general smartass because I thought if I did that, people would accept me as their friend. As it turns out, I was quite insufferable and my classmates hated me even more than if I had just shut up. Shortly after graduation and a brief semester in college, I gave the fuck up and became a NEET.
>hear about perpetual motion "machines" as a kid
>think they're pretty cool
>too stupid to realize that they're literally impossible
>do sci fair project on them
>get disappointed after losing
Being forced to call my parents in front of the whole class and crying because I didn't do some project we had a lot of time to work on.

Can you elaborate? Why was the bag there and how could you possibly forget?!
Replies: >>106601
I was small, around 10, and was still experimenting with ways to dispose of jizz. Around that time, I damaged the carpet by jizzing on it repeatedly. Nowadays I get rid of jizz using either a paper towel or the sink.
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